Chapter Three- Lets Have a Strip Down!
ITS TIME FOR STRIP POKER, WITH THE.
Random Harry Potter Characters that say Random Shit!
Disclaimer: You know the characters, and you know very well that they belong to JK Rowling.
A/N: Harry may have been eliminated last chapter, but the rest are Back! And ready for more randomness and yes.A Game of STRIP POKER!!!!!!!! And this is your Host Jasmie, also known as ADMIRAL J !!!!
Here's the Rowdy Gang of Strippers! :::Enter the Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit::: Draco Malfoy, Hagrid, A Dementor, James Potter, Hermione, Molly Weasley, Severus Snape, Lavender Brown, McGonagall, Remus Lupin, Voldie, Gilderoy Lockhart, Sirius Black, Dumbly.
The cards have been dealt.so lets play!
~*~*~*~*~ It was a quiet night, but of course none of the characters would know this, Having been couped up with me Admrial J for the past two chapters. And now it came down to a game of strip poker in the Hufflepuff Dorms. However, Admiral J decided to switch this peaceful story time format with an easier to read method. No its not a chat one (b/c that's banned) Just characters saying stuff. =)
Lockhart: [Looks at his hand of cards---HOLY MOTHER FUCKERS! A ROYAL FLUSH!] Eh this hand sucks.give me 4 cards. [Takes out pocket mirror] Im one hott mamma!!!!
Admiral J: Riiighhht. Everyone ready, got your cards.
[All Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit put down their cards, to reveal the hand they ended up with. Hermione one with four queens, and Lockhart lost with a pair of twos]
Admiral J: You know what this means, don't you, Lockhart?
Lockhart: [Smiles widely] Yes.I love my self. I mean yes.I do.
Percy Weasley: [waves] I erm.I heard Lockhart was to be strutting his stuff so I came by to .watch.
Molly Weasley:
Voldie: That's not shagadellic Perce', crikey.
Sirius: Okay this shit aint random enough. DAMNIT IM A LONE COWBOY SEARCHING FOR THE ANSWERS TO A JIGSAW PUZZLE THAT MY GRAMS GAVE ME ON MY 7TH BIRTHDAY!
~*~*~ Lockharts Strip~*~*~
A/N: The dementor volenteered to be the DJ since it couldn't strip on account of it had no flesh what so ever.
[Dementor puts a CD in the Muggle Stereo, which he stole from Brad Pitt, and Nsyncs song POP came on.Then the author threw up. (okay don't flame me for that, I meant no offense)]
Lockhart started dancing rather foolishly.
Lockhart: CYANIDE!! WAHOOO BY CRIKEY!! IT'S CYANIDE POISONING!!! [Breaks into a mad fit of giggles and removes a silky red bra that he was wearing]
Dumbly: LOCKHART! BY GOD THAT'S DISQUSTING!
Lockhart: Shall we shag now? Or shag later?
Voldie: Oh no you don't you imposter!!! I am the only one allowed to Imitate Austin Powers here!
Admiral J: He's right. Sorry Lockhart ((((AVADA KEDAVERA!!!))))
[Lockhart falls to the floor in a silky red bra]
Percy: Why did you guys to that.[Cries].I'm off to the gay bar!
Sirius: Admiral.This is getting boring, nobodys done a dare yet, why not just pick people out of a hat (or something like that) to strip, then give them a dare?
Admiral J: That's a terribly sick, perverted thing for you to say, Black.But I probably would have sugguested it too [Shrugs]
Sirius: [Shrugs]
Admiral J:.Okay.Hermione!!! dare somebody that you'd like to see strip! Oh, and all you people cannnot pick the Author, because she said so!
A Priest: I interrupt this game in the sake of Christ our Saviour, and have come to preach you his word!!!
Lavender: ooooooh aaaaaaah..a priest. [Spits on the man]
A Priest: The Bible has been the word, the light and the truth to people like myself, who have meandered the paths before him in search of the Promise of God. You are known and loved by the Trinity, and God himself has handpicked you from his garden!
(A/N: im a catholic and very religious myself, this was not meant to be offensive, nor any of this on the matter, I am sorry if you find it to be so)
McGonagall: Would you like to play strip poker with us?.Mione, pick the first stripper!
Priest: [Looks delighted]
'Mione: That'd be you, Professor McGonagall.
~*~Minerva's Strip!*~
[Dementor puts on the tune of "Its Getting Hot in Here" By Nelly.]
McGonagall willingly started dancing, and soon as you know it, had stripped straight down to the most embarassing display of men's mickey mouse breifs All the Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit had ever seen!
__________________ ( A/N : That was space to fill in any exotic, passionate, downright perverted thoughts that the author is too lazy to write.
However McGonagall seemed to take no notice that her underware had revolted the whole intire room, and was currently pouring Listerine Mouthwash over the Priests head, which caused him to get furious.
Then I, the Author had to recommend the preist to leave.
A Priest: GOD BLESS YE SOULS!!! [Preist exits scene]
~*~Minerva's Dare~*~
Draco: Okay Admiral.Lets give her a dare!
Admiral J: Put a sock in it Mafloy. There's no way I'm letting you help. Hummmmmmmmmmmm [ponders]
Sevvie: How about she has a snogging session with an umbrella.
Admiral J: **Rolls eyes** DUNG BEETLES!!!!![Smiles Sweetly]
Voldie: That's the dare, you shagadellic rodent?
Admiral J: That made no sense, and no. Minerva. I dare you.To .SNOG FAWKES THE PHEONIX FOR 5 MINUTES.
Dumbly: WHY I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THIS.Fawkes is a pheonix! She can't snog.[Laughs to himself]
Voldie: Oh Yes Ablus, Fawkes can snog. Fawkes can snog very good.
Dumbly: You've made out with my pet???
Voldie: It was.shagadellic.
Admiral J: Summon the pheonix! [Pheonix is summoned] Okay Minerva.Have Fun!
______________ A/N::::: Once again, feel free to use that space to imagine Minerva McGonagall Liplocked to Fawkes the Pheonix.since I've never seen someone making out with a bird, I would not know how to discribe it.so imagine away.
Minverva: Noooo Fawkes.My Love!!! Will I ever see you again? [Fawkes disapears]
~*~ James Potter: God Help me! This is sick! Can we move on to another dare?
Admiral J: Sure Prongsy.You pick the lucky stripper now!
Prongsy aka James: RUBEUS HAGRID!!!
Sirius: PRONGS!!! I'm shocked!
Prongsy: Well.It will be funny. Does this mean im gay?
Admiral J: Shut up, Okay Hagrid.Strut your stuff!
~*~Hagrid's Strip~*~
[Dementor plays the music to Hopelessly Devoted to You, from Grease]
Hagrid starts to Lipsync, and eventually by the time of the songs end, he had managed to strip down to a pair of fuschia boxer shorts that said in bold yellow letters "SEVERUS SNAPE IS HOTT STUFF!!!"
__________. A/N:::Another place to use your imagination, because personally I don't feel like picturing Hagrid stripping..But that's just me.
~*~Hagrids Dare~*~
Remmie: THIS IS SICK YOU DERANGED PERVERT!!!
Admiral J: Yea.actually it is. But hell; I'm bored and need to keep these readers listening while random Harry Potter characters strip and reveal odd undergarments!
Remmie: Ah.Okay well pick the dare then, Addy!
Admiral J: Okay Rubeus Hagrid.I dare you.I double double dare you, to Kill yourself by jumping out this 7 story window onto the Quiddich Pitch Below.
Voldie: HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE THE LION KING ON A SUMMER DAY!
Hagrid: Eh.'ight, 'oldemort. I 'ever back out of a dare I tell yer, so fer the sake of this fanfiction I'll jump out that window.yonder. [Hagrid jumps and as he jumps you hear] "Sevvie pooh!!! I really do fancy you!!.whoa.what the fuck, I'm a poet!" [Crack]
~*~ Admiral J: Lavender Brown, please pick the candidate you'd like to see strip down to only undergarments?
Lavender: Ummmm..The Dark Lord. Yes you shagadellic Voldie you!!!
Voldie: Oh Behave!
~*~ Voldie's Strip~*~
[Dementor turns on the song; Under the Sea, from the Little Mermaid]
Voldie starts doing a dance that looks somewhat like the macarena, and eventually like the others.he has stripped down into only.yes ladies and gentleman.A blue spandex thong that says "L.E.I. GIRLS" at the hem. He kept dancing and dancing, until Dumbledore threw up, which totally spoiled the mood.
Voldie: You stupid git, that was my big scene. Give me the dare, Admiral.
~*~ Voldies Dare ~*~(A/N.this is somewhat disturbing!)
Admiral J: Voldemort, your dare is.to cut off your trouser snake!!!!
Voldie: Trouser snake whats that!? [Looks bewildered]
Prongsy: Johnson.Dick.Wang.Privates..
Admiral J: Okay.Prongsy, we don't need all the synonyms.
Voldie: Well by golly! I'd be delighted to do such a thing!
Admiral J: "ACCIO AX!!!!" [And ax is summoned and is passed down to Mort] ON tHE COUNT OF THREE MORTY BOY!
All Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit: ONE! TWO!!
THREE!!!!
A/N: Here is where you use your imagination again. Ha Have fun picturing this.disturbing sequence.
[Voldie winces in pain then collapses]
Sirius: I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix.Please deliver.
Admiral J: What was that for?
Sirius: I felt left out, I hadn't said anything of importance in ages.
Admiral J: Suck it up, Black.
Sirius: I da pimp.
Admiral J: I have no doubts, Padfoot. [Listens as Dumbly whisphers something in her ear] Really? [Listens] Okay.Okay guys we have our LAST contestant.Mrs.Lavender Brown!
~*~Lavender's Strip.or Not~*~
Lavender: I refuse. I'll Just take the dare.
~*~ Lavenders Dare.or Not~*~
Admiral J: Whatever Wuss. I dare you.to drink mass amounts of Cyanide (deadly poison if you readers didn't know)
Lavender: I refuse!
Albus Dumbledore: Fine then, bitch! "IMPERIO!!!" Lavender.I command you to drink the Cyanide poison.
[Lavender, under the Imperio spell, drinks the cyanide potion and collapses dead.)
Admiral J: Albus! That was a little drastic.
Albus: [Smiles Happily] No.
Admiral J: Okay, no more of this game for you all.Too violent. BUT.If you readers have a special dare or a special request regarding the strip fiasco, do let me know and I'll see if I can fit that in a bonus chapter or something.
Sirius: What are we going to do now?
Admiral J: I told you to suck it up, Black, and stop acting like a 12 year old cheerleader.
Sirius: [Blank stare]
Admiral J: Well that's been all for this chapter, and believe me I think we've had enough adventures.
Sirius: But.it wasn't random enough.
Admiral J: You have a learning problem. Fine you can do the closing part with me, you idiot. You too Molly!
Molly Weasley:
Admrial J: I think next time we'll spice things up, with not only suggestions from readers, but we'll be hosting our very own "HELP I'M STUCK IN A HUFFLEPUFF GIRLS DORMITORY! TALK SHOW" Live from the Hufflepuff Girls Dormitrys!
Sirius: Yea.What she said!! AND I will also bring in a special guest. a cattle.
Admiral J: You will not!
Sirius: Will too. His name is Mackenzie.
[They continue bickering for some time]
Molly Weasley:
Admiral J: Well that's it, for now, and please tune in for the next time we're all stuck here. I'm gonna go give Remus a love potion that'll make him fall for Albus!! Later!!!!! **Salutes**
ITS TIME FOR STRIP POKER, WITH THE.
Random Harry Potter Characters that say Random Shit!
Disclaimer: You know the characters, and you know very well that they belong to JK Rowling.
A/N: Harry may have been eliminated last chapter, but the rest are Back! And ready for more randomness and yes.A Game of STRIP POKER!!!!!!!! And this is your Host Jasmie, also known as ADMIRAL J !!!!
Here's the Rowdy Gang of Strippers! :::Enter the Random Harry Potter Characters that Say Random Shit::: Draco Malfoy, Hagrid, A Dementor, James Potter, Hermione, Molly Weasley, Severus Snape, Lavender Brown, McGonagall, Remus Lupin, Voldie, Gilderoy Lockhart, Sirius Black, Dumbly.
The cards have been dealt.so lets play!
~*~*~*~*~ It was a quiet night, but of course none of the characters would know this, Having been couped up with me Admrial J for the past two chapters. And now it came down to a game of strip poker in the Hufflepuff Dorms. However, Admiral J decided to switch this peaceful story time format with an easier to read method. No its not a chat one (b/c that's banned) Just characters saying stuff. =)
Lockhart: [Looks at his hand of cards---HOLY MOTHER FUCKERS! A ROYAL FLUSH!] Eh this hand sucks.give me 4 cards. [Takes out pocket mirror] Im one hott mamma!!!!
Admiral J: Riiighhht. Everyone ready, got your cards.
[All Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit put down their cards, to reveal the hand they ended up with. Hermione one with four queens, and Lockhart lost with a pair of twos]
Admiral J: You know what this means, don't you, Lockhart?
Lockhart: [Smiles widely] Yes.I love my self. I mean yes.I do.
Percy Weasley: [waves] I erm.I heard Lockhart was to be strutting his stuff so I came by to .watch.
Molly Weasley:
Voldie: That's not shagadellic Perce', crikey.
Sirius: Okay this shit aint random enough. DAMNIT IM A LONE COWBOY SEARCHING FOR THE ANSWERS TO A JIGSAW PUZZLE THAT MY GRAMS GAVE ME ON MY 7TH BIRTHDAY!
~*~*~ Lockharts Strip~*~*~
A/N: The dementor volenteered to be the DJ since it couldn't strip on account of it had no flesh what so ever.
[Dementor puts a CD in the Muggle Stereo, which he stole from Brad Pitt, and Nsyncs song POP came on.Then the author threw up. (okay don't flame me for that, I meant no offense)]
Lockhart started dancing rather foolishly.
Lockhart: CYANIDE!! WAHOOO BY CRIKEY!! IT'S CYANIDE POISONING!!! [Breaks into a mad fit of giggles and removes a silky red bra that he was wearing]
Dumbly: LOCKHART! BY GOD THAT'S DISQUSTING!
Lockhart: Shall we shag now? Or shag later?
Voldie: Oh no you don't you imposter!!! I am the only one allowed to Imitate Austin Powers here!
Admiral J: He's right. Sorry Lockhart ((((AVADA KEDAVERA!!!))))
[Lockhart falls to the floor in a silky red bra]
Percy: Why did you guys to that.[Cries].I'm off to the gay bar!
Sirius: Admiral.This is getting boring, nobodys done a dare yet, why not just pick people out of a hat (or something like that) to strip, then give them a dare?
Admiral J: That's a terribly sick, perverted thing for you to say, Black.But I probably would have sugguested it too [Shrugs]
Sirius: [Shrugs]
Admiral J:.Okay.Hermione!!! dare somebody that you'd like to see strip! Oh, and all you people cannnot pick the Author, because she said so!
A Priest: I interrupt this game in the sake of Christ our Saviour, and have come to preach you his word!!!
Lavender: ooooooh aaaaaaah..a priest. [Spits on the man]
A Priest: The Bible has been the word, the light and the truth to people like myself, who have meandered the paths before him in search of the Promise of God. You are known and loved by the Trinity, and God himself has handpicked you from his garden!
(A/N: im a catholic and very religious myself, this was not meant to be offensive, nor any of this on the matter, I am sorry if you find it to be so)
McGonagall: Would you like to play strip poker with us?.Mione, pick the first stripper!
Priest: [Looks delighted]
'Mione: That'd be you, Professor McGonagall.
~*~Minerva's Strip!*~
[Dementor puts on the tune of "Its Getting Hot in Here" By Nelly.]
McGonagall willingly started dancing, and soon as you know it, had stripped straight down to the most embarassing display of men's mickey mouse breifs All the Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit had ever seen!
__________________ ( A/N : That was space to fill in any exotic, passionate, downright perverted thoughts that the author is too lazy to write.
However McGonagall seemed to take no notice that her underware had revolted the whole intire room, and was currently pouring Listerine Mouthwash over the Priests head, which caused him to get furious.
Then I, the Author had to recommend the preist to leave.
A Priest: GOD BLESS YE SOULS!!! [Preist exits scene]
~*~Minerva's Dare~*~
Draco: Okay Admiral.Lets give her a dare!
Admiral J: Put a sock in it Mafloy. There's no way I'm letting you help. Hummmmmmmmmmmm [ponders]
Sevvie: How about she has a snogging session with an umbrella.
Admiral J: **Rolls eyes** DUNG BEETLES!!!!![Smiles Sweetly]
Voldie: That's the dare, you shagadellic rodent?
Admiral J: That made no sense, and no. Minerva. I dare you.To .SNOG FAWKES THE PHEONIX FOR 5 MINUTES.
Dumbly: WHY I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THIS.Fawkes is a pheonix! She can't snog.[Laughs to himself]
Voldie: Oh Yes Ablus, Fawkes can snog. Fawkes can snog very good.
Dumbly: You've made out with my pet???
Voldie: It was.shagadellic.
Admiral J: Summon the pheonix! [Pheonix is summoned] Okay Minerva.Have Fun!
______________ A/N::::: Once again, feel free to use that space to imagine Minerva McGonagall Liplocked to Fawkes the Pheonix.since I've never seen someone making out with a bird, I would not know how to discribe it.so imagine away.
Minverva: Noooo Fawkes.My Love!!! Will I ever see you again? [Fawkes disapears]
~*~ James Potter: God Help me! This is sick! Can we move on to another dare?
Admiral J: Sure Prongsy.You pick the lucky stripper now!
Prongsy aka James: RUBEUS HAGRID!!!
Sirius: PRONGS!!! I'm shocked!
Prongsy: Well.It will be funny. Does this mean im gay?
Admiral J: Shut up, Okay Hagrid.Strut your stuff!
~*~Hagrid's Strip~*~
[Dementor plays the music to Hopelessly Devoted to You, from Grease]
Hagrid starts to Lipsync, and eventually by the time of the songs end, he had managed to strip down to a pair of fuschia boxer shorts that said in bold yellow letters "SEVERUS SNAPE IS HOTT STUFF!!!"
__________. A/N:::Another place to use your imagination, because personally I don't feel like picturing Hagrid stripping..But that's just me.
~*~Hagrids Dare~*~
Remmie: THIS IS SICK YOU DERANGED PERVERT!!!
Admiral J: Yea.actually it is. But hell; I'm bored and need to keep these readers listening while random Harry Potter characters strip and reveal odd undergarments!
Remmie: Ah.Okay well pick the dare then, Addy!
Admiral J: Okay Rubeus Hagrid.I dare you.I double double dare you, to Kill yourself by jumping out this 7 story window onto the Quiddich Pitch Below.
Voldie: HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE THE LION KING ON A SUMMER DAY!
Hagrid: Eh.'ight, 'oldemort. I 'ever back out of a dare I tell yer, so fer the sake of this fanfiction I'll jump out that window.yonder. [Hagrid jumps and as he jumps you hear] "Sevvie pooh!!! I really do fancy you!!.whoa.what the fuck, I'm a poet!" [Crack]
~*~ Admiral J: Lavender Brown, please pick the candidate you'd like to see strip down to only undergarments?
Lavender: Ummmm..The Dark Lord. Yes you shagadellic Voldie you!!!
Voldie: Oh Behave!
~*~ Voldie's Strip~*~
[Dementor turns on the song; Under the Sea, from the Little Mermaid]
Voldie starts doing a dance that looks somewhat like the macarena, and eventually like the others.he has stripped down into only.yes ladies and gentleman.A blue spandex thong that says "L.E.I. GIRLS" at the hem. He kept dancing and dancing, until Dumbledore threw up, which totally spoiled the mood.
Voldie: You stupid git, that was my big scene. Give me the dare, Admiral.
~*~ Voldies Dare ~*~(A/N.this is somewhat disturbing!)
Admiral J: Voldemort, your dare is.to cut off your trouser snake!!!!
Voldie: Trouser snake whats that!? [Looks bewildered]
Prongsy: Johnson.Dick.Wang.Privates..
Admiral J: Okay.Prongsy, we don't need all the synonyms.
Voldie: Well by golly! I'd be delighted to do such a thing!
Admiral J: "ACCIO AX!!!!" [And ax is summoned and is passed down to Mort] ON tHE COUNT OF THREE MORTY BOY!
All Random Harry Potter Characters That Say Random Shit: ONE! TWO!!
THREE!!!!
A/N: Here is where you use your imagination again. Ha Have fun picturing this.disturbing sequence.
[Voldie winces in pain then collapses]
Sirius: I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix.Please deliver.
Admiral J: What was that for?
Sirius: I felt left out, I hadn't said anything of importance in ages.
Admiral J: Suck it up, Black.
Sirius: I da pimp.
Admiral J: I have no doubts, Padfoot. [Listens as Dumbly whisphers something in her ear] Really? [Listens] Okay.Okay guys we have our LAST contestant.Mrs.Lavender Brown!
~*~Lavender's Strip.or Not~*~
Lavender: I refuse. I'll Just take the dare.
~*~ Lavenders Dare.or Not~*~
Admiral J: Whatever Wuss. I dare you.to drink mass amounts of Cyanide (deadly poison if you readers didn't know)
Lavender: I refuse!
Albus Dumbledore: Fine then, bitch! "IMPERIO!!!" Lavender.I command you to drink the Cyanide poison.
[Lavender, under the Imperio spell, drinks the cyanide potion and collapses dead.)
Admiral J: Albus! That was a little drastic.
Albus: [Smiles Happily] No.
Admiral J: Okay, no more of this game for you all.Too violent. BUT.If you readers have a special dare or a special request regarding the strip fiasco, do let me know and I'll see if I can fit that in a bonus chapter or something.
Sirius: What are we going to do now?
Admiral J: I told you to suck it up, Black, and stop acting like a 12 year old cheerleader.
Sirius: [Blank stare]
Admiral J: Well that's been all for this chapter, and believe me I think we've had enough adventures.
Sirius: But.it wasn't random enough.
Admiral J: You have a learning problem. Fine you can do the closing part with me, you idiot. You too Molly!
Molly Weasley:
Admrial J: I think next time we'll spice things up, with not only suggestions from readers, but we'll be hosting our very own "HELP I'M STUCK IN A HUFFLEPUFF GIRLS DORMITORY! TALK SHOW" Live from the Hufflepuff Girls Dormitrys!
Sirius: Yea.What she said!! AND I will also bring in a special guest. a cattle.
Admiral J: You will not!
Sirius: Will too. His name is Mackenzie.
[They continue bickering for some time]
Molly Weasley:
Admiral J: Well that's it, for now, and please tune in for the next time we're all stuck here. I'm gonna go give Remus a love potion that'll make him fall for Albus!! Later!!!!! **Salutes**