Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson

Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.

Author's Note: This takes place a few weeks from where we last left off. So it is almost Christmas.

Body And Soul

Chapter Fourteen

Joey

"Do you want to do it now?" I ask stifling a small giggle.

"Yeah, do you?" Dawson asks. I can tell from his voice he feels as foolish as I do.

"Ok. We have to start at the same time or it won't work."

"I know. Do you think this is stupid for us to be doing?" Dawson asks me. Honestly, I've asked that question myself.

"Weird, yes. Stupid, maybe. But it feels like the right thing to do." Yeah this probably is stupid. I most definitely will keep this a secret between me and Dawson.

"Alright. On the count of three then," Dawson says.

"One, Two, Three." We slowly count together. I want to laugh at our foolishness. This is juvenile. Instead I press play on the DVD player and have to laugh at Dawson and I watching the same movie on separate coasts. Movie night isn't quite the same thousands of miles apart. Living in Capeside has substantially cut into my social life, not that I really had much of one before. It also makes bi-coastal movie night with Dawson sound like a very tempting offer.

This is a new thing that Dawson and I tried last week. Now that he is back in California I miss him terribly. But I'm doing well. I spend my days writing, making up beds at the B&B, playing with Alex and Lily, babysitting Amy, and hanging out with Jack. There is definitely something to be said about sitting back and watching a familiar movie with an old friend – even if that friend is only a voice on the other end of the phone.

"My cell bill is going to be sky high," Dawson says.

"Me too," I happily agree.

"Money well spent," Dawson says.

"Money better used on a plane ticket." It is more of a joke than a serious suggestion. Dawson has way too much work to do right now to fly out here just to see me. And I have to watch my finances. The only money that I have right now is in my savings. Luckily I don't have to worry about rent because I'm subletting my apartment and Bessie wouldn't take a dime from me. Still it's not a very good idea to be flying across the country.

Funny, there was a time when I thought getting off the Cape for the afternoon was an escape. Escape then became the Florida Keys, then the distinguished halls of Worthington, France (finally), and then escape took the form of The Big Apple. It was exhilarating at first. No one knew who I was and no on cared. I wasn't Joey Potter, Capeside charity case or the girl who was torn between her childhood friends. I wasn't a struggling college student; I was a woman with a world of possibilities.

The people I dated didn't know the first thing about me or I about them. They didn't know the big things about me; that I grew up poor, that my mother died when I young, that I was raised by my sister through my formative years, that my father was an ex-convict. And they didn't know the small things either; that my first kiss was with a tourist, that I accidentally broke Dawson's nose with a baseball bat when we were seven, that I used to have a pet hamster named Laurence before Pacey accidentally left the door to the cage open. Hell, they didn't even know who Dawson and Pacey were – and they didn't care.

At first it was great. I felt like I had a huge blank canvas and the ability to paint myself in any way that chose. After a while I learned that wasn't exactly true. You can't completely change who you are and erase the past in one fell swoop. Problems have an annoying way of chasing after you. Sooner or later they do catch you. So I did the thing that I always do – run. The thing is, these men had no idea who I really was so more often than naught by the time they figured out what I was doing I was already gone. If they ever figured it out.

"February." Dawson says.

"Huh," I've been so lost in my head that I lost track of our conversation.

"You'll be here in February. Audrey is already planning the sweeps party. Sans the cameras and gossip columns."

"Yeah. That sounds good. Plus you'll be here for Christmas and that's only a week away." Actually it's almost no time. Gale is reviving the tradition of the Leery (or as the invitations read the Leery-Gifford Christmas party). Bessie, Grams, and I have been helping Gale with the planning. I have to say it's been a blast. I'm starting to think less and less of them as the adults'. Bessie isn't even forty!

"Audrey called me this afternoon and said she could fly down with me."

"And you agreed to get on a plane with her?" I ask in disbelief. Audrey has got to be one of the suckiest flyers around. The girl freaks out on planes. "Have you ever flown with her before?"

"I almost did. That one time that she took off with Pacey and drove instead." How could I forget that time? The time we made promises we had every intention of keeping. I hope that doesn't happen this time. Of course this time there were no naive promises, just realistic acceptance, and of course hope.

"Let's just say if she asks you to hit her go ahead and get it over with."

"Joey!" Dawson laughs. "Some friend you are."

"You say that now," I warn. "I'm sure you'll change your tune the minute the cabin door closes, if not sooner."

"It's strange," Dawson says.

"What is?"

"Audrey."

"Yeah," I smile. "That girl is something else."

"That too," Dawson says. "But it is weird that a random act of computer science gave us this life long friend. I mean when I went to USC I had to fill out a compatibility card."

"So did I," I laugh. "But I still got Audrey."

"Well I suppose that you are compatible. I mean even if your friendship started out with the basis of being forced to share the same bathroom."

"I suppose it is no stranger than meeting by car accident or by stepping out of a yellow taxi." We both pause for a moment.

"Yeah, I suppose so." Dawson sighs. "A two week vacation does sound nice right about now," He sounds tired.

"You sound tired. We can do this another time. Why don't you get some sleep." He works way too hard to be wasting two hours talking on the phone with me while some cheesy movie plays in the background.

"I'm cool," Dawson says but a yawn escapes and betrays his statement.

"Dawson," I warn. "I don't want to be the one responsible when you go postal on your crew tomorrow.'

"Ah, I'd probably do that anyway," He jokes. "Tell me what the lovely ladies of Capeside have planned for the party this year." Dawson does a fairly good job at changing the subject. But I vow to keep the conversation short.

Dawson

"Well it's gonna be real traditional. You now just like it always was," Joey says excitedly and I know that for now I've done a fairly good job of changing the subject on her.

The truth is that since I've been back I've buried myself even deeper into work. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. In a way I'm afraid that if I make myself too open I'll meet someone else. Actually I don't think that could ever happen, but let's face it, time has never been part of the Dawson/Joey alliance. It's more like an adversary waiting in the wings to trip us up at our most suspecting and unsuspecting moments. Todd nailed it on the head today when he said, Trying to work thoughts of a certain raven haired bird out of your mind.'

Because now that I know she loves me, Joey is all I ever think about. In a way it has been great. I have really been in creative overdrive writing some great Sammy and Colby scenes. But I don't want to live my love for Joey through two pseudo-fictionalized characters forever. I want a real life with her.

Time. If that's what it takes then that is what I'll give her. I just hope that when Joey is emotionally the person that she wants to be, that I will be the one there for her. It is not just me that could change. What if when all is said and done and Joey has figured everything out she decides that she doesn't want me.

I could torture myself this way indefinitely. I just have to live my life like Jen said and stay open to the possibility that my soul mate may walk into my life. After everything that has happened between us through the years I'm sure it will. How do I know? I just do. Maybe because I have to know.

"Grams is going to make the egg nog, Gale is going to make pumpkin pie, Bessie said she saw this recipe for cranberry cookies that she wants to try," Joey is still gushing about the party. Honestly she's making me excited for it too. "Doug and Jack said that they could help decorate if I would watch Amy. Of course I jumped at the chance. Oh, and Pacey is going to do the appetizers, and Andie is going to make her apple pie. I still don't know what I'll bring."

"Blueberry pancakes," I tease remembering how she would make them for me every morning when she stayed in Los Angeles.

"And encroach upon Bodie's territory – no way," she laughs. God, I love it when she laughs. "Besides, I've never heard of Christmas pancakes."

"Wasn't that one of the gifts from the Wisemen? Gold, frankincense, and blueberry pancakes." She laughs even harder and I feel like my job for the day is done.

"Try telling that version to Grams."

"You could put your name on the cranberry cookies with Bessie," I suggest.

"In light of my severely limited culinary skills that is the most likely outcome."

"Your secret is safe with me," I whisper. I miss Joey, just having fun with her.

"Yeah? But I don't think I'll be fooling anyone. Pacey always said if he left me unattended the kitchen would burn down."

There is an awkward pause. Since that night in my room we have covered just about every topic under the sun with the exclusion of Pacey. Sometimes his name will come up in passing when she talks about Jack or Doug. But there has been no reference to him specifically or their relationship. Until now.

"How is that?" I ask tentatively. "I mean it's alright if you don't want to talk about it."

"No," she says softly. "That's alright. I sort of want to talk about it. I mean in a way I have to. He called me a few days ago."

That's news to me. "Really?"

"Yeah. He just wanted to know how I was doing. You know, just checking in."

"Yeah."

"Anyway, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It still hurt, but not like I thought it would. Maybe because we ended it the way that we did. Talking to him again made me confident that we did the right thing."

To say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. When she said they had talked a bolt of fear jolted through me. Maybe he wanted her back; maybe she wanted him back. There's that saying that the first breakup never sticks. Of course this isn't their first breakup, but I'm not sure if that counts.

"That's good," I say trying to disguise the relief in my voice. I can't live my life in fear and I can't live my life jealous either. Pacey and Joey are going to talk. I have to expect that and respect it in the same way that I wanted Pacey to respect the friendship between Joey and I.

"Relieved much?" Joey asks. If I was actually there with her I know that she would have bumped hips with me, swatted my shoulder, or some other type of platonic unassuming gesture.

"A little," I concede. Alright, I'm more than a little relieved but Joey knows so I don't have to say it. " A lot relieved." I said it anyway.

"Jack tells me he's been spending a lot of time in Boston – with Andie," she continues.

"How do you feel about that?" It must be at last a little rough to have Pacey turn to his ex-girlfriend. Funny how I think of Andie as Pacey's ex when their relationship ended about ten years ago.

"Jealous, a little. But you know me, that's an emotion I do pretty well." I don't say anything because it is true. Joey is very territorial when it comes to her men weather they be friends, current, or ex, boyfriends.

"But I'm happy too," Joey continues. "Happy that he has someone to turn to that understands him – something I never truly could do. I mean as far as Jack said there is nothing else going on. Everything is strictly platonic, I mean. Not that I would begrudge him another relationship. It's just a little soon, ya know?" Now she's rambling. I understand though. No one likes to think of their ex jumping headfirst into another relationship a few weeks after a breakup. I wonder if he knows about Joey and our odd understanding.

"Yeah, I know. I can't imagine Pacey and Andie in a relationship." Especially now after everything that everyone has gone through. Though our group has been a littleincestuous in the past Andie has always managed to pretty much stay out of it.

After her breakup with Pacey she has been consistent about dating outside of our group. In Italy I know there was a college student – another American. In college she usually dated the pre-med and pre-law types. And now she dates actual doctors and lawyers for the most part with the exception of one electric violin player that was in some crazy eclectic band. He was met by raised eyebrows and questioning looks when he came to the memorial service for Jen. We never really did get a chance to truly check him out. A month later they had broken up, much to Jack's relief. Jack hated the guy. He said that it wasn't anything that he did or said, just a smarmy feeling he got from him. That was about six months ago and as far as I know there hasn't been anyone since. I should definitely call Andie more. I forget what a great friend she is.

"You know I think I can," Joey says thoughtfully.

"Can what?" I ask.

"See them in a relationship. Not now I mean. Definitely not now."

"Pacey and Andie?" I ask more than a little surprised. If anything I would think that Joey wouldn't want them to date. This goes back to that whole jealousy issue again.

"Yeah, Pacey and Andie. Someday, a long time from now I could maybe see them together. Not that I want to think of him with anyone right now. But I do want him to be happy and find love someday. I would want him to be with a person that loved him, knew him, and appreciated him. Someone that challenged him. I think Andie could be that person for him. She would be the person I would chose for him."

Honestly I'm surprised that Joey is being so open and mature about this. Maybe it is the therapy or maybe we are all just adults now. It should be weird for us to be here talking about me and her and Pacey and Andie, but its not.

Joey

It should be weirder than it is talking to Dawson about Pacey and Andie, but its not. Actually it's not weird at all. Maybe it is because I can tell Dawson anything or maybe it is because we are all adults now. All I know is that it is justnice.

"That is veryaccepting of you," Dawson says. He probably expected me to have a fit of the jealousies or a little tirade about it. Honestly I'm just beyond that. Yeah, I'm a little jealous that Pacey is turning to someone else now, but I would rather have him confide in Andie than sleep with half of the women in Capeside. It seems I underestimated him again. I just want the best for Pacey the way I want the best for all of my friends, maybe even more so. There will always be a small place in my heart that I reserve for our love, friendship, and memories – not too big – but it will always be there.

"Yeah? Well I'm nothing if not accepting," I joke. In the past I've been a lot of things, accepting is a new one that I'm working on.

Dawson sort of half snorts which makes me laugh harder. I'm reminded that we're such geeks. Funny how we went through school most definitely not at the top and not on the bottom. We were like most kids, somewhere in the middle. Now Dawson's show has made being a movie geek, a book nerd, an artist, a class clown, or an outsider cool. Well, maybe not that cool, but acceptable. Cool is definitely something we never were in high school. Well, I wasn't. Jen was always pretty cool and she and Jack did reach the pinnacle of high school society when he was a football hero and she was a cheerleader and homecoming queen. But how long did that last?

Back then we almost thought that we transcended the high school experience by shunning school sponsored activities and opting out of extra-circular activities (with the exception of Andie). But when I look back we were as much a part of inner workings of the school as anyone else. We were our own little clique or whatever you want to call it. We just weren't labeled as easily as the rest of them. We pretty much hung out within ourselves and dated within ourselves. I don't think anyone could have entered our circle if they tried – but then again no one was knocking down our door.

I hear Dawson yawn.

"I heard that Mister," I muster up all the sternness that I posses. "I want you to go to bed – now. And march!"

"Yes Ma'am!" Dawson says his voice think with faux enthusiasm.

"I'll call you tomorrow," I say. "After the show."

"Alright. I love you Joey."

"I love you too. Now get some rest. I demand it."

"I love it when you're forceful," Dawson says. Funny thing is I think he may be serious.

"Goodnight Dawson. See ya soon." Only one more week. It shouldn't be that hard.

To Be Continued