Authors note: Please review and I will forever be in your debt.
Vaderisgod-Thank you so much for reviewing. :D Hah. Lucius the death eater getting a letter from Hogwarts sounds good to me!
Princessflowerchild: Glad you liked it. :D Wow. Second time reviewing. :O
I don't own HP. Else I would be famous and not making petty, boring ol' fictions such as..The Potty Pals.
Draco Malfoy sat up on a stiff, white bed and looked around. What am I doing in the infirmary? Draco blinked, trying to remember what had happened the day before. It was something huge, he remembered. Else he wouldn't have a pounding headache and the need to sneer at everyone in his view. The sky was a melting pot of gray and silver outside, he watched the raindrops fall towards the ground and then suddenly remembered.
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, FU-"
He jumped up from the bed, wearing a hospital suit, it was white and had no legs. His mind was going wild. I remember now! THAT POTTER. I WILL RIP HIM TO SHREDS.
"Mr. Malfoy," burned a voice from behind him. "Are you going anywhere? Perhaps another antacid has been slipped into your naïve mouth? Maybe even to finish that potions homework you were supposed to hand in 151.531 days ago?"
"Professor Snape," Draco acknowledged. "Do you mind telling me what I'm doing here?"
"You were brought here after you fainted --"I DID NOT FAINT. I collapsed. Only girls faint.."-- you fainted in Professor McGonagalls office. It had happened right after I informed you of the fact that an owl has reached your father, so that he may also share the knowledge of your acts with Potter."
Draco collapsed onto the bed, making a squeaky springing noise that echoed in the silence.
"Yeah?" sneered Draco, trying to make cool of the red blotches forming on his milky complexion. "Where's Potta' now?"
"He's in his room speaking to his…friends." Snape said. "If he isn't already taking them by their hands and--"
"PROFESSOR," Draco said, interrupting him. He pointed to the window where a large owl stood. It was completely black with a sharp, pointed beak. Around it's leg was a rope and on the rope was a chain and on the chain there was a pipe and on the pipe there were matches on the matches there was a chain and on the chain there was a rope and on the rope there was small, tiny little letter.
Draco raised his eyebrows curiously.
"Care to explain to me the rope-chain-pipe sequence?" Snape asked, quirking one eyebrow.
"My father was always the queer one.."
"Ah. It runs in the family, I see."
Draco rolled his eyes, cursing himself for using that term. He grabbed the ebony owl by a wing roughly, making it tilt to one side and bite at Draco's arm furiously with it's long pointed beak. He opened the letter, and Snape gave a dramatic GASP.
Dear Draco,
It has come to my attention that you are currently in a homoses'youal relationship with the boy who won't die. Namely, Harry Potter. I urge you to let go of that relationship as quickly as possible; I know from past experience. (Draco raised an eyebrow. "So that explains that portrait of father and that strange looking man..") The Dark Lord will not be pleased, so rid of this homoses'youal relationship today. No, I am mistaken. Right now, run my boy. Run as if your mother without make up on was behind you.
Signed,
Lucius Malfoy
Former death eater
Ministry of magic worker
Witch Weekly's Sneer of the Year
Author of "101 Ways to Pronounce Avada Kedavra"
Winner of beach blonde bubs and gals.
Month December in WarlockWickedness's magazine of
wonderful such
Supporter of Ponytails back into power
Editor in chief of The Malfoy Newspaper
Author of series"How to abuse a house elf "
Hot rock guitarist of the Neanderthals
Winner of Warlock Bone's mystery solver game.
Draco took out many more pieces of parchment, that stated the achievement of Lucius Malfoy. He rolled his eyes and then threw them in the fire place, picking up the first one.
Draco stared at the paper, snatching a long black tail feather from the owl. The ebony owl gave a screech and picked at his fingers, drawing blood. Draco ignored it and dipped the tip of the quill into an ink pot.
He wrote on a piece of pachment.
I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL.
AND IT'S SPELLED WITH AN 'X', YOU BUB.
He rolled up the parchment and attached it to the owls leg, and Draco watched it fly away into the stormy sky.
"Why, of course you are."
"What?" Draco asked, shooting a strange look at Snape.
"Of course you're homosexual." Snape said, smoothing his hand across the top of his head. "I've known it for years. Yesterday, I was merely trying to give you what was left of your dignity."
Draco slapped himself hard on the forehead and stormed out of the room.
--
"DRAKEY!" squealed a voice. "DRAKEY, MY LOVE. MY DARLING, MY DRAKEY. You're BACK--What are you wearing."
Draco looked down at his dress type nurse outfit and rolled his eyes.
"Infirmary suit," he said, curling a silver lock of hair around his fingers. He immediately stopped.
"So..are you and Potter doing it?"
"NO. I'm not gay. I don't know about Potta' though. He did seem rather eager to help me with my zipper."
"Crabbe and Goyle are sneaking some fire whiskey from the kitchens. Wanna come?" Pansy said quickly, trying to voice the subject.
Draco sighed and nodded. After changing, Pansy and Draco walked to the kitchen.
And then, he heard whispers.
So he's gay, huh? Famous Potter and Draco, I always knew it. Don't tell me you found them together?! SNOGGING?! Holding hands, huh. Hugging, yes? Kissing, really? NAKED?! Their hair was messed up? Mm. Chocolate frogs are so delicious when they squirm in your mouth-- I MEAN. DRACO MALFOY?! A MALFOY?!
Draco narrowed his eyes and looked around. The voices were coming from everywhere.
"THE VOICES!" Draco yelled, and then broke out into an opera like song.
A violin played in the background.
Blaise Zabini rolled her eyes and muttered, "I feel a song coming on.."
Sing to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb.
"I'm not gay, no matter what you say.
What you say.
Yes, I don't care!
I'm not a queer, but it's these rumors I fear.
But I'm nooott gaay.
Just because I wore pink one day.
It doesn't mean anything.
It's only pink, I say!
That boy who lived will pay for this.
Yes, he will ppaaayy.
I'm not gay. Yes, I'm not gay.
AndIwasn'tsnoggingwithhimPatilorBrown,youguysarebothwrongandonedayyouwillallpayforthismwahahaha."
Draco stopped in one breath and looked around, wishing for looks of faces that would agree. Alas, none of the faces came.
Patil looked shocked, her mouth was gaping open and then she proceeded to whisper into Brown's ear. Brown burst into fits of laughter, pointing outwardly. Blaise rolled her eyes and shook her head sadly. Seamus grinned as Dean hummed the song again and again. Pansy had tears in her eyes.
"Draco.." she cooed. "My dear, Draco. You're homosexual.."
People began to push across him, mutter such words as Queer. Homo. Loser. Fudger. Draco narrowed his eyes as he ran into the next hallway. He could hear them whispering in the hallway behind him. They were completely unaware of his keen hearing senses. Not to mention everything echoed in hallways.
This SUCKS. I was gonna do Drakey too. Tut. Draco Malfoy, a bouncing ferret and a disgrace to all men and musicians alike. Chocolate frog cards. Woo-hoo! I'm not gay no matter what you say…HAHAHA. What a queer. Don't hang with him.
"God, I'm not fu-"
Draco stopped mid-sentence, a voice was coming from somewhere. But it wasn't a sneer or a disgusted tone, it was somehow inviting.
"Harry, Harry.." cooed a voice. "It's okay. We understand."
"I'M NOT GAY!" cried a voice. There was a crash of something heavy being thrown onto the ground.
"I DON'T NEED THIS. AFTER WHAT VOLDEMORT DID TO ME…I DON'T NEED ANY MORE TROUBLE. I'M NOT GAY. I'M NOT GAY."
Draco walked into the room, watching MudbloodGranger hug Harry warmly. DeadBeatRon was looking disgruntled ,but not as angry as Pansy had looked before. Or as disgusted as the other students looked.
"Of course you are.." Mudblood whispered, again and again. "Of course you are…I can just tell. That scar on your forehead tells it all."
"BECAUSE I HAVE A SCAR," Harry yelled, picking up pieces of a glass jar he had thrown earlier. "I AM HOMOSEXUAL?! WHAT ABOUT RON. HE HAS A MOLE ON HIS ARM."
"I DO NOT." Ron yelled, looking more disgruntled. "Mum says it's a beauty mark."
"Bet you'd know a lot about beauty, Potter." Sneered a person walking across the classroom.
Draco turned around to watch Colin Creevy, one of Potters used to be fans.
"Potter is in quite the predicament, almost opposite to mine." He thought. "His friends thinks that he's gay, but they don't hate it. My fr-…peers thinks that I'm gay, but they hate it."
He cleared his throat. AHEM.
Hermione, Harry and Ron looked up.
"What do you want, Malfoy."
"I believe we are in the same situation, Potter. So I ask you do not… 'shoo' me away with that look of yours." Draco said. "I say we work together. We must make a plot. I am tired of this nonsense of me being homosexual, when in fact. I am not. You may be. [I'M NOT.] but myself…I most definitely am not."
"First off, Draco. I'm not gay. And second, I don't need your help."
Hermione and Ron shared looks before turning to Harry and whispering quite frantically. Hermione was making some strange gestures and Ron was looking at her like she was crazy.
"I'm listening," Harry sighed, shooting looks at Ron and Hermione who did not notice.
"What I plan is.." Draco continued.