Chapter 3: Painkillers
Rogue returned home from the library and parted from Kitty in the foyer, Kitty heading along to the library to read a book called 'Bridget Jones's Diary', Rogue however, didn't feel like reading. She was more interested in finding, and speaking to Remy LeBeau, and to find out what the score was with this strange attractive French woman who had paid a surprise – maybe not a pleasant surprise but surprise all the same – visit.
Rogue looked everywhere for Remy, finding him nowhere on the first floor. It seemed only logical then, that he had to be either out, or in his room. She opted to go to his room in search of him. She glanced at herself in a mirror in the upstairs hall as she was passing, and stopped to fix her hair, slightly dampened by a cold mist outside. Her eyeliner was slightly smudged, but still looked fine. A silver cross dangled from a delicate chain around her neck, Remy had given it to her for Christmas, she never took it off. The cross was engraved with the words Remplissez Mon Coeur De Votre Amour, which in French, Remy had translated into 'Fill my heart with your love'.
She smiled a little, and touched the cross, it had only been with her two months, but it was the most important thing she owned, and she would always admire it whenever she looked into the mirror, how it hung just below her collarbone, set against the black of her shirt.
She smoothed down her hair quickly, pinched her cheeks hastily to give them a pinker glow, all in the hope to look more attractive, and then headed down the hallway towards Remy LeBeau's bedroom. She thought about entering without knocking, but realised it would be incredibly rude of her. She knocked twice on the door.
"Remy, you in there?"
The door opened slightly a moment later, he peered out from a small gap, "yeah, I'm here, something wrong?"
"Yeah…I took out the new Harry Potter book for you," she reached over with the book.
"Thanks, you're an angel," he smiled, then tried to shut the door.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Rogue put her hand on the door to stop him, with her incredible strength there was no way he'd be able to push the door closed again. "Why are you in such a rush to lock me out?"
"I didn't say I was going to lock you out," Remy looked at her, "I'm kind of busy at the moment though…" he said.
Rogue frowned, "Busy? What do you mean busy?"
"I uhm…"
A voice in the bedroom made Rogue's blood boil. A woman, speaking in French, "Le tort de quelque chose est-il?"
Rogue pushed the door the rest of the way open, Genevieve was sitting on the bed, one leg crossed over the other primly, she sat in a very sultry, but business like fashion. "No wonder you were so eager to get rid of me," Rogue frowned. "You're at it again, I don't believe you!" she hissed, turned on her heel and sped down the hall, stomping angrily.
"Marie!" Remy cried at her, he rushed out after her, "this is not how it looks!"
"Oh yeah?!" Rogue stopped at the stairs, intent on going upstairs, "then what is it?
"It's…hard to explain!"
"Try!" Rogue commanded.
"Why must I explain right now?! Can you not just trust me?! How are we expected to ever have a relationship in future if you do not trust me?!" he demanded of her, his face contorted in anger.
"How can you expect me to trust you when you're STILL keeping secrets?!" Rogue demanded back of him.
"I…uhm…" Gambit stammered.
Genevieve came up behind Remy, "Marie, Pas l'inquiétude…" she said in a very soft tone, she tucked her dark blonde hair behind one ear, her hazel eyes on Rogue in an almost concerned expression.
Rogue frowned, "what did she just say to me?" she demanded, "is she threatening me?!" she stepped towards Genevieve.
Remy put his hand against Rogue's shoulder to stop her from lunging at Genevieve. "She said you shouldn't worry," he said.
"Who is she, Remy?!" Rogue demanded angrily, "And I don't mean tell me that you'll explain later, and I don't wanna hear any lies about 'this isn't what it looks like', and I DON'T want to hear anymore bullshit, just tell me who she is, and why she's here…"
"Rogue, please…" Remy sighed, he rubbed his head, obviously becoming rather frustrated.
"Is she your girlfriend?!"
"No, she—" Remy tried.
"Do you fuck her? Is she like the other woman or something?!" Rogue hissed.
"Rogue, please!"
"Just answer the goddamn question!" Rogue yelled at him.
Remy fell silent for a moment, then sighed, "she…is my wife."
The colour drained from Rogue's already ashen face, and she felt as if her strength and anger, even her love for Remy, began to bleed out of her until there was nothing there. "Right…"
"Let me explain…" Remy tried.
"We…are so through," Rogue turned and headed downstairs.
"Chere!"
"Don't call me your 'Chere', asshole, don't even call me by my first name EVER, in fact, don't call me at all," Rogue grabbed a hold of cross dangling below her collarbone, and yanked it so the chain snapped, she threw the cross at him, she heard it make a soft chinking noise as it hit the wall, missing him. She reached the bottom of the stairs and turned a sharp corner, heading into the library and slamming the doors behind her.
"Rogue…" Kitty raised an eyebrow, "Rogue, what's wrong?" she stood up, Rogue looked as if she were on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
"She's his wife."
"Huh?!" Kitty gaped, she rushed over to Rogue.
"He just told me she's his wife…" Rogue dropped into a chair, her hands cupped over her face, she tried to fight the tears but they persisted until they streamed from her eyes, "I can't take this anymore, Kitty…I can't…" she sobbed.
Kitty sat on the arm of the old winged chair Rogue sat upon, and wrapped an arm around the girls shoulders, she didn't really know what to say.
Rogue continued to cry, "every time things start getting good, he does something, or a secret of his comes up that ruins everything…I can't take it…"
"Everything will work out, Rogue, it always does…" Kitty patted her shoulder in a comforting way.
"No, it won't! You know it won't! Everything goes wrong all the time, I'm sick of it!" she screamed, "I'm sick of it all!"
Kitty jumped, confused why suddenly Rogue was yelling at her, wasn't it Remy who deserved to be yelled at? "Rogue…" Kitty tried to find another way to console her, Rogue had already rushed out of the chair.
"Just leave me the hell alone," Rogue hissed, and left.
The bathroom was the only place Rogue could think of going, a place with a lockable door, where she could shut out the sympathetic eyes of her team mates, and the constant bullshit it felt like Remy was feeding her. She sat on the edge of the bathtub of the girls bathroom, until her tears ran dry. She realised it must have been half an hour, perhaps more. Finally, she pulled herself together and headed over to the mirror, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was streaked with black mascara and eyeliner now, her eyes red and puffy. She sighed, realising she better clean herself up.
She opened the bathroom cabinet, to pull out the bottle of makeup remover that was so much more effective than soap and water. It was then that she noticed a very large bottle of painkillers.
"No…that's stupid…why use a permanent solution for a temporary problem?" she asked. But she had to ask herself whether her problems with Remy were only temporary. Ever since he'd joined the X-Men, her problems with him had been more or less constant. Eight months of constant problems.
And chances were, it wouldn't change. There'd always be something preventing them from being together, and she realised that if they couldn't be together, she didn't have much to live for. No one else would ever love her – not with the powers she possessed. Even the bottle of serum in her drawer wouldn't last forever, and no man in her future would ever put up with that.
And even if they would, she had to ask herself would she want anyone other than Remy LeBeau. No one was like him, no one made her laugh like he did, no one made her smile the way he did, no one looked, nor sounded, nor smelled the way he did. And no one had quite broken through her walls in the way he did.
She begun to realise that without Remy LeBeau, there wouldn't be much point in living, and it was obvious now – with the amount of obstacles that had stood in their way and seemed to persist in always standing in their way – they would never be together. And besides…with her gone out of his life for good, he could continue to live however he wanted, to marry whom he liked, and sleep with who he liked, without having to feel guilty about it anymore and having to use more lies to cover up the truths. It would be easier on them both if she took just one drastic measure.
Rogue reached for the bottle, looking at it, it was full of white, painkilling tablets – and what better to kill her pain than painkillers? She began to empty the bottle, shoving them into her mouth, and swallowing without even drinking water, the dry chalky taste making her grimace.
Soon, the pain would be away – everything else would be too.