Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson

Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.

Body And Soul

Chapter Six

Joey

As I look over and see Dawson's head peeking out from the blanket a horrified rush jolts from my fingers to my toes. We fucked. No, seeing that my dress is still on and I have that grungy slept in my clothes feeling, I know that nothing happened. I didn't even realize that I missed that feeling as icky as it is. The clock says it is only six. Why the hell did I wake up so early? With the flight and staying out so late I'm jetlagged, exhausted, beat, fatigued. Pacey. That's why I woke up. I never called him. He still thinks that I'm staying at the hotel. I hope he didn't try to call. I don't want him to worry and I don't want him to be jealous. God, I feel like the worst girlfriend ever.

I have to tiptoe so Dawson doesn't wake up. I'm not sure why I bother when I know I could probably lead a marching band through here and he would still be on his side snoring softly. As I gently close the door behind me I try to pinpoint why exactly I feel so guilty. It's more than just not calling. I know that it's staying at Dawson's, going out with him last night. I feel almost like I'm cheating. I'm not. I never would. But that's how I feel, unfaithful. Part of me asks if I would have done the things that I did with Dawson if Pacey were watching. Would I have held his hand, hugged him, kissed him, and leaned into his chest for strength when I was nervous? The answer is yes and no. I would have hugged him when I saw him and maybe even given him a kiss on the cheek but I never would have held his hand or put my arm around him and let him put his arm around me. But it was innocent. Friendly. Platonic. The thing is I know that Dawson and Pacey are friends now but they will never be like they were when they were sixteen. It just wouldn't be fair to Dawson or Pacey to flaunt my relationship with either of them in front of other. I wouldn't be overly affectionate with either of them if the other were around to see. Now I have to tell Pacey that I'm staying with Dawson.

I try the office at the restaurant first since I know that he's probably at work already.

"Icehouse, how may I help you?'

"Hey Pace," When I hear his voice I realize that I do miss him a little.

"Joey. You called." He sounds relieved yet distant.

"Yeah," I try to sound as casual and cheerful as possible. "I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday but things were pretty hectic. There's some trade show or summit or something in town and every hotel was booked and I wasn't sure what to do so I remembered that Dawson and Audrey live here and neither would probably mind if I spent the night. Anyway, then I was thinking that I didn't even know if Audrey was in town or the country or whatever so I just decided that I would call Dawson and see if I could stay with him, in the guestroom. He said I could so I am. What I mean is that I'm staying in his guestroom for a few days. No big deal really, just a until Tuesday in his guestroom." Great, I'm rambling. I do that when I'm nervous. I just don't want him to get unnecessarily jealous.

"I saw you last night." Why does he sound so restrained.

"Huh?" His voice is starting to scare me a little. I hate when it gets like that. I have no clue what he's talking about. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I saw you at that event last night. I saw your interview on TV."

"Oh that." Why am I terrified that he knows? I feel like a child that's been caught doing something wrong. But I didn't do anything. I just went out with my friend, my best friend. "That was nothing. Just a premiere for a friend of Dawson's. The whole thing was pretty last minute."

"It didn't look like nothing." I hate when he does this, when he stays so calm even though he's obviously mad as hell.

"What do you mean by that," I try to whisper as best I can so Dawson doesn't wake up. If he has something to say then he should just say it. "If you have something to say then just say it."

"I mean that you two looked pretty cozy together."

"What the hell are you talking about? You know that he's my best friend."

"I'm saying that you looked extra friendly." I can hear his voice crack when he says this and it kills me. But at the same time I hate the way he's subtly accusing me ofwhat? What exactly is he accusing me of?

"What exactly are you accusing me of?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying that it LOOKED like you two were more than friends. I just wonder how many other people got the same impression I did."

"I'm guessing none, since we told that reporter we were just friends. She asked and we told the truth. If you're jealous of Dawson just say so. Don't make this about something that it isn't." Oh no. I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have said that. It's the thing you never say. I've done it now. The problem is I'm not a fair fighter, never have been. I always go for the jugular.

"You know that's not true. I don't care what self indulged piece of shit he turns out next week, that's not the issue here."

"You're right, Dawson's show is not the issue," I hiss. "The issue is that you're still threatened by him and by our friendship when you have no reason to be."

"I see my girlfriend on television in the arms of another man and I'm"

"I was not in his arms!" I interrupt. "You're reading in things that aren't even there."

"You can't tell me that I didn't see what I saw."

"I'm saying that you are making more of this than there is."

"Joey, it's not that I don't trust you. Dawson is trying to lure you with all this Hollywood shit."

I can't help but laugh. "Dawson isn't trying to do anything but be my friend and be a good host. Listen Pace, I don't want to fight with you and I have to get ready for work. Can we talk about this later?"

"Fine," he mumbles. "Bye."

"Bye." We didn't even say I love you. I hate when we fight. What's worse, I hate when we fight about Dawson because their will never be a resolution. It's not like I'll stop being friends with him. Once I told Dawson that all we have in the end are friends or something to that effect. Jen taught me that more than anyone. Honestly, I'd rather lose a lover and keep a friend.

Pacey

I called the hotel Joey said she would be staying at and wanted to leave a message for her at the front desk only to find out that she wont be staying there until Tuesday. Then I tried her cell phone and that was turned off. It must be about six in the morning there. I'm worried about her. Not as worried as I would be if I hadn't seen her with Dawson last night. As much as I hate to think about her with Dawson at least I know that she'll be safe.

"Icehouse, how may I help you." I answer the ever-ringing phone automatically.

"Hey Pace." Thank God she called. Now that I hear her voice I realize that I already miss her. But just as quickly I remember what I saw last night.

"Jo, you called," is all I manage to say. I want to say What the fuck is going on down there? Why do you and Dawson look so damn intimate and why didn't you at least call me?' Of course I don't say anything like that. I have to stay calm and in control. I don't want to be that guy who can't handle his girlfriend spending time with another guy. I hate that guy.

I know that she's nervous talking to me because she is starting to ramble about hotels and Audrey and Dawson. The only thing I really pick up on in the whole diatribe is the fact that she's said guestroom about a hundred times. I gather that she is sleeping in Dawson's guestroom. Through it all the image of her looking up at him with his arm around her waist is burning in my mind.

Finally I can't keep what I know in any longer. "I saw you last night." I try to sound as casual as possible.

At first she doesn't even know what I'm talking about until I tell her that I saw her on television last night.

"Oh that. That was nothing. Just a premiere for a friend of Dawson's. The whole thing was pretty last minute." For some reason this makes me angrier. Maybe it's the whole way she's playing it off.

"It didn't look like nothing." I know that I should probably just drop it but for some reason I can't. I want to drop it and ask about her plane ride or something boring and neutral.

"What do you mean by that?" She whispering now, probably so she won't wake him up. The thought of that makes my stomach churn with anger, jealousy. "If you have something to say then just say it."

"I mean you two looked pretty cozy together."

"What the hell are you talking about? You know he's my best friend." Don't I know it. It's practically been her mantra since we were dating in High School.

"I'm saying that you looked extra friendly." I can't keep my voice from cracking when I say this. Truth is I just want to sit in my office and cry, but I'm not the crying type so we keep fighting.

"What exactly are you accusing me of?" she asks. The thing is I don't know what I'm accusing her of. It's not like I think she's cheating on me.

"I'm just saying that it LOOKED like you two were more than friends. I just wonder how many other people got he same impression I did." How many people are out there thinking that director Dawson Leery is living happily ever after with his soul mate?

"I'm guessing none since I told the reporter we were just friends. She asked and we told the truth." She does have me there. They made it pretty clear that there was nothing romantic going on between them. "If you're jealous of Dawson just say so. Don't make this about something it isn't." I can't believe that she said that. It's like the thing that is never said because once it is you can't take it back. It's always there. I'm not jealous of Dawson the wonder kid director and whatever piece of shit he turns out this week. What I'm jealous of is Dawson the best friend who has a piece of Joey's heart and her entire soul. I'm jealous that Dawson has the best part of my girlfriend and now he has her all to himself. It's kindergarten but true.

"You know that's not true. I don't care what self-indulged piece of shit he turns out next week. That's not the issue here." A lie by omission I suppose.

"You're right. Dawson's show is not the issue." She hisses the words like a rattlesnake. "The issue is that you're still threatened by him and our friendship when you have no reason to be." So she finally hit the nail on the head. What should I do? I could admit it, I'm jealous because she will never give her full self to me. I could press her about it and say that as long as she's Dawson's soul mate we can never truly belong to each other. That would send her running so fast, and with Dawson there to comfort her I'm pretty sure how that would play out. I can't admit it.

"I see my girlfriend on television in the arms of another man and I'm," she cuts me off before I can dig myself a deeper hole.

"I was not in his arms." But I saw you and him. "You're reading in things that aren't even there." Maybe I am. I know that I probably am. Why can't I just shut up already?

"You can't tell me that I didn't see what I saw." The image of them together speaks more to me than anything she could ever say.

"I'm saying that you're making more of this than there is." True, I am. But it's been building up for months now, when the almost victorious feeling I had when we got together started to fade.

"Joey, it's not that I don't trust you." I do. "Dawson is trying to lure you with all this Hollywood shit." I'm not even sure I believe the words as I say them.

Now she's laughing at me. Please, stop laughing at me like I'm some sort of child. She's saying that Dawson isn't trying to be anything but her friend, which I mostly believe. She says she doesn't want to fight and I don't either. Joey Potter, master of avoidance, wants to talk about this later. Actually, it's a good idea. I'm not thinking rationally right now. The worst part is we don't even say I love you' before we hang up.

Joey

I can't believe what just happened and yet I knew it was a long time coming. It's not like Pacey and I don't fight. We argue all the time. There is a pretty hard and fast rule in place, never fight about Dawson. We both broke it just now. I hate being so far away with a fight looming above my head. I should probably go take a shower but I don't have anywhere to be until lunch. I spy a copy of Men's Health on the coffee table. Well that does explain Dawson's biceps. For lack of anything else to do and a desperate need to divert my mind I flip through the pages. Then I come across a quiz. Hmmm. I thought only women's magazines have quizzes. "Are You An Emotional Cheater?" the title asks. I cringe but curiosity overwhelms me.

Are you open with your partner about the extent of your involvement with your Friend? Yes. That was what that whole fight was about. Would you feel comfortable if your partner overheard a conversation with your friend? No. Most definitely not. I tell Dawson what I wouldn't be able to tell anyone. Would you feel comfortable if your partner saw a videotape of your meetings? Well that actually just happened and I am most definitely not comfortable with it. Pacey obviously read more into the innocent gestures. That being said I would never be so touchy with Dawson if I thought Pacey was around. Do you confide more in your friend than your partner about the events of your day? Yes. But Dawson is great at letting me vent and making me feel better. Right now since we're both in office type environments it's just easier for him to relate. Do you discuss negative feelings or intimate details of your relationship with your friend but not your partner? No, actually. I pretty much try to keep the details of my relationship with Pacey out of our conversations. Are you aware of the sexual tension in this friendship? God am I ever. Do you and your friend touch differently when you're alone than you do in front of others? Yes. Are you in love with your friend? Yes, but not in the way this quiz means, I think.

Six out of eight. I'm an emotional cheater, but I think I knew that already

To be continued.