Chapter 18 – The Car Ride
She's been dead silent the whole way back to my office. I don't know what to say or do, so I just stand beside her, silent, just there for her. We come back to the office floor, and I walk towards my office but she passes right by it and heads for Jack's office. I take a quick step back and turn around to follow her to his office. In three quick steps I'm back to walking beside her.
She opens Jack's door and doesn't even knock. I feel uneasy, Jack always makes me feel uneasy and now she's just waltzing in there, I think I need to explain the rules of Jack sometime to her. Jack looks up from a pile of papers on his desk, irritation in his eyes. "Can I help you Miss Adurea?"
She walks right in and just sits down in one of the office chairs. "I know Sark." She speaks the words with utter disgust in her voice.
Jack doesn't look shocked, "And how do you know Mr. Sark?"
"I met him about two years ago. It was just once. He was posing as a friend of Cassie's. It was her 29th birthday, and he showed up at the party. That was the only time I've ever met him." He voice is flat, devoid of any emotion.
Jack studies her for a moment, and then asks "He knew you were coming. He seems to know you better than that."
Zanna nods and takes a few moments deciding what to say. "I know he knew I was coming. He said he asked Sloane that I be the one to retrieve him." She's holding back information, she's not telling him the full extent of that night; Jack knows it too.
"But why did Sark specifically choose you?" Jack looks at my face and seems already to know the answer. Zanna drops her head; she doesn't want to tell him. She doesn't want to verbally admit that she slept with the enemy. Her body language screams the truth though, and Jack moves on. "Sydney will be arriving back tonight; I need to talk with her about every detail that went down in Virginia. Go back to the safe house and get a good-nights rest, tomorrow morning we will start to work out a mission plan on the exchange of Sark for Vaughn." I'm shocked; Jack isn't always this compassionate, especially when it concerns giving information up for the enemy. Yet, Sydney's emotions are involved in this one, one of Jack's two weaknesses.
Zanna's amazed by the situation too, "You are going to release Sark?" Jack nods. She doesn't understand; bewilderment and irritation fill her voice. "There are still so many questions here, and you are giving up our one answer! This has been plotted for months, maybe a year, and you're"
Jack interrupts her, he uses his calm and steely voice "I'm fully aware of the situation Miss Adurea. I'm aware of what we have and what they have. Now if you would please go to the safe house, I need to talk to Sydney." Jack stares blankly at her, daring her to defy him again.
She gets up, "I'll be here seven o'clock; sharp." She turns to me, eyes pleading to take her away right now. I open the door and let her exit first and then follow her.
I open her door and she clumsily climbs into the car. I suppress my smile; I know she completely exhausted, but even when she's a mess there is a grace to her that I can't help but be attracted to. No! I can't think these thoughts. She needs me as a friend right now, nothing more. Look where it's gotten Vaughn. Look where it's gotten Sydney. I climb into the passenger side and start the car.
"Eric?" she purrs the word quietly.
"Hum…" I respond still trying to contain my emotions and reason with them.
"You haven't asked me what all went on with Sark."
I'm caught off-guard. "I know. I just didn't think it was my place." In reality I was trying not to think about it. She shared intimacy with a man that I have come to despise, a man that I know as pure evil. I don't want to know her relationship with him; I fear it will taint my perception of her.
Silence engulfs the car. She just sits there, and I just drive ahead. "It was nothing. I was drunk and he was charming. I was conflicted and I needed something that night and I just happened to find it in him. Yet, it wasn't Sark who I found comfort in, it was another lie; a lie by the name of Joshua. One of many that are haunting me at this moment; one that cost me everything." The words just continue to pour from her lips as steady as the tears from her eyes. She needs to talk, she needs to get it all our. So I sit and listen. "Eric, what am I meant to believe, I think I've lost all faith in everything. I don't care that they are giving the bad guy away. I'm just being selfish because they are giving away the one man who has the answers that can heal me." Her voice cracks and she stops talking, she's trying to pull herself back together.
I pull over the car, and turn towards her, "Do you really believe that. Have you really lost faith in everything? That's a pretty bold statement." She drops her head, so I stop talking I don't want to be the one scolding her, that's not what I want.
She exhales and then turns towards me, "How would you feel after this? After being used as a pawn for years, by two people that you had a connection with; after losing the one person that was the reality in your life. How would you feel?"
"I don't know." I'm silent now too, then the words suddenly come to me. "There was truth in your life, there's truth in your life now. It may have destroyed some of your memories, but don't let it destroy you. We live in a dark world, and to let it taint you will let the enemy ultimately win. You are a good person; in the café I saw it in you." I'm confessing more than I want to, but the look of appreciation in her eyes keeps me going. "In the simple conversation we had; in your eyes; in the simple kiss on the cheek; in everything that you are." I'm interrupted by her sudden movement and her lips touching mine. I'm shocked, and confused, is this going to be like the one night she spent with Sark, and them am I going to wake up tangled in the sheets alone again?
I'm thinking too much again, and she notices, she pulls back, "I'm sorry… I just…" she's flustered for words. "I thought you thought… I…" I rescue her by forcing my lips to hers more firmly, and pulling her closer. Trying to communicate the attraction I've had for her since the beginning.
We sit there like two high school kids, exchanging passionate kisses at the drive-through. Her kisses are wonderful, I feel like I need her now more than she may need me. Finally we both pull back, and stare up into each other's eyes, there is no regret in either of our eyes, but we both know this can not be. Not now, not like this. We both give awkward smiles and I start the car again.
"Eric?"
"Hum?"
"This is not like with Joshua; well this is not like with Sark...it's just not right at this moment. It would be selfish."
I'm astonished, and almost embarrassed that she read my emotions so well. "I didn't think you were using me… I mean I know this isn't the right… I just…"
She reaches over and grabs my hand and kisses the palm, then closes my hand around the kiss and returns it to me. We don't need words anymore, we both just understand. Right now there is something more important going on in the world, something that is bigger than our attraction to each other; we are just going to have to wait.
She's been dead silent the whole way back to my office. I don't know what to say or do, so I just stand beside her, silent, just there for her. We come back to the office floor, and I walk towards my office but she passes right by it and heads for Jack's office. I take a quick step back and turn around to follow her to his office. In three quick steps I'm back to walking beside her.
She opens Jack's door and doesn't even knock. I feel uneasy, Jack always makes me feel uneasy and now she's just waltzing in there, I think I need to explain the rules of Jack sometime to her. Jack looks up from a pile of papers on his desk, irritation in his eyes. "Can I help you Miss Adurea?"
She walks right in and just sits down in one of the office chairs. "I know Sark." She speaks the words with utter disgust in her voice.
Jack doesn't look shocked, "And how do you know Mr. Sark?"
"I met him about two years ago. It was just once. He was posing as a friend of Cassie's. It was her 29th birthday, and he showed up at the party. That was the only time I've ever met him." He voice is flat, devoid of any emotion.
Jack studies her for a moment, and then asks "He knew you were coming. He seems to know you better than that."
Zanna nods and takes a few moments deciding what to say. "I know he knew I was coming. He said he asked Sloane that I be the one to retrieve him." She's holding back information, she's not telling him the full extent of that night; Jack knows it too.
"But why did Sark specifically choose you?" Jack looks at my face and seems already to know the answer. Zanna drops her head; she doesn't want to tell him. She doesn't want to verbally admit that she slept with the enemy. Her body language screams the truth though, and Jack moves on. "Sydney will be arriving back tonight; I need to talk with her about every detail that went down in Virginia. Go back to the safe house and get a good-nights rest, tomorrow morning we will start to work out a mission plan on the exchange of Sark for Vaughn." I'm shocked; Jack isn't always this compassionate, especially when it concerns giving information up for the enemy. Yet, Sydney's emotions are involved in this one, one of Jack's two weaknesses.
Zanna's amazed by the situation too, "You are going to release Sark?" Jack nods. She doesn't understand; bewilderment and irritation fill her voice. "There are still so many questions here, and you are giving up our one answer! This has been plotted for months, maybe a year, and you're"
Jack interrupts her, he uses his calm and steely voice "I'm fully aware of the situation Miss Adurea. I'm aware of what we have and what they have. Now if you would please go to the safe house, I need to talk to Sydney." Jack stares blankly at her, daring her to defy him again.
She gets up, "I'll be here seven o'clock; sharp." She turns to me, eyes pleading to take her away right now. I open the door and let her exit first and then follow her.
I open her door and she clumsily climbs into the car. I suppress my smile; I know she completely exhausted, but even when she's a mess there is a grace to her that I can't help but be attracted to. No! I can't think these thoughts. She needs me as a friend right now, nothing more. Look where it's gotten Vaughn. Look where it's gotten Sydney. I climb into the passenger side and start the car.
"Eric?" she purrs the word quietly.
"Hum…" I respond still trying to contain my emotions and reason with them.
"You haven't asked me what all went on with Sark."
I'm caught off-guard. "I know. I just didn't think it was my place." In reality I was trying not to think about it. She shared intimacy with a man that I have come to despise, a man that I know as pure evil. I don't want to know her relationship with him; I fear it will taint my perception of her.
Silence engulfs the car. She just sits there, and I just drive ahead. "It was nothing. I was drunk and he was charming. I was conflicted and I needed something that night and I just happened to find it in him. Yet, it wasn't Sark who I found comfort in, it was another lie; a lie by the name of Joshua. One of many that are haunting me at this moment; one that cost me everything." The words just continue to pour from her lips as steady as the tears from her eyes. She needs to talk, she needs to get it all our. So I sit and listen. "Eric, what am I meant to believe, I think I've lost all faith in everything. I don't care that they are giving the bad guy away. I'm just being selfish because they are giving away the one man who has the answers that can heal me." Her voice cracks and she stops talking, she's trying to pull herself back together.
I pull over the car, and turn towards her, "Do you really believe that. Have you really lost faith in everything? That's a pretty bold statement." She drops her head, so I stop talking I don't want to be the one scolding her, that's not what I want.
She exhales and then turns towards me, "How would you feel after this? After being used as a pawn for years, by two people that you had a connection with; after losing the one person that was the reality in your life. How would you feel?"
"I don't know." I'm silent now too, then the words suddenly come to me. "There was truth in your life, there's truth in your life now. It may have destroyed some of your memories, but don't let it destroy you. We live in a dark world, and to let it taint you will let the enemy ultimately win. You are a good person; in the café I saw it in you." I'm confessing more than I want to, but the look of appreciation in her eyes keeps me going. "In the simple conversation we had; in your eyes; in the simple kiss on the cheek; in everything that you are." I'm interrupted by her sudden movement and her lips touching mine. I'm shocked, and confused, is this going to be like the one night she spent with Sark, and them am I going to wake up tangled in the sheets alone again?
I'm thinking too much again, and she notices, she pulls back, "I'm sorry… I just…" she's flustered for words. "I thought you thought… I…" I rescue her by forcing my lips to hers more firmly, and pulling her closer. Trying to communicate the attraction I've had for her since the beginning.
We sit there like two high school kids, exchanging passionate kisses at the drive-through. Her kisses are wonderful, I feel like I need her now more than she may need me. Finally we both pull back, and stare up into each other's eyes, there is no regret in either of our eyes, but we both know this can not be. Not now, not like this. We both give awkward smiles and I start the car again.
"Eric?"
"Hum?"
"This is not like with Joshua; well this is not like with Sark...it's just not right at this moment. It would be selfish."
I'm astonished, and almost embarrassed that she read my emotions so well. "I didn't think you were using me… I mean I know this isn't the right… I just…"
She reaches over and grabs my hand and kisses the palm, then closes my hand around the kiss and returns it to me. We don't need words anymore, we both just understand. Right now there is something more important going on in the world, something that is bigger than our attraction to each other; we are just going to have to wait.