Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson
Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.
Body and Soul
Chapter Two
Pacey
As we drive I can't help but look down at the hand on my knee and think that I'm the luckiest man alive. Sure, I used to drive a sports car and now I drive a Chevy truck with an Icehouse advertisement on the door, but it's my restaurant and my dream girl that has her hand on my knee. Woman, she would correct if I told her what I was thinking. And I don't belong to anyone, she would add as an after thought. The only problem is that she's leaving again, Phoenix for a few days, then Atlanta, then Los Angeles. I hate that we only get to live part of our lives together because of work and distance.
There are so many things that I want to tell her. I want to say that I'm thinking about selling the Icehouse and starting a restaurant in New York so we could live together. I want to tell her that I'm ready to get married and I want to tell her that I want her to have my children. What I really dream about though is having Joey come to Capeside, us getting married and raising a family and running the restaurant together. Of course I hardly ever think about that because entertaining that fantasy is futile. Last week she helped out when we were short staffed. She didn't say it but I could tell she thought she would never have to do that again. Plus, she really isn't a very good waitress. I made the mistake of casually mentioning how great it would be if our family could run the restaraunt someday. I could see the change in her immediately. She just laughed and said it didn't work out too well for her parents. I wanted to say that I'm not a cheating drug dealer who just got sent back to prison last year to finish a twenty year sentence due to a parole violation. Of course I didn't, I just let the whole thing drop and fade away. I think it has now because things appear to be back to normal. If I were ever to sell my restaurant and move to New York it would have to be a slow and subtle process. In the end Joey would have to think that it was her idea.
I have to admit that I feel like a fool for being so jealous last night. Dawson and Joey dated when they were fifteen, so what? I know what. What happened between them wasn't just four months of dating it has been a lifetime of something I've never experienced, only witnessed bits and pieces of. It's obviously so important that he felt the need to make two movies and a television series about it. Joey has done her fair share of story telling as well. There was that kiss essay and later a few short stories that she let me read over the years. But they're best friends; it's not like I didn't know that coming into this relationship. I can't claim ignorance when I get jealous. It's really silly when I actually stop to think about it. I've seen some of the tail he gets and it pretty high quality. Right now Dawson's so busy with work he says he has no time to put into a relationship. To think that he's waiting in the wings to steal away my girlfriend is just ridiculous.
I wouldn't even have Joey by my side right now if it hadn't been for Jen. During one of the last times I talked to her she said she was going to use her dying wish on me. I told her not to waste her wish and to use it on something more productive like peace in the Middle East or something. When I could tell that she wasn't joking around I told her I would do whatever she asked. I just assumed she would ask me to help Jack look after Amy or something, when she told me to let Joey go I couldn't believe it. Jen told me that I would never be happy in my life as long as I held on to the idea that Joey and I could someday get back together, it was holding me back from truly being happy. After, I thought about what she said and I knew she was right. Seeing Joey (and Andie and Audrey for that matter) reminded me of the type of woman I could have and needed to have in order to be happy. I wasn't happy with stolen moments from some old skank. So I did what I knew I had to do, I told her that she was off the hook. Looking back now I think that Jen knew if I let her go only then could she really come to me. Sort of that whole if you love her set her free deal.
Joey
I can't help but be a little relieved to be leaving Capeside. It's not that I want to leave Pacey it's that I want to go back to the city. Since my promotion and getting together with Pacey I hardly get to spend anytime at my apartment anymore. I miss waking up on a Sunday and relaxing by myself while I read the Times. But I love the travel part. How else could I get to see the entire country?
Right now I'm trying desperately to read these manuscripts. I have to have them done by the time I get to Atlanta. I suppose if I really get in a bind I could just fake it. That's what I did after Jen died. Sometimes I had no idea what I was recommending be published. I would read a little from the beginning a little from the middle and a little from the end. If I liked that I would recommend it and save the proofing for later. Of course when everything with Jen was pretty much settled I came back and found out that I had recommended that some real crap be published and was stuck proofing it.
I put my hand on Pacey's knee so that he'll stop trying to put his free hand down my pants. I don't want to be mean about it but it's distracting and I have to get this done. Things are better between us now. That whole let's have our family run the Icehouse thing wasunnerving to say the least and scary as hell would be more accurate. At first I thought he was joking but when I looked up I saw he was serious. No way in hell will that ever happen. I didn't go to Worthington so I could be a waitress; I was a waitress so I could go to Worthington. My mom hated running that restaurant. It made her miserable. Plus I'm a sucky waitress. Long gone are the days that my friends would come into Hell's Kitchen run up a seven dollar tab and somehow end up leaving about fifteen dollars for the tip.
Maybe I'm holding Pacey back. I know that he wants the wife and the kids – the whole deal. The thing is I do too but it's a someday thing with me. For him it could be a tomorrow thing, well maybe not tomorrow but soon. When I think about it we've only been dating about seven months. We dated longer in high school. Pacey can imagine how domestic bliss will be down to the middle name of the fourth child. When I try to imagine it I can see the house and the dog clearly but the kids are blurry and so is the husband. I try to push that idea out of my mind. Great, maybe I'm ruining Pacey's chance at happiness too. I should stop doing this to myself. My therapist says that I have to make a conscious effort to stop the self-depreciating thoughts that seem to plague me. They cause me to act hostile and distant to cover up my own insecurities. Hostile and distant is something I do pretty well. This is all too much to think about when I'm supposed to be working. Great, another call.
"Hello,"
"Hi Ms. Potter." It's my idiot secretary.
"Hi Bruce, what's happening?"
"Well, it seems that LA needs to bump up one of their meetings to tomorrow morning so Atlanta and Phoenix are out of the picture for now. You're not already at the airport, are you?"
"No, about forty minutes. Are you saying that the Atlanta and Phoenix meetings are cancelled."
"Yeah," he replies. "You know the LA publishing house pulls rank."
"Where exactly am I going when I get on the plane today?" I speak slowly as not to confuse the most self obsessed, lazy, and slow secretary to ever grace the profession. The time he sent me on a plane to the wrong Springfield is at the front of my mind.
"Los Angeles. You have one of those e ticket thingies so I called and changed it. There shouldn't be any trouble."
"How long am I staying?"
"You'll stay through next week and then of course week after that is Thanksgiving."
"Did you call the hotel?"
"I'll get right on that Ms. Potter." Great he hung up. I hope I have a place to stay when I get there, if I get there. That whole e ticket thingie does not sound too reassuring.
I can't help but be excited about spending more time with Dawson. I smile a little and squirm in my seat. I hate this truck. It has to be the bumpiest ride rivaling only that blue pickup we used to have. But I feel guilty too. Guilty that the thought of spending time with Dawson excites me more than going to see Pacey. But I hardly ever get to see Dawson and I can pretty much see Pacey whenever I want. But the doubts are back. Pacey or Dawson, did I make the right choice? Maybe I just should have let them both go. Pacey was ready to let me go. He said I was off the hook. Is that why I chose him? Because he said he could live without me and I couldn't have him doing that. I couldn't have him out there paying attention to and loving someone else. This way I sort of have them both because I know that I will always have Dawson's love in one way or another. If that is true than I am truly the most selfish person who ever lived. Well maybe not that ever lived, but hands down the most selfish person I know. If I picked Pacey just so I could keep him to myself then I have bigger problems than I thought.
"Was that work?" Pacey asks.
"Yeah." I try to sound as casual as I can. "It looks like the Atlanta and Phoenix parts of my trip are cancelled."
"What about LA?"
"I'll be there through next week and then come to Capeside for Thanksgiving like planned."
Pacey
Great. I can tell by Joey's end of the conversation and the way she's wiggling around in her seat like an excited child that she has to go straight to Los Angeles right away. Since she didn't tell me who was on the phone and appears to be lost in thought at the moment I might as well ask.
"Was that work?" I ask.
"Yeah." I can't read any emotion in her voice. "It looks like the Atlanta and Phoenix parts of my trip are cancelled."
"What about LA," I prompt.
"I'll be there through next week and then come back to Capeside for Thanksgiving like planned."
"Maybe you could catch a flight back with Dawson." I hope that didn't sound as bitter as it did in my mind.
"Great idea!" I guess it didn't. "Oh that reminds me..." Joey takes out her cell phone and dials.
"Hey," she reclines her seat back a little. "Yeah, I'm on way to Logan right now." I try to keep my mind on the road and look straight ahead. "Change of plans. I'm going right to LA and I'll be there until Thanksgiving." There's a pause and I can't help but glance over at her. I notice that she has put her manuscripts down and is staring out the window. "Yeah, I know. And Pacey had a great idea about us taking the same flight back to Capeside." There's another pause and I can't help but wonder what he's saying to her. "Cool. If that's no trouble for your secretary. As it is mine has his head so far up his ass that I'm not sure I'll have a hotel room when I get there." Now I know I can stop listening. Joey can bitch about her secretary for hours. "You shouldn't make offers like that if you can't back them up. For all you know I might be at your door step tonight." Well that snapped me back to reality.
Dawson
The worst part about living in LA is that you are forced to spend half of your life in your car stuck in a gridlock of traffic. I don't care what the traffic report says because everyday I get in my car and inch to work. It would probably be faster for me to get on my hands and knees and crawl but like the rest of the masses I lean back in my seat and once in a while honk my horn for emphasis. The only good thing is that it gives me time to think. I spend a lot of time thinking about the show. We're already trying to get the script out for sweeps. The question that I'm battling with is should I break Sammy and Colby up? I don't want to; writing their story has been some of the best writing in my life. The writing team and I continue to toss back ideas everyday but we're not much closer to getting it done. I put in one of Joey's Counting Crows CDs to help me think. I gave them back to her senior year but asked to borrow them again before graduation and took them to college with me. Thief. I guess they are mine now. They are scratched and skip and I should probably stop playing them but they help me think.
I can't help but think about Joey coming to LA. After we talked last night if I said I wasn't excited I would be lying. It's not like I sit around and spend my days waiting for Joey to come back to me. I date other women as best I can with work. I'm not exactly sure what happened to that boy who said that he could only sleep with someone he loved because I sleep with a lot of women I don't love. Somehow I still think I'm one of the good guys but the standard for gentlemanly behavior has been lowered to always calling the next day whether I want to or not. I guess that it's easier to say that you will only sleep with someone you love when you're a seventeen year old virgin who knows that the girl he loves is right there, all that you two need is a little time apart.
I think that it will take time, and time I have. I used to think time was our enemy but before Jen died she told me something that would change my entire perspective. Jen told me that she was going to use her dying wish on me. I told her not to waste a perfectly good wish but when she insisted I relented. I would give that woman whatever she wanted and she knew it. When Jen told me to give Joey time to come back to me I couldn't believe it. She said that even though I thought that time was the enemy in our relationship that Joey needed it to grow up. Jen told me to keep hoping but not to let that hope rule my life. To live and love but to always be open to the fact that someday my soul mate was going to come and profess her love to me.
I'm not sure exactly when Jen perfected her Zen like act but she had this amazing way of offering just the right advice without really being told what was wrong. I think that she always had that wonderful gift and kept perfecting it over the years. Great another call from the office.
"Dawson here."
"Hey." It's Joey she must be on her way to the airport.
"Are you on the way to the airport?"
"Yeah, I'm on my way to Logan right now. Change of plans. I'm going right to LA and I'll be there until Thanksgiving."
T his is perfect. Jo and I haven't spent more than two or three days together since Jen died. "That's great, Jo. Now we can most definitely find the time to get together and you can finally see the set."
"Yeah, I know. And Pacey had this great idea about us taking the same flight back to Capeside."
"That is a great idea. I'll have my secretary make the arrangements."
Now as she starts to complain about her secretary I can't help but smile. I hate planes and I hate flying in planes. Usually Joey has this little habit of making me really not want to get on them, but I think that I can handle a cross-country flight with her by my side. When she says that she might not even have a place to stay my heart skips a beat. I want to tell her not to even bother with the hotel and just come and stay with me.
Thinking better of it instead I joke, "Well I'll be sure to change the sheets in the guestroom." That was good. Suggestive yet innocent and it lets her know she's welcome anytime. God I hope her secretary messes up.
To be continued