The Tamora Pierce Talent Show
Disclaimer: We already told ya, WE DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS!!! Except for Joe. And Roxie. The song "Maybelline" belongs to Chuck Berry. The version we're using, or, rather, Roger is using, was adapted by Paul Simon.
A/N: Now, on to the TP characters!! Finally! LOL! Please review!! :D
Chapter Two- In Which Roger Becomes a Tap-Dancing Country Rock Star and Alanna is Jealous ("What was I thinking when I killed him?!")
Roger: [Comes onstage in a cute little tutu over a Tuxedo from Our Place, wearing a derby and carrying a long pointy stick] I WILL BE TAP-DANCING AND SINGING FOR YOU TODAY, MR. DUMBODOOR!
Dumbledore: Frankly, I do not think that my ears are that large, or that I look much like a door, but suit yourself.
Roger: Thank you. [Points to old bag lady that suddenly appeared] Hit it, Roxie!
Roxie: [Hits it]
Roger: [sings] Ohhhh, Maybelline, why can't you be true? Oh, Maybelline, why can't you be true? You know, it's not right doin' those things you used to do! [Falls, sticks himself somewhere with the pointy stick thingy, then gets back up] As I was motivating over the hill, saw Maybelline at the Coup-de-Ville! Cadillac [mutters] - I wish I had a Cadillac! - rollin' on the open road, yeah, but nothing outrace my V8 Ford!
That Same Random Person from the Audience: YEAH! MY V9 FORD!
Roger: [continues singing]
Same Random Person: [Picks another rabid monkey from the pile beside him and throws it at Roger]
Roger: [ducks and continues singing and dancing] Then we're bumper to bumper and side to side! Maybelline!!!!!!! [Falls again, sticks himself with the pointy thingy again, and throws it at the audience, spearing that random person, who has a name. It's Joe.] Why can't you be true? Whoa, Maybelline, why can't you be true? You know, it's not right doing those things you used to do!
Ron [caught up in the moment and the prettyful music]: TOO RIGHT IT'S NOT!
All except Ron: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay….
Roger: [still singing] Heat cooled down, motor cooled down, that's when I heard that highway sound. Cadillac a-sittin' like a ton of lead, about one hundred and ten, half a mile ahead. Cadillac a-lookin' like it's standing still, and I caught Maybelline at the top of the hill!
Ron: [Sobs] It's so beautiful!
Roger: [Bows Yamani-style over and over again]
Dumbledore: [Gently pats Roger] That's enough, now. The judges are going to make their decision.
Alanna: [Runs out from backstage and hugs Roger] Oh, Roger! You are so talented! Why ever did I kill you?
Roger: Er… because I was slowly destroying the Queen?
Alanna: [Looks disgusted] Oh, yeah. Right. [Tries to kill Roger again with the rabid monkey she stole from Joe]
Dumbledore: The judges have made their final decisions! We'll lead you offstage as we show everyone watching at home your score.
Judges: [Have made their final decisions]
Roger: [Is led offstage]
Harry: I don't like country music. Probably because Dudley has a passion for the Dixie Chicks, and worships them as he sings in the shower. I give it a two.
Ron: [Wipes a tear from his eye] That was splendidly rectifying! I give it a zero!
Hermione: Well, your vocal cords seem to be strangely festering, so I give it a negative five.
Ron: WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU??? THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!
Harry: Well, you were the one who gave him a zero.
Ron: Shut up.
Harry: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT??? HOW DO YOU SHUT UP?????
Ron: I think you shut down first.
Audiences at Home: [See a negative three] WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Harry: [randomly begins to sing] Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah! Ting, tang! Walla walla bing bang!
Hermione: Oh, shut up, will you?
Harry: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!
Roger: [Is led back onstage]
Dumbledore: Thank you for competing, Roger. Your score will be shown at the end of the competition. I'll give you a clue: you're in first place.
Roger: Really? YAY!!!
Dumbledore: [mutters] It's because you're the first contestant.
Roger: [Is too busy celebrating to hear; he is doing disco]
Dumbledore: And now, please give a warm welcome to our next contestant, Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak!
______________________________
A/N: Did you like it?? Please review!! Next time: What will Raoul do? Will Harry ever learn to shut up? We don't think so, and we're writing this.
--The Two Trumpeteers, Juli and Maddie