Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson

Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.

Body And Soul

Chapter Eight

Joey

I'm actually not supposed to be here right now. I was supposed to go back to my hotel on Tuesday. But as Dawson said, my stuff is scattered everywhere anyways, I probably wouldn't be able to find what I needed to pack. Plus it would be useless to pack up and go to a hotel when we are both leaving in two days. So of course I agreed to stay. The main reason wasn't about packing and convenience. I'm just having so much fun with him.

Lunch on the balcony at The Ivy, shopping, parties; we did just about everything that you could do in Los Angeles balanced by a good amount of sitting on our asses. My favorite part about my time here has been the walks. I can hardly remember a time when we would walk with no destination in mind. Maybe it's because I feel so far removed from my life on the East Coast or maybe it's just because we're just Dawson and Joey but I haven't felt so free in a long time.

Any other people would be out lounging by the pool this evening but Dawson and I aren't like other people. We're in his media' room. He's reading my novel and I'm reading my beat up copy of Sentimental Education by Flaubert. The reason that I'm reading something that I've read before is that I'm nervous about Dawson reading my novel right in front of me. If I didn't have something to concentrate on I would be constantly reading his face for clues about what he thinks of it.

"It's me," I say as we both hear the ring of a cell phone. "Hello,"

"Joey," I hear through muffled tears. It's Harley. I guess you could say that I'm sort of her mentor, not that I should be mentoring anyone. I think I might need a mentor.

"What's wrong, hon?" It's hard to believe that she is actually in college. She's a woman now.

"I was fine until I saw him." She's starting to cry again so I give her the chance to calm down. "I mean I thought I was alright with everything until I saw him at a party last night. George was with another girl."

"It can be hard," I agree with her. "To see the person that you still love when it's obvious that they have found someone else." This I actually can say with some conviction. Can we say Eve? Or when Dawson was with Jen after his dad died. "What you have to realize is that you can't control the actions of anyone else. You just have to take all the time you need to heal and try not to let the actions of someone else determine your happiness. Unfortunately this usually means moving on." I know this is easier said than done but I get to stay things like that because I'm her mentor.

It's actually kind of funny how my protégé, for lack of a better word, truly takes after me. The George that she is referring to is a friend of her first boyfriend Patrick. George also immortalized the part of Dawson in that movie we made the summer after sophomore year in college.

"That's not the worst part," Harley continues. "I was upset so I called Patrick,"

"You didn't," I groan. I, more than anyone, know where this is going.

"I did," she sniffles. "I slept with him again." Spoken like my true protégé.

"That's not going to help anything and it's not fair to Patrick."

"I know. He thought we were back together this morning and when I said we weren't we got in this big fight. He said that I used him as a diversion from George and he's sick of it. He told me to call him when I grow up."

"He's right." I try to say it as gently as possible.

"I know," she concedes. "I didn't have any intention of sleeping with him when I called him and invited him over. We were just hanging out and I couldn't help but remember how good things were between us. It just kinda happened." This is a tale I know too well. "Listen, can I call you back later. I'm on my way to class."

"Sure." I stretch out. "That's what you should be doing, studying. Focus on yourself for a bit."

"I know," Harley grumbles. "Talk to ya later."

"Yeah, bye."

It's funny to think that's what I'm going to be to Amy. A sort of role model or confidante (I hope). Jen asked me help her out with what she called the girly shit'. You know getting her the right training bra, the whole period thing, boys, sex. She jokingly asked me to fill Jack, Dawson, and Pacey in on the facts of life as well when I give Amy the sex talk. I'm glad that Jen trusted me to do these things for Amy. She could have asked Andie to, after all she is sort of Amy's aunt now, but she asked me. As honored as I am there's a part of me that's scared. Scared because I know that when all this stuff happens there is going to be a part of Amy that wishes that her mother was there and not me. I now this is true because this is how it was with me and Bessie. As grateful as I was for what she was doing there was a part of me that wanted that person across from me to be my mother.

I pick up my book now to hide my face as I shut my eyes tight, hoping a tear wont escape. I'm having one of those it's not supposed to be like this' moments. If someone had told me at fifteen that Jen and I would be friends and she would die young and leave Jack, who turned out to be her gay best friend, with her daughter and I would be dating Pacey, while Dawson made a television show in Los Angles the only part I would have believed the part about Dawson living in Los Angles. I would have said Jen's a slut, Pacey's and asshole, I'm dating Jack, and Dawsonwell someday I'll marry that boy and we'll live in a big house with a white picket fence and have kids, he'll be a famous director — the whole deal.

To divert my mind I let my eyes roam around Dawson's walls. I don't even know some of the people in the pictures. It's almost strange to think that Dawson has this whole other life that I know only through what details he chooses to tell me. I guess it is the same with me though. We don't travel in the same circle anymore and we're more than a boat ride away from each other. When I see all these people who are important to Dawson I find it hard to remember that we were once just three. A film geek, a bookish nerd, and Pacey, well, he was a dweeb. Then Jen came. She definitely upped our cool factor substantially. Then there was Jack and Andie, then Andie left and Audrey came. Then we sort of dissolved into our own lives.

There are posters on the wall too. Promos for The Creek, but I've never seen them anywhere before. Each member of the cast has their own poster with a little tagline underneath it. John's says the jock', Lexi's says the brain', Kim's says, the wild child', Petey's says the clown', Colby's says the dreamer', and mine, or Sammy's says the best friend'. My only guess is they are from when the show started and are an attempt to get the public to know the characters. I'm glad they didn't use them. They have a sort of cheesy feel to them, like a Breakfast Club rip off. You know that last part where they talk about everyone being a princess, a jock, and a criminal and such. Plus the characters on The Creek are as multidimensional as the people Dawson based them on. We are all more than a generalization, a tagline. Even if it did take each other for us to realize it.

Dawson

As a read her novel I can't help but steal a glance at Joey. Her face is stuck in some French book that I've never even heard of. I'm glad that she's here, that she decided to stay with me instead of going back to the hotel. This whole week has been great. The only complaint that I have is it's been too short. It's already Wednesday. We have that party at Audrey's tonight and tomorrow we fly back to Capeside.

I hope when we go home the spell won't be broken. I haven't seen Joey this happy since that day we worked on my movie together. We've gone to lunch, been to parties, sat on our asses and watched movies, and taken these amazing walks. I had forgotten how we would do that, just walk without really having a place to go. Before this trip I think the last time we did that was when we were both living in Boston.

"It's me," Joey says when we both instinctively reach for our cell phones at the first ring. It sounds like she's talking to a girlfriend. It's weird to think that Joey has other friends that I haven't met that I don't even know exist. I can't even imagine her being friends with girls who aren't Audrey, Andie, or Jen. Of course this goes both ways, I have a whole other life that Joey knows nothing about. She doesn't know the guys that I go for drinks with or any of the women that I sleep with and attempt to date. Joey doesn't know that Rebecca called and left a message on my machine saying that she was back in town and wanted to get together.

I know it's ridiculous but I erased the message and never called her. I almost feel like it would be disloyal to Joey or something while she's here. I know that right now she has no romantic feelings towards me, but this time that we have shared has convinced me that we belong together. It just seems like if I drag Rebecca into this I'll complicate an already complicated situation. I know that Joey is with Pacey and she wont just jump up and leave him tomorrow, but she will leave him someday. For some reason I believe it will be sooner rather than later. Why? Because I've noticed the way that Pacey has called her at least four times a day, and I've noticed how when we go out to do things she always turns her phone off. Because we sleep in the same bed every night and she makes me breakfast every morning, making sure I have all of my papers for work. The way we hold hands, hug, and kiss lead me to believe that what she has with Pacey will soon be over. It's in the way we got into a tousling match last night over the remote and there was that awkward moment before we called a truce.

Joey must be dispelling some sort of romantic advice because she is telling the other party on the phone that it can be hard to watch the person that you still love be with someone else. I don't think she has spoken truer words. Can we say Joey and Jack, Joey and Pacey, Joey and Charlie, and now Joey and Pacey again? But it's what she says next that really grabs my attention. That we can't control the actions of anyone else. That it's alright to take all the time you need to heal and not let the actions of someone else determine your own happiness, that usually means moving on. Maybe I should call Rebecca. It's not like I've given up on Joey, I don't think I ever will. But Jen was right I should live and be happy but at the same time stay open to the possibility that someday my soul mate will come to me. The problem is having Joey here makes me realize what truly makes me happy.

She doesn't say who it was on the phone when she hangs up; she just goes back to reading her book. As for myself, I go back to her novel. It really is good. Of course this is the first thing I've read in years that wasn't a script. Movies have always been my thing while books are Joey territory.

"This really would make a great movie," I can't help but break the silence after a few minutes.

"Dawson," she groans. "Please don't start with that. I don't think I have to tell you how hard it would be to make into a movie. There are constant shifts in time. The audience would be thoroughly confused."

"I could find a way around it." Actually I have been thinking about a way around it since I first started reading and I haven't found one yet.

Her face softens. "I'm sure you could." I can't even begin to put into words how amazing it is that this woman believes in me. "But you won't get the chance because it will never be a movie." She sticks her tongue out when she's done and goes back to her book. God, I love that girl.

"You could be a screenwriter Jo." I'm half teasing her, half being serious.

"I could be a lot of things Dawson Leery." I know that she's flirting now because of her smile. It's her naughty smile. I love that smile.

"You are a lot of things." Flirting with your best friend is a dangerous game. "We should get ready if we don't want to be late." I hate to even broach this subject because now that the time has come I'm deathly nervous of her seeing this episode. Hers is the only opinion that counts.

"After all it is your show." She smiles and puts her book down. As she stretches I can't help but think the gesture is almost feline.

Joey

I shake my head as Dawson's friend David, the same one from the premier, offers me a hit off of his joint. I might have been tempted but somehow it doesn't feel right to do drugs with Dawson. I'm not sure why, maybe because I still am a bookish nerd at heart disguised in a Fred Siegal wardrobe. Its not like I've never done it before. I've dated enough beatniks to have smoked a little pot in my days. They were the type of guys who drank black coffee and handed in fifty page papers about On The Road' that they typed on their type writer because they reject the phoniness of the electronically based society we live in today. And they were always socialists, communists, anarchists, or some other type of ist. I used to think guys like that were deep. Looking back they were, for the most part, a group of assholes.

Another drink on the other hand, that I can totally go for. The show's just started and already I'm nervous as hell. It's Sammy's birthday and she and Colby have gone to confront her father who abandoned her family when she was five. When they get to his house no one is home and they end up missing their bus. Instead of coming back tomorrow they call Colby's mom who gives her credit card number to the guy at the front desk of some fleabag motel. Its Colby's line Our first time in a foreign bed' that got me. It brought me back to that time when Dawson came with me to visit my father in prison. A few days after that Dawson and I got together for the first time and my life changed forever.

When the show first started I asked Dawson why he didn't make my father a criminal, he said that the network execs didn't think it sounded believable. You know your life is fucked up when it's too insane for a teen drama. He's still in prison, my dad. He got sent back for a parole violation. Some people go through this world and never get it right. I hope I'm not one of them.

The scenes with John and Kim are actually making me cry. Dawson must have a memory like an elephant because sometimes I don't even remember that Jen said something or thought a certain way until I see Kim saying or thinking it. The girl that plays Kim doesn't do Jen justice, though I must admit she does have that sad look that Jen used to have down perfectly. Almost like someone ran over her dog.

"Hey Bunny," Audrey comes up to me and Dawson with a round of hugs. "Cutie," she acknowledges him.

"Hey Audrey," we say simultaneously.

"I've hardly spent any time with you guys this week." She pouts a little when she says it. It's true we only hung out once and met by coincidence at a party the other night. The free time that Dawson and I have had we have spent with each other. It's funny that I always used to feel trapped in the same place with him, like I was forever fifteen and watching movies in his room. I don't feel that way anymore, maybe it is because I've actually let myself feel like an adult around him or maybe it's because we are a world away from everything and everyone I know. When I'm with Dawson now I feel like myself, but better. Like maybe I could be a novelist, or a screenwriter, or whatever else that would make me happy. When I'm with him the world seems full of possibilities not constraints.

Dawson

As I come back with another round of drinks for Joey and me I see Audrey approach. When she's in town I usually see her once a week or so. We share some mutual friends.

"Hey Bunny," Audrey gives Joey a hug. "Cutie," she says as she hugs me and pinches my ass. If it were any other woman I would take it as a come on but it's Audrey so I just laugh and hope that she never finds out that I had a mild crush on her during her senior year of college. It was nothing major, I think it was just to have a crush on someone who wasn't Joey. We had, or I should say Joey had, decided against us getting back together after we had way to much to drink during my families' Christmas party and ended up almost sleeping together. The only thing more embarrassing than my mom walking in on me and Joey in tenth grade was my mom walking in on me and Joey half naked. Of course we were both drunk so the brunt of the embarrassment came later on. My mom kept giving us these sly looks and God help me even winked at us during Christmas dinner. Mortifying, truly mortifying.

"Hey, Audrey." Joey and I say it at the same time and for some reason this strikes me as funny.

"What have you two been up to?" she asks as she unscrews her bottle of beer. I must admit it's always a little awkward to see Audrey drink. I thought that alcoholics were supposed to stay sober forever. Audrey never seems to drink too much, just a few. It's really none of my business anyway.

"Dawson's been showing me around town." Joey smiles and puts her arm around me as she says it.

"Yes I have," I put my arm around her. "I trying to keep it a secret that LA is really a hellhole." We all laugh as I say it. I think we're all a little buzzed right now.

"I realized that when my plane actually went through a cloud of pollution when I was landing." It's true; Los Angeles is a hellhole. Of course it's my hellhole now. Not everyplace in the world can have clear skies, blue salty oceans, and a crystal creek.

"What about you, Audrey? Are you done with the tour?"

"Yes thank God." She really does sound relieved. "I actually just got done with my own record now that you mention it." I didn't mention anything about a record but I can tell what is coming next by the smile that she gives me.

"When will it be out?" Joey asks.

"Around Christmas. One of the benefits of having a significant other with ties in the industry. But I've got copies that I can give to you before you go. Just remind me."

"Free CD's. I knew there was a reason that were friends." The overly friendly way that Joey says that leads me to believe that it's not just me, she's a little buzzed.

"There's this guy I know," Audrey says it with a smile indicating I must be the said guy. "And he has this little television show." I'm definitely the guy in question. "And whenever a song is played on his show the sales go up like, a billion percent."

"You don't have to ask me twice," I smile as I say it. We are always looking for good music for the show.

"I didn't have to ask you once," she says triumphantly.

"Its back on." Audrey stops our conversation as The Creek comes back on. Sammy and Colby are in bed now. I'm trying to subtly watch Joey for clues on how she feels about what's happening on screen. Her face is blank, but she's totally engrossed. The scene has shifted now and it's Lexi and Petey. I hope that the actors that play them can make up soon. It's obvious that it's affecting their work. Where there used to be fireworks and passion there is now a sort of a sad bitterness. If they don't make up soon I'm sure they'll both move on to someone else. The cast's off screen hobby seems to finding new ways to pair off with each other. Not that I condone interoffice romances but it's hard to stop nineteen year old kids with money and raging hormones.

Joey

It's easier to watch now that Lexi and Petey are alternating between saying they hate each other and making out. I can't imagine those two having sex, the chemistry factor is zero. I'm probably going to need another drink to calm my nerves. I never thought I would be this nervous to see if Dawson and I, or Sammy and Colby have sex.

"What do you do again?" David asks me as the commercial break starts.

"She's a screenwriter," Dawson says as he come up behind me and hands me another drink.

"That's not true," I laugh.

"Don't be modest, Joey." Dawson says it playfully; he's doing this just to torture me. Either that or he's drunk. Or both. "You should read what she just wrote. It's fantastic."

"Dawson, cut it out." I plead with him, laughing.

"I'd like to take a look at it sometime. Fresh talent is hard to come by."

"Sure." I'm not sure what else to say. I don't want to be mean and say no.

"Smile!" someone comes to take our picture. Partly to get him back, partly because I'm happy to be here with him, and probably partly because I'm drunk I make a move to kiss his cheek. Just as I turn my head my lips collide with Dawson's. Instinctively I close my eyes and lose myself in the sensation of simply my lips on his. I can feel the prickle of electricity they exchange. It must have only been about ten seconds but it felt like ten minutes.

"Sorry," Dawson says as he pulls away. "I was gonnabut I didn't know that you had the same idea."

"Sorry," I apologize. I feel flushed. It could be the alcohol, or the kiss, or both. But I don't feel bad. I should feel bad. But it was an accident. Right?

"UmYeah," Dawson says with a small smile.

"Yeah," I smile back softly.

Pacey

It's midnight now but the party is still in full swing. The Icehouse hasn't been this packed since Eastwood Tours dropped off a busload of blue-hairs coming from the Falmouth Arts and Crafts Festival. That was in September. Jack and Doug are the only people who have left. At about ten they made their good-byes with a sleeping Amy in their arms. That girl could sleep through a nuclear holocaust, just like her mother.

Poor Jack. He openly cried during some of the scenes tonight. I have to hand it to Dawson; he does seem to remember everything. There are things that I realize I've forgotten about Jen until I see them through Kim, not that the chick that plays Jen could even come close to her. She just doesn't have that Zen like crazy-cool quality that was just Jen. She does however have that one look down. Whenever Jen was upset her face would betray her; it looked like someone just ran over her dog or something.

Then there were Lexi and Petey. God what a nightmare. I have never in my life seen such uncomfortable kissing scenes in all my life. They each looked like they wanted to be anywhere but where they were. When I first saw the promos I had this sinking feeling that they would end in a B&B with Petey ready to fulfil Lexi's fantasy date. Thank God that didn't happen. They ended up stranded below deck in his father's boat. It was a little contrived but I just wasn't in the mood to watch my life unfold on the screen tonight.

And last but not least of the Creeker couples we had Sammy and Colby. I can't even find the words to explain how weird it was to watch those two have what can only be described as hot birthday sex in some cheap motel. Actually it was disgusting. I could feel it down to the pit of my stomach. It's not like I don't remember that Dawson and Joey had sex on her birthday. Who could forget the display that followed? But Christ!

And now she's there at one of Audrey's "little" parties watching it. This is one time that I wish we were together watching the show. I wonder how it makes her feel to see that on television sans the fallout. Is she fine with having such a personal part of her life up there for everyone to see? I know I'm not alright with it.

I think I hear the phone ringing in the back office. Joey must have seen it and probably isn't happy. She probably just wants someone to vent to.

"Icehouse."

"Thank God it wasn't us!"

"Andie! Is that you?"

"Yeah," she sounds a little breathless. "I was going to call your house but I didn't want to wake anyone up so I thought that I would take the chance that the party was still going on and call the restaurant." My disappointment that Joey didn't call is replaced my eagerness to talk to Andie. We really don't talk enough. She only lives in Boston. I should have gone to see her when I dropped Joey off but it didn't even occur to me.

"I'm glad you called and I second your thank God it wasn't us."

"Those actors suck when they're together. They seem to do alright otherwise but when they get together it's like, blah." I can't help but laugh when Andie says blah'. That girl knows exactly what to say or do to lift my spirits, she always has.

"I don't think I have ever seen such awkward lip locking in all my life."

"How did you feel about the other couple?" Andie asks the question gently.

"Well if I said I felt good about it I would be lying."

"Yeah, based on true events, or so I heard."

"That's right you weren't at the party."

"I was making up for a year of bumming around Italy."

"Yeah, lucky you."

"It's only based on real events," she says gently. "It's not exactly how it happened. Plus she's with you right now."

"Actually, she's on business in Los Angeles this week so technically she's with Dawson right now."

"But she's literally coming back home to you." Andie does have a point. When this trip is done it will be me that she comes back to. This is where her life is.

"You're right," I say brightly. "It doesn't matter what happens on some stupid television show. Life is what counts. And in the game of life Joey and I are together."

"That's better." I can imagine her smiling over the phone. "Is Jack still around?"

"No he and Doug left with Amy around ten."

"How's he holding up? Some of that stuff was pretty sad."

"Yeah, John and Kim wondering if they would ever find a romantic partner who they would love as much as each other. That was pretty rough to watch. Jack cried a bit, hell I cried a bit."

"I did too," Andie admits. "It's hard sometimes to see pieces of my life and the lives of the people that are important to me like that."

"I know what you mean," I agree.

"And other times," Andie continues. "It can be comforting. I feel closer to all of you. And I remember things that I would have otherwise long forgotten."

"My ill fated birthday party." I make a reference to last week's episode.

"Oh my God!" Andie screeches. "What was I wearing? Like I would prance around in a bikini and cutoffs, and in November."

"Criminal," I smile as I settle in for a long talk with an old friend

To Be Continued