Chapter 19.
If
you could see inside my heart
Then you 'd understand
I'd never mean to hurt you
Baby I'm not that kind of man
I might not say I'm sorry
Yeah, I might talk rough sometimes
And I might forget the little things
Or keep you hanging on the line
In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet
Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget
We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets
Into the fire we cry
I'd die for you
I'd cry for you
I'd do anything
I'd lie for you
You know it's true
Baby I'd die for you
I'd die for you
I'd cry for you
If it came right down to me and you
You know it's true, Baby I'd die for you
I might not be a savior
And I'll never be a king
I might not send you roses
Or buy you diamond rings
But if I could see inside you
Maybe I'd know just who we are
'Cause our love is like a hunger
Without it we would starve
In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet
Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget
We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets
Into the fire we cry
Five little blue lines. Damn. She'd hoped she get one that came out negative, so she could further her denial. But no. Blue every fucking time.
"Uh, Logan, you okay? You've been in there a while…"
"I'm fine, Victor! Go away!"
Victor walked off, mumbling something about never being able to understand women.
Logan slumped down, leaning against the counter. What was she going to do? She and Victor couldn't raise a baby. What sort of parents would they be?
She rubbed her hand over her stomach, trying to imagine it as something other than flat. She couldn't. She couldn't picture herself as pregnant, never mind someone's mother. She could imagine the juvenile delinquent rap sheet now.
She stood up with a sigh. She knew she had to tell Victor.
She opened the bathroom door, straightening herself out. Here went nothing…
Victor stared at her. "Repeat that last part, Logan."
"I'm pregnant, Vic. With child. In a family way. Got a bun in the oven."
Victor held his hand up. "I got it, I got it. How'd it happen? I thought you told me you were makin' sure we only did it, um, when the time was okay."
"I think it was Monte Carlo. I, um, sorta lost my head there."
"Dammit, woman, why'd you go and do a thing like that for!"
Logan glared at him. "You were there, too Victor!"
"Goddamit, Logan!" Victor growled, slamming his hand down on his desk. "What the fuck are we gonna do with a brat?"
"I don't know, put it on the lawn at Christmas time as an elf?" She got quiet. "I don't have to have it, Victor."
Victor's head snapped up. He crossed the room in two strides, grabbing her by the shoulders. "You ain't killin' my kid, frail."
"Well what if I don't want to have it?"
"Then too fuckin' bad. I knocked you up, yer keepin' it."
Logan glared at him. "It's my body, you know."
"What are you afraid of? Yer healin' factor won't take care of saggin' boobs?"
"You're so damn sensitive, Victor."
Victor let her go. "We can handle it, Logan."
"How? Victor, we're not exactly stable individuals."
"I can be a father, Logan. Sure, I may not win any awards fer Dad of the Year, but I can love my kid." He looked away, his voice growing uncharacteristically soft. "I wouldn't do what my father did to me."
Logan wrapped her arms around him gently. "I know, Vic. I know."
He placed his hand on her belly. "So there's someone in there, huh?"
"Yeah."
He smiled, looking down. "Hey, son."
Logan laughed. "How do you know it's a boy?"
"Cause it's my manly sperm."
Logan rolled her eyes. "Yes, Victor, you're such a manimal."
"I'm a what?"
"A manimal."
"What the hell is that?"
"Something Kitty called you once—not quite a man, not quite an animal. Hence, a manimal."
Victor laughed hard. "Manimal, huh?" He growled. "C'mere, baby—let's mate."
Logan was on her knees in Victor's master bathroom, retching into the toilet while he held her long hair back. "Doesn't yer healin' factor do anything for this?" he asked.
"No," Logan groaned, sitting up. Victor handed her a wet washcloth so she could clean off her face. "I hate this so much," said Logan. "I haven't kept anything down in days." Victor grinned down at her.
"I know a way to take yer mind off it." Logan rubbed her temples.
"No offense, Vic, but I'm not a hundred percent right now." He crouched down, his hands reaching out.
"You won't have ta move much." Logan gave him a look of utter contempt.
"Oh yeah, knocking boots on the bathroom floor. That makes me wanna jump all over you, Victor." He sighed in frustration.
"Dammit, woman, I have needs too."
"Yeah, and I'm pregnant!" He frowned.
"What's that supposed ta mean?"
"It means that my needs are a little more important than yours right now, okay?" He stood up.
"If that's the way you're gonna be…" He turned and left. Logan started to yell something after him, but instead she threw up again.
"Victor!" Victor sighed. How had it gotten to this point? When he had found out Logan was pregnant, he had been happy, almost contented. But now…
"Victor!"
"Comin', darlin'!" he shouted back. Logan was curled on the sofa in the TV room, one hand on her softly swelling stomach. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. Victor softened. "Whaddaya need, babe?"
"Larry told me you were going on a job tonight." Victor nodded.
"Yep. Places to go and people to kill." Logan glowered at him.
"He said you were gonna be gone for a week."
"It's complicated, babe." He went behind the sofa and started kneading her shoulders with his strong hands. Logan swatted him away. Victor's lip curled. He knew pregnant women were supposed to be cranky, but Logan went beyond even his expectations.
"Why do you always leave?" she demanded.
"Not this again!" Victor snapped. "I told you, Logan—I'll always be here for you, but there are things I gotta do. I can't just disappear off the face of the earth for nine months."
"I think you just don't want to be around me."
"That's fuckin' stupid, Logan. Even you know that." She stood up and faced him.
"Well, think about it Victor—I get pregnant and can't be your fuck toy anymore, so what good am I really, right?" Victor flinched as if she had stuck her claws in him.
"After all this time…you still think that's all ya are to me?" Logan saw anger blossom on his face. "If that's how you feel, Logan, you are one cold bitch. You think I'd put up with all this, you think I'd chase you for so long, just for a romp in the sack?"
"Men have been known to do that."
"Fuck you, Logan! I don't say 'I love you' ta just anyone, ya know!" Logan, having pushed him into fighting with her, looked almost pleased.
"I don't have to put up with this. I'm out of here." Victor snorted.
"You'll be back." Logan raised her chin.
"I don't think so. I don't think I could raise my son in this sort of environment." Victor growled, starting for her, but then he stopped and turned away.
"You know what? Fine! You go ahead, frail, and you go live your little life all on yer own!" He stormed to the door before turning. "It's been nice knowin' ya."
Victor left.
Logan was in Victor's bedroom packing her things when Larry knocked. "Go away," Logan told him.
"Do you need any help packing, ma'am?" Logan shook her head.
"I just need some peace and quiet, Larry." Larry nodded and started to leave. He stopped and came back to face her.
"You know, ma'am, I've never seen Mr. Creed like he is around you." Logan stopped with a handful of her underwear in her hand.
"Oh really."
"Yes. He's…you make him happy. And not in the way the other women do—the ones he had sex with before. Around you, he's different." Logan didn't want to hear this—she didn't want to hear anything that would change her mind, increase the doubts that were already there. "He even let you stay in his room," Larry said.
Logan felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "What?"
"Mr. Creed never let anyone sleep in his bed before you. He always threw them out." He smiled wryly. "Lots of calling cabs for pissed off women in the middle of the night."
"Are you serious?" said Logan softly. Larry nodded.
"Yes ma'am." He drew himself up to his full height, which brought him about to Logan's nose. "Don't leave Mr. Creed. He doesn't deserve it. I've seen him with you. He loves you. A lot." Logan set her panties down.
"You're a good friend to him, Larry."
"I try to be, ma'am."
"He needs one."
"Yes, ma'am. And he needs you too." Logan's mouth quirked.
"Larry?"
"Ma'am?"
"You can call me Logan."
Victor's shoulders slumped as soon as he got home. The past week had been enough to keep his mind of his domestic problems, but now he had the prospect of coming home to an empty house.
Logan wasn't the type to threaten to run off and not follow through. She was too skittish. When she made up her mind to take off again, she did. He might be able to find her, but she could hide well. It could take another thirty years.
Victor cursed as he walked up to his door. What if he didn't get to see his son grow up?
He threw his bag on the floor. "Larry, there's a body in the trunk of the Rolls!" he called. "Go do somethin' with it."
From somewhere in the house, Larry grumbled. "I'll be right on it, Mr. Creed."
Victor went up to his room, wondering why he hadn't just followed his usual habit of finding some dark haired woman to take Logan's place when she was gone.
He didn't want anyone else. He wanted her and only her. And that bothered him.
Victor opened his bedroom door and blinked. Logan was stretched out on his bed, wearing a red teddy. "Welcome home, stud."
A grin broke out across Victor's face as he ran to the bed, picking Logan up and spinning around with her. "You're here!"
"Well, yeah, where else would I be?" Logan asked as he put her back down.
"You said you were leaving me."
"I changed my mind."
"So yer still my woman?" Victor asked.
"Still your woman."
Victor sat on the bed, pulling Logan into his lap and burying his face in her hair. "I was so afraid you were gone, baby. I couldn't stand the thought…"
"I won't leave you," Logan said, kissing his cheek.
"I don't mean to hurt ya, Logan. I…"
"Shh…" Logan said, putting a finger to his lips. "We both hurt each other, Victor. But it's all right."
Victor laid her back on the bed. "I love you, Logan."
"I know, Victor. Show me."