(This final chap was inspired by browneyeez's story Life goes on. Read it if you haven't, and review it if you have.)
(Standard disclaimers apply)
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Two more years have passed, and I am once again out at sea. Maybe it has been all of the years in the Navy, but somehow being out at sea has always calmed the most violent storms that consume me. But this year is different, this year for the first time since I threw my message out to sea, I know myself to be a different man.
It seemed kind of ironic that my message found my way to her, and while I know it seemed impossible, somehow it did, and a small part of me knows who to thank.
I grip the railing hard, not even feeling the numbing pain, just trying to transport myself back to the time where our blind faith, and love got us through.
I close my eyes to the tears that I know will fall, and try to regain my composure. But I couldn't helped the memories that flooded into my mind.
It seemed to be no surprise to any of our co-workers that shortly after I went to Mac with the message that she wrote, we officially became a couple. Even though Mac transferred out of JAG she seemed to love her new position at the Pentagon, and we wasted no time getting married.
For someone who had just met us, it would seem to them that we were moving kind of fast. But for all of those who knew us, knew we had wasted a lot of time getting up to this point.
The wedding was perfect, and as Sarah joked no one had got arrested. We spent three weeks on a small deserted Island where Mac seemed to be so positive that we first got pregnant. And she was right. A week after we got home the doctor confirmed it. We were going to have a baby.
The first three months of her pregnancy were the toughest on her. She was getting sick every day, she was always sore, and always seemed to find fault with everything that I did. And I suppose my hoovering didn't help much.
When she was five moths pregnant the doctor told us the most exciting news possible. Mac was going to have twins.
When she was six months pregnant we had the nursery all set up. We found out that we were having a boy and a girl, and we couldn't have been happier.
By seven months I knew that the pregnancy was taking it's toll on Mac. She was always tired, always sore, and the twins being so active wasn't really helping. Now I know that all of this is normal in pregnancy, but it seemed to be especially hard on Mac.
I was in court when it happened, Mac went into labor early. She wasn't quite eight months yet, and it scared us both to death.
I rode with her to the hospital, and by the time we got into the ER the labor had already begun to progress to fast.
When the nurse told us that the umbilical cord was prolapsed and that the baby was losing oxygen, they rush her up to the OR before I could get a word in. I blindly signed the release forms and grabbed her hand while they prepped her for sugary.
She kept telling me over and over that she loved me and that she always would, but I wouldn't hear it. I just kept telling her that things would be okay.
The doctor said that it was because of a lot of things, but I didn't want to hear it. My wife, the mother of my children died right there on the operating table minutes after our daughter came into the world.
I look back on that day now, and remember sitting in that hall way for what seemed like hours before the Admiral found me. He went with me to the nursery to see my children. The doctors at first, worried that their lungs wouldn't be fully developed. But I laugh now at their surprise when they came out screaming. The doctor had later told me, and that mac did get to see both of the kids before she went into cardiac arrest. And for those few moments she had with them, I can be at peace.
The funeral was so much harder then I imagined it would be. It took all of my Navy training to hold myself together by it didn't last long.
The funeral was packed so many old and new faces were there paying their respects to my Sarah. And although the admiral gave a beautiful speech, I couldn't hear it. I was just so numb I could barely keep my self from screaming no. She couldn't be dead, not when we had so much time left, nt when we had two kids to raise. She just couldn't be dead.
but the grim reality was that she was dead, and she wasn't coming back. Not after years of beating the odds, this time it was for real.
There were just so many thing I had to tell her, so many things that I wanted to show her and so many things that we had yet to do.
But somehow I know, even though she has been gone for so long, that the twins and I were never alone. And all though everyone at JAG still worries about me, I now know that wherever Mac is, that she will always be watching over us. That she will always be our angle.
So today on the twins, Matthew Harmon and Sarah Catherine's second birthday, I take them out to sea one final time, throwing out one last message in a bottle out to sea knowing that somehow Mac will get my message.
Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it's like you haven't been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I'm sure we're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see, I've got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I'm right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe
Forever, you're a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I'll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don't see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
'Cause I believe
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
End
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