:I am so flattered to get this many reviews, I don't honestly believe that I'm a good writer, but maybe that's the modesty coming out of me again. I got called beautiful by a guy friend a while ago and I laughed, saying 'no I'm not!' So there you go. I love how you are all totally clueless how I'm going to end this, especially since I know exactly how to end this. Oh yes.

I've come up with a definition of the 'chandler-torturer' – when someone will put the man through every emotion possible so you can fall in love with him even more. There you go.

Second Chance

Chapter Eleven – The Stages

October 5th

"Ok, so, this plan has got to go through four stages I'm afraid," Bob said, flipping through his files.

"Four?" Ernie asked, aghast at this information, "then why have you left 'Operation Get The Group Happy' until the last week of the deadline to do this?"

"I've been watching Chandler cope without Cynthia," Bob explained, smiling grimly, "it hasn't been pretty. He's stuck in permanent 'phase 1'."

"Uh-oh…sweatpants?"

"The barker lounger has his own ass-print now."

"How's Cynthia coping?"

"She's in denial. She's pretending to her relatives and friends that everything is ok, but of course we know it's not."

"Ohhh…denial," Ernie nodded wisely, "that means the calm before the storm."

"Exactly, if we don't act soon, she's going to crack." Bob stopped flipping through files and grinned, "Here it is." He pulled out a tiny cassette tape.

"What's that?"

"This is part of 'stage 4'," Bob said proudly, "If all else fails…this will be a success."

"What is it?" Ernie whispered.

"A slip of the tongue… it contains an impetuous wish." Bob said mysteriously.
****

"Here it is," Monica said, leading Joey and Phoebe into a large marble walled room with wooden chairs and a long altar running down the centre of it. At the front, there was fake scenery of the New York skyline behind a glass screen.

"Wow Monica, this is where you're getting married?" Phoebe breathed, "It is so beautiful!"

"Hell, I'd marry Pete for this," Joey said, impressed.

"Yeah, anyway, feel free to look around, I'm just going to have a chat with the minister about the last part of arrangements." Monica told them, walking out of the room.

Phoebe walked to the front, and stood on the little stage. She started to give out little sobs and fanned her face.

"Phoebe!" Joey exclaimed, rushing over, "Are you ok? Why are you crying?"

"Oh, I'm not really crying!" Phoebe said, immediately stopping the tears and grinning, "I'm just practicing my Emmy Award speech."

"Your…" Joey stopped and rolled his eyes. "Never mind..."

A cool breeze suddenly swept through the room, causing the entrance doors at the back to swing shut.

"That was weird," Phoebe said, frowning. "there wasn't a breeze outside."

"Maybe we should get out of here," Joey suggested nervously, "this place is giving me the creeps."

Phoebe walked off the stage and followed Joey to the doors. He pushed them, and nothing budged.

"Trying pulling the handles," Phoebe told him.

Joey took her advice and tugged on the handles. The doors didn't open. He turned to Phoebe, wide eyed. "Oh my god! We're trapped!" he wailed.

"Well try again!" Phoebe snapped, also wide eyed, "we can't get stuck in here!"

Joey threw his whole body against the double doors and crashed backwards onto the floor. He groaned as he got up, rubbing his arm.

Phoebe hammered her fist on the door. "Monica!" she yelled, "let us out! We're trapped!"

Joey punched the door, "come on Mon, we know you're out there!" he shouted, "Nice joke, come on let us out now!"

"Monica!" Phoebe screamed, "If you don't come over here right now, I'll curse you to a horrible death!"

"Great sucking up Pheebs," Joey said sarcastically.

"Oh you don't want to make me angry Joey," Phoebe told him, shaking her finger at him.

"I actually like the idea of 'angry phoebe'," Joey said, grinning flirtatiously, "its…foxy."

"Um…thanks!" Phoebe said, blushing.

****

"Well, that's 'Stage 1' complete," Bob said, satisfied.

"Yeah, they'll be up to all kinds in no time," Ernie added, chuckling.

"Those two have been messing about for months," Bob said, shaking his head, "somebody had to do something."

"Where is Monica anyway?" Ernie asked.

"Outside getting some air," Bob answered; "A fine opportunity to get 'Stage 2' into action."

****

"Hello Monica," a familiar voice said behind her, making her look round in fright. She had just been about to go back inside to find Phoebe and Joey.

"Richard," she whispered, eyes widening in disbelief.

"Yes I was just walking past and I suddenly had this weird…urge to stop here," Richard said, scratching his head.

"Well I'm glad you did," Monica said softly.

"It was like it was fated," Richard added, grinning.

"Um…would you like to get some coffee?" Monica asked shyly.

"I would love to."

"Oh wait, I just need to tell Phoebe and Joey," Monica realised, "They're inside, hang on a second." She rushed inside and walked to the double doors that lead to the wedding area. She gave them a hard push and they swung open.

"Oh my god!" she shrieked, immediately averting her eyes.

Phoebe and Joey looked up from their position on the floor, their clothes strewn all over the place.

"Um…hi," Phoebe greeted, blushing.

Monica stepped backwards and shut the doors. She shook her head in disbelief and walked outside. "Phoebe and Joey are…busy," she told Richard faintly.

"Oh…ok," Richard said, chuckling, "do you want to get that coffee then?"

"Yes please!"

****

"'Stage 2' complete!" Ernie and Bob chanted together, giving each other a high five.

"I have a feeling that wedding will be cancelled in no time," Bob said, smiling. "Oh I love the power I have," he added dreamily.

****

October 6th

"Come on dude, you can't spend the last six days of your life stuck to this chair," Joey whined, staring at Chandler worriedly.

Chandler shrugged and continued to watch the television. He didn't care anymore. The mere mention of the word 'life' made his heart ache. He didn't have one anymore. If he had a choice, he would go to heaven right now and to hell with it all…but Bob had insisted on him staying on Earth for the rest of the deadline, even if it meant being stuck in permanent 'phase 1'.

"Chandler, you haven't stepped out of the house in days! You've don't eat, shower or say anything!" Joey continued, "Ross walked in yesterday with a story about a bone they found in Asia…and not one joke!"

"I don't feel like telling jokes," Chandler said sadly.

"Ok…um…Phoebe and I had sex in Monica's ceremony room yesterday afternoon!" Joey burst out, "fire away!"

"I always knew you two would end up doing it in bizarre circumstances," Chandler told him, shrugging.

"That's not a joke," Joey groaned.

"Look Joe," Chandler said tiredly, "I don't want to tell jokes, I don't want to eat and I don't want to hear about your sexual conquests. All I want is Cynthia and I can't have her, so just leave me alone, ok?"

"Ok, wallow in this self pity!" Joey shouted, "Ignore the people around you who care about you! Forget that the friend who you were in love with at one point is getting married in six days and wants you to be there not knowing that you can't! Forget the fact that your roommate is miserable that he's losing the best friend he's ever had!"

Chandler looked up at him, shocked at this outburst. Joey had never talked like that before. "I…I'm sorry," he mumbled, standing up. He gave him an awkward hug. "I never thought about the weight I had left on your shoulders when I told you my secret."

"Yeah, well, it's not exactly the greatest thing to be told," Joey replied, stepping back to wipe the tears away from his eyes.

"So…what should I do?" Chandler asked helplessly.

"Have a shower, change those clothes and come down to the coffee house with me," Joey ordered, smiling, "you can't die without going to the greatest hangout in America."

"I…I don't think I can," Chandler said, looking down, "Cynthia…"

"Go see Cynthia too!" Joey exclaimed, "Make it up with her! Leave on good terms. Do you really want to leave this hellish place not on speaking terms with the woman you love?"

"I guess you're right," Chandler admitted, smiling slightly.

****

"Chandler, what are you doing here?" Cynthia whispered, opening the door. She let him walk inside and shut the door, facing him.

"I…I just wanted to say that…um…" Chandler met her eyes and in a flash they flung their arms around each other and began to kiss passionately. They moved through the hall, lips never parting. They turned and crashed against the side walls, not making the bedroom to do the lovemaking they had been yearning for in days.

"I've missed you Chandler," Cynthia whispered, gripping his shoulders.

"I know, I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Chandler said tearfully, pressing himself against her.

Hours later, they lay together on the living room couch, kissing softly and lovingly. They had been intimate with each in ways never thought possible, their love for one another brought out in incomparable closeness. In the end, Chandler sat up and looked down at her sadly. "I have to go now," he whispered.

Cynthia gripped his hand, "don't," she begged. Chandler sighed and looked at her, immediately pouncing on her to kiss her again. They ran their hands in each other's hair, stroking and touching gently.

"Cynthia, if I don't go now, I never will…and I don't want to be here with you when the time comes," Chandler said desperately, pulling away.

"What do you mean, 'when the time comes?" Cynthia asked, confused, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Chandler bent down and kissed her tenderly, "goodbye my Cynthia," he told her, lifting his head and standing up. "I love you." He walked out of the villa, not looking back, and his heart breaking.

****

"Six more days Chandler," Bob whispered, "six more days." He sighed, "I wish I could tell him our plan."

"You know you can't," Ernie said, "we're in enough trouble as it is."

"But he's suffering and he doesn't need to be!" Bob said, frustrated, "I hate seeing him like this."

"Patience will be rewarded," Ernie said simply.

"Yes, I know, I know," Bob said, sighing heavily, "How are Monica and Richard getting on?"

"They are desperately trying to keep their conversation off the old feelings they have for each other."

"Why don't they just get on with it?" Bob exclaimed impatiently.

"Because they're not hussies like you?" Ernie quipped before getting a glare from Bob.

"I am not a hussy!" he retorted, "May I remind you that I'm actually only 3 years older than Chandler? I'm human!"

****

October 9th

"So, three days left," Chandler muttered, pouring cereal into a bowl.

"Yeah," Joey said quietly, "have you told the others yet?"

Chandler stared at him incredulously. "Yeah, like they're going to believe me," he replied, rolling his eyes, "Ross believes in all that evolution stuff, so he's just gonna laugh in my face. Rachel will roll her eyes as if to say 'yes, chandler you will die…but not yet'."

"Phoebe would believe you!" Joey protested, "she believes everything about the afterlife!"

"No, she wouldn't," Chandler shook his head and leaned his hands against the counter, "she would think I was making fun of her, being sarcastic about her beliefs. It's what I usually do. Remember the 'karma crap' line?"

"Ho ho yeah, that was a classic," Joey said, chuckling, "then she came right back at you with her predictions about you being a dung beetle."

"I'm so glad this whole situation amuses you," Chandler deadpanned.

"Come on Chandler, don't be like that! You've got to tell them something…what's Monica going to think when you don't turn up at her wedding?"

"Tell her I was overwhelmingly jealous and moved away, tell her I got run over by a car…tell her I've got the Ebola virus. Just…don't…tell…her…the…truth."

"Ok…then…I…won't," Joey mimicked, rolling his eyes. "What did you tell Cynthia?"

Chandler swallowed hard and looked down.

"You still didn't tell her, did you?" Joey sighed, "You just left her without answering her questions again, am I right?"

"I should never have gone round there!" Chandler burst out, "We took one look at each other and before I could barely get one sentence out we were all over each other! Then the time just kind of flew by…"

"Well done for ending things on 'good terms'," Joey applauded sarcastically.

"Ok, I don't need this right now," Chandler poured the last of the milk into his cereal and slammed it down. "Why are we always out of milk?!" He walked over to the apartment door, opened it and walked across the hall. He opened the door of No.20 and walked in, doing a little jump back when he saw the scene before him. Richard Burke carrying a pair of pants and wearing nothing but a half-buttoned shirt? Richard Burke sneaking out of Monica's room? Richard Burke sneaking out of the soon-to-be married Monica's room?

"Um…hi," Richard mumbled, stopping dead, "I think we've met."

Chandler saw Monica walk out of the bedroom with her hands over her face.

"Hello Richard!" Chandler exclaimed, staring at Monica with a mocking smile. "Great to see you again, though I have to say…it's a surprise to see you again."

"Richard was just going now!" Monica piped in, shoving Richard to the door.

"Rachel!" Chandler yelled, ignoring the evil looks coming from Monica's direction, "look who's here!"

Rachel's bedroom door opened and her sleepy head poked out, "Chandler, I had a bad day at the office yesterday I…hello!" she stared at Richard in shock.

"Hello Rachel," Richard greeted, smiling uncomfortably.

"Well this has perked up my morning no end!" Chandler added, grinning at Monica who had gone a deep red. "Of course, nothing like the time when you caught me with Janice, huh Monica? Of course, it's nothing like that; I mean I wasn't getting married."

He sauntered out of the apartment and shut the door. He leaned against the walls of the hallway in disbelief. Monica with Richard now? Where did he pop up from? It was even more bizarre than the day Pete came back…wait a minute.

"Bob, just what you are up to?" he wondered aloud.

****

"I think we're rumbled," Bob commented.

"Looks like it," Ernie agreed, "but at least stage 2 is beginning to work, she just needs to call off the wedding now."

"He doesn't know about our part with Phoebe and Joey's union though," Bob pointed out, "And his little surprise on October 12th…Stage 3."

"Don't forget Stage 4…the little backup plan." Ernie reminded him.

"If Stage 3 works, we won't need that."

"Aww that could be the best stage in the entire plan!" Ernie protested, "I just love a little bit of blackmail!"

"Do you want to hear the tape again?" Bob asked, laughing.

"I still can't believe he said it out loud!"

End of Chapter Eleven

One more chapter I think!

:trivia question: who kissed Doris Roberts at the Emmy's?

answer: a man going by the name of Matthew Perry

Need I say more?