Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon belongs to Clamp. "Breathe your name" is by Sixpence None the Richer and the waitress's dress is modeled after Mana of Malice Mizer.
Calendar Boy
By miyamoto yui
Part 6 - my special one.
"Why did you do that?" Seishirou whispered into my ear while still holding me in his arms.
Ashamed, I whispered quietly, "I don't tell anyone about these things."
"I don't understand you," he told me as he shook his head. "Everything seems plainly normal and then I find myself questioning these things even if they're familiar to me as coming to work everyday."
My heart died a little when he said that.
I want you to understand...
But I can't tell you why...
"There are times that even when I'm surrounded by so many people, I feel so alone," I told him. "I know this doesn't make any sense to you..."
I sighed trying to find words to my distracted thoughts.
Things were coming slow and I wasn't so good with explanations so I had an extra obstacle or two to go over. Why must it hurt so much?
I shook my head. "It won't go away..."
"What won't go away, Subaru?" Seishirou asked me as he pulled away while holding my face but my eyes refused to look into his once more.
"Deep inside of me, there are memories and thoughts that keep on adding." I looked at him at that moment. "They keep on adding inside of my heart, but they bleed invisibly. But I feel my chest cringe more and more as the years go by.
"So many things keep coming back and then I try to forget them temporarily. They just keep on coming back though and with even more force. I don't know how to describe it to you."
He sighed as he closed his eyes while pushing his forehead to mine.
"Sometimes I feel that I'm not myself. I only act like this really nice person because that's expected of me. But I won't deny that I have done things that I'm not proud of." I pulled away and held up my hands to him. "Like this."
Seishirou continued to look at me.
"It would hurt me if you learned to hate me, Seishirou." I blinked my eyes at him with worried eyes while my eyebrows almost touched one another.
I folded my hands on my lap.
He shook his head as he whispered into my ear, "I fear the day you'll hate me."
What?
How could that be?
My eyes opened wide as he pulled away while holding my hands in his. His thumb lightly stroked my gloved fingers.
"Why would I hate you, Seishirou?"
"When you find out I'm not the person you think I am."
We looked at one another seriously and without another word.
My burdened heart made me laugh as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Burying myself into his shirt, I mumbled, "Why do we do this to each other?"
"Because I fell in love you," he answered without hesitation.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him innocently.
Wasn't it me?
Wasn't I the one who made the mistake of being too honest with you?
He didn't say anything as he kissed my forehead. While pulling my waist and helping me stand straight up, he laughed as he winked at me. "If you continue to wear that kimono that way, I'm going to take you here and now."
I blinked at him and blushed as I looked down at myself. Embarrassed, I immediately pulled the kimono over my shoulders again as Seishirou watched me without any sense shame at his voyeurism.
"I thought you wanted me cover myself and you watch me?" I questioned as I walked towards him.
"No no no," he said in English while shaking his head. In Japanese, he teased, "You misunderstand me, Subaru-kun. I just don't want anyone else touching what's mine."
I smirked at him with nothing to say as I blushed even more crimson red.
At that, he pulled me by the hand and led me outside. Turning off the light and locking the door, we left to go back to the hotel...
Or so I thought.
It was already three o'clock in the morning and I looked at Tokyo as if it were something totally foreign to me. There were people sleeping in alleyways with one eye open to keep from being caught loitering.
All these people...
No matter what I do...
How come we must feel so helpless?
"Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked me as he turned to look at me. "What are you thinking about?"
I shook my head as I smiled at him. "Nothing, Seishirou-san."
He left me alone, but I just couldn't tell him. He led me onward and I looked at his back as we kept on walking.
How do you look at other people, Seishirou-san?
I want to ask you but there's something in the way. My heart feels pained whenever I want to ask you.
The only one you care for is me.
Your eyes tell me this every time.
This also scares me because I can't handle all your attention.
Besides Hokuto, no one sincerely looks at me for myself.
Only as myself...
"I always wanted to take you here," he said as he stopped walking and stopped in front of an unusual café that was named, "Intuition". We walked into it and the atmosphere was very mellow with dark blue and black booths. The curtains were purple while the black walls were somewhat illuminated by a purple light.
A woman dressed in a lacy blue dress with a pale complexion and blue lipstick came to our table. "What would you like to order?" she asked with a slight smile.
"Two tiramisu floats, please," Seishirou said as the girl nodded her head.
I looked at Seishirou curiously. "It's interesting."
He smiled happily at me with his hand folded. "Hokuto's the one who recommended for me to come here. Remember that whole tiramisu thing with her?"
I nodded. I grimaced a bit. "It was kind of scary. She loves sweets and when she finds something she really likes, she'll try to outdo that."
I shook my head recalling that she had tried to make me her victim-er, guinea pig.
"I was so drunk that she said I almost called you to come over to help me." I turned red wondering why the heck I was telling him this.
He chuckled. With a seductive tone, he asked me, "Oh _really_?"
I nodded slowly.
"You make it sound like some aphrodisiac," he joked as I mumbled almost inaudibly, "You never know with Hokuto-chan..eh heh heh..."
He began to sing along with the song on the speakers, which seemed kind of strange considering the gothic type of environment,
"...Is it all inside my head
Is it all inside my head
I view the my lips
And take my pick
I view my faith
And make a choice
'Cause it's nobody else's but mine..."
Then, he looked at me while hitting me gently on the head. "Dame."
"What?" I gave him a weird look. "What did I do wrong?"
"Put your hands on your lap and look at me," he instructed as he continued, "I have to train you before that...date...of yours."
I blinked at him as I began to laugh as our drinks came. I bowed my head in thanks and looked at Seishirou again.
"You almost sound jealous," I nervously said as I tried to joke while taking the drink into my hands.
"I am," he said matter-of-factly while taking a sip of his drink through the straw.
Looking out the window, I avoided his gaze. With a low voice, I began to swirl my drink unnecessarily. "You've probably gone on many dates with people. That's why you're 'training' me to be a girl."
"I don't deny that I've dated a few people," he said as he looked out the window too.
I was a little jealous at this.
"But it doesn't matter," Seishirou continued as he took another sip of his drink. "There were only two people I've cared for..."
I glanced at him for moment.
"She was older than I was, but she looked as if she was younger than I was." He began to laugh at the thought. "She and her kimonos..."
I continued to stare out the window while clearly hearing him over the music.
"Then, she died. There was nothing I could do about it," he smiled as his eyes looked at the table with sigh. "That's just how life was. It was ironic that she was such a jealous person..."
"Seishirou-san..." I started to say as I looked at him while he looked up to watch me.
"Then, years later, I met a boy. I met you."
I became silent as I felt my heart cringe.
Why did this feel so wrong?
---
We finished our drinks in silence and then soon left the café. When we were walking towards the hotel, Seishirou looked up to the sky and laughed, "You drove me crazy since the first time I saw you."
"I was pretty dumb." I shook my head in shame. "I can't believe I fell at the station."
He shook his head as he took my head once again while not looking at me. "No, from before then."
"Hmm?" I asked as the wind blew around us at that particular moment. "What did you say, Seishirou-san?"
He said nothing else and we got back to our hotel. When were opening our door, there was Hokuto gave us the look of death while being unable to shout at us because it was already five in the morning.
"Where have you guys been?" Hokuto asked as she shouted at me with her arms on her hips while tapping her foot.
Then, her angry face became angelic and all smiley when she suddenly hugged me. "Finally Subaru!"
"Huh?" I blinked at her in confusion.
When she let go, she pointed at something: Seishirou's collar...with lipstick on it.
I turned bright red as Seishirou smirked with no defense for me.
"B-but it's not what you think!" I protested.
"Say what you want, Subaru." She waved her hand and closed the door behind her while I tried to reach out for her.
"D-demo!" I protested as I hung my head in defeat.
As we went into our room, I poked him on the arm. "How come you didn't say anything?"
"It's more fun that way?" He smirked and I went towards the closet to get my pajamas.
As I turned around, he pulled me closer to him by my sash. Then, the sash came off. I covered myself by trying to keep the kimono over my body. "What are you doing?"
"Helping you out of the kimono?" he said as he turned around and took off his own shirt. I changed into my pjs hesitantly as I found myself watching him through the mirror.
His eyes found mine.
"The feeling is mutual," he told me seriously.
As I pulled some notes onto my bed, he sat on his bed while setting the alarm clock between us. He turned to me. "What are you doing? You should be sleeping."
"I have to figure out what I'm going to ask later on that 'date'," I said while browsing over the papers faxed over by my grandmother.
"Please relax more!" he scolded me as he got up, filed my papers and put them on top of the bed stand.
I blinked at him as he sat on my bed while watching me. He took off his glasses and put them on the stand too.
Leaning forward, he kissed me.
"Good night."
Then, he got up, turned off the lights, and went into bed. I looked over at his direction while my eyes were adjusting to the darkness.
I smiled at him.
"Achoo!" I sneezed as I got into my covers.
"Bless you," he answered back.
"Thank you."
Silence.
I looked over at his direction and smiled even more.
"Thank you," my voiceless lips said as I drifted off to sleep with my blinking in his direction.
Yes, you are my special one...
And I don't want you to see me any differently...
You'd break my heart if I found that you hated me...
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I'm sorry for the late update, but many things have been happening in my life and I'm kind of mixed up. Thank you for being patient with me.
I've enjoyed this fic so far. I think that this is moving slow, but emotional-wise, it's a range of things that isn't just latent sadness, but understanding it from Subaru's heart. I was so happy when someone said that this fic was kind of explaining his 'change' or 'apathetic' attitude in X wasn't such a shock when taken from this perspective.
I believe that people who have known sadness or love are the ones that learn to be extra kind or bitter...
Okee, so, Winnie, here's your fic. ^_^
Calendar Boy
By miyamoto yui
Part 6 - my special one.
"Why did you do that?" Seishirou whispered into my ear while still holding me in his arms.
Ashamed, I whispered quietly, "I don't tell anyone about these things."
"I don't understand you," he told me as he shook his head. "Everything seems plainly normal and then I find myself questioning these things even if they're familiar to me as coming to work everyday."
My heart died a little when he said that.
I want you to understand...
But I can't tell you why...
"There are times that even when I'm surrounded by so many people, I feel so alone," I told him. "I know this doesn't make any sense to you..."
I sighed trying to find words to my distracted thoughts.
Things were coming slow and I wasn't so good with explanations so I had an extra obstacle or two to go over. Why must it hurt so much?
I shook my head. "It won't go away..."
"What won't go away, Subaru?" Seishirou asked me as he pulled away while holding my face but my eyes refused to look into his once more.
"Deep inside of me, there are memories and thoughts that keep on adding." I looked at him at that moment. "They keep on adding inside of my heart, but they bleed invisibly. But I feel my chest cringe more and more as the years go by.
"So many things keep coming back and then I try to forget them temporarily. They just keep on coming back though and with even more force. I don't know how to describe it to you."
He sighed as he closed his eyes while pushing his forehead to mine.
"Sometimes I feel that I'm not myself. I only act like this really nice person because that's expected of me. But I won't deny that I have done things that I'm not proud of." I pulled away and held up my hands to him. "Like this."
Seishirou continued to look at me.
"It would hurt me if you learned to hate me, Seishirou." I blinked my eyes at him with worried eyes while my eyebrows almost touched one another.
I folded my hands on my lap.
He shook his head as he whispered into my ear, "I fear the day you'll hate me."
What?
How could that be?
My eyes opened wide as he pulled away while holding my hands in his. His thumb lightly stroked my gloved fingers.
"Why would I hate you, Seishirou?"
"When you find out I'm not the person you think I am."
We looked at one another seriously and without another word.
My burdened heart made me laugh as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Burying myself into his shirt, I mumbled, "Why do we do this to each other?"
"Because I fell in love you," he answered without hesitation.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him innocently.
Wasn't it me?
Wasn't I the one who made the mistake of being too honest with you?
He didn't say anything as he kissed my forehead. While pulling my waist and helping me stand straight up, he laughed as he winked at me. "If you continue to wear that kimono that way, I'm going to take you here and now."
I blinked at him and blushed as I looked down at myself. Embarrassed, I immediately pulled the kimono over my shoulders again as Seishirou watched me without any sense shame at his voyeurism.
"I thought you wanted me cover myself and you watch me?" I questioned as I walked towards him.
"No no no," he said in English while shaking his head. In Japanese, he teased, "You misunderstand me, Subaru-kun. I just don't want anyone else touching what's mine."
I smirked at him with nothing to say as I blushed even more crimson red.
At that, he pulled me by the hand and led me outside. Turning off the light and locking the door, we left to go back to the hotel...
Or so I thought.
It was already three o'clock in the morning and I looked at Tokyo as if it were something totally foreign to me. There were people sleeping in alleyways with one eye open to keep from being caught loitering.
All these people...
No matter what I do...
How come we must feel so helpless?
"Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked me as he turned to look at me. "What are you thinking about?"
I shook my head as I smiled at him. "Nothing, Seishirou-san."
He left me alone, but I just couldn't tell him. He led me onward and I looked at his back as we kept on walking.
How do you look at other people, Seishirou-san?
I want to ask you but there's something in the way. My heart feels pained whenever I want to ask you.
The only one you care for is me.
Your eyes tell me this every time.
This also scares me because I can't handle all your attention.
Besides Hokuto, no one sincerely looks at me for myself.
Only as myself...
"I always wanted to take you here," he said as he stopped walking and stopped in front of an unusual café that was named, "Intuition". We walked into it and the atmosphere was very mellow with dark blue and black booths. The curtains were purple while the black walls were somewhat illuminated by a purple light.
A woman dressed in a lacy blue dress with a pale complexion and blue lipstick came to our table. "What would you like to order?" she asked with a slight smile.
"Two tiramisu floats, please," Seishirou said as the girl nodded her head.
I looked at Seishirou curiously. "It's interesting."
He smiled happily at me with his hand folded. "Hokuto's the one who recommended for me to come here. Remember that whole tiramisu thing with her?"
I nodded. I grimaced a bit. "It was kind of scary. She loves sweets and when she finds something she really likes, she'll try to outdo that."
I shook my head recalling that she had tried to make me her victim-er, guinea pig.
"I was so drunk that she said I almost called you to come over to help me." I turned red wondering why the heck I was telling him this.
He chuckled. With a seductive tone, he asked me, "Oh _really_?"
I nodded slowly.
"You make it sound like some aphrodisiac," he joked as I mumbled almost inaudibly, "You never know with Hokuto-chan..eh heh heh..."
He began to sing along with the song on the speakers, which seemed kind of strange considering the gothic type of environment,
"...Is it all inside my head
Is it all inside my head
I view the my lips
And take my pick
I view my faith
And make a choice
'Cause it's nobody else's but mine..."
Then, he looked at me while hitting me gently on the head. "Dame."
"What?" I gave him a weird look. "What did I do wrong?"
"Put your hands on your lap and look at me," he instructed as he continued, "I have to train you before that...date...of yours."
I blinked at him as I began to laugh as our drinks came. I bowed my head in thanks and looked at Seishirou again.
"You almost sound jealous," I nervously said as I tried to joke while taking the drink into my hands.
"I am," he said matter-of-factly while taking a sip of his drink through the straw.
Looking out the window, I avoided his gaze. With a low voice, I began to swirl my drink unnecessarily. "You've probably gone on many dates with people. That's why you're 'training' me to be a girl."
"I don't deny that I've dated a few people," he said as he looked out the window too.
I was a little jealous at this.
"But it doesn't matter," Seishirou continued as he took another sip of his drink. "There were only two people I've cared for..."
I glanced at him for moment.
"She was older than I was, but she looked as if she was younger than I was." He began to laugh at the thought. "She and her kimonos..."
I continued to stare out the window while clearly hearing him over the music.
"Then, she died. There was nothing I could do about it," he smiled as his eyes looked at the table with sigh. "That's just how life was. It was ironic that she was such a jealous person..."
"Seishirou-san..." I started to say as I looked at him while he looked up to watch me.
"Then, years later, I met a boy. I met you."
I became silent as I felt my heart cringe.
Why did this feel so wrong?
---
We finished our drinks in silence and then soon left the café. When we were walking towards the hotel, Seishirou looked up to the sky and laughed, "You drove me crazy since the first time I saw you."
"I was pretty dumb." I shook my head in shame. "I can't believe I fell at the station."
He shook his head as he took my head once again while not looking at me. "No, from before then."
"Hmm?" I asked as the wind blew around us at that particular moment. "What did you say, Seishirou-san?"
He said nothing else and we got back to our hotel. When were opening our door, there was Hokuto gave us the look of death while being unable to shout at us because it was already five in the morning.
"Where have you guys been?" Hokuto asked as she shouted at me with her arms on her hips while tapping her foot.
Then, her angry face became angelic and all smiley when she suddenly hugged me. "Finally Subaru!"
"Huh?" I blinked at her in confusion.
When she let go, she pointed at something: Seishirou's collar...with lipstick on it.
I turned bright red as Seishirou smirked with no defense for me.
"B-but it's not what you think!" I protested.
"Say what you want, Subaru." She waved her hand and closed the door behind her while I tried to reach out for her.
"D-demo!" I protested as I hung my head in defeat.
As we went into our room, I poked him on the arm. "How come you didn't say anything?"
"It's more fun that way?" He smirked and I went towards the closet to get my pajamas.
As I turned around, he pulled me closer to him by my sash. Then, the sash came off. I covered myself by trying to keep the kimono over my body. "What are you doing?"
"Helping you out of the kimono?" he said as he turned around and took off his own shirt. I changed into my pjs hesitantly as I found myself watching him through the mirror.
His eyes found mine.
"The feeling is mutual," he told me seriously.
As I pulled some notes onto my bed, he sat on his bed while setting the alarm clock between us. He turned to me. "What are you doing? You should be sleeping."
"I have to figure out what I'm going to ask later on that 'date'," I said while browsing over the papers faxed over by my grandmother.
"Please relax more!" he scolded me as he got up, filed my papers and put them on top of the bed stand.
I blinked at him as he sat on my bed while watching me. He took off his glasses and put them on the stand too.
Leaning forward, he kissed me.
"Good night."
Then, he got up, turned off the lights, and went into bed. I looked over at his direction while my eyes were adjusting to the darkness.
I smiled at him.
"Achoo!" I sneezed as I got into my covers.
"Bless you," he answered back.
"Thank you."
Silence.
I looked over at his direction and smiled even more.
"Thank you," my voiceless lips said as I drifted off to sleep with my blinking in his direction.
Yes, you are my special one...
And I don't want you to see me any differently...
You'd break my heart if I found that you hated me...
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I'm sorry for the late update, but many things have been happening in my life and I'm kind of mixed up. Thank you for being patient with me.
I've enjoyed this fic so far. I think that this is moving slow, but emotional-wise, it's a range of things that isn't just latent sadness, but understanding it from Subaru's heart. I was so happy when someone said that this fic was kind of explaining his 'change' or 'apathetic' attitude in X wasn't such a shock when taken from this perspective.
I believe that people who have known sadness or love are the ones that learn to be extra kind or bitter...
Okee, so, Winnie, here's your fic. ^_^