The next morning everyone was sitting downstairs in the breakfast room when
Jack came in.
"Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber.
Jack went bright red as the entire room sniggered. "Ssssh!" he hissed. Amber ignored him.
"So, where are we going today? Are we going to go on an adventure?" she asked impatiently.
"Sort of. Today we commandeer the boat."
"Ooooh! Commandeering! Fun!" squealed Henny.
All the other customers in the room left quickly, making a mental note to leave the port before Jack arrived.
"Keep it down! And anyway, we need to have breakfast first. Can't go commandeering on an empty stomach!"
"Can I get you anything?" asked the landlord.
"Egg and rum," said Jack.
Amber squirmed impatiently.
"Damn sausage!" Elizabeth suddenly shrieked, attempting to spear it with her fork. She missed and continued chasing it round the plate. "Stay STILL!"
The sausage stubbornly refused to allow her to eat it and Elizabeth threw her plate across the room in a fit of temper.
"Whoa, what's up with you this morning?" asked Will nervously. Even Elizabeth wasn't normally this irritable.
"I'm fine....it's just......the Commodore just WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Will recoiled from this outburst. "What do you mean?"
"He's stalking me!" sobbed Elizabeth.
"Oh, I was wondering what he was doing out there," said Jack nonchalantly, wolfing down his eggs.
Everyone turned slowly and nervously to look. The Commodore was standing outside with his nose pressed against the window, grinning in at them. He waved when he saw them looking at him.
Elizabeth screamed. "For God's sake, just piss off!" she shrieked. "You've kept me awake all night, just go home!"
The Commodore just grinned more widely.
"How did he keep you awake all night, Leelee?" asked Feefee.
"He kept phoning me and singing that pirate song down the phone before hanging up!"
"What pirate song?" asked Henny.
"You know, 'we pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! We kidnap and pillage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.' Didn't you ever hear that when you were younger?"
"No, I didn't."
"Oh, I used to LOVE it! It was my favourite song. In fact, I was singing it when I first met Will!"
"Aaaaahhh," sighed the girls.
"That's so sweet!" said Henny.
"Love at first sight, eh darling?" said Elizabeth.
"No," said Will.
"What? It WASN'T LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?" shrieked Elizabeth.
"No!"
"Why the hell not?"
"I was unconscious!" protested Will.
"Well, when you woke up, was it love at first sight?"
"No."
"What? Why? What did I ever do to you?"
"Well, there were the wedgies, the Chinese burns, the Indian burns, the ice- in-the-bottom-of-the-bed trick, the prodding, the teasing, the itching- powder-in-the-boxers gag, the name-calling, the time you shaved off my eyebrows when I was asleep, the time you stole my medallion-"
"I gave that back!" protested Elizabeth.
"Yeah, eight years too late!"
"Will you quit going on about that?"
"Make me!"
"I'll make you!"
"Oh yeah, how?"
"Like this!" She pounced on him and started slapping him.
"Ladies, ladies!" yelled Jack. "Not in front of company!" He pointed to the Commodore, who was watching their fight avidly. They reluctantly stopped wrestling and sat down again.
"Git," hissed Elizabeth.
"Bitch," hissed Will.
"Stop it!" yelled Jack.
"So, where are we going today?" asked Anne, trying to break the silence.
"The docks, to commandeer a boat," said Jack. "As a matter of fact, we should probably get going."
"Yay! Go Bambi!" cheered Amber. "Actually, I just want to nip into town quickly so I'll meet you there, OK?"
"OK," said Jack.
"All right, there's our first target," said Jack, pointing to a medium- sized boat moored about ten feet away. "Now, there's safety in numbers, so you guys come with me and watch the master at work. Savvy?"
"We savvy!" squealed all the girls. Jack winced.
"Please don't do that again," he begged, before striding onto the ship with everyone in tow.
"Right, maties, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and I be commandeering this boat," he said melodramatically to the small group of sailors on deck.
One sailor looked up and snorted. "Look, bog off, mate, we don't have time for the loonies today. Come back tomorrow."
"I am not a loony," said Jack angrily, drawing his sword. "I'm black- hearted, ruthless, unmerciful, macho, tough-"
"-Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber, strolling up the gangplank. Jack buried his head in his hands. This was bad. All the sailors were smiling and trying not to laugh instead of cowering in fear! This could not get any worse.
"Anyway, Bambi, I had a great time in town, and I bought you some socks so that your little toes don't get cold!"
Actually, thought Jack, as the sailors dissolved into fits of helpless laughter, it could. And it had. He looked at what she was holding out.
"Donald duck socks?" he asked weakly.
"Yeah, well, I knew you already had the Mickey Mouse ones, so I figured you could wear Donald and Donald, or Mickey and Mickey, or you could mix and match, mouse and duck!"
"Great," said Jack unenthusiastically. What was he talking about? Things were now an awful lot worse.
"Go away, Bambi, we've got work to be getting on with!" gasped one sailor eventually. Jack ran off the ship, trying to hide his red face.
"All right, change of plan," he said once they had regrouped on the jetty. "Will, you go and have a go at commandeering a ship. I'll wait here with everyone else. Amber, never call me Bambi in public again. Ever!"
"OK," said Will.
"OK, Bambi," said Amber.
"Right. Everyone except Will down to the beach!" called Jack.
Five minutes later the girls were sunbathing, Mike and Parker were paddling and Jack was constructing an elaborate sandcastle. Elizabeth, who had exceptional hearing, was conducting a running commentary on Will's first attempt to commandeer a ship solo.
"He's saying that they should leave the ship and allow him to steal it," she said, cupping a hand around her ear.
"Oooh, what's their answer?" asked Amber eagerly.
"They're laughing and asking if he's the eunuch blacksmith," said Elizabeth.
"That's not good," said Mike.
"I'll say," commented Henny.
"Now he's telling them that unless they give the ship to him, he'll throw them all overboard," continued Elizabeth.
"What do they think of that?" asked Anne.
"They're still laughing," said Elizabeth wearily.
There was suddenly the sound of girlish screams coming from the boat.
"What happened, what happened?" asked Beebee.
"They gave the command to 'release the hounds' because he called them drunken old gits," said Elizabeth.
"Like, ouch," said Izzy. Everyone craned to look in the direction of the screams. Will came into view, sprinting over the sand and constantly craning his neck to check on the horde of snapping rottweilers at his heels.
"Run, Will, run!" yelled Elizabeth.
"Hey, Will, check out my fortress!" said Jack proudly, oblivious to the cause of the commotion.
"Now they're laughing and saying that if he isn't already a eunuch then he will be when the dogs have finished with him," said Elizabeth.
"Ouch," said Mike, wincing.
"Hey mate, look!" insisted Jack, pointing very obviously at his castle as Will came closer.
Will didn't look. He did, however, run straight over the top of the sandcastle, completely levelling it, closely followed by the rottweilers.
"Big bullies!" yelled Jack tearfully, trying to salvage all parts of the castle that were still remotely identifiable. He heaved a large clod of sand in Will's direction, before taking off after him.
"Go and help him!" shrieked Beebee.
"Oh, for goodness sake," said Elizabeth impatiently. "I'll do it."
She hitched up her skirts and sprinted down the beach after Will and the dogs. Within seconds she had rugby tackled two of the rottweilers and muzzled them with hair ribbons, and thrown the other two into the sea.
Will, however, was still running.
"Why is he still running if the rottweilers have gone?" asked Henny. Suddenly Jack came into sight. He was running after Will waving his boot.
"Big bully!" he yelled, hurling the boot at him. It struck him hard on the back of his head.
"Ow!" yelped Will.
"More where that came from!" shrieked Jack, pulling off his hat and throwing it at him. It landed on Will's head, then slipped down to cover his eyes.
"I can't see!" screeched Will, running around in circles. Suddenly he ran smack into Jack, and the two fell on the ground, arms and legs akimbo.
"Owwww......" muttered Jack.
"Call it quits?" Will asked, his voice muffled by the fact that he had landed with his face directly under Jack's leg.
"Deal," muttered Jack, standing up. Elizabeth ran over and pulled Will to his feet.
"There you go, wuss," she said disparagingly to Will as they trekked back towards the group.
"Right, mates, let's have another go at commandeering a ship, shall we?" said Jack sarcastically, giving Will an evil look. "Seeing as nancy boy here has let us down again."
"That wasn't my fault," protested Will.
"Sure it was," said Elizabeth.
"Hey, guys, look!" Mike was standing beside an enormous galleon.
"What is it, mate?" asked Jack.
"There's no-one on this boat! It's completely empty!" said Mike.
"Wow! Talk about good luck!" said Jack. "All right, everyone on!"
Everybody rushed onto the boat. They raised anchor and sailed quickly out of the port. Once at sea, Jack was struck by a sudden thought.
"Hey, what's the name of this thing?" he asked.
Everyone shrugged.
"You can't sail a ship without knowing the name of it!! It's bad luck!" said Jack. "Someone's going to have to risk life and limb to dangle over the back of the ship and have a look."
Everyone looked at each other.
"Now, how did I know that I would have to do it?" asked Will sarcastically as he was lowered over the back of the ship.
"What does it say?" asked Jack.
"It says......Dauntless!" said Will.
"Dauntless? But then...." Everyone turned to see the Commodore staggering up from below decks. This was not good.
"Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber.
Jack went bright red as the entire room sniggered. "Ssssh!" he hissed. Amber ignored him.
"So, where are we going today? Are we going to go on an adventure?" she asked impatiently.
"Sort of. Today we commandeer the boat."
"Ooooh! Commandeering! Fun!" squealed Henny.
All the other customers in the room left quickly, making a mental note to leave the port before Jack arrived.
"Keep it down! And anyway, we need to have breakfast first. Can't go commandeering on an empty stomach!"
"Can I get you anything?" asked the landlord.
"Egg and rum," said Jack.
Amber squirmed impatiently.
"Damn sausage!" Elizabeth suddenly shrieked, attempting to spear it with her fork. She missed and continued chasing it round the plate. "Stay STILL!"
The sausage stubbornly refused to allow her to eat it and Elizabeth threw her plate across the room in a fit of temper.
"Whoa, what's up with you this morning?" asked Will nervously. Even Elizabeth wasn't normally this irritable.
"I'm fine....it's just......the Commodore just WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Will recoiled from this outburst. "What do you mean?"
"He's stalking me!" sobbed Elizabeth.
"Oh, I was wondering what he was doing out there," said Jack nonchalantly, wolfing down his eggs.
Everyone turned slowly and nervously to look. The Commodore was standing outside with his nose pressed against the window, grinning in at them. He waved when he saw them looking at him.
Elizabeth screamed. "For God's sake, just piss off!" she shrieked. "You've kept me awake all night, just go home!"
The Commodore just grinned more widely.
"How did he keep you awake all night, Leelee?" asked Feefee.
"He kept phoning me and singing that pirate song down the phone before hanging up!"
"What pirate song?" asked Henny.
"You know, 'we pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! We kidnap and pillage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.' Didn't you ever hear that when you were younger?"
"No, I didn't."
"Oh, I used to LOVE it! It was my favourite song. In fact, I was singing it when I first met Will!"
"Aaaaahhh," sighed the girls.
"That's so sweet!" said Henny.
"Love at first sight, eh darling?" said Elizabeth.
"No," said Will.
"What? It WASN'T LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?" shrieked Elizabeth.
"No!"
"Why the hell not?"
"I was unconscious!" protested Will.
"Well, when you woke up, was it love at first sight?"
"No."
"What? Why? What did I ever do to you?"
"Well, there were the wedgies, the Chinese burns, the Indian burns, the ice- in-the-bottom-of-the-bed trick, the prodding, the teasing, the itching- powder-in-the-boxers gag, the name-calling, the time you shaved off my eyebrows when I was asleep, the time you stole my medallion-"
"I gave that back!" protested Elizabeth.
"Yeah, eight years too late!"
"Will you quit going on about that?"
"Make me!"
"I'll make you!"
"Oh yeah, how?"
"Like this!" She pounced on him and started slapping him.
"Ladies, ladies!" yelled Jack. "Not in front of company!" He pointed to the Commodore, who was watching their fight avidly. They reluctantly stopped wrestling and sat down again.
"Git," hissed Elizabeth.
"Bitch," hissed Will.
"Stop it!" yelled Jack.
"So, where are we going today?" asked Anne, trying to break the silence.
"The docks, to commandeer a boat," said Jack. "As a matter of fact, we should probably get going."
"Yay! Go Bambi!" cheered Amber. "Actually, I just want to nip into town quickly so I'll meet you there, OK?"
"OK," said Jack.
"All right, there's our first target," said Jack, pointing to a medium- sized boat moored about ten feet away. "Now, there's safety in numbers, so you guys come with me and watch the master at work. Savvy?"
"We savvy!" squealed all the girls. Jack winced.
"Please don't do that again," he begged, before striding onto the ship with everyone in tow.
"Right, maties, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and I be commandeering this boat," he said melodramatically to the small group of sailors on deck.
One sailor looked up and snorted. "Look, bog off, mate, we don't have time for the loonies today. Come back tomorrow."
"I am not a loony," said Jack angrily, drawing his sword. "I'm black- hearted, ruthless, unmerciful, macho, tough-"
"-Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber, strolling up the gangplank. Jack buried his head in his hands. This was bad. All the sailors were smiling and trying not to laugh instead of cowering in fear! This could not get any worse.
"Anyway, Bambi, I had a great time in town, and I bought you some socks so that your little toes don't get cold!"
Actually, thought Jack, as the sailors dissolved into fits of helpless laughter, it could. And it had. He looked at what she was holding out.
"Donald duck socks?" he asked weakly.
"Yeah, well, I knew you already had the Mickey Mouse ones, so I figured you could wear Donald and Donald, or Mickey and Mickey, or you could mix and match, mouse and duck!"
"Great," said Jack unenthusiastically. What was he talking about? Things were now an awful lot worse.
"Go away, Bambi, we've got work to be getting on with!" gasped one sailor eventually. Jack ran off the ship, trying to hide his red face.
"All right, change of plan," he said once they had regrouped on the jetty. "Will, you go and have a go at commandeering a ship. I'll wait here with everyone else. Amber, never call me Bambi in public again. Ever!"
"OK," said Will.
"OK, Bambi," said Amber.
"Right. Everyone except Will down to the beach!" called Jack.
Five minutes later the girls were sunbathing, Mike and Parker were paddling and Jack was constructing an elaborate sandcastle. Elizabeth, who had exceptional hearing, was conducting a running commentary on Will's first attempt to commandeer a ship solo.
"He's saying that they should leave the ship and allow him to steal it," she said, cupping a hand around her ear.
"Oooh, what's their answer?" asked Amber eagerly.
"They're laughing and asking if he's the eunuch blacksmith," said Elizabeth.
"That's not good," said Mike.
"I'll say," commented Henny.
"Now he's telling them that unless they give the ship to him, he'll throw them all overboard," continued Elizabeth.
"What do they think of that?" asked Anne.
"They're still laughing," said Elizabeth wearily.
There was suddenly the sound of girlish screams coming from the boat.
"What happened, what happened?" asked Beebee.
"They gave the command to 'release the hounds' because he called them drunken old gits," said Elizabeth.
"Like, ouch," said Izzy. Everyone craned to look in the direction of the screams. Will came into view, sprinting over the sand and constantly craning his neck to check on the horde of snapping rottweilers at his heels.
"Run, Will, run!" yelled Elizabeth.
"Hey, Will, check out my fortress!" said Jack proudly, oblivious to the cause of the commotion.
"Now they're laughing and saying that if he isn't already a eunuch then he will be when the dogs have finished with him," said Elizabeth.
"Ouch," said Mike, wincing.
"Hey mate, look!" insisted Jack, pointing very obviously at his castle as Will came closer.
Will didn't look. He did, however, run straight over the top of the sandcastle, completely levelling it, closely followed by the rottweilers.
"Big bullies!" yelled Jack tearfully, trying to salvage all parts of the castle that were still remotely identifiable. He heaved a large clod of sand in Will's direction, before taking off after him.
"Go and help him!" shrieked Beebee.
"Oh, for goodness sake," said Elizabeth impatiently. "I'll do it."
She hitched up her skirts and sprinted down the beach after Will and the dogs. Within seconds she had rugby tackled two of the rottweilers and muzzled them with hair ribbons, and thrown the other two into the sea.
Will, however, was still running.
"Why is he still running if the rottweilers have gone?" asked Henny. Suddenly Jack came into sight. He was running after Will waving his boot.
"Big bully!" he yelled, hurling the boot at him. It struck him hard on the back of his head.
"Ow!" yelped Will.
"More where that came from!" shrieked Jack, pulling off his hat and throwing it at him. It landed on Will's head, then slipped down to cover his eyes.
"I can't see!" screeched Will, running around in circles. Suddenly he ran smack into Jack, and the two fell on the ground, arms and legs akimbo.
"Owwww......" muttered Jack.
"Call it quits?" Will asked, his voice muffled by the fact that he had landed with his face directly under Jack's leg.
"Deal," muttered Jack, standing up. Elizabeth ran over and pulled Will to his feet.
"There you go, wuss," she said disparagingly to Will as they trekked back towards the group.
"Right, mates, let's have another go at commandeering a ship, shall we?" said Jack sarcastically, giving Will an evil look. "Seeing as nancy boy here has let us down again."
"That wasn't my fault," protested Will.
"Sure it was," said Elizabeth.
"Hey, guys, look!" Mike was standing beside an enormous galleon.
"What is it, mate?" asked Jack.
"There's no-one on this boat! It's completely empty!" said Mike.
"Wow! Talk about good luck!" said Jack. "All right, everyone on!"
Everybody rushed onto the boat. They raised anchor and sailed quickly out of the port. Once at sea, Jack was struck by a sudden thought.
"Hey, what's the name of this thing?" he asked.
Everyone shrugged.
"You can't sail a ship without knowing the name of it!! It's bad luck!" said Jack. "Someone's going to have to risk life and limb to dangle over the back of the ship and have a look."
Everyone looked at each other.
"Now, how did I know that I would have to do it?" asked Will sarcastically as he was lowered over the back of the ship.
"What does it say?" asked Jack.
"It says......Dauntless!" said Will.
"Dauntless? But then...." Everyone turned to see the Commodore staggering up from below decks. This was not good.