TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day
PAIRING: R/J
SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)
SPOILERS: None that I know of
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.
RATING: R-ish
A/N: A new chapter is here. Hope you like it!:)
Chapter Eighteen
*New York, Mel's apartment, Monday 8pm*
Rory poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down by the kitchen table. This was probably her fifteenth cup of coffee today, she'd been so nervous all day that she'd grabbed a cup whenever she could. Now she was finally sitting opposite to Pete and looking at him she suddenly felt a tiny bit better.
"Are you sure that you don't want any coffee?" she asked, but he shook his head reassuringly.
Rory had called Pete on Sunday night, after she had got back from Stars Hollow. It had been hard, picking up the phone and asking if he'd have the time to see her, but she had done it. And then she had spent the whole of Monday fearing this moment, talking to Pete, or actually talking with Pete about divorce. They were meeting at Mel's apartment, because she was on a week's holiday in Canada and her place seemed more neutral to both of them than their old home.
"You don't have to be nervous" Pete said quietly. "This isn't easy, but it has to be done"
Rory nodded and smiled faintly. She didn't understand how Pete could be so calm and so rational. She herself was feeling emotional, not very sensible at all. But she was proud about him, and she looked at him pensively.
"I guess there's not much to do, I mean legally. Just get the lawyers to draw the papers and that's it"
Pete nodded, they didn't have any property to fight over, and even if there had been something significant he knew they wouldn't have got into arguments.
"I can ask Billy to handle this" Pete said and Rory nodded approvingly knowing Billy to be a good friend of Pete's.
Rory looked down at the coffee mug, now it started to really hit her. It was over, her life as she had known it for the past four years. And she didn't know how to take it, when at the same time she was so happy and excited to have Jess again and so sad to be parting ways with Pete.
"I said to Mel once that we should never have got together, since we only ended up getting hurt. I wasn't over Jess, I should have realised that I would never be. But still it was…"
"It was good while it lasted" Pete cut in and made Rory look up at him with a somewhat amazed face.
"Really?" her voice seemed tiny, and seeing her worried and at the same time relieved face made Pete want to grab her and hold her tightly against him.
"Really. I was happy with you, Rory. And I know that when I'll think about all of this later, I will still think that I spent four incredible years with you"
He spoke slowly, his voice was quiet and soft as if he had felt that the situation required it. And he looked at Rory kindly, almost in a fatherly way.
Rory nodded and opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. It was hard to say anything, anything that would matter. And she was feeling a bit too emotional, she didn't want to start crying in front of Pete. He was going through enough pain without her adding to it.
"So, what are you gonna do now?" she finally asked him, changing the subject to something safer that would help her control herself.
"Washington"
"Permanently?" Rory asked him and after he had nodded, she understood his decision. "It seems… strange to think that I won't see you again. That we don't have a life together anymore"
"Yea, it does" Pete admitted and then the two fell into a rather comfortable silence, both just seemed to be reflecting, thinking about the past as well as about the present.
Finally Pete stood up and Rory looked at him hesitantly.
"I think I'm gonna head home. I'm going to Washington again tomorrow so… It's an early morning for me"
Rory nodded and followed him to the apartment door. The stood there for a minute, just looking at each other and Rory had to turn her gaze to the floor so she wouldn't start crying.
"I think that sometime in the future we'll be able to talk about everything" he said and Rory nodded still not raising her eyes to him. "Do you mind if I hold you for a minute?" his voice was now more timid, but when Rory looked at him with watery eyes, he came to her and gently wrapped his arms around her.
Rory took a deep breath to calm herself and she heard Pete sigh when she leaned her head against his chest.
"I love you, Pete" Rory whispered so quietly that she wasn't sure if he even heard her.
Pete closed his eyes briefly and then pulled away to look at Rory. He nodded as if to say that he knew and touched her cheek gently. Rory smiled at him the best she could and then watched him go for good.
*Mel's apartment, Tuesday 8pm*
Jess was standing by the stove, making dinner. Rory sat by the table watching him, observing him. He looked so lovely, so tough and soft at the same time. She adored the concentrated look that he had on his face right now and the way he ran his fingers through his hair when he was lost in his thoughts. Rory wondered if his thoughts were about her and not the cooking, and she felt like sixteen again just because she was thinking about stuff like that.
Jess had arrived in New York just a few hours ago. He had actually meant to come on Wednesday, but early in the morning Rory had called him and asked him to come before. She had woken up with a huge need to see him and talk to him.
"So, no luck with the apartment hunting?" Jess asked her and apparently he had no idea about her recent thoughts of him.
"Well, I've seen some interesting ads in the paper, places worth checking out. I'll make some calls tomorrow"
Jess nodded and then looked at Rory with a tiny smile.
"What?" Rory asked him curiously and when he just shook his head she went to him and lifted her eyebrows with a smile.
"I'm just… really glad you called today"
Rory tried to hide how pleased she was to hear him say that, but it was a doomed attempt. Eventually she just grinned at him.
"Happy to hear that?"
The look on his face was simultaneously amused and warm. Rory was beaming when she nodded her head.
"Yea, sort of"
Jess smiled at her and then turned to the stove again, still having the tiny smirk on his face. Rory went back to the table and continued observing him. They had agreed to take thing easy, and that was what they were doing. Rory was sleeping in Mel's study and Jess was sleeping in Mel's bedroom. It was definitely a very good idea to proceed calmly, but right now when Rory was watching him, once again realising just how incredible he was, she certainly wished that she would be able to sleep next to him. But there was no need to rush.
*NBC, Wednesday 3pm*
Jess walked down one of the halls and looked at the name signs beside every door. He was beginning to think that he'd never find the right one, but once he saw the name he'd been looking for he stopped. The door was closed, and he stood by it, just staring at the name. He felt insecure, hesitant and because of those feelings he felt like a coward.
He lifted his hand and knocked on the door calmly. He heard her voice asking him to come in and then he opened the door.
She was sitting behind her desk, looking at her computer, her eyebrows knit together in a concentrated look. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts and absentmindedly she looked up at him.
Her brown eyes looked straight into his. Seeing him didn't change the neutral expression on her face, but seeing her eyes made his stomach turn. Her eyes were filled with hate, pain and fear, as well as love. They stared at each other for a while, but then she turned her gaze away from him. When his eyes met hers again, the emotions in her eyes had been replaced by indifference.
Jess stepped slightly further in and then closed the door behind him. He hadn't planned anything to say in advance and so he just stood there quietly waiting for something to come to him.
"I'm sorry I came without calling first" he eventually said and Cate nodded slightly.
"I've actually been meaning to call you for a while now. I packed your things so you can come and take them away when you want"
Now it was Jess's time to nod. He would be taking his things with him now, to Stars Hollow. He had settled in well above the diner and he was really in no hurry to find a new place in New York.
"When would be good for you? Tonight, tomorrow?"
"So, you're staying in the city for a few days?" Cate asked him then realising that she had entered a territory she didn't want to go to.
Jess looked at her silently for a minute, then he nodded. He knew she didn't want to hear about this, him and Rory, and so he didn't say anything more about the subject. Cate asked him to sit down and after he had done so, she said that he could basically come any night he wanted.
"Tomorrow night would be best for me, I think" he said and so it was settled.
Cate looked at him, trying her best to stay calm and rational. She had let him see her hurt when he'd first stepped in, but now she was doing all she could to seem just fine. She didn't want to see the pity and apologies in his eyes, it only made her feel weaker and more pathetic. But in a way, she knew it was all useless. He knew how much she loved him, he knew how much pain she was going through.
"I guess there's really not too much for us to talk about" she said and looked at him seriously. "There's nothing I want to hear from you and there's nothing I want you to ask me"
"Cate…" Jess tried to start talking, but Cate didn't let him.
"If I ask you how you're doing, you're gonna have to tell me about you and Rory. And if you ask me how I'm doing… I really don't want to talk about it with you"
Jess nodded at her, he understood.
"I won't be home tomorrow when you come so you can use your own keys. And if you don't mind leaving them at the apartment when you're done, I'm gonna… Well, find a new place for myself soon, a smaller one"
"Okay" Jess said and then after a short silence he stood up.
He had decided that surprising Cate would be the best thing to do. That way she wouldn't have to stress about seeing him and he'd get to prepare for seeing her in peace. He walked to the door, thinking that he was such a failure. He had no way of making her feel better after all the pain he had caused her.
"Jess" Cate said quietly, and he turned to see her again. "Thanks for coming. I wouldn't have been able to call you"
"It's okay" he said and smiled a bit.
He opened the door and was already about to step outside when he stilled. He turned to look at Cate who looked at him questioningly.
"If you could put the picture of us in Florence with the rest of my stuff…"
The look on Jess's face told Cate more than he could ever have said with words. She nodded at him slightly and Jess left the room.
Cate sat down on her table and stared at the door he had closed behind him. It took a moment for her to realise that she was holding her breath and when she relaxed she suddenly felt like laughing and crying at the same time. She missed him so much. And he had asked for a photo of them. In Florence. That's where they had first met, that's where they had got engaged. Cate had feared that he wouldn't care anymore, that he wouldn't even remember. But at least now she knew that it had been real for him, too. And he didn't want to forget.
*Mel's apartment, 10pm*
Jess was lying on the couch with Rory lying half on top of him and half beside him. Her head was resting against his shoulder and her arm rested on top of his chest. Her eyes were closed when she listened to his voice while he spoke.
"She'd been engaged before she met me"
Rory lifted her head slightly so she could see Jess. He'd been telling her about the time he'd spent in Italy, meeting Cate and how they got together.
"What happened?" she asked when she lay her head down again.
"They both thought that it would be best to break up. He'd been a family friend or something. I actually met him a few times since they had mutual friends"
"You know, it seems hard picturing you in Florence. Or France, or Mexico or Morocco. But I can only imagine what it's been like to see all those places, meeting so many different people"
"Yea, but you've travelled, too. Lorelai told me that you've been all over the world since you've worked at NBC"
Rory found it strange to hear that Lorelai had told Jess about her. She wondered what else they had talked about and how Lorelai really felt about Jess, but then she replied to his words.
"But it's completely different. I've been to many countries, but I've always stayed in hotels and gone to conferences. You've really lived in so many places, met local people and learned to speak the languages. That's why you're so mature now, I guess. You've experienced so much and seen so much"
"Did you just say that I'm mature?" Jess asked him and when Rory nodded he began chuckling.
"Don't laugh. You're ten times more mature than I am. Despite everything that's happened in the past years, I've always been sheltered. I've always had a security net to help me if something happens, you've done everything by yourself"
Rory's words were followed by a silence. First she kept laying still, but eventually she sat up properly to look at him. He adjusted himself better on couch giving her more room, but he didn't look at her and he wasn't smiling anymore.
His face seemed somehow strained, and Rory understood that the subject was a sore one for him. No matter how much of a loner he was, too much was always too much. Although she had just said it, she had never really thought about how lonely he must have been.
"Jess…" she said cautiously, but then she didn't know how to continue.
"I don't wanna do things alone anymore"
Gently Rory placed her palm beside his cheek and looked at him. His eyes were focused on something behind her and she had to tug at his cheek to get him to look at her. Their eyes met and Rory was serious when she quietly said
"You won't have to"
Rory moved so that she was straddling him. For a minute she just sat there, looking at him with her head tilted. Then she felt his hands first touching her jean-clad knees and then moving slightly upwards and settling on her thighs. Chills ran up and down her spine, she shivered almost unnoticeably when his hands stopped. She leaned down slowly, a million thoughts running through her mind. Jess touching her, his hands on her thighs and she was leaning toward him.
Her other hand was still by his cheek and now her other palm found it' way up to his face, too. She cradled his face in her hands when she let her lips lightly skim on his. She pulled slightly further away, only to see him looking at her with that look in his eyes that she adored. She'd never seen him looking at anyone else like that, and she loved it.
Once again her lips met his, but now Jess didn't let her pull away. He moved his hand from her thigh and placed it behind her neck to pull her closer to him. Their lips crashed, Jess's other hand shifted to her waist and Rory was now basically lying on top of him. The broke apart for a while to catch their breaths, and Rory felt his chest rise under hers. She placed her cheek next to his and stayed still for a while when she felt both his hands on her waist, searching for bare skin. She ran her fingers through his hair when she placed her lips lightly on his cheek, then let her tongue run over his ear. She heard him taking a deep breath and smiled while she moved her lips downwards to his neck.
She had had so vivid memories of kissing him, touching him, but now that she was actually doing it… it was ten million times better than she had remembered. Her lips caressed his skin, her tongue tasted it and again she smiled. Jess felt her smile against his skin and then let his lips touch her cheek quickly before he sat up dropping Rory onto his lap.
He smiled mischievously when Rory's questioning eyes looked a him. And she hadn't remembered how great that was either. He kept his other arm behind her back and then rather roughly he pushed her on the couch and then climbed on top of her. He was careful to keep his weigh on his elbows and now that she was lying on her back, he looked at her silently for a while. The couch definitely wasn't the most comfortable place in the words do be doing something like this, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, her eyes were glowing, looking at him with excitement and above all, desire. She wanted him, and it felt incredible, or inconceivable to know that.
He bent down to kiss her, but instead of just letting her kiss him back, he decided to tease her. He pulled away, then pushed his face gently against hers and let his tongue skim her bottom lip quickly. She gasped and he would have smiled had he not been so concentrated in what he was doing. His tongue travelled from the bottom lip to her upper one, and instinctively she opened her mouth. She let his tongue enter her mouth, and it ran over her teeth slowly, like he was familiarising himself with her again.
Jess was so lost in exploring her than he didn't even realise that he had lowered his body so that he was now truly lying on top of her. He still had most of his weigh on his arms, but there was not an inch between them. Rory let her hands go to his waist, then feel his back on top of his shirt. She could feel his muscles beneath her fingers and she let her fingers wander up to his neck. She stopped by his hairline, and just as Jess intensified their kiss, she began stroking the sensitive skin of his neck, barely touching it, but still touching it just enough.
Rory's touch made Jess's whole body light up, and he broke the kiss to move his lips first to her jawline, and then to her chest. He managed to pull away from his teasing fingers and they moved to play with his hair while his lips tenderly caressed her skin. She was wearing a low neckline sweater, granting him access to the skin just above her heart. While Jess's hands moved to push her sweater slightly upward from her waist, he placed his ear against her chest.
He was listening to the beating of her heart, and the sight made tears well up in Rory's eyes. Her heartbeat was fast, and it was beating harder and harder the longer she looked at him. When she finally closed her eyes, he lifted his head and then shifted so that he could push her sweater up to her breasts and press his lips against her abdomen. He felt Rory quiver under his touch, his fingers were stroking her skin soothingly while his lips travelled as low as their could on her stomach. When he came to the waistband of her jeans, he rested his forehead against his stomach and Rory heard him take a deep breath.
They were both catching their breaths, trying to calm down their heartbeats. Because they both knew that if they went any further, they wouldn't be able to stop. And although both wanted to keep on going, they still weren't sure if it was the best thing to do.
Jess lifted his head to look at Rory and met her blue eyes looking at him seriously. His hair was messy and Rory could practically see the adrenaline that was running through his veins. She reached out her hand to him for support and he pulled her upwards to a sitting position.
"You look adorable" she said quietly and made him smile.
They were sitting on the couch, facing each other. It was apparent on both their faces that neither had actually wanted to stop.
"I really believe in this 'let's take thing easy' –plan" Jess said and smirked.
"So, do I" Rory said and took a deep breath.
They still sat there, just looking at each other. Eventually Rory turned to see the time and then said that she should head to bed.
"I should probably, too" Jess said as he helped her get off the couch. "I could see you for lunch tomorrow? I have a meeting with an editor tomorrow morning, so after that…"
"Yeah, sounds good" Rory said and tucked her hair between her ears. "You can call me when you're ready. I can get out anytime I want"
Jess and Rory both headed to bed. After a while, Rory, dressed in her pyjamas, climbed to bed and pulled the comforter on her. She was still feeling dazed by what had happened just ten minutes before. She and Jess, making out on the couch. The way he touched her was…
"Rory?"
His voice pulled her away from her thoughts and she looked at him questioningly. He was standing by the door, it was dark and she could only really see the shape of him.
"Yea?"
He took a step closer to her and right away she felt her breath catching in her throat. He stood there and she looked at him with wide eyes, not knowing what he was about to say or do.
"I just wanted to say goodnight"
Rory nodded, feeling sudden relief as well as disappointment inside her. First she thought that she'd stay sitting down, but then she got off the bed and stood up. She went to him and stood just a few inches away from him, looking at the face she loved so much.
"This 'lets take it easy' –plan that we have… We don't have to keep it up for much longer, right?"
The tone of her voice was slightly playful and her words made Jess chuckle. He leaned in and placed a light kiss on her lips before answering her.
"I don't think it's gonna be much longer" he said and made Rory wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him again.
When she pulled away, they looked at each other smiling.
"Well, you should go to bed then" she said and he nodded with a sigh.
"I call you tomorrow"
"Yea, do that" Rory said when she went back to the bed and crawled under the covers. "Good night, Jess"
"Good night, Rory" he replied and from his voice Rory could hear that he was smiling.
He closed the door after him and instantly Rory fell on her back. She stared at the ceiling in the darkness and even though she didn't even realise it at first, she had a huge grin on her face. She and Jess were kissing, on the couch. God knows what would have happened if… And it would happen, it would happen soon. Rory sighed and rolled onto her stomach. She buried her face in her pillow and giggled. And she knew she wouldn't be able to stop any time soon.
A/N: I was just browsing through all the reviews I've got from you guys and I'm really quite speechless. It feels incredible to hear that you really think that this story is good and that it has affected so many of you. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that means to me. So, thank you! The story is not yet finished, but as you can guess the rest will merely be about Rory and Jess and how things evolve between them. It's pretty nice writing this story now, with considerably less angst than in the beginning. So, do review and make me a very happy writer!:)