TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day
PAIRING: R/J
SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)
SPOILERS: None that I know of
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.
RATING: R (PG, once again)
A/N: Initially when I started writing this story, I didn't intend for Rory and Jess get back together (hence the name of the story). But then, as I was writing, it really began to seem the only option. And I'm glad I took that road with this story…:)
So, there aren't too many chapters left, but we'll get to see things develop further between Rory and Jess, don't worry about that. And it was suggested in a review that I should write an epilogue. I hadn't thought about that, but it does sound like a good idea. So, if you'd like to see an epilogue at the end of this story, please do tell me. And naturally, tell me what you think of this chapter. I am so grateful and happy for all your feedback!:)
Chapter Seventeen
*New York, Saturday 11pm*
Cate took a sip of the cappuccino the waiter had just brought her and then put the cup down on the table again. She stared at the brown liquid pensively, thinking that now she had done it. She had packed all of Jess's things away. Jess's study, his favourite place in their apartment, was now empty. The shelves on the walls were empty, the desk had nothing on it. The life that she had had with Jess was now packed in the boxes which covered the floor.
It had been tough putting all his things away. She'd collected everything that reminded her of him and hid it in the boxes. She'd even put her engagement ring into one of the boxes. And she'd thought that it would get easier now that he and the reminders she'd had of him were gone. But it hadn't got easier.
Cate knew that Jess was at Stars Hollow, and she knew that if she permanently wanted to get rid of his things she'd have to call him. But she really didn't want to do that. Maybe because she was afraid of what she might hear from him. Cate hadn't talked to Rory after her break-up with Jess. From Mel she had heard that Rory had moved out of her and Pete's apartment, but other than that she knew nothing of the developments between Jess and Rory. And she really didn't want to know.
Cate lifted her gaze from the coffee, only to see Pete's smiling face looking at her.
"Pete!" she instinctively smiled. "It's great to see you"
"Same here" Pete replied happily. "Do you mind if I sit down?"
"No, not at all" Cate said as Pete sat down facing her.
Cate and Pete sat there in silence, and neither was really uncomfortable about it. Cate looked at Pete observantly, trying to read his thoughts and emotions from his face. He looked good, not at all stressed or weary, he didn't look like a man who would have spent sleepless nights thinking about his life.
"I think I'm gonna move to Washington"
Pete's words broke the silence, which had lasted for quite some time. Cate looked at him with confusion and asked where he had got the idea.
"I've had a project there for a while now, and I've spent so much time there that the place has really become a second home for me. I have a job there, and it would be good for me to get some distance from… this city and everything that's happened. And our apartment is… just not a good place for me"
"I can only imagine" Cate said with a sigh. "I can't stop thinking about Jess when I'm home"
"Yea" Pete said with a nod and looked at Cate cautiously. "So, how are you?"
"Okay" Cate replied quickly and then smiled a bit. "Well, not really okay, but… A part of me really wants to hate him, but then again… I know he never wanted to hurt me, or anyone else… I just wish that I wouldn't feel so stupid. I didn't have a clue about any of this, I really thought that he loved me just as much as I loved him"
Cate hadn't looked at Pete while she'd talked. She'd just stared ahead, speaking calmly and quietly. Pete listened to her, realising that her pain was perhaps even greater than his, because it had all happened even faster for her. At least he had seen it coming the moment Jess came back.
"Have you talked with him after he left?"
Cate shook her head, telling Pete that she would have to call him now that she wanted him to come and get his stuff. And she didn't want to call him, because she wasn't at all sure that she'd be able to handle hearing about him and Rory.
"I haven't seen Rory in weeks. It's been a lot of avoiding at work" Cate laughed rather sarcastically and then sighed once again. "But I can't blame her either, she hasn't done anything wrong, she hasn't done anything to hurt me"
"I guess the worst thing of all is that there is no one to blame. And there's no one to hate" Pete said pensively.
"No, I think the worst thing is that there's no way to stop loving"
*Stars Hollow, noon*
Rory walked into the diner, said hi to people she knew and went to the counter. Jess was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Ceasar. She sighed and then got up to go behind the counter. She poured herself a cup of coffee just as Jess appeared from upstairs.
"What's going on here?" he asked with a smirk when he saw Rory sipping the coffee.
"Apparently there's no service in this diner, that's what's going on" Rory snapped at him and returned to the appropriate side of the counter.
She sat down again and smiled. It was involuntary, she just couldn't help it.
"A good day?"
Even thought Rory wasn't looking at him, she could hear from his voice that he was smiling, too. And his
voice was just right. Rory looked up at him and nodded, and she marvelled at how good he looked. Then she had to smile even more, and it seemed to be getting out of control.
"So, would you like breakfast?"
"Yeah" Rory said and took a deep breath before she ordered her french toast. "So, you're working till
tonight?"
"Yeah. I promised Ceasar that I'd close tonight"
"I can help you, if you want" Rory offered rather timidly.
"Yea, that'd be good" Jess replied approvingly and then disappeared into the kitchen.
Rory was lost in her thoughts, which mostly consisted of Jess, when she was suddenly startled by a very familiar voice.
"There you are, Rory!"
Rory turned in her seat and saw Lane staring at her with sparkling eyes.
"Lane! Oh gosh, I completely forgot that you and Mark were coming here this weekend!"
Rory stood up and went to hug her friend.
"Everything okay?" she asked eyeing Lane's abdomen and Lane gave her a reassuring nod. "I'm so glad to hear that"
Lane and Rory sat down by the counter just as Jess came from the kitchen. Seeing Lane next to Rory, he obviously stiffened slightly and eyed Rory's friend somewhat nervously. He didn't know Lane's opinion on everything that had happened. And he really didn't know Lane's opinion on him.
"Hey, Jess" Lane greeted him with a smile and so allowed him to relax a bit.
"It's good to see you" Jess replied and then looked at Rory who smiled at him reassuringly. "Can I get you anything, Lane?"
"Yea, lots of fries and two burgers. Mark is coming right after me, he just had to help my mom with some furniture"
Again, Jess went into the kitchen, leaving the girls to talk in private. Lane lifted her eyebrows and looked at Rory curiously.
"Let's go for a walk after we've eaten" was the only thing Rory said to her and then smiled playfully.
"So, there's something to talk about?" Lane said quietly and after Rory had nodded slightly, Mark walked in and came to give Rory a hug.
*2pm*
"What do you think?" Rory looked at Lane and felt slightly nervous.
Lane and Rory had walked to the bridge, and now they were sitting down. Rory had told Lane about the events of the past week, and especially about the previous night. And Rory's face had been glowing when she'd spoken.
"I know you love him, Rory" Lane started to speak slowly and carefully. "And when you first told me that he was back, I expected this to happen. He has always had this effect on you. And I don't mean to sound harsh, but he left you once, Rory. He's not like you, he needs different things than you do. And even though I'm sure that he loves you, it is obvious that he really does, are you sure that he's ready to settle down now?"
Rory had been listening to Lane's words with a concerned and serious expression on her face. Lane's opinion meant a lot to her, after all, they had known each other all their lives and Lane also knew Jess really well.
"He told me he loves me. And he told me that he won't leave again. And he let me read his novel and it made me sure of… everything" Rory wasn't looking at Lane when she spoke, she just stared into the water calmly. "And even if I wasn't sure… It would be worth it, Lane" Rory said while she lifted her gaze to her friend.
"I know it would" Lane said and seeing the look in her eyes, Rory knew that Lane meant what she said.
It had been so long since Lane had seen Rory like this. They had gone through a lot together, they had helped each other at difficult times and always supported each other. They knew each other better than most best friends did. Lane knew that Jess was the only person who could make Rory genuinely happy, the way that Mark made her happy. And the only thing Lane wanted for her friend, was for her to be happy. That had been her goal when she'd encouraged Rory to marry Pete.
"And Pete?"
"I'm going to call him and see him soon, hopefully next week. I want to get this divorce over and done with, it'll be the best thing for both of us"
"Is he okay?" Lane asked with genuine concern.
Rory shook her head saying that she didn't really know. They hadn't talked after Rory had moved out and she hadn't had the courage to contact him after that.
"He was prepared. I think he always feared the day when Jess would be back" Lane said pensively.
"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Rory asked quietly, realising that she couldn't even understand how much he was hurting.
"We've all made mistakes along the way, Rory. Everything depends on how we correct them. Talk to him, make sure he knows that what you two shared meant something to you. But I think he's already forgiven you"
Rory smiled slightly when she looked at Lane and then hugged her tightly. She knew she was so lucky to have a friend as wonderful as she was, she never had to feel alone and she truly hoped that Pete wasn't alone either.
"I'm so glad you're gonna have a baby, Lane" she said as she pulled away from her friend and looked at her with a grin.
"Yea, I'm really glad too, Rory" Lane replied as she took Rory's hand and squeezed it gently.
*9pm*
Rory crossed the street and saw that the diner was only partially lit and empty of customers. She had just left Mrs Kim's house where she had had dinner with Lane and Mark and as she now entered the diner, she didn't see Jess anywhere.
"Jess?" Rory called his name and before she had the time to realise what was happening, a rag was flying in the air towards her.
She managed to catch it before it hit her face and when she looked behind the counter, she saw Jess smirking at her.
"So, this is the thanks I get for volunteering to help you?" she said and lifted her eyebrows.
"Well, maybe I'll think of something else for later"
Jess's words caught Rory off guard and she felt a blush creeping onto her face. Jess noticed her reaction, and although he was tempted to comment on her dirty-ish imagination, he decided that it would be better to stay quiet. But when Rory turned her back to him to start wiping the tables, she heard him chuckle and shook her head slightly amused herself.
Jess went into the kitchen while Rory cleaned the tables and chairs in the diner. She had just finished wiping the floor and she was occupied in her thoughts when she heard Jess's voice.
"I talked with Lane today"
Rory turned around to see him leaning against the kitchen door. She put down the mop and sat on the corner of a table.
"She told me not to hurt you"
Rory nodded slightly. She should have known that Lane would do something like this.
"Do you trust me, Rory?"
Rory looked at him, at the expression on his face when he said the words. The look in his eyes was so observant and at the same time it was worried. And she felt the weird, but also very familiar feeling in her stomach again.
"You've never given me a reason not to trust you, Jess" she said softly, but also with a voice that was reassuring.
The expression on his face didn't change. He just looked at her, still and quiet. And then he walked through the diner. He came to her and stood between her legs. He was so close to her and when she looked up at his face, she was startled. The expression on his face was so gentle and soft, and suddenly she felt like the most incredible creature in the world, just because he was looking at her.
"I never thought I'd be this close to you again" he practically whispered and now his eyes were filled with pain and regret.
Rory stared at him, she felt she couldn't breath, she felt her heart had stopped beating altogether. Seeing him like this, seeing his vulnerability and pain right before her eyes was overwhelming.
Rory put her arms around him cautiously, and then tucked her face into his neck. She could feel his heart quick pulse and when he wrapped his arms around her, she heard him sigh.
"I don't wanna hurt you again, Rory"
Rory knew that although he had apologized for the fact that he had left her, and although she had said that she didn't blame him for anything, he wouldn't be able to get over the self-accusation overnight. He blamed himself for all that had happened, all the hurt caused to so many people because he wanted to go. And Rory didn't know how to make him believe that it wasn't all his fault.
"I know" Rory said when she held him tighter.
"I'm just so sorry for everything"
"I know" Rory said as she pulled away from his embrace. "But I don't want you to be sorry. I don't want you to regret things that have happened. I wouldn't know anything without you. I wouldn't know what passion is, I wouldn't know what it's like to be deliriously happy, so happy that you feel sick. Without you I wouldn't know anything about pain. And I never want to give any of those things up, Jess"
He stood looking at her, her serious face, her blue eyes looked at him with such warmth. And he knew that her words were true. He knew that he could make her happy, he knew what she looked like when she was happy because of him. And when he looked at her now, she was the most incredible thing that had ever existed, she was almost surreal.
He brought his hand to her hair, he stroked it gently, just looking at her. Right now he felt strangely serene, strangely at ease. How could she, the person who could make him feel immense anxiety and overwhelming happiness, also make him feel this peaceful? He couldn't understand it, he had never understood it, but he didn't really care. He pulled her closer to him, still not taking his eyes off her face. It seemed that the longer he watched her, the harder it was to turn his gaze away.
It was maybe just now that Rory realised Jess's vulnerability. She had read about his feelings and thoughts, he had told her about them, but now that she saw the way he looked at her… It seemed inconceivable that the look in his eyes was there because of her. And it felt so comforting to know that he had missed her just as much as she had missed him.
They were so close to each other right now, Rory could actually feel his heartbeat against her chest. The intimacy they shared was so strong and also comforting. Jess tightened his hold on Rory when he tipped his head slightly and carefully pressed his lips against hers. It was a light kiss, he pulled away immediately, but Rory didn't want to let go of him. She wrapped her arms firmly around him, but when she kissed him, her lips still seemed timid and cautious. Jess felt her hesitation, after all, they hadn't kissed properly in seven years. He pressed her whole body against his possessively and deepened the kiss.
Nobody knew her like he did. Nobody knew her body like he did. His hands moved down, and found the bare skin between her sweater and jeans. Rory quivered when she felt his touch on her skin, the way his fingertips moved, barely touching her, made her feel out of control. Somehow they managed to calm down slightly and after catching their breaths, their lips met again, but this time the kiss was slow and tender. Jess's hands moved up her back slowly, and Rory realised just how much she had missed this, the way he could make her feel. She had spent so many nights remembering what it was like to be touched by him, how she could feel her whole body come to life with him.
Jess brought his hands down her back and then withdrew them completely from under her sweater. They broke apart, and Jess looked at Rory softly. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and her hair was adorably messy. She bit her bottom lip slightly, and tried to hide the desire and want she had just felt by looking down. But Jess knew her.
"Do you have any idea how badly I wanna take you upstairs right now" he spoke with a voice that seemed soft and gruff at the same time.
The combination of the tone of his voice and his words made Rory blush. She looked up at him again and smiled.
"I'll take a rain-check on that" she replied and made Jess nod approvingly.
They looked at each other silently for a while, trying to calm down and their thoughts rational again.
"So, should we get back to work?" Rory eventually asked him.
"Yea, but there's not too much to do. I can finish this by myself"
Rory shook her head saying that she didn't mind helping him at all. Quite the contrary. Jess got back to work and Rory jumped off the table still feeling rather shaken. But she liked feeling that way, she felt alive.
The got back to work silently again, Jess was doing something behind the counter, when Rory stopped to look at him.
"Lane is gonna have a baby, Jess"
Jess forgot whatever it was that he was doing and turned to see Rory. She was smiling and her face was actually glowing. Lane's pregnancy was such a huge thing for her, she had been there all the way with her. And she hadn't yet had the chance to share it with anyone, she hadn't been able to tell anyone about it. But now she wanted to tell Jess.
"That's great" he said and seemed so pleased about the news that Rory wanted to run to him and hug him again.
"Yea, it is" she just said with a grin and then got back to organizing the tables and chairs properly.
Jess hadn't gone back to work though. He was standing still, looking at Rory quietly. She didn't even notice it at first, but when she glanced at Jess, she too stilled and looked at him curiously.
"I love you, Rory"
His words weren't a dramatic announcement or even a romantic gesture. It seemed to be more of a simple statement, as if he hadn't even meant to say it aloud. But it also seemed to be the most natural thing in the world to say, and to Rory his words were all she wanted to hear. She walked to him and stood just a few inches away from him.
"I love you, too"
Jess pulled Rory against him and she took a deep breath when she buried her face in his neck. She had her arms around him and he was holding her so tightly. She took a deep breath, once again amazed by the fact that he could smell so good. And right now she wondered how she had been able to live seven years without him ever touching her.
*New York, midnight*
Cate closed the apartment door behind her and walked through the dark apartment to the kitchen. She opened the fridge door and took out a beer. She opened it and then went to the living room and sat on the couch.
It had been a long day and she had got a lot done. She'd gone to work for a few hours in the afternoon, she'd done some shopping and eventually she'd had dinner with Pete. Cate lied down on the couch with the beer bottle in her hand. She was really glad that she had bumped into Pete that morning. Right now she was thinking about her life in new ways and she was actually seeing options and making plans.
After Jess had left, she'd simply stayed still. All she had done was go to work and come home, and the only thing she'd been thinking about was Jess. She had been stuck in the situation, with no ability to move forward or even think about moving on. But today she had seen Pete, and she'd seen that no matter how much it hurt, it was possible to move on and get on with one's life. And Pete's pain was just as big as hers was, so it couldn't have been any easier for him than it was for her. And Cate knew that if Pete had been able to move on, she would too. She would force herself to move on, even though right now she just wanted to drown in the self-pity and pain that she was feeling.
Take it one day at a time, think of something new, plan new things. Those had been the advices that Pete had given her while they were having dinner. He had talked about his plans, and to Cate's amazement he had even seemed slightly enthusiastic. And that's what Cate wanted to feel, too. She wanted to be excited about something, she wanted to have something to look forward to.
A/N: The language was a bit clumsy and I'm sure there are many errors here. I just didn't have the time to check the chapter properly, and I really wanted to update a new chapter. So, please review!