Note: I'm not thrilled with the way this ended, and I realize that it's not my usual ending by any stretch of the imagination. I'm G/S all the way and this story will most likely be followed up with a sequel.
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Grissom closed his townhouse door and took inventory of his life. He recalled the comment that Catherine had once made when they were processing a suspect's home about how people needed something real in their life, if only it was a plant. He then thought of the Orchid that he'd sent Sara when she had presented him with that leave of absence request. They had never spoken of it and he wondered if she still had the plant or if it had died in the past season.
Sighing deeply, he walked slowly towards his bathroom to take a long and much-needed shower. Images of Sara floated through his muddled brain as he let the cold water wash over his neck and back and his hands supported his body as he leaned into the beating pellets of water. When had his feelings for her changed from trusting friend to someone that he could not imagine living without? Moreover, when had she changed from looking at him with doting eyes to watching him with guarded mistrust? He pictured her in the conference room, her wary eyes watching him hand Warrick a fifty-dollar bill for the pizzas and drinks. She had nibbled on one slice of the vegetarian pizza before excusing herself to continue with the case files. He held his tongue when he found that he was about to reprimand her for not eating enough and instead returned his own half eaten slice of pizza to his plate and picked up his own case.
Now Grissom had to take stock of what direction he wanted to pursue with his life and whom he wanted to pursue. Lying on his bed, alone once again, he tried to imagine what it would be like if Sara were lying next to him. If she would run her long fingers over his chest and give him that special smile that she once reserved only for him. He wanted to make her smile. He fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of deep brown eyes.
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Grissom placed a coffee container on the lab counter beside Sara. A little over a month had elapsed since his self-realization and he was taking slow steps towards reaching the goal he had since prescribed for himself.
Sara's eyes held the guarded expression he'd come to expect whenever he stepped into her personal space or made a comment that would have been normal flirtation a year ago.
"It's a White chocolate mocha." He told her when she made no move to pick up the container.
"Uh, okay. Thanks Grissom." Sara still didn't pick up the coffee; instead she bent back to the microscope and peered through the lenses. When she felt that Grissom was not moving she tried to keep the irritation from her tone.
"Grissom," Sara kept her eyes on the object in the microscope. She was not going to look into his blue eyes and feel herself pulled back into his depths. "Did you bring me coffee because you want me to do something for you?"
When Grissom did not respond, she pulled back to find him watching her intently. Suddenly self conscious, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head slightly.
"Are you going to drink it?" Grissom pointed to the coffee without taking his eyes from her face.
Confusion was etched on Sara's face as she picked up the hot drink. "Why are you so interested in my drinking this, Grissom? Did you poison it?" The smile that played around her lips as she teased him vanished with the hurt she saw in his eyes.
"I was kidding." She couldn't fathom why Grissom was suddenly being so attentive, but guessed that it had something to do with her new promotion and the fact that he felt that she was learning how to excel without his tutorage. Did he feel threatened? Taking a deliberate sip of the almost sweet brew she raised her eyebrows and set the cup back on the counter. "Satisfied?"
"What are doing after shift?" Grissom asked suddenly, his eyes focused on her face.
The unexpected question floored Sara and her newfound confidence slipped just a hair. "Excuse me?"
Grissom licked his dry lips and questioned his own surprise. "I asked if you had plans for breakfast after shift."
"That isn't what you asked me, but yes I have plans." Sara was intrigued by the flash of emotions that played across his face. "With Catherine and the guys." She reached for the coffee again. It would be a shame to waste it so she took another sip and tried to understand why Grissom was bringing her coffee and asking her about her plans for after shift. "Why are you asking me this Grissom?"
Shifting from one foot to another, he shrugged and tried to change the subject. "What are you looking at?" His eyes were trained on the microscope as Sara weighed her options. She could call him on his evasiveness and hope to discover why he was behaving in such a strange manner. Or, she could play his games and pretend nothing had happened.
"See for yourself." She stepped back and he had no choice but to step forward and peer through the lenses. "What do you think?" She watched him step back and twist his body slightly to see her face.
"I think that I would like to be invited to breakfast with everyone. Why wasn't I?"
Sara held her breath. She didn't know this game. It wasn't fair that he had the playbook and she was left in the dark.
"Warrick asked me and Catherine if we wanted to grab breakfast after work." She measured her words, careful not to sound accusing. "Since when have you ever wanted to go with us to breakfast?"
"Since I've made some decisions in my life." It was hard, but he kept his eyes from wavering from her face. "Only I don't want to talk about them here, or with a group of people."
The silence stretched on for several minutes as Sara replayed his statement in her mind. She was so tired of trying to read into his words and she wondered why he was doing this to her now. She was determined to get over him and move on with her life so why was he standing so close to her and looking at her as though she held his heart in her hands? She took another sip of the coffee and tried to think of what she should say to him. She knew one thing for certain-she was not going to open herself up to him, only to be shunned again.
"I'm sure that Warrick would have invited you to join us if you had been around." Sara contemplated his closed expression. "You are welcome to join us, you know that don't you Grissom?"
"Are you inviting me to have breakfast with you?" Grissom told himself to drop the subject. She was not ready for him to be pressing her like this, but he found that he could not keep himself from pursuing the subject.
Sara felt her heart skip a beat and silently berated herself for responding to his sensuous voice and disarming manner.
"I'm inviting you to have breakfast with me, Catherine, Warrick and Nick." Sara stressed.
"Okay." Grissom knew it was time to bail out of this conversation and take what he could get, but an idea was brewing in his mind.
He left Sara staring after him and made his way to the trace lab where he'd last seen Catherine and Warrick.
"Hi." Grissom paused in the doorway.
Catherine greeted him with a smile and Warrick gave him a slight nod in acknowledgement.
"Busy?" Grissom walked over to the table where Warrick was engrossed in some evidence.
"What does it look like?" Catherine asked him with a smirk.
Grissom shifted his weight from one leg to the other and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "I'll come back." He started to leave, but spun around before he could change his mind. "Would you both like to come over for breakfast? I'll cook omelets per request."
Warrick dropped the paper he was looking at and stared at Grissom in stunned silence. Catherine only suppressed a laugh, but her voice was questioning as she spoke.
"We were planning on going out with Sara and Nick. Are they invited?"
Grissom tried to keep his expression blank and his voice steady. "Of course." He started towards the doorway and said over his shoulder. "I'll see you all there around eight."
When he was safely out of earshot Warrick and Catherine looked at one another.
"What was that?" Warrick asked. Catherine lifted her shoulders and shrugged. They had barely returned to processing their evidence when Sara stuck her head in the door.
"Hey, you two," Sara gave a short wave when they looked up. "Grissom is joining us for breakfast. I thought that I should let you know."
She was gone before they could correct her statement. Again, Warrick and Catherine exchanged looks. "This gets interesting and more interesting." Warrick mumbled.
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"Where are we?" Sara was sitting in the passenger side of Catherine's Tahoe. She did not recognize the street they were driving along, although it did look familiar.
"Grissom invited us over to his place for breakfast." Catherine spoke with as much casualness as she could manage.
"He did what?" Sara clutched the door handle and looked like she was about to pull it open and step out.
Catherine clicked the lock buttons to ensure herself that Sara was not going to do something stupid.
"He offered to make omelets for everyone." Catherine glanced at the tense woman beside her. "Grissom makes some mean omelets."
"He has cooked for you?" Sara's voice was barely above a whisper, she was not prepared to walk into Grissom's domain and pretend it was a nice breakfast with the boss.
"Grissom and I have been friends for fifteen years, Sara. On occasion he has cooked breakfast for me after particularly hard cases. It's been awhile, though."
Sara bit her lip and kept her opinion to herself. She envied the easy friendship that Catherine shared with Grissom and the fact that he had no qualms about inviting her to his home for breakfast. She also knew that he had told Catherine about the surgery on his ears. That had hurt when he made the admission upon his return to the lab. She knew that he had thought about not telling them about his hearing issues, but something had made him change his mind. She released her breath when they pulled into a parking space next to Grissom's Tahoe. Warrick and Nick pulled into a parking space on the other side of them and Sara told herself that she would let them carry the conversation. She would eat an omelet and then ask someone to drive her home. She knew that she should have insisted on driving herself to breakfast, but Catherine had convinced her that she could just as easily drop her off on her way to her own home.
Grissom was smiling when he opened the door. His eyes swept over the group, lingering on the one person he most wanted to please. He had rushed home after work, taken a quick shower, changed into a short-sleeved light blue button shirt, and faded jeans. Catherine raised her brows at his change in attire, but fortunately, she kept her comments to herself and waited for Sara to precede her into the townhouse. Averting her eyes from the masculine form in front of her, Sara walked over to a butterfly display and pretended to study the various species. Oblivious to her discomfort, Nick and Warrick started hitting Grissom up for their omelets. Relieved to comply, Grissom took their orders in good fashioned humor and allowed himself to steal only one peek at Sara. Catherine moved into his kitchen with familiarity and reached for the orange juice he had set out.
"I don't have anything to go with that orange juice, Catherine." Grissom joked without looking up from the omelet.
"Too bad, I'm sure that we could all use a nice strong drink." Catherine teased back, but her eyes were fastened on the tense back of her co-worker.
Warrick shivered. "I don't want anything with my juice at eight in the morning."
"But," Nick pouted with a teasing smile. "It's five o'clock somewhere."
Everyone chuckled, with the exception of Sara, who had moved over to Grissom's stereo system and CD collection.
"You can play something, if you like, Sara." Grissom's voice reached her across the room. She shook her head and looked away from the CD selection, trying not to care what he listened to or that she could choose to play what she wanted. She moved to the couch and took a seat without looking over in his direction. She could wait this out and then leave, pleading tiredness. She would go home, take a long shower, and then crash for the next few hours.
Warrick joined her on the sofa, his omelet encompassing the entire perimeter of the plate. He cast his eyes towards Sara and grinned. "Grissom can make a fancy egg dish, can't he Sara?"
Grunting in response, Sara stood and moved over to the sliding door that led to the balcony. She slid the door back and stepped outside. The air was much less stifling out here and she found that her chest was not so tight, nor her mind so heavy with trying to suppress her desires. She wasn't certain how long she stood there, when she felt his presence. He gripped the balcony, his arm pressing into her own, his eyes focused straight ahead.
"It's peaceful here." Grissom struggled to control his voice, keeping the conversation neutral. While he was cooking, he'd joked and talked with his team, but internally his mind was following Sara around his home and out onto his balcony. Handing Catherine her omelet he used the excuse of asking Sara what she wanted in her omelet to follow her outside.
Now they stood in silence. Grissom would not label it uncomfortable, but it was tense.
"I'm glad that you're here." Grissom kept his voice soft, so not to carry to his team who sat inside eating breakfast. He watched Sara's face reflect her inner turmoil and his heart ached for the pain he knew that he'd caused. He wanted to erase the past year and start over, but time was unforgiving in that regard. Drawing in a deep breath, he took a chance and reached over to touch her hand. "I want us to be friends, Sara. I want us to be---." His voice broke and he shuddered when she pulled her hand away from his.
"You want to go back in time, but we can't, Grissom." Sara spoke with such certainty that Grissom flinched. He didn't want to hear her say that it was too late for them. He wouldn't let her say it.
"We can move forward." Grissom turned to face her and reached out to grip her elbow lightly in his grasp. "I want to start over in that regard, Sara. Is it possible?"
Sara was not sure what he was asking. She wanted to move forward, but for her that meant moving away from Grissom in the physical sense. He was her supervisor, which was all she could allow him to be. Friendship was possible only on the surface. With a sigh, she accepted that was what their relationship had always been. A surface relationship, with undercurrents that Grissom refused to acknowledge.
"Is my omelet ready, Grissom?" Sara pulled away from his grasp and turned to re-enter the town home.
"No," Grissom noticed that the door was open and that their voices were carrying inside to the silent group. "I wanted you to tell me what you would like in your omelet." He followed Sara over to the kitchen island, ignoring the poignant look that Catherine was sending in his direction.
Sara drummed her fingers on the counter and stared at his stove like it was a foreign object. "You know, Grissom, I'm not very hungry. Maybe Warrick or Nick could drive me home."
She was not prepared for the disappointment that transformed his normally reserved face. Grissom looked down at the counter to hide his expression from prying eyes and nodded slowly.
Noticing the tension, Nick tried to lighten the mood, "I'm not ready to leave, but if you don't want an omelet, I'll take yours."
Warrick picked up on his teasing and joined Nick by the counter. "What's the limit on these things, Gris? I could eat another one."
Relaxing with their easy banter, Grissom pointed a wooden spoon in Sara's direction. "Sidle goes first." He forced himself to smile and realized that it was coming to him easier than he would have thought given the fact his ego was bruised to the core. "It looks like you're stuck here for the time being, so what would you like?"
"Fine." Sara knew when she was beaten as she looked at her comrades and found them eager for seconds. "Green peppers, onions," She surveyed the items on his counter and could not help be impressed with the array. "Tomatoes. That's it." Avoiding his eyes, she remained in the kitchen when Warrick and Nick returned to the sofa.
Catherine was flipping channels on the flat screen television while Nick and Warrick argued with her about what station to watch and they all tried to ignore whatever was transpiring between Grissom and Sara in the next room.
Concentrating on making the best omelet Sara had ever eaten, Grissom was unaware of the watchful brown eyes boring into him.
Flipping the omelet onto a plate with his spatula, he was on the verge of calling to her that her breakfast was served when he caught her stare from only a few feet away. Almost dropping the plate, he steadied his hand and thrust the plate in her direction.
"I hope that you like it."
Without a word, Sara took the omelet and thanked him as civilly as she could, before moving over to the counter.
Confused, Grissom watched her settle into a chair and pick up the fork he had placed on the edge of the plate.
"You aren't going to watch television with the others?"
"No."
Sara took a bite of her food and chewed thoughtfully. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that Grissom had made this for her, or the fact that she really was hungry, but the omelet was mouth watering.
"This is delicious." Sara told him before she took another bite. Beaming at her from his spot in the kitchen, Grissom watched her savoring each bite. He became aware of her eyes questioning him when she picked up the glass of orange juice Catherine had poured for her when they had first arrived.
"Are you going to eat?" Sara asked as she drove her fork into another piece of the omelet.
"Um, yeah." Grissom reached for the eggs and cut his eyes back over to where she was sitting. As quickly as he could, he scrambled the eggs for himself and was soon sitting in a chair beside Sara.
Nick glanced over and opened his mouth to question Grissom about his seconds when he felt Catherine jab him on the arm. "They need to smooth out their differences, Nick."
Warrick nodded in agreement. "You know," he looked at Catherine. "I think that I'm going to leave and head home for a nice long nap. You coming, Nick?"
Nick nodded. "Okay. Let's go."
Sara watched them approach. She gave her unfinished omelet a sad look, but started to push off of her chair.
"You don't have to leave, Sara." Catherine spoke quickly when she noticed her movements. "I'm certain that Grissom will give you a lift home when you are ready."
Grissom was quick to agree. When he saw them stand up he'd mentally kicked himself for not offering to make seconds for Nick and Warrick. Now she would probably push her plate away and ask one of them to drop her off at home.
Sara started to do exactly that when she risked a look at him from the corner of her eye.
"You don't mind?"
He shook his head, then caught himself. "No, no. I'll take you home whenever you want me to, Sara."
They watched their co-workers trail out the front door, one by one. Alone with Sara, Grissom felt his mouth suddenly go dry. He pushed his plate back. Picking up a glass of juice, he took a long sip before realizing that it was not his glass.
"Sorry." He set it back down next to her plate and grimaced.
"I don't have cooties, Gris." Laughter spilled over into Sara's voice and he looked over at her to weigh the level of her amusement.
"It's not your germs I'm afraid of ingesting." Grissom confessed softly. "It's that I don't think you want mine trespassing in your territory."
Sara's burst of laughter was contagious. "That was the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me." She wiped at the corner of her eye and let the smile stretch her quivering lips.
He did not want to ruin the light mood that had replaced the tension, so he said nothing. However, his eyes spoke volumes. They lingered on her full lips and the laughter faded as Sara watched him gazing at her with a naked yearning. She fought the urge to jump up and ask him to take her home right that second. She tried to pull her gaze off of him. When his hands reached towards her hips she felt frozen in the chair. When he leaned forward, his eyes never leaving her trembling lips, she waited to see how far he would continue with the charade. He hesitated when his lips were barely grazing hers. He tore his eyes away and glanced into her terrified eyes.
"Sara?" His voice was husky, questioning, as he waited for her to let him know if he had gone too far.
She tried to find her breath and stay calm as she felt one of his hands leave her hip and touch the side of her knee. He told himself to draw back, but his body was not listening. Instead of pulling back, he eased off his chair and gently turned hers until she was facing him and he was standing between her knees. He kept his eyes on hers as he began rubbing his thumb along the inside of her knee. The gasp was enough to close the distance between them. Sara almost forgot herself as the kiss deepened. It was everything she had imagined it would be, but something important tugged on her mind.
Grissom felt her push on his chest with both hands. He released her lips and pulled back far enough to see her troubled face.
"Do you want me to take you home?" His voice shook and she knew that this was her chance to make her fantasies real. If she said the word, Grissom would lead her to his bedroom and they would….
She frowned. They would have sex. Not make love, but have passionate sex. At one time, she thought that was what she wanted from him, but the past few months had changed many of her feelings. She knew that now what she needed was something that she was not certain he was capable of giving to her. She took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded.
"Take me home, Grissom."
They didn't speak about what happened on the way to Sara's apartment. In silence, Grissom walked her to her door and waited until she was safely inside. Before closing the door, Sara offered him a weak smile, but it failed to reach her eyes.
"Thanks for breakfast, Grissom." She started to close the door, but hesitated. "You know, maybe we can be friends."
The door clicked shut and Grissom found himself in a position he had never experienced. He was in love with someone who was shutting him out.
Moving away from her apartment door, he walked slowly back to his car. He knew that he wasn't going to give up on her that easily. He would take it day by day, until she was his again.
The End.