Title - Lizzie's Secrets
Summary - Elizabeth tells Jason her secrets.
Disclaimer - General Hospital owns the characters.
A/N - This chapter will be rated PG-16 for good measure. This chapter will deal with Lizzie's rape and will also deal with other serious subject matter. Please consider this before you read.
Chapter 5 -
Jason knew that this next secret would have something to do with her rape, he had been waiting for this day he had heard about it and she had mentioned it to him once but she had never discussed this event in her life. Jason knew that she went through a lot when dealing with it, he also knew that the man that did it was never charged with raping her, so yes he wanted to hear this secret he wanted to know about this point in her short life.
"When Tom raped me he also beat me up, I had bruises covering my entire body except for my face, I never understood why he never hit me in the face but I was thankful that he didn't because it made it easier to hide what had happened, my entire body ached from both the rape and from being beaten up like I was, of course it didn't match the ache in my heart from being violated like that"
It made Jason cringe to think that someone had laid a finger on her in a violent way, that she had been beaten up in a way similar to how he deals with some of Sonny's enemies. He noticed that Elizabeth's posture had become stiffer when she began talking about it he knew that she has recovered from it, however it was obvious that she still did not like talking about being raped.
"I had various cuts, scrapes and bruises and even after that first night I continued to turn the hot water on full blast in the shower and I generally scrubbed myself until I was red, I think that might have caused some of my bruising to last longer but I just couldn't help myself I never felt clean enough I always felt dirty, like I would never be clean again"
Jason noticed that although she didn't separate herself from the event like she did with her parents, she was delaying telling him about the secret that she kept about her rape. He tried to move closer to her, to try and give her some comfort but she wouldn't allow it, Elizabeth got up from the couch and moved to stand next to the unlit fire place trying to find some nonexistent warmth, something that she could not allow herself to seek from him. Jason stayed sitting on the couch waiting for her to continue.
"I was alone in the house one night, Sarah was out with Nicolas and my grandmother was still at the hospital when the thought came across my mind, I had been lying in bed crying wishing that it would all just disappear, all of the pain and the hurt, that it would all just go away, that's when the thought of killing myself came into my mind, and suddenly I stopped crying and began to seriously contemplate it, I convinced myself that no one would miss me, that all my pain would go away and so would I"
Jason almost felt his heart stop when she admitted to contemplating killing herself, it scared the hell out of him, he never thought her capable to even contemplate it but she had. But mostly his heart broke for her, that she felt that lost, that broken that she thought of suicide as her only way to escape from the pain she was in. He wanted so badly to take her into her embrace and comfort her and to make sure that she was really there, but he knew that it wasn't an option, that she wouldn't allow it.
"I went into my grams bathroom and searched her medicine cabinet, I eventually found a bottle that was nearly full and I began to pop the pills into my mouth one by one, I was really nervous I wasn't really sure that I wanted to do it, that's when I got really scared I dropped the bottle of pills and ran over to the toilet and forced myself to throw everything up. When I was sure that I had emptied the contents of my stomach, I started to cry again I realized just how weak I was, and I didn't want to be weak like that I wanted to be strong, to fight what he did to me to not let him have the satisfaction of taking my life. That was the night that I made the resolution to fight back, to be whole again."
By the end Elizabeth had tears rolling down her face, she turned back to him praying that she wouldn't see pity in his eyes, but she didn't she only saw understanding and the comfort that she was craving, she quickly, and clumsily made her way back to the couch where she threw herself back into his embrace, and he gave it to her fully holding her tightly, wrapping himself around her as best as he could trying to protect her from everything including herself, showering the top of her head with kisses and murmuring nonsensical words of comfort until eventually she fell asleep in his arms leaving him to his own thoughts until he too drifted off into a restless sleep.
TBC..
Ok kind of a heavy chapter but it was something that came to me , please tell me what you thought of this chapter in particular I would really like to know.
A/N - This chapter will be rated PG-16 for good measure. This chapter will deal with Lizzie's rape and will also deal with other serious subject matter. Please consider this before you read.
Chapter 5 -
Jason knew that this next secret would have something to do with her rape, he had been waiting for this day he had heard about it and she had mentioned it to him once but she had never discussed this event in her life. Jason knew that she went through a lot when dealing with it, he also knew that the man that did it was never charged with raping her, so yes he wanted to hear this secret he wanted to know about this point in her short life.
"When Tom raped me he also beat me up, I had bruises covering my entire body except for my face, I never understood why he never hit me in the face but I was thankful that he didn't because it made it easier to hide what had happened, my entire body ached from both the rape and from being beaten up like I was, of course it didn't match the ache in my heart from being violated like that"
It made Jason cringe to think that someone had laid a finger on her in a violent way, that she had been beaten up in a way similar to how he deals with some of Sonny's enemies. He noticed that Elizabeth's posture had become stiffer when she began talking about it he knew that she has recovered from it, however it was obvious that she still did not like talking about being raped.
"I had various cuts, scrapes and bruises and even after that first night I continued to turn the hot water on full blast in the shower and I generally scrubbed myself until I was red, I think that might have caused some of my bruising to last longer but I just couldn't help myself I never felt clean enough I always felt dirty, like I would never be clean again"
Jason noticed that although she didn't separate herself from the event like she did with her parents, she was delaying telling him about the secret that she kept about her rape. He tried to move closer to her, to try and give her some comfort but she wouldn't allow it, Elizabeth got up from the couch and moved to stand next to the unlit fire place trying to find some nonexistent warmth, something that she could not allow herself to seek from him. Jason stayed sitting on the couch waiting for her to continue.
"I was alone in the house one night, Sarah was out with Nicolas and my grandmother was still at the hospital when the thought came across my mind, I had been lying in bed crying wishing that it would all just disappear, all of the pain and the hurt, that it would all just go away, that's when the thought of killing myself came into my mind, and suddenly I stopped crying and began to seriously contemplate it, I convinced myself that no one would miss me, that all my pain would go away and so would I"
Jason almost felt his heart stop when she admitted to contemplating killing herself, it scared the hell out of him, he never thought her capable to even contemplate it but she had. But mostly his heart broke for her, that she felt that lost, that broken that she thought of suicide as her only way to escape from the pain she was in. He wanted so badly to take her into her embrace and comfort her and to make sure that she was really there, but he knew that it wasn't an option, that she wouldn't allow it.
"I went into my grams bathroom and searched her medicine cabinet, I eventually found a bottle that was nearly full and I began to pop the pills into my mouth one by one, I was really nervous I wasn't really sure that I wanted to do it, that's when I got really scared I dropped the bottle of pills and ran over to the toilet and forced myself to throw everything up. When I was sure that I had emptied the contents of my stomach, I started to cry again I realized just how weak I was, and I didn't want to be weak like that I wanted to be strong, to fight what he did to me to not let him have the satisfaction of taking my life. That was the night that I made the resolution to fight back, to be whole again."
By the end Elizabeth had tears rolling down her face, she turned back to him praying that she wouldn't see pity in his eyes, but she didn't she only saw understanding and the comfort that she was craving, she quickly, and clumsily made her way back to the couch where she threw herself back into his embrace, and he gave it to her fully holding her tightly, wrapping himself around her as best as he could trying to protect her from everything including herself, showering the top of her head with kisses and murmuring nonsensical words of comfort until eventually she fell asleep in his arms leaving him to his own thoughts until he too drifted off into a restless sleep.
TBC..
Ok kind of a heavy chapter but it was something that came to me , please tell me what you thought of this chapter in particular I would really like to know.