CJ thought for a moment, her mind still whirling.
"It's a genetic disorder, right? Something to do with the lungs?"
He snorted humorlessly. And the pancreas, which means digestion of food…"
CJ looked at him, her hand creeping to his, squeezing gently. "And your daughter has it?"
He nodded.
She swallowed. "How sick is she?"
Simon sighed. "She was diagnosed when she was three months old, and has had a really hard time since the beginning. When she was 18 months old, her mother took off. She left me a note saying she couldn't take it any more, watching Nikki go through…whatever. Nik and I were unbelievably lucky to have so much support from both sides of the family – her mother's family was pretty upset with my ex for bolting when the going got tough…And at some point, we found a combination of therapies that put her in a better place, but her lungs are really damaged already…she's probably going to need a lung transplant but she has a rare blood type…" he stopped and shook his head. "She has a good life full of friends…" He sighed. "Way to start our first date. I should have stuck with "no comment" for a while."
CJ shook her head. "We met under unusual circumstances and with our respective jobs, our dating schedule should prove interesting, to say the least. So I don't think we should expect any of this to be typical, if we want a chance at a relationship." She frowned. "Did I make any sense just now?"
He nodded, and smiled, and allowed himself to feel hopeful.
***
February 2005
It was raining. CJ thought that Nikki would hate this cliché – rain on her funeral. Nikki, like her father, had very little patience for clichés. Silently, CJ promised Nikki she would deck the first person to utter the "heavens are crying" line. Well, she amended that thought, unless the first person was the President. The Secret Service was already in a bad place today. The agents wanted to be there for Simon. So did the President and First Lady, which meant fewer agents could take the time off and attend the funeral off-duty. CJ sighed. It meant a lot to her and Simon to have the First Couple there, but it made for a logistical nightmare when planning the funeral. She glanced at the First Couple, standing to her right, and saw the grief on Abby's face, and the tears on the President's cheeks. It took a remarkably short time for Nicole Donovan to win over people's hearts.
***
June 2002
"Hi, I'm Nikki."
CJ wasn't sure what to expect, but the pretty girl with the shy smile wasn't at all what she expected. Four weeks into her relationship with Simon, they both felt the time was right for all three to get together. CJ was nervous. Simon assured her that so was Nikki.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" She asked.
"Why wouldn't it?" He countered as they parked in his driveway.
She really couldn't answer that.
Nicole Donovan had long brown hair and the same penetrating blue eyes as her father. CJ silently berated herself for expecting a sickly-looking waif. She would have to revise a lot of her assumptions and expectations, she thought.
"Hi Nikki, I'm CJ."
They looked at each other mutely for a moment, and then Nikki giggled. CJ grinned, and, catching Simon's amused expression, told the girl conspiratorially, "I think your dad is having fun at our expense."
Nikki smirked in Simon's direction and looked at CJ. "That's OK, payback's a bitch. Let me tell you about his first day on the White House detail…"
CJ laughed at Simon's spluttered "Nicole Marie Donovan!"
The evening turned out to be one of the most enjoyable evenings CJ could remember. Nikki was bright and funny, thoughtful and sweet, and possessed her father's dry wit. Yet CJ could also see, as the evening wore on, that the girl was growing tired.
"I'll go set up your stuff," said Simon softly as CJ and Nikki were loading the dishwasher. The girl just nodded wordlessly. CJ decided that for once she would keep her mouth shut and not ask questions.
"I have a feeding tube, at night," said Nikki softly. "Because of the CF, it doesn't matter how much I pig out during the day, I can't keep my weight where it should be unless I get the formula at night."
"That's a lot to deal with," said CJ softly.
Nikki shrugged. "It's not like I have a choice. I don't like it but it beats dying, and I try to keep the best attitude I can, 'cause bitching sure isn't going to help." She smiled suddenly, a quick smile that lit up her face and eyes. "I'm pretty lucky, you know, because I have these great friends who don't freak out, and my dad, and my extended family – they never say 'Nikki's sick, she can't do this or that.' I'm never excluded." She frowned again. "But the tube sucks."
She looked up at CJ and said apologetically, "I don't usually make these speeches, you know, especially to people I just met. It's just…I really like you, and I don't remember ever seeing my dad this happy before…" She blushed. "Don't tell him I said that."
CJ nodded, not trusting her voice. She stepped forward and pulled the girl into a tight embrace. At that moment, as Nikki's arms wrapped around CJ's waist, the young girl became part of CJ Cregg's heart and soul.
***
February, 2005
Rain mingled with tears on CJ's face as she lifted her face up to the sky.
"I love you, sweet girl," she whispered softly. "I love you so much."