Chapter 5 Wounds
Dinner passed quickly, if somewhat awkwardly. After all, how do you make small talk with someone you've known only a few hours, thought was dead, and have no intention of revealing any information to; not even such niggling little details like, say… names?
The Devil escaped with something very akin to relief, mumbling about retrieving the gear from his camp in the woods. Zechs leaned tiredly against the porch railing and watched the man disappear into the darkness of the trees. He toyed briefly with the idea of following. But the sight of Winter, sliding through the shadows like a ghost himself, brought a small smile to his lips. The wolf would keep a good eye on Silver's past.
Silver. God.
To see her smile again had warmed his heart, even as her words threatened to rip it right from his chest. She couldn't honestly think he'd meekly take her data to Une, could she? He's never left a soldier under his command behind, much less a friend.
He itched to get at the information she'd left behind. But Noin would sit on him if he so much as looked in that direction. And, she would be right, as usual. His eyes felt like sand paper, and the back of his brain ached with a dull buzzing. They all need sleep.
Then he groaned. Sleep. Which meant sleeping arraignments. With that thought, the pounding in his skull increased. Silver's cabin only had two bedrooms, suites actually, that dominated the second floor. While he had absolutely no claim on the woman's suite, especially with Noin at his side, neither could he stomach the thought of allowing the Devil tact permission to paw through Silver's things. The man could claim to be Silver's partner back from the dead, and hell, he'd even taken Winter's word, but that didn't mean he had to like him, or this situation, any. You couldn't blame him for a little territorial feeling, could you?
"Interesting."
Zechs snorted slightly and finally gave into the temptation to rub his eyes. "Anything specific, or just everything in general?"
Noin perched on the railing next to him with her own small snort. "I need to start carrying scorecard. But, I found it very interesting, that even within the supposedly secure message she left, she continues to call you Wind. She couldn't be that wary of her own system that she censored a privileged communication."
"Actually, Silver's never called me anything but Wind." Noin raised an eyebrow that he couldn't see, but could just feel. "She gave me the name. Said she had to call me something other than 'the-idiot-lying-in-the-middle-of-her-living-room' and Wind fit."
"And she never asked your name?"
"She never needed to. She knew both of them, even before I remembered them myself." He took a deep breath, recognizing that his conversation with Silver was one he'd never had with Noin. "We talked about names, she and I. About the power they hold over us and those around us. How they can shape our reality, even without our conscience awareness, and color how we deal with that world and the people who make up that existence. About how Millardo Peacecraft and Zechs Marquise were two different beings." His voice caught in his throat. "About how bouncing between that doomed prince and the dammed warrior nearly killed everything around me." Then fell to a whisper. "And myself."
"And until you tell me otherwise, you're Wind to me." She looked at him steadily, confidently. "Everyone else can go to hell."
He shuddered slightly as the memory washed over him.
"So she called me Wind, said it fit me." He tore his eyes away from the night sky, and turned to his wife. "Who am I to you Noin?"
"You're Zechs." She looked back steadily … and with a hint of sadness? Then she moved close enough to touch his cheek. "You're my husband. My lover. My friend, oh so my friend, for more years than I care to count. "
He leaned into the touch. He never should have deserved a woman like her. Much less two of them … Tell her, a small part of his brain screamed.
"Zechs, who is she? "
He took a deep breath, and met Noin's eyes directly. Frustration and uncertainty were close to overwhelming the underlying love in her eyes. He couldn't blame her. Hell, he would have been foaming at the mouth by now in her position.
"Silver was born Cynthia McFarlane, but when she began her special ops training, they called her Angel. The role became who she was, especially after partnering with our new friend out there. The Angel and the Devil. One half of a damn good team. And, along with the Federation, the only family she had.
"When Devil died, seemingly before her eyes, something died within Angel as well. So, Silver turned, ran and buried herself so far and so deep that no-one would find the Angel again."
He turned to the sky again, tracing familiar constellations with his eyes.
"Zechs," Noin's voice caught between a hitch and a growl. "I didn't ask for her resume just yet."
"She's a friend, Noin. She dragged me out of the death trap I'd turned Epyon into. She let me camp in her living room for three months, until I could handle the stairs. Cajoled me when I got despondent and poked fun at my arrogance and irritability." He drew a small, shallow breath. "She looked at me Noin, truly looked at me, and saw a person, a man – sick, in pain, in need and desperate. Silver knew just how fucked up life could be, knew the head trip Oz put on its soldiers. Hell, she knew it better than I did. And she was the first person to look – and tell me to stand on my own two god-dammed feet."
Noin felt a small jolt run through her and fought to keep the reaction from her face. It was silly really, Zechs merely confirmed everything she'd already thought – the woman was a friend, someone who'd made it under the mask, during a time when her husband was arguably at his most vulnerable. It wasn't surprising that he'd want to keep part of all that separate. But, why did he never have those conversations with me? a part of her brain whispered. Why not talk with me?
"Did you love her Zechs?" Noin was faintly startled to hear the question in her own voice.
"Of course," he replied somewhat absently.
The jolt turned to pure ice in her stomach. For one sickening moment, the world reeled around her. With a faint shudder, she sucked in a lungful of air. Of course.
Zechs continued to stare out into the night, oblivious. "I only lived here, knew her, for little less than a year, but, next to you, she's my best friend."
"Of course." Noin breathed and closed her eyes. His best friend… She drew her hand away from his arm, and took a step back towards the house. Zechs shifted – moving to her? -- but stilled at a flash of white from the woods.
"Our new friend must be returning," he murmured.
Noin shoved all the personal feelings to the side for the moment. "I don't trust him as far as I can throw a Gundam, Zechs."
"Neither do I. Aside from that, what else do you think of him?"
"He's cold, for all that he appears jovial. He truly thought he'd find Silver here, or at least something of hers. He was as surprised as you to see that last message."
"But?"
"But what?"
"There's more. I saw it your eyes when he and I spoke originally." He focused on her face.
Her brows drew together. "Something doesn't ring right with him Zechs. He's like those cadets who entered the academy with the best of intentions and ideals. Then turned around and slaughtered innocents without question because of orders. He reminds me of Alex and Mueller, in a way," she added softly. "He's ruthless Wind, utterly. He won't stop at anything to get what he wants."
Zechs nodded and his attention returned to the surrounding woods.
"You wait for him." She forced her voice to sound normal. "I'll go scout the rest of the house. Familiarity with the terrain and all."
Apparently not normal enough. Zechs half turned this time. "Noin?"
She closed her eyes against the question in his and drew a deep breath. When she opened them, he'd turned fully, concern written large across his face.
"Lu?" he whispered. And stopped at her upraised hand.
"It's okay. Stay here. Given that neither of us trusts him, I really don't want to wait for him to merrily appear behind us. Nor would it be exactly trust inspiring if we're both standing here, like parents waiting for an errant child to return." She managed a wry twist of her lips she hoped he'd take for a grin. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to see something other than the kitchen." With that she turned and fled inside.
With the door firmly shut at her back, she took a deep shuddering breath and fought back tears. God. She must be more exhausted than she thought, to have her emotions rocketing all over the place like this.
"Easy Noin, easy," she murmured. Of course he loves her, the rational side of her brain argued. He lived here for… Ah, whispered the other side, that's the kicker. Don't really know how long – really – do you? Don't how close they were – really – do you?
She ground the heels of her hands into her eyes, then pushed away from the door. Enough, she thought angrily. Now was not the time to get maudlin. Once their new ally and the cabin were assured for the night, then she could kick Zechs' ass, she thought grimly.
Anger was so much more fulfilling than pain.
With determined steps, she mounted the stairs to the second floor. She'd toured the first floor just before and after dinner. Aside from what she'd seen upon first entering the house, not much more remain – just a small bathroom and library off the main room. All the really good toys were downstairs. Or upstairs.
A short central hallway segmented the second floor into roughly two halves. The door on the left opened into a small sitting room, with a bed and bathroom visible. Large windows again dominated the room, sure to allow plenty of light in during the day. All three rooms were tastefully decorated. A brief survey revealed nothing important, or even of a personal nature. Clearly this was the guest side of the house.
Noin retreated to the hallway and paused at the opposite door. It had to be a matching suite – and if the rooms behind her were unoccupied…
It's just a room, she told herself roughly. Then why do I feel like I'm facing a ghost?
She was almost disappointed when the knob turned under her hand.
The general lay-out of the suite followed its partner across the hall – but bigger. The wall had been knocked out, merging the sitting and bedrooms. Screens divided the room, as such, clearly demarking living and sleeping space, without interrupting the flow of the room. A floor-to-ceiling, half-filled bookcase occupied all of one wall, matched by the oversized desk and armchairs by the windows. And the apparently requisite oversized windows. A large fireplace would provide heat to both sections of the room, when lit. And atmosphere, her very treacherous brain whispered.
With a laugh that was half strangled sob, she sank to the edge of one of the armchairs and dropped her head into her hands. Dear God, when did I fall into this melodrama? Hell, neither of them were saints. There'd been others, for both of them, during the course of their lives through the years, before finally taking the plunge into matrimony less than a year ago. She'd starting this journey sane enough – was it really only 48 hours ago, give or take? So, when did she change from considerate mate into a shrew, if only in her own mind?
But, don't you have some right to shrewdom? After all, here's a part of that life he never bothered to tell you about, about a woman he freely admits to loving. Zechs, your Zechs, the man who'd rather chew glass than talk about his feelings.
She jerked off the chair, seized by a wholly uncharacteristic urge to smash something. Just a little something. Just for a moment. Why do I always have to be the calm and logical one? Just once it'd be nice to act on her emotions, like too many of their circle. Wufei sprang wildly to mind.
Then she grimaced. That was never her. And, be honest Noin, she did follow her emotions just as resolutely, if in a slightly more sane manner. She could still see Relena's face when she'd faced down Lady's men after the girl's failed assignation attempt. And Epyon sweeping towards her Taurus, beam-weapon out-stretched.
The thought of defending Relena, and Sanq and everything that followed during the Eve wars, brought a back small measure of focus. Following her emotions had never been a problem.
She just had to figure what her emotions truly were now.
Zechs stared at the door Noin shut firmly in his face. He'd heard the sudden pain in her voice, even as she tried to hide it, but not certain what seemed to suddenly cause it.
But, the hell of it was, he couldn't blame her. He had hurt her. And he knew it. Oh, maybe not the specific phrase. But, the hurt was plain. The cause was plain. Even he could see it.
But, he couldn't see how to heal it.
"Dammit Silver," he muttered. A wealth of curses existed in that phrase.
The click of nails coming up the stairs behind him dragged him back to the situation on hand. Winter paused at his side, yellow eyes gleaming faintly in the shadows. "Back already, huh?" He turned to face the forest fully. "Couldn't have been that far away then."
Sure enough, after only a few more moments, the man himself pulled up on a surprising silent dirt bike. Pulling only a small pack from the lump strapped to the back of the bike, he strode up the stairs. "Worried I'd get lost?"
Zechs allowed one corner of his mouth to quirk and gestured for the other man to precede him inside. A small stand off ensued, which the Devil finally ended with a little mock salute and walked through the door.
He shifted his shoulders and turned to face Zechs. "So, what's the plan?" He glanced back towards the kitchen. And Silver's hidden work room.
"Sleep," Zechs said firmly. "Fire was right. Silver's information has waited this long. It'll keep for another few hours. We need to be at top form to process whatever she's left behind."
"And, not like I'm getting into those files any time soon without you either, huh?" The man grinned. "Aye, mutual distrust, my old friend. Such are the ties that bind."
Zechs grabbed the Devil's arm before he could turn for the stairs. "You don't have any other idea where she is, do you?" he asked softly.
"No. You know what I do." The other man gazed pointedly at his arm, then met Zechs eyes firmly, coldly. "Who is she to you?"
"A friend."
"A friend. So you said. Just like the other 'friend' you arrived with?"
Zechs grinned back, the sort of just-baring-your-teeth grin another predator recognizes.
With a small twist, the Devil reclaimed his arm and turned towards the stairs. "She had the effect." The dismissal was clear. Zechs just barely squashed the growl forming in his throat.
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the packs he'd brought in from the SUV earlier and followed the arrogant little bastard up the stairs.
Noin met them at beginning of the hallway, open doors flanking her irregularly. While her stance was semi-relaxed, he had the sneaking suspicion she'd heard every word downstairs.
"Only two rooms boys, something I suspect you both already knew. Flipping coins, are we?"
Suddenly, the Devil looked as uncomfortable as he felt. Zechs took a perverse sort of pleasure in that as Noin trained a professionally cold eye on each of them.
"Ah, well, about that…" The other man ran a hand through his hair, his body posture suddenly screaming "I'm just a charming school boy, don't be mad." Zechs smirked as Noin's eyes turned positively wintery. It was look designed to make grown men squirm, one she'd perfected years ago, although she probably picked up the small, not-quite sneer from Une sometime in the year he'd been gone.
"Look, why don't the two of you take the larger room?"
"We could always divided the accommodations by gender," Noin replied. Zechs winced internally, smirk slipping.
The Devil shot a half-amused, half-questioning look over his shoulder, clearly not sure if she was joking or not. Zechs himself wasn't all that certain.
Noin broke the spell herself, rubbing her eyes and muttering under her breath, something that sounded suspiciously like "idiot men". "Your suggestion makes the most sense, of course." She took her bag from her partner and moved through the open doorway. With a final nod that somehow managed male bonding and a challenge at the same time, the men moved from the hallway as well. Zechs found himself curiously reluctant to close the door behind him. The sight of Noin's rigid back by the bed cured him of the last of the denial.
Time to buck up, boyo.
"Noin, I'm sorry."
A strangled gasp – half laugh, half choke – escaped her. "Why?"
He ran a hand through his hair and seized on the easiest. "For dragging you into this with little or no information. A possibly very dangerous situation."
"Bullshit." She turned, arms hugged to her chest, eyes flashing with exhaustion and anger. "We were raised for the dangerous Zechs. That's what we do. Try again."
He moved to the end of the bed and sank down with a sigh. "What do I say? I'm sorry I waited until now to tell you about Silver. Sorry that I hurt you. And I'm not sure how to fix it."
"Why Zechs? Let's just start with why?" Noin's voice was flat. Yes, he'd definitely reached her limit.
"We both know how dark things were at the end of the Eve Wars. And Silver walked right into my life at the darkest. They were ugly times for both of us. Much of it I'm not proud of."
He closed his eye and memories danced in the darkness – visions of waking that first time in a makeshift hospital room in the living room below them, cursing the pair of women staring down at him. Feeling his heart twist in his chest as Relena made her first proposal as Vice Foreign Minister of ESUN. Discovering Silver on the porch on evening, tumbler held loosely in one hand, bottle of bourbon tucked into her side. Of taking the bottle from her while she looked at him dully. Then joining her.
"Many of our demons mirrored each other's, Noin. Too much sometimes. But, we managed to climb somewhat out of the hell we'd each created." He laughed softly, a little wildly. "I barely remember Silver pulling me out of Epyon. I wasn't exactly grateful at the time."
"Zechs." Noin crouched before him, wrists balanced on her knees. "Later. Tell me the stories later. You need to tell me the stories. But later."
"I was ashamed Noin. Of myself, before and during the war. And afraid. Afraid of the pain, of reliving… all of it. And Silver," he shrugged, "Silver's wrapped up in all of it here. All the good memories and all the bad. It was easier to ignore this part of my life, once she'd pushed me out of the nest. Easier has always been my specialty."
She shot him a disgruntled look and muttered, "Not always Marquise."
His lips twitched involuntarily. No, there were some things he hadn't done the easy way. His "courtship" of her ranked right up there, of course.
"My room was across the hall. And stayed that way. We weren't lovers." Spill it! "Except once. And that once – it wasn't about love or even sex. I think we were both just so desperately lonely. We needed the contact."
He saw the stricken look in her eyes even as he saw her innate honest force her to accept it – and (hopefully) move on.
"How long Zechs? How long were you here?"
"Eight months or so." He reached out and traced the line of her cheek, somewhat gratified that she didn't flinch away. "She understands darkness, Noin. She has as much blood on her hands as I, much of it even dirtier. It's funny, in a way." He swallowed and Noin waited patiently for him to continue. "Silver pushed me to return to the world even as she buried herself here behind dummy holdings and more computer mumble-jumble than I could comprehend. She gave me a listing of Relena daily activities that would send my little sister's security into fits if they knew. And, she gave me you."
Noin's brows drew together. "What?" she said softly.
"I refused any information from her at first. I even tried to throw the first file in the fire. It missed by about four feet. She just shook her head at me and another file appeared the next week. She tracked your movements for me, what information she could glean, even if most of it was just mission reports."
She sighed. "I knew that system downstairs would be trouble."
"Noin," his voice trembled, and her eyes snapped back to his. "Silver, she understands far too much of what went on in my soul. I know some of those conversations I had with her, I need to have with you. But, some of them," he shook his head helplessly. "I can't."
"If you say something inane like 'You're too pure" I will hit you."
That startled a small chuckle out of him. "Never. You've got a mean left jab."
"Good. Don't forget it buster." She shifted forward, and cupped his face in her hands. "I'm not happy you've kept all this from me, Zechs. And, damn it, I'm jealous. But, I understand. It wasn't all sweetness and light for me either you know."
"I know," he breathed. "I'm sorry."
"Good."
The Devil paused as the door across from him closed with a small click. Wind, my ass. Really, Marquise, cut the damn hair if you don't want anyone to instantly recognize you. He couldn't pin a name on the female just yet, but all that meant was she wasn't a public figure during the Eve War. She'd most definitely been a fighter, though. Her movements and observational skills were those of a trained soldier. Oh, what he wouldn't give to have had the forethought to plant a couple of bugs in that room. He'd seen the edge in the female's eyes when he'd returned.
Then he turned and closed his own door behind him. Well, he hadn't planned on seeing anyone in this hideaway other than the Angel. But, just maybe running into Marquise and his woman would continue to work to his advantage. Already he knew where Angel hid her set-up, something that would have taken him some time to find. His partner was nothing if not creative about her work.
And with Marquise he'd have a decent chance at her system, instead of a snowball's. A surge of jealousy ran through his body. The Angel was his and his alone. Theirs was a closed relationship; no-one had ever come between him and his Angel before, not since he'd disposed of their first handler. The thought of someone else involved with his Angel, knowing anything about her, much less having a password into her system …
A small snap drew his attention to the bag in his hands. With a slight snort of disgust, he dropped bag and broken handle onto the bed. Really, there was no guarantee of workmanship these days.
Well, he mused as he moved into the bathroom, I've found your lair, Angel. Now it's just a matter of time until I have everything.
A grin played around his lips.
A dark figure glided down the stairs and through the living room. Outside, crickets chirped in the darkness. Where the hell do crickets come from all the way out here? came the idle thought. The shape paused for a moment to marvel again at the layout of the cabin. It truly was amazing work, a testament to the tastes of the women who'd built it.
Turning into the kitchen, it was a full two steps before the low growl registered in the air.
Damn. Forgot about the damn wolf.
Winter rose into a sitting position in front of the hidden door leading into the workshop downstairs. Not a muscle moved and the growl died when the figure showed no motion forward.
"Not letting anyone in just yet, are you?"
The wolf twitch an ear.
A low chuckle filled the air where the growl had been just a moment before. "Well, then. Guess I'll just have to wait. Until tomorrow my friend."
Yellow eyes never wavered as they tracked the movement out of the kitchen. With a small sigh of his own, the lupine lowered himself back to the floor to continue his vigil.