The Doom LoTR
All was quiet in the shire. Until one day. Gandalf rode into the shire wearing nothing more than a g-string. Frodo looked up expectantly to his new bitch. "You're late" He declared in a noble tone. "A stripper is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is ... he... early. Why? I dont know. Im drunk." This was replaced by a sudden silence. They stared at each other for a while, then suddenly they started laughing. This was abruptly replaced by sexual intercourse. Frodo ran off whining for his mother. Gandalf continued into the shire wearing no more than a tuxedo. Commando-style. A few hours past, as he drove the cart through the shire. As he arrived at his destination, he had left a trail of impregnated women. He was now wearing nothing more than a tie. An espically long tie that always covered his bits. He knocked on the door. "No thank you... etc." Came through the door and suddenly a firework let rip and blew up a house. "How about old lovers?" Gandalf asked the door, and the door made visious love to him. "Oh marley." Said gandalf, and stood up. He was now wearing nothing more than a espically long beard. The door, now collapsed on the floor, he let himself in and was peculiarly electrocuted by a candle-chandalier that wasnt actually on. He got up and was greeted by Dildo Baggins. Oh wait, Bilbo. "Tea?" he asked and ran off. "Just tea thank you" Gandalf replied. "I can make you eggs if you lik... Gandalf?" Dildo asked and looked confused. Gandalf was busy looking at maps. Legolas suddenly broke into the set at this point and pointed at the throne of Gondor. "This is the heir to the Throne of Gondor" he declared and looked at everyone with sincere disrespect. Suddenly everyone realised Gandalf wasn't a nice old man, he was a rapist. "Into the mines!" screamed Boromir, who had come from somewhere else. They all ran into the mines, and were greeted by darkness. Gandalf banged his staff and a big flame went "Fluum" and ran off. Suddenly there was light. "We now have only one choice" murmured Gandalf, who was masturbating in a corner. Sam Gangee did a little dance and ran off to rape Bill the Donkey. Suddenly the mine entrance collapsed. "We must..." Gandalf tried to say but was interupted by Boromir, "Gimme the ring" he said, but we'd have none of that and said "No! Mine!" But this was short lasted as Legolas said "Orc!" and suddenly they were fighting a big Cave Troll. It started dancing as well, and Gandalf challenged it to sexual combat. Gandalf won because he was so damn experienced. What happened, I cant say. The people at the office will kill me. They walked over a bridge and Gandalf turned around screaming "You cannot pass!" and fell off. They cried for a bit and decided to stop mourning and ran into the trees ahead instead. Frodo was given a bottle, which he somehow hid in his jacket. Then they sailed off down a river which ultimately ended in a waterfall, but they werent dragged off cos Sam was fat and ugly and the waterfall ran away. "Orc!" screamed legolas again and Boromir got shot 4 times, gave a hero speech and died. "Hide here!" said Strider, and ran off to die. Legolas did a little dance, and ran off too. Suddenly two hobbits that play annoying roles got captured which made little sense at all, and everyone chased them apart from Sam, who started to drown, and Frodo that saved him somehow. He's so fat. They sailed off and people went to buy Big-Macs
All was quiet in the shire. Until one day. Gandalf rode into the shire wearing nothing more than a g-string. Frodo looked up expectantly to his new bitch. "You're late" He declared in a noble tone. "A stripper is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is ... he... early. Why? I dont know. Im drunk." This was replaced by a sudden silence. They stared at each other for a while, then suddenly they started laughing. This was abruptly replaced by sexual intercourse. Frodo ran off whining for his mother. Gandalf continued into the shire wearing no more than a tuxedo. Commando-style. A few hours past, as he drove the cart through the shire. As he arrived at his destination, he had left a trail of impregnated women. He was now wearing nothing more than a tie. An espically long tie that always covered his bits. He knocked on the door. "No thank you... etc." Came through the door and suddenly a firework let rip and blew up a house. "How about old lovers?" Gandalf asked the door, and the door made visious love to him. "Oh marley." Said gandalf, and stood up. He was now wearing nothing more than a espically long beard. The door, now collapsed on the floor, he let himself in and was peculiarly electrocuted by a candle-chandalier that wasnt actually on. He got up and was greeted by Dildo Baggins. Oh wait, Bilbo. "Tea?" he asked and ran off. "Just tea thank you" Gandalf replied. "I can make you eggs if you lik... Gandalf?" Dildo asked and looked confused. Gandalf was busy looking at maps. Legolas suddenly broke into the set at this point and pointed at the throne of Gondor. "This is the heir to the Throne of Gondor" he declared and looked at everyone with sincere disrespect. Suddenly everyone realised Gandalf wasn't a nice old man, he was a rapist. "Into the mines!" screamed Boromir, who had come from somewhere else. They all ran into the mines, and were greeted by darkness. Gandalf banged his staff and a big flame went "Fluum" and ran off. Suddenly there was light. "We now have only one choice" murmured Gandalf, who was masturbating in a corner. Sam Gangee did a little dance and ran off to rape Bill the Donkey. Suddenly the mine entrance collapsed. "We must..." Gandalf tried to say but was interupted by Boromir, "Gimme the ring" he said, but we'd have none of that and said "No! Mine!" But this was short lasted as Legolas said "Orc!" and suddenly they were fighting a big Cave Troll. It started dancing as well, and Gandalf challenged it to sexual combat. Gandalf won because he was so damn experienced. What happened, I cant say. The people at the office will kill me. They walked over a bridge and Gandalf turned around screaming "You cannot pass!" and fell off. They cried for a bit and decided to stop mourning and ran into the trees ahead instead. Frodo was given a bottle, which he somehow hid in his jacket. Then they sailed off down a river which ultimately ended in a waterfall, but they werent dragged off cos Sam was fat and ugly and the waterfall ran away. "Orc!" screamed legolas again and Boromir got shot 4 times, gave a hero speech and died. "Hide here!" said Strider, and ran off to die. Legolas did a little dance, and ran off too. Suddenly two hobbits that play annoying roles got captured which made little sense at all, and everyone chased them apart from Sam, who started to drown, and Frodo that saved him somehow. He's so fat. They sailed off and people went to buy Big-Macs