Authors note: Please review. This is my first humor story.
Draco Malfoy was never one for words. That is, unless he was ridiculing The-Boy-Who-Won't-Die, The King of all Keepers, and Mud Blood Granger. Oh, that infamous smirk would creep across his face as the slinky shine of an eclipse would flutter for a few moments before utter darkness. Other than that, Draco was never really much of a talker. He would sneer and nod, seductively wink and deny, but when asked a question, never would he answer right away.
Crabbe and Goyle weren't exactly people who would ask questions anyhow. Draco swore they spoke in grunts, or that mouth-full-o'-food speech that only those two seemed to understand.
Malfoys were completely and utterly independent and enjoyed their quiet time. He had gotten his own private room, since he was a prefect…but that wasn't enough. House elves seemed to love to appear in his room at the most annoying times. Say, when he was doing his business underneath the covers. One time, Draco had found a mint on his pillow and found it to be one of the Weasel Twin's newest inventions. Apple flavored Antacid Extraordinares.. Draco had found it best to look for a bath room every 5 minutes.
It had happened during potions.
Growl..Growl..
Draco looked up from his bubbling cauldron, which had a squeamish green like substance with a murky brown tint to it. Granger's looked the same so he guessed he was doing okay for now.
'Leave the potion to simmer for exactly 10 minutes and 34.5453258 seconds.' the board read.
Draco sat down, trying to ignore the growling sound coming from somewhere near in the classroom. His buttocks rested casually on the chair, when he felt a sharp pang in his stomach.
"Ah!" he cried out, clutching onto his stomach.
"Is there anything wrong, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said, crossing his arms in a sweep of black. "Pray tell, is there any business to be taken care of?"
A few people snickered, and a red headed little git laughed out loud. Crabbe and Goyle guffawed too, clearly indicating that they had no idea what was going on.
Snape stared daggers at Ron Weasley, until he shut up and buried his ugly face into the potion, undoubtedly trying to stifle his laughter. OR trying to get high off a certain healing potion made of harmless herbs.
"Professor," Draco said weakly, trying to get very little attention from the others. "Can I please be excused to the restroom?"
"Certainly," Snape said with a slight smirk, "You have 8 minutes and 14.63423 seconds."
Draco nodded and then headed out the door calmly. A few people turned around to see if he really needed to go to the bathroom that urgently, but Draco didn't appear it. He was calm, and sending a few smirks here and there in a pattern. Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer. Smirk. Sneer.
Draco walked out of the potions class, and once the door closed behind him, he grabbed a hold of his bottom and ran as fast as he could to the boys lavatory. Luckily, it was nearby and he sat down on the toilet seat, moaning in pain. That mint was an antacid. HE WOULD GET REVENGE. A MALFOY NE'ER LEAVES WITHOUT A MARK..MWAHA-
"Malfoy?"
Draco looked up from the post stare he was giving his shoes, imaging each of them to be the face of Fred or George Weasley, as he stamped them again and again. He didn't know anyone else was in the bathroom and immediately blushed.
"Who's there?" Draco spat, evidently trying to hide his humiliation.
"It's..Harry." Came the voice, "What are you doing in there? Why are you moaning..you're not ma--"
'Potter?' Draco thought, and then realized that Harry was never in the potions class to begin with.
He cursed under his breath. What to say, what to do.
"What do you think I'm doing?" Draco said after about 5 minutes, flushing the toilet and opening the door. "I'm going to the bathroom."
Harry smirked, "Draco Malfoy. Not only an amazing bouncing ferret, but one with indigestion."
"Oh shut it," Draco said snidely. "For your information, Those weasel twins gave me an antacid."
Draco fumbled with his trousers, trying to zip the clasp up, but it was practically jammed into the beige fabric of his pants.
"What are you doing?" Harry said again, watching him intently.
"You're one for obvious point outs," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "My zipper won't zip."
"Oh," Harry said.
Draco yelled out in frustration and kicked the stall door. It swung back and hit him square in the forehead.
"Ow," Draco said. Like I said before, he isn't much for words. "What're you doing in here anyway?"
"I was..um. Sitting in the stall. Reading, yes. Reading. When I heard you come in."
"Reading?" Draco asked suspiciously, "What were you reading?"
Harry blushed as he reached into the pocket of his robes and clashed his hand around a copy of PlayWitch.
"The-Boy-Who-Lived has some sexual fantasies, maybe?"
Harry flushed a deep crimson, and then rolled his eyes, trying to make himself look cool and suave.
"Here, let me help you with your zipper."
"NO. DON'T TOUCH ME DOWN THERE, POTTER."
But it was too late, Harry got on his knees and was fumbling around with his zipper.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Draco yelled out.
"Draco," said a voice from in front of the boys lavatory. It was Crabbe.
"Draco, Um.. Professor Snape says that it's been over and 14.6--"
The door swung open and there stood Crabbe, wide eyed and staring at the two. Harry Potter was on his knees, putting his hand on top of Dracos pants. Draco was screaming bloody murder.
"C-Crabbe?" Harry said. "This isn't what it seems.."
"Pray tell, Mr. Crabbe," Said a drawling voice, "Must you scream in the hallways--POTTER?!"
"Professor Snape, Neville's potion is burning everyone's bloody skin off--HARRY?!"
"Hermione, wait up. You need to fix my cauldron, half of it's melted off--MALFOY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Professor Snape, my potion killed everyone in class--Hey Harry..Hi Malfoy."
"Duh..My skin hurts..yeah. HI DRACO, WANT ME TO BEAT UP POTTY?"
"Professor Snape, I assure you. Your potions students need not be running amuck in the hallways--POTTER. GET UP THIS INSTANT."
"Where's my Drakey..Drakey..Where are you? You promised me next time you'd..DRAKEY?!"
And pretty soon, about 15 people were gathered in a large mass in front of the boys lavatory. Harry stood still, and Draco froze. Everyone was staring at the two. Why does everything occur in the wrong place, in the wrong time, and with the wrong people, ALL THE TIME?! Draco screamed inside his head. The people gathered along at the door way were also frozen like wax figures. Partially from shock, upon revealing the two most unlikely students together. And partially because many of the students were numb from the pain from Neville's potion. In unison, the mob of people screamed out. The lavatory was a mass of words.
"HOW DARE YOU--MAYBE YOU SHOULD--FILTHY--DISGUSTING REALLY--WHY NOT MEEEEEE--WHAT ARE YOU DOING--And a prefect too--IS THIS A JOKE--WHY NOT MEEE--If I remember correctly, you said you were going to the lavatory, Mr. Malfoy--"
Authors note: Next chapter soon.