Author's note: Sorry it took so long to update, with summer comes less and less time to use the computer. But I've figured out a way to get my chapters up quicker so the next chapter should be up tomorrow. I hope the format isn't screwy, I have issues with it. Anyway, Enjoy & Review!
Confession
Willow was kept in the hospital for twelve weeks. By the time she was released school had ended and Harry and the other children from her vision were well into their summer vacation. Willow had spent those weeks in her hospital bed, cold and silent. Her grandfather visited her often in the beginning and questioned her on what had happened. Willow refused to speak to him; she hated him as much as she hated herself at the moment. So his visits ceased and he returned to the Ministry where everyone was in a tizzy over the shocking news of Lord Voldemort's return. She didn't read the Daily Prophet any more, well she hadn't since they began spreading lies about Sirius. She hated to think of them saying something about his death, the prats who believed he was a criminal in the first place would do nothing but insult him.
Why couldn't she have ever dreamed of where he was? She surely could have found him and kindled what they could have had. Had she not been silent. All the years since the last she saw him in person... At her best friend Lily's wedding... Would he have remembered her? Of course, but not the way she remembered him. She wondered vaguely how Harry was doing; they were perhaps the closest on sharing the same feelings about the situation. Deniel, sadness, guiltiness, and most of all, their anger burned with the same flame. Willow wished there was some way she could help him, but how could she help a young boy when she couldn't even help her adult self? So she dismissed the thoughts and embraced the emptiness within her. She didn't care that Voldemort was nearly at full power and she didn't care what happened to the Muggles and 'Mudbloods'. She cared not for any of the living, save killing Bellatrix Lestrange and protecting Harry from her.
Upon her release Willow sought Albus Dumbledore, approaching him about the openning for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. With faith Dumbledore agreed and Willow spent most of the summer preparing her lessons. But she was always watchful of any sign of Bellatrix and she always checked on Harry in secret, as she knew Remus and the Order would.
The summer flew by, well as much as it could for people who were grieving. With the arrival of August Harry had returned to the care of Molly Weasley and her family at their house. The Order all agreed it would be too painful for Harry to spend his dwindling summer at their headquarters. Remus being exceptionally strong to spend time in Sirius's house which seethed with memories of his best friend.
Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts was about to begin. He had been depressed before summer had begun and now it was gone and the feelings still lingered; emptiness and anger towards himself. He tried to gain back his life, his routine but it was different now. Yet he pretended to be normal even happy but Ron, Hermione, and the others knew that he wasn't. Harry remained furious with himself for letting Bellatrix escape.
"If I had only caught her, then it would have helped repair the damage I caused." Harry thought dully as they entered the castle.
The feast was unusually quiet and the Sorting Hat seemed to take eternity. Harry occupied himself by staring at his empty dinner plate. When the new first years had taken their seats and their food had appeared, the great hall was filled with voices.
"Harry did you see our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Hermione asked politely, trying to stir Harry's interests.
"She looks like she's related to Snape." Ron said, his mouth full of chicken. Harry looked up, that's all he needed was a relative of Snape's teaching to make his life complete.
"Her name is Professor Madigan." Hermione added. Harry stared at her, she did look like she could have been Snape's younger, definitely more attractive, sister. Her long black hair was in a braid hanging over her right shoulder and she had wispy bangs hanging just above her pencil thin eyebrows. She had vacant cobalt blue eyes set in a pale face, which seemed to be avoiding Harry's fixed gaze. What made her most like Snape was her cold stare, the frown and the black robes she wore.
"I think she's pretty, in a 'you'll regret it if you smile' sort of way." Ginny added upon receiving a glowering look from her older brother.
Harry nodded still staring at Professor Madigan.
Hermione and Ron hurriedly left Harry with Ginny and Neville to lead the first years to the Gryffindor tower.
Harry walked dazedly up the marble staircase, Ginny and Neville trailing behind.
"Lemon drop." Was the last thing Harry said as they passed through the hole behind the Fat Lady, he headed straight up to his four poster bed, changed and laid down. His head swam with thoughts but none stuck out and soon he fell into a fitful sleep dreaming of Sirius.
The next morning he arose to Ron shaking him awake. The other boys left in the room exchanged weary glances.
Harry bolted clutching his forehead, his body was drenched in sweat.
"Are you all right?" Ron said concerned still clutching Harry's shoulder.
"Yes, I'm fine." Harry wiped his brow with his sleeve. "Just a dream."
"If you say so." Ron muttered, still unconvinced.
"Here are your classes." Hermione said handing a piece of parchment to each of her friends.
"History, Transfiguration, Potions, Care of Magical Creatures, followed by double Defense Against the Dark Arts." Ron made a disgusted sound in his throat. "And we're having it with the Slytherins." Neville moaned and Ginny slumped over pretending to be dead.
Harry continued to poke his eggs.
Ginny sighed sitting up right again, looking at him with a frown.
"At least it's our only class with them." Hermione pointed out.
"If this lady-"
"Professor Madigan." Hermione interrupted.
"Yeah, Madigan, if she's anything like Snape, I believe I'll shoot myself." Ron grumbled.
"Pssh." Hermione said rolling her eyes.
History of Magic was like any other, nearly everyone was bored as their Professor droned on about how the Ministry of Magic was established. Transfiguration was slightly more interesting as the students attempted to turn their creatures into dogs. Except for the fact that Seamus turned his iguana into a black dog which brought thoughts of Sirius fresh to the minds of Ron, Hermione, Harry and even Professor McGonagall. Potions, expected to be the most horrible of all was actually tolerable. Professor Snape seemed to be in a good mood, for once. He hadn't insulted Harry, Hermione, Neville or Ron. And they were his favorite students to deduct points from.
"Bloody hell, she must be related to him." Ron muttered.
"I was thinking it was a lasting effect from when he found out about Sirius." Harry said bitterly.
Hermione gasped and Ron's eyes grew big.
Harry ignored them; obviously they thought Sirius was a touchy subject.
Care of Magical Creatures went as usual, Hagrid had brought them a real treat: Worbalskints. Harry didn't have much difficulty avoiding Hagrid since he never got a chance to corner Harry because of all the students calling for help. Finally it was time for Defense Against the Dark Arts. When the bell rang they went in and found seats awaiting their new Professor, all were interested to see what she was like since she would be the second female teacher for the class. And hopefully not as horrible as the first, happily the portraits of kittens were gone and the walls remained barren.
Professor Madigan clearing her throat announced her arrival. She walked out of her office and stopped to look at her students, except Harry, she looked like she was in a foul mood.
"Maybe Snape and Madigan switched personalities for the day." Ron chuckled.
"Good afternoon class, as you know I am your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Professor Madigan." She began walking in between tables, picking up nic-nacs students were playing with. "It may be my first year teaching, but don't think I'll be an easy teacher or a hard one." She added upon a few groans. "Today we will go over everything you have learned thus far." She walked back up to the head of the class, "Now who will volunteer?"
After the incident at the Ministry, Harry hadn't had any classes with his rival Draco Malfoy but the boy wasted no time in picking up were they left off.
Malfoy whispered in Harry's direction, "I hear that your g-"
"A hundred points from Slytherin!" The class jumped in unison, all eyes looked from Professor Madigan to the person she spoke to. Harry looked at her too but she didn't even glance his way.
"What?" Malfoy yelled nearly jumping from his seat. The other students remained quiet and still.
Professor Madigan's eyes flashed, "You heard me. If I hear anything more out of you on that subject, I will continue to take away points and increase the amount every time."
Malfoy was fuming.
"Now take your seat and we will continue."
He glared at her and spoke under his breath. "You'll regret this."
The students who heard his words gasped and went wide eyed.
"I will, will I?" She marched over to his table and leaned on it's surface, the two were nearly nose to nose.
Malfoy gulped and moved back a little but he spoke, his voice some what shaking. "Yes you will."
It seemed they spent eternity staring at each other when it only lasted five seconds.
"I suppose your father will get me will he?"
The tension in the room rose and the two continued to glare at each other while everyone else stared at them. Wondering what each would say next and who would say it; it was Madigan.
"I'm surprised you're even attending Hogwarts. I figured once news got out that your father was the ring leader of the Death Eaters that attacked Harry Potter and his friends you and your family would have gone into hiding."
Malfoy turned a deep scarlet.
Neville, Hermione, Ron and Harry were shocked, how did she know about that? It had been covered up so well that only the ones who knew were the ones that witnessed it.
"Or at the very least thrown into Azkaban, which is were you De-"
"That's enough." Professor Dumbledore entered the room, a Slytherin first year following close behind him. "Professor Madigan, may I have a word with you?" He asked perfectly calm.
"Yes, headmaster." She bowed slightly and followed him, her robes swishing as she passed the tables. Dumbledore ushered the first year into the classroom then pulled the door behind himself and Madigan. Once the door was shut the room burst into chatter.
"Bloody hell! She's gone off her rocker hasn't she?" Ron burst.
"How did she find out?" Hermione said.
"She could be in the Ministry." Ron said.
"Did you see the way she rounded on Malfoy?" Neville was still ghostly white. "What was he about to say any way?"
"He was talking about Sirius. His father must have told him." Harry said quietly.
The others grew silent exchanging glances.
"What? What's wrong with saying his name? You act like I'll shrivel up and die if I hear anything about him!"
"I'm sorry Harry, you've got a right to be angry with us. It's just-" Hermione stifled a sob.
"We didn't want to upset you." Ron finished.
"We thought it would be better this way." Neville added.
Harry jumped up, "Well it's not! I don't want to forget about him!" his fists hit the table and it shook violently, "You all just sweep him under the rug, and as long as you don't walk on that rug, everything will go back to normal. Well it won't, it never will!" he yelled. Harry felt a great deal better to express his thoughts openly, although it did hurt him terribly to think of Sirius. Some of the class had turned their attention to the drama unfolding at the table, while the others watched Professor Madigan hovering in the doorway. Everyone was silent, Harry noticed this and returned to his seat hastily.
"Potter, may I have a word with you?" Madigan had left the doorway and walked toward the table that he shared with Ron and a Hermione trying not to sob.
"Yes, Professor." Harry stood up.
"Excuse my outburst, bad karma there. Forgive me Malfoy." She bowed slightly in his direction; he scowled at her.
"Class I would like you to read chapter 35 in your text books. You may leave five minutes before the bell rings." She turned to Harry, but didn't look at him.
"Follow me Potter."
She walked to the front of the class with Harry trailing behind her and they stepped into her office, away from prying eyes and ears. "Sit down."
Harry did as he was told and looked at her.
She waved her wand and another ordinary chair appeared beside and facing Harry's. She sat down and stared at her hands for a moment.
"I over heard your outburst back there." She turned her face upward and looked directly at him for the first time. Her cobalt eyes shined, "And I've no doubt you heard mine." She chuckled dryly.
Harry continued to watch her.
"I'm sorry." She sighed, "I'm trying to keep myself in control and now I've gone and ruined my chances of teaching. Dumbledore is probably on his way to look for a replacement now."
"It's alright, I'm sure he'll give you a second chance." Harry stopped, was he still so trusting in the old man?
"You're a lovely boy Harry. Thanks for that. But I don't think it's true." She gave a forced smile. "Well I better tell you, now that I've got the chance and have the nerve. First off, I'm sorry and I want to tell you everything is and will be all right but that's not true. How can I tell you a lie and expect you to believe it when I don't even believe it myself?"
Harry could see now why her eyes were so shiny, she had been holding back tears and now they were trickling down her face. She blinked repeatedly trying to keep them in.
"Why are you sorry, what have you done to me?" Harry asked, not knowing what this woman, he'd never met before, was crying and apologizing about.
"I am as much to blame as Bellatrix."
Harry felt queasy, had he heard right? "What did you say?"
"I am to blame as well for Sirius's death." She no longer tried to hold the tears back, they fell freely down her cheeks and splattered her robes.
"You had something to do with his death?" Harry croaked, if he hadn't been sitting down he might well have fallen over.
"As good as." She took a shaky breath, "You see Harry, I have a little Dreamseer blood in me, which means occasionally while I sleep I will have a vision of the future. But only of someone or something I feel strongly towards." Madigan looked at him hoping he'd piece what she was saying together so she wouldn't have to say anything more. But Harry made no sign that he understood and he stared blankly at her.
"Oh, Harry don't you see? I could have saved him!" She cried desperately grabbing the front of his robes. "I shared the dream you had, but I had it days before you did. I could have warned him! I could have warned you of He Who Must Not Be Named's trap!" Madigan let go of Harry's robes and slumped back sobbing. "Why? Why am I so weak?" She asked herself. "I can't speak to the boy without being a wreck."
Harry stared at her crumpled figure in front of him as she began to ramble.
"I didn't know where he was....I thought I could stop you at the Ministry....but...I couldn't.....all I did was lay unconscious in front of the Ministry while you.....and Sirius........." She held her head in her hands and cried, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry....Sirius.........Harry.......please forgive me...."
Harry placed a hand on Madigan's shoulder and she turned her tear stained face up to him.
"I forgive you." Harry choked. He wanted to yell at her, blame her, but seeing this woman filled with so much grief made him want to let all of his out again. But all his tears were gone, he ran out a long time ago, all that remained was that empty hole were Sirius had resided.