Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson
Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.
Body And Soul
Chapter Ten
Pacey
Life is good. I'm driving down a familiar stretch of road in a brand new viper for a wonderful meal with the people I love the most in this world. And Joey will be back today. The whole week I've felt off without her, but soon that will change. I've tried to curb my jealous boyfriend urges all week but I still couldn't help calling her three or four times a day. I know it was overkill and I probably wouldn't have done that if it had been anyone else that she was staying with. But I don't really want to think about Dawson right now.
I'll just think about my sweet ride. Well it's not mine really. There is definitely something wrong with the world when a seventeen year old busboy gets a brand new viper for his birthday when his boss drives an old truck. But I think a viper for a few days is more than a fair trade for use of my truck at hunting camp for the week and a month of Friday nights off. I'm as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. I can't wait to take Joey riding around in this thing. Maybe I'll take her to that place we used to park at in high school.
I've been so lost in my thoughts of car sex that I haven't even realized that I'm pulling into the Leery's driveway. There's a car pulling up behind me. Joey!
"You better not have a wife and three kids stashed away in some dive one bedroom apartment," I hear a voice say. It's Andie making a joke about that economics project we worked on together eons ago. I had smooshed our pretend family into a one bedroom apartment so that we could afford a viper. Actually we still hadn't been able to afford the car.
"Well ya do what ya gotta do," I say as I rush up to embrace her. Her hair smells nice, like vanilla. It smelled like strawberries when we went out, but that was years ago.
"New car?" she beams.
"Hardly," I laugh at the thought. "I lent the truck out and this is part of the trade."
"Pretty nice trade if you ask me," she eyes the car.
"And you're still driving Saabs," I say as eye her car. "Is that a convertible?"
"Yeah," she gushes. "I had to put the top up because it's already colder than hell outside."
"Yeah, but that's the Cape. Don't worry tomorrow we'll probably be able to wear shorts."
"Or a bikini top and cutoffs," she jokes.
"Promise."
"For you Witter, anything."
"I thought that you couldn't make it." She had mentioned on the phone that it is practically impossible for a resident to get Thanksgiving off.
"Yeah," she sighs almost glumly. "My story won out."
I just nod. It is a tearjerker. High school friends meet at fifteen and stick together through the years. Then, the first one to make peace with herself and become a parent dies young, leaving her only child to her gay best friend who happens to be Andie's brother. I can't imagine anyone else topping that.
"I'm glad you could make it," I finally say. "It wouldn't be the same without you." It won't be the same without Jen and I know were both thinking the same thing because she silently rubs my back for a moment. It does make me feel better. How one person can always say or do the right thing for another amazes me for a moment.
"Promise you'll take me for a drive up and down Main Street
before I leave?" she asks in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"How about I take us for a ride up to Mercer's Pond and you can take us for a drive up to Sand Pointe."
"Deal," she says holding out her hand.
"Deal." I hug her instead.
Dawson
As we pull up I can see Andie and Pacey hugging. I'm glad that she was able to make it after all. I have a feeling that today I'm going to need as many friends as I can get. I think we all will.
"Jo?" I ask. "Did Pacey get a new car?" I knew that the restaurant was doing well, but I didn't know things were that good for him. But maybe Doug saved it for him at a police auction or something.
"I don't think so," she says slowly. "Unless he wanted it to be a surprise."
As we get out of the car I see that Pacey notices that we're here. Or I should say that Joey's here. He practically accosts her, picking her up off the ground and swinging her around. And he kisses her. This is the first time that I've actually seen them together, as a couple, since senior year of high school. It hurt then, but the pain is a different kind now. Back then I felt as if I had lost her forever. Now it is as if the thing I love is just shy of my reach. I'm not sure which hurts worse.
Then it all becomes real to me. Joey is handing Pacey her bags and he's throwing them in the back of his car, like it's the most natural thing in the world to do. She's his. She'll be leaving with him tonight, she'll be staying at his apartment, they'll have sex. This is all hitting home. It's a lot easier to hold out hope and not be consumed by jealousy when an entire country separates me from the situation. And now they are kissing, leaning against the hood of his shiny new car.
I can't watch this any more. I turn to Andie and she comes up to me.
"It's been a long time," she says as she hugs me.
"Too long," I say as I hug her back. The last time I saw her was at Jen's funeral, but we don't say that. She smells nice, like vanilla and sugar cookies. I resist the urge to smell her hair.
"You look great," I take a step back and truly check her out. When I write for Lexi I always try to think about what Andie would do. But when I think of Andie I always remember a high stung girl in overalls, sweet but a little hyper. Pretty but plain. That isn't the case anymore. She's really grown into herself. Andie looks like what she is; a well educated East Coast progressive democrat that drives an expensive car. Tailored and refined in gray wool pants and a pink sweater set. Very money, yet there is something more there, a warmth and genuine happiness betrays her collective exterior.
"Your not so bad yourself," she teases. I don't know about that. Though I'm not a fifteen year old kid drowning in a sweater three sizes too large I'm hardly what you would call trendy or handsome.
"New ride, huh?' I finally say after Pacey and Joey appear to be done with their hellos.
"Not quite," he says coming up and shaking my hand and then
pulling me into a hug. I must admit that I'm a little surprised. But some of the apprehensions I have about today dissipate. It's not like Pacey is my enemy. He's my friend. I wish that we were better friends. "It's more like a trade for a couple of days."
"Come on," Andie says excitedly and I can still see a glimpse of the girl she once was. "Jack and Doug's car is already here."
Joey
This is good. They're hugging. I didn't want things to be tense, not today. I think that out of respect for Jen everyone is setting all the pettiness and jealousies aside for the day.
"Andie," I turn to her. "You look nice." It is good to see her again. The last time we saw each other was at Jen's funeral. With all the time that I spend in Capeside there is really no excuse for me not taking the hour to drive to Boston to go and see her. I promise myself that I will. Now she's the oldest girlfriend that I have left, a throwback to the days when I could only seem to be friends with someone if they had a penis.
"You too, Joey," she says.
"I still have to change," I laugh. "I'm all grimy from the flight."
"Nonsense," she says. "You look great." Actually I feel a bit foolish next to the well put together Andie in dress pants and a sweater set.
"Come on," Andie turns excitedly to Pacey and Dawson. In her
voice I can still see that perky teenager that she used to be. "Jack and Doug's car is already here."
Suddenly we're greeted by an onslaught of people. Bessie and
Bodie take possession of me right away with Alex nipping at their heels. Dawson is immediately enveloped by Gale and Lily. Her new husband hangs back a bit, probably unsure of the place he has among people who know each other better than they know themselves. But Dawson changes that. He pulls him into the embrace with Gale and Lily, and I love him for it. Andie picks up Amy and melts into the kind words of Jack and Doug.
"Evelyn," Pacey says as he kisses her cheek. "I have never seen you look lovelier. Is that a new dress?"
"I have your number young man," she attempts to say sternly but blushes in spite of herself. "I bet you say that to all the women."
"Only gorgeous ones in pretty dresses." He doesn't miss a beat and she's radiantly happy. I don't know if he was born with it or what but Pacey exudes this charm that has women, age nine months to ninety, flock to him like a fly to honey.
"All we're missing is Audrey," Dawson says as he tries, but fails to untangle Lily's arms from around his neck.
"Is the Anti-Pacey coming?" Pacey asks me as he takes Amy from Andie.
"Not `til tomorrow, I think. He's in England or something right now." I ignore Pacey's raised eyebrow as I hold my arms out for my turn in the game of `pass the baby'.
"The wait shouldn't be too long," Bessie says as she gestures to a car pulling up the driveway. It's Audrey, alone and singing along with some unheard song. She flips her shades onto the top of her head and parks her car. It's now that she notices us all gathered around the window and she gives us an enthusiastic wave as she bounds up the steps.
"Well I'm here, so we can start now she says." I'm not sure if she's being serious or not. Sometimes I just don't know with her.
She looks at me and Dawson. "Alright you two I just saw. But you," she hugs Pacey. "And you two," now she turns her attention to Doug and Jack. Audrey manages to hug every person in the room down to Gale's new husband and then snatches Amy from my arms.
"Hey baby bunny," she coos. Actually Audrey is great with kids. I never would have thought it but when Jen was sick I once walked into the wackiest game of Beauty Shop that I had ever seen. Alex was in a chair with spiked hair and shaving cream all over his face, Audrey was sitting on the bed with a magazine. She looked like she was wearing war paint and her hair was in every direction.
"We're getting ready to go have lunch in Africa," she said casually as Lilly continued to torture her hair. "Wanna come?"
"I can't," I said trying to hide the relief in my voice. "I have to get to the hospital before morning visiting hours are over."
"I'll be there when Gale comes back and my lunch in Africa is
over." I left thinking that someday Audrey will make a great mom.
"I'm going to get changed," I announce.
"Go ahead and use my room," Dawson says as he takes Amy in
his turn of `pass the baby'.
Pacey
Jen is everywhere today. She's in the air, the winding curves of the creek, in her friends, and most of all in the little sprite that is running around with chubby hands and dirty blond hair. You tell Amy no and I swear to God she will turn, smile at you, and do it anyway. It's mischievous, it's endearing, it's Jen. Yet she is different in so many ways. She's a tomboy through and through. I hope that she never feels like she's living in her mother's shadow. I don't want that for her. Truth be told I love her like she was my own daughter. True to my word every Saturday night has been our `date' night. We go to the zoo, the park, McDonald's, wherever. And every time I bring her home Jack tells me I shouldn't have bought her anything, but I always do. I can't help it. Jack says I'm turning her into the most spoiled eighteen month old that he's ever seen.
The spirit of Jen is definitely here, gluing us together; helping us set aside everything that has happened in the distant and not so distant past. And I'm determined to do my part. We're all in this together. For some reason the cosmic spirits, God, or whatever force that rules the universe has decided that the people in this house belong together. Who am I to stand in the way of that?
"Hey," I hand Jack a beer and sit down to watch the Patriots face off against the Browns. It's weird to see Henry there on the sidelines. He's injured and not even suited up, but he still looks like he belongs, like he's in his element.
He came to the funeral. I recognized him right away. The baby fat and long hair was gone as well as that untouched, innocent look. Part of me wondered if it had left when Jen died or long before.
"Hey, Henry." I shook his hand and didn't know what else to say. I had never imagined that he would be there, that he would even know. He had never even entered my mind in years, not like I had ever really thought about him before.
"She was my first love," Henry said after a long pause. "My mom told me what was happening. When I came down it was too late, she was gone. I guess I just wanted to say goodbye, say thank you."
I wasn't sure if I should ask but I did. "For what?"
"For being my first love, for showing me what love even was.
There's just something about your first love that never really ends." We stood a while in silence and then he walked away. I saw him get into his truck and drive away. I never knew that their relationship was that serious. It seemed so high school. But then again every relationship in high school is serious, especially your first.
It was actually amazing the number of people that showed up for Jen's funeral. There were people from Capeside, Boston, New York and beyond. I couldn't have imagined that Jen even knew so many people. Old friends, old boyfriends, coworkers, and family. When just about every ex-boyfriend that you've had since high school shows up for your funeral, it is truly a testament to an amazing person. Drue Valentine even cried. I know I only have half the story on him, but it seems they became pretty close after Jen went to NYU and found that Drue had transferred there as well. She had always denied that they hooked up, but I'm not so sure.
Given our group's incestuous past it's a wonder that Jen and I never did manage to get together, and not for lack of trying. There was that time in high school when we had our little sex pact thing and a drunken night after we found out about Dawson and Joey almost doing the deed during that now infamous Christmas vacation. And there were about a couple dozen other times through the years that I wanted to act on my feelings for her. Looking back now, I'm glad that we never did. Now my favorite memories of Jen can be us skipping class, driving around and singing at the top of lungs to Baba O'Riley. Jen is the only woman who's ever appreciated my taste in music.
I wonder if I should mention Henry to Jack. Some days he tells stories about Jen until his voice is raw with laughter, other days he talks about her and can't stop crying, and other times he doesn't want to mention her at all. The problem is solved when Doug and Dawson join us, followed by Audrey and Andie. Between us we should be able to make decent conversation.
"Hey," Joey says as she comes downstairs. She looks great in khakis and a black sweater. I don't think I'll be able to contain myself until tonight. We might have to take a little drive before dinner. I make room for her to half sit on my lap, half sit on the couch but she sits on the floor with the Andie and Audrey. Or I could say those uninterested in the fact that the Patriots are getting their asses kicked.
"I thought you would wear your red shirt," Dawson says casually. I think what I don't like is the casual way he said it. Like he's on a familiar basis with her wardrobe or something.
"I was going to," Joey says. "But there's still that stain on it from Sunday night."
What was Sunday night I wonder, but try to dismiss the feelings of jealousy that I have. It will get worse than talking about shirts as the night goes on, this I'm sure of. There will be stories about Los Angeles, about being kids, about The Creek. Bessie is just bursting to hear about that movie premier down to the last detail. She even found someone who had it on tape. Now we can relive that moment again and again, just like The Creek. Oh Joy!
But I can't keep a small smile from invading my face when I
realize that I've had every woman in the room up, down, and sideways. Hell, I even took the virginity of two of them. With Andie what she didn't have in experience she made up for in effort and eagerness. To this day some of my fondest memories are times that I spent with that girl. Then there's my Joey. When she was seventeen she didn't exactly have a lot of bedroom skills, to put it politely. But things change with time and I'm glad that is one of them. Then there's Audrey. I'll never say it out loud, but she's the best sex I ever had. She would try anything once and even came up with a few ideas of her own. To this day I owe her. She came along at a time in my life when I thought all the great loves of my life were behind me. I was nineteen and it seems laughable now, but then it was the most important thing a person could have done for me.
"What are you girls whispering about?" I ask Audrey, Joey and
Andie who have their heads put together in some scene that
resembles a slumber party.
"Shh," Audrey says as she puts her hand up in protest. "We're holding our first annual meeting of the `I Fucked Pacey Witter Club."
There is a stunned silence for a moment as we all sort of look at each other. That discomfort that was missing a few moments ago is starting to creep back. I'm unsure what to say so I take a swig of my beer. Dawson and Doug follow my lead. But suddenly Jack starts laughing. It's a deep hearty laugh that comes right from his chest. Audrey joins him and is soon followed by Doug. Before we know it we're all laughing uncontrollably. We're laughing at ourselves and we're laughing at each other and now I remember why we are all friends.
"What's so funny?" Lily asks as her and Alex come into the living room.
"Nothing Sweetie," Joey says wiping a tear from her eye as she opens her arms to Lily and Alex.
Joey
Things are good, actually better than good. We are all here and there's this feeling that we are all in this together. Dawson and I joke about being married in a former life, but that is how this feels. Like I've lived many lifetimes with these people. The tension is gone for a moment, most likely out of love and respect for Jen. There is just this serene sense of friendship and well being.
Andie, Audrey, and I are sprawled out on the floor trying to fit in some girl talk between questions from Alex and Lily. Silly thing like `why is the sky blue' and such.
"Is this your bag, Audrey?" Lily asks holding up a black leather purse with cheetah print lining. The two of them have this girlie type of bond and I see a fashion future of feathers and glitter for Lily.
"Sure is Bunny. I got it on sale."
"How much?" Lily asks, examining the outside. This strikes me as funny because I don't think that she has a firm grasp of money yet. But then again neither does Audrey.
"Eighty dollars," Audrey says proudly. Much as I suspected the number doesn't mean very much to Lily.
"What are you teaching my sister?" Dawson asks Audrey, but a
smile betrays his stern tone.
"Every woman needs to know the value of a sale," Audrey
defends herself.
Lily slings the purse across her shoulder and says to Alex. "Do you like my purse?" I try to hide my smile as she puts her hand on her hip. "It was only eighty cents." We all exchange smiles at Lily's money mistake. "On sale," she adds as an afterthought.
"Can I look inside?" Lily asks.
"Sure," Audrey says, discreetly taking a Cosmo magazine out
and slipping it under the couch.
Alex and Lily retreat to the corner with Audrey's magazines.
Thankfully they seem to just be a People, an Entertainment
Weekly, and things of that nature. I pray that they don't come back knowing where the clitoris is.
"Joey," Lily asks. "Is my brother your boyfriend." Great it's question time again.
"No, sweetie. We're best friends, like you and Alex." For some reason Alex is giggling.
"How come you kiss?" This is going to be uncomfortable.
"Sometimes we kiss on the cheek. Grown up friends
sometimes do that to say hello or goodbye." I have to tread
lightly or Alex and Lily will start kissing each other. They have all of high school to do that. Plus I can feel how tense Pacey is. It's just innocent kid's talk, but I can see where it would be upsetting.
"But you kiss like Mommy and Daddy," Alex says.
What the hell is going on? "What do you mean?" I ask him.
"Look," he says bringing a magazine over to me.
A wave of fear jolts through my body. There it is, a picture of me and Dawson, as Alex so eloquently put it "kissing like mommy and daddy." My mind is blank, my body is numb. That's not the only picture. There is one of Dawson giving me a bite of his sandwich, one of us walking and holding hands, one of us with our arms around each other at the premiere, and that one of us kissing right in the center. There is text too. I have to read the words. It's a struggle to force my mind to form the letters together in some sort of cohesive fashion.
The title for the page says `Current Couplings' and we share the page with two other spreads. Our caption reads,`Wonderboy director Dawson Leery has always been closed lipped about his love life, claiming that he only has time for work. The famed director of The Creek seems to be signing a different tune these days, as indicated by these photographs of him and long time friend, Joey Potter, who he has openly admitted is the inspiration for Sammy Gardner on his hit show.' But there's more. Each picture has an explanation under it. The one from lunch reads, `At the famed balcony of the Ivy Dawson and Joey were very friendly, holding hand s through lunch and here Dawson gives Joey a taste of his sandwich.' Then there is the picture of us holding hands that reads simply, `Dawson Leery and Joey Potter enjoy a quiet walk as he takes time out from his rigorous schedule of the Creek.' And then there is the premiere, `Even though in an interview given the very same night Dawson says that he and Joey are merely best friends while she uses the term soul mates. Is that art imitating life or life imitating art?' And just when it couldn't get any worse, it does. There is that picture of the kiss, taken only last night. It says, `At an intimate party to watch the November sweeps episode of The Creek, hosted by mutual friend singer/songwriter Audrey Liddel, Dawson and Joey share a lingering kiss.' Fuuuuuuck.