Jack Sparrow And The Search For The
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed
Rum
5
Two hours later, the drinks were flowing freely and Amber had initiated a game of Truth or Dare.
"OK, I pick.....Bambi! Truth or Dare?" she giggled, knocking back another glass of rum.
"Erm - Truth!" said Jack.
"Tell us what really happened when you dressed up as a Church of England cleric!" said Elizabeth.
"Oh, now that's a story and a half!" Jack declared.
"Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!" chanted Beebee, Feefee and Geegee.
"Well, OK. One day me and my mate William were walking through Tortuga, right, when we saw a Customs officer who'd tried to arrest us the previous week for smuggling rum. So he spotted us and started yelling, and we ducked into the nearest door before reinforcements showed up. Well, this building we'd hidden in only turned out to be a church, didn't it? There we were, surrounded by all these old men in capes, when one of them asked if we were the new vicars! What was I supposed to say?"
"No?" suggested Will.
"Of course we said yes! The cops were out after us! Well, they gave us our cloaks and bibles and such, and we were going to own up, but then they showed us where the communion wine was stored!"
"Ah," said Elizabeth, comprehension dawning.
"So we set up a little racket, importing - by which I mean smuggling - dirt cheap red wine from abroad, and pocketing the cash we had left over from the church funds! We made a mint! But even that got boring after a while, plus the parishioners were reporting side effects from the cheap wine."
"Such as what?" inquired Anne.
"Temporary blindness, stomach cramps, nausea, headaches....you know, the works," said Jack.
"Like, ewwww....." said Izzy.
"So, we were going to quit while we were winning, but then the Swedish choirgirls arrived......."
"You didn't?" asked Elizabeth.
"We did. We were the talk of the town for months. But then the other priests found out."
"And they ratted on you?"
"No, they wanted a piece of it too! That's when we quit. Well, actually, we filled the vestry with ducks first. Then when one of the other priests opened the door to get the communion stuff during the service, hundreds of ducks flew out and colonised the church. Anyway, that's when they guessed we weren't real vicars and set the police on us," he concluded.
"Wow. That's some story," said Hetty.
"All right. Bambi, you pick someone," said Amber.
"OK.........Hetty, truth or dare?"
"Err....dare!"
"I dare you to kiss that guy over there!"
Hetty looked at the person they were pointing at. "Isn't that a woman?"
Amber looked. "Yes, it is!"
Jack looked more closely. "No, it's definitely a man!"
"Definitely!" agreed Will.
"It's a woman!"
"It's a man!"
"A woman!"
"Man!"
"Woman!"
"Man!"
"Woman!"
"There's only one way to find out!" declared Jack. "Oi! You!"
The person of questionable gender turned around.
"Yeah?"
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"A woman."
"Thanks! OK, consider that dare cancelled," said Jack.
"I dare you to make out with Bambi!" declared Amber.
"I wholeheartedly back this experiment," said Jack.
Hetty shrugged. "OK." She leapt on Jack.
Everyone cheered as they finally broke apart.
"Wow. Impressive," said Mike.
"I'll say," said Jack, looking dazed.
"Wouldn't mind a go myself," said Mike.
"Oh, you would, would you?" They looked at each other before giggling and running out of the room hand in hand.
"In their absence, I nominate Will. Truth or dare, mate?" said Jack.
"Truth!" said Will.
"What's your most embarrassing memory?" asked Beebee.
"Erm.....well.....It has to be the time Elizabeth and me were staying at the Hotel Tortue in Barbados," said Will.
Feefee gasped. "Not the time you-"
Will nodded. "Yes, that time."
"The time you what? THE TIME YOU WHAT??" asked Jack, wild with anticipation.
"Well, we went to this hotel about a month ago, with Elizabeth's father and Mr Brown," began Will.
"And the main thing that sold it to us was the amazing underwater restaurant. It had a glass ceiling so you could see the fish swimming and everything," said Elizabeth.
"So, we went to the beach, went swimming, went for drinks at the bar and did all the normal things you do on holiday," continued Will.
"But with me sharing with my dad, and Will sharing with Mr Brown, there wasn't much time for 'us'," said Elizabeth.
"So on the third night we crept down to the beach with several bottles of rum to try to re-enact the time she was stranded on the beach with Jack," said Will.
"Ahhh," said Jack contemplatively.
"And we drank rather too much, and decided to go skinny-dipping, and then one thing led to another...." Elizabeth trailed off.
"So the next day when we got out of bed, we were feeling really smug about our secret meeting," continued Will.
"Until we got downstairs for breakfast, and discovered that the spot we had chosen for our rendezvous was directly above the glass-roofed restaurant - a detail we had overlooked at the time - and that our secret liaison had in fact been given marks out of ten by the entire resort," finished Elizabeth, blushing scarlet.
"Will, mate, you should have told me you were going on holiday!" said Jack. "I would have loved to go with you!"
"I wonder why," said Anne sarcastically.
Suddenly Elizabeth noticed that every man in the room was watching her extremely carefully.
"Will, I think that we told the story a little loudly," she hissed.
"Maybe we should cut the evening short," suggested Will.
"I second that," said Elizabeth, flipping off a man who had winked at her.
Everyone went up to bed except Jack, who kept on boozing well into the early hours.
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed
Rum
5
Two hours later, the drinks were flowing freely and Amber had initiated a game of Truth or Dare.
"OK, I pick.....Bambi! Truth or Dare?" she giggled, knocking back another glass of rum.
"Erm - Truth!" said Jack.
"Tell us what really happened when you dressed up as a Church of England cleric!" said Elizabeth.
"Oh, now that's a story and a half!" Jack declared.
"Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!" chanted Beebee, Feefee and Geegee.
"Well, OK. One day me and my mate William were walking through Tortuga, right, when we saw a Customs officer who'd tried to arrest us the previous week for smuggling rum. So he spotted us and started yelling, and we ducked into the nearest door before reinforcements showed up. Well, this building we'd hidden in only turned out to be a church, didn't it? There we were, surrounded by all these old men in capes, when one of them asked if we were the new vicars! What was I supposed to say?"
"No?" suggested Will.
"Of course we said yes! The cops were out after us! Well, they gave us our cloaks and bibles and such, and we were going to own up, but then they showed us where the communion wine was stored!"
"Ah," said Elizabeth, comprehension dawning.
"So we set up a little racket, importing - by which I mean smuggling - dirt cheap red wine from abroad, and pocketing the cash we had left over from the church funds! We made a mint! But even that got boring after a while, plus the parishioners were reporting side effects from the cheap wine."
"Such as what?" inquired Anne.
"Temporary blindness, stomach cramps, nausea, headaches....you know, the works," said Jack.
"Like, ewwww....." said Izzy.
"So, we were going to quit while we were winning, but then the Swedish choirgirls arrived......."
"You didn't?" asked Elizabeth.
"We did. We were the talk of the town for months. But then the other priests found out."
"And they ratted on you?"
"No, they wanted a piece of it too! That's when we quit. Well, actually, we filled the vestry with ducks first. Then when one of the other priests opened the door to get the communion stuff during the service, hundreds of ducks flew out and colonised the church. Anyway, that's when they guessed we weren't real vicars and set the police on us," he concluded.
"Wow. That's some story," said Hetty.
"All right. Bambi, you pick someone," said Amber.
"OK.........Hetty, truth or dare?"
"Err....dare!"
"I dare you to kiss that guy over there!"
Hetty looked at the person they were pointing at. "Isn't that a woman?"
Amber looked. "Yes, it is!"
Jack looked more closely. "No, it's definitely a man!"
"Definitely!" agreed Will.
"It's a woman!"
"It's a man!"
"A woman!"
"Man!"
"Woman!"
"Man!"
"Woman!"
"There's only one way to find out!" declared Jack. "Oi! You!"
The person of questionable gender turned around.
"Yeah?"
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"A woman."
"Thanks! OK, consider that dare cancelled," said Jack.
"I dare you to make out with Bambi!" declared Amber.
"I wholeheartedly back this experiment," said Jack.
Hetty shrugged. "OK." She leapt on Jack.
Everyone cheered as they finally broke apart.
"Wow. Impressive," said Mike.
"I'll say," said Jack, looking dazed.
"Wouldn't mind a go myself," said Mike.
"Oh, you would, would you?" They looked at each other before giggling and running out of the room hand in hand.
"In their absence, I nominate Will. Truth or dare, mate?" said Jack.
"Truth!" said Will.
"What's your most embarrassing memory?" asked Beebee.
"Erm.....well.....It has to be the time Elizabeth and me were staying at the Hotel Tortue in Barbados," said Will.
Feefee gasped. "Not the time you-"
Will nodded. "Yes, that time."
"The time you what? THE TIME YOU WHAT??" asked Jack, wild with anticipation.
"Well, we went to this hotel about a month ago, with Elizabeth's father and Mr Brown," began Will.
"And the main thing that sold it to us was the amazing underwater restaurant. It had a glass ceiling so you could see the fish swimming and everything," said Elizabeth.
"So, we went to the beach, went swimming, went for drinks at the bar and did all the normal things you do on holiday," continued Will.
"But with me sharing with my dad, and Will sharing with Mr Brown, there wasn't much time for 'us'," said Elizabeth.
"So on the third night we crept down to the beach with several bottles of rum to try to re-enact the time she was stranded on the beach with Jack," said Will.
"Ahhh," said Jack contemplatively.
"And we drank rather too much, and decided to go skinny-dipping, and then one thing led to another...." Elizabeth trailed off.
"So the next day when we got out of bed, we were feeling really smug about our secret meeting," continued Will.
"Until we got downstairs for breakfast, and discovered that the spot we had chosen for our rendezvous was directly above the glass-roofed restaurant - a detail we had overlooked at the time - and that our secret liaison had in fact been given marks out of ten by the entire resort," finished Elizabeth, blushing scarlet.
"Will, mate, you should have told me you were going on holiday!" said Jack. "I would have loved to go with you!"
"I wonder why," said Anne sarcastically.
Suddenly Elizabeth noticed that every man in the room was watching her extremely carefully.
"Will, I think that we told the story a little loudly," she hissed.
"Maybe we should cut the evening short," suggested Will.
"I second that," said Elizabeth, flipping off a man who had winked at her.
Everyone went up to bed except Jack, who kept on boozing well into the early hours.