Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to Dawson's Creek and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This is a D/J fic set after the final episode with the alternating POV's of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson
Rating: R for language and some sexual situations.
Body And Soul
Chapter Fifteen B
Joey
"We're here everyone, so you can start now!" I hear a voice that could only belong to Audrey echo through the house. Dawson must be here!
Forgetting my age I run as fast as I can while still balancing my drink in one hand. I set it on the end table as I pass. "Dawson!" I cry as I quite literally jump into his open arms. He smells nice, like snow and cold.
I kiss his cheek and hug him tightly and he kisses the top of my head and strokes my hair a little.
"Wait!" I pull away from him and unsuccessfully try to sound angry. "I'm very mad you. You were supposed to call me."
"Yeah, you looked real pissed off a second ago," Audrey snorts.
"The plane got in early and I wanted to surprise you," Dawson says with a small tilt of his head. "I thought it would be a good surprise."
"It was a good surprise," I grudgingly admit.
Now everyone is swarming around Dawson and Audrey and I have to step aside a little. I can't help but watch in amusement as the adults clamor around and ask about life in Hollywood and the children beg for their presents.
"Oh no," Dawson says regretfully. "Audrey, I thought you brought the presents."
"No," Audrey says sadly shaking her head. "I thought you picked them up with the rest of our luggage in Cleveland."
"Cleveland?" Alex asks almost horror stricken.
"You left our presents in Cleveland?" Lily almost accuses.
Amy just stands there, unaffected.
"What's in that bag Audrey?" Dawson asks about a large red and green bag behind their duffel bags.
"Presents!" Alex shouts and runs to peek in the bag.
"That wasn't a nice trick," Lily says solemnly before she runs to join Alex and Amy.
Everyone laughs at her words.
"What were we thinking?" Dawson asks Audrey, his voice full of mock regret.
"We're evil," she muses. "Pure evil."
"Where's my mom?" he asks craning his head above the crowd.
"I think she's out back with Jack and Doug trying to light those lantern things."
"I remember those," Dawson says with a smile. "We've had those forever. I hope they don't explode or something," he jokes.
"Come on," I say taking his hand and leading him to the dining room. His hand is still cold and when we get there I know I should let go, but I can't.
"I made these for you," I say as I reluctantly let go of his hand and give him the tupperware container. "It's really more of a joke." I clarify. I have to look down at the floor because suddenly everything has just become too much. His height, his chest, his smiling face, even his cold hands are overwhelming.
"Awesome," he says as he opens it up. Blueberry pancakes. I remember I would make them for him every morning when I stayed with him in California. Then when he left in the morning I would make sure he had all of his papers before I would hand him his briefcase. It was something akin to a 1950's sitcom, but it felt right.
"They must be cold by now," I tell him. "I'll go put them back in the fridge and you can have them tomorrow morning." I make a move to take them but Dawson resists.
"I'll eat them now," he says taking one out and rolling it up. I can't help but laugh a little. "Still good." I can't believe that cold pancakes are much good. He seems to be enjoying them though.
"I just have to hug you again," I say as I embrace him one more time. It feels so right to be in his arms. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought it was.
Dawson
"I just have to hug you again, " Joey says as she throws her arms around me. I put down the pancakes that she made for me and hug her back. How could I not? Her body is soft and warm and just the feeling of her cheek against mine is enough to make me want to take her up to my room and do things to her that best friends don't normally do – unless it's their birthday. This time thing is going to be even more difficult than I imagined.
I should probably let go. We can't stand here hugging each other all night, as appealing as that thought sounds. So I do let go.
"Thanks," I say. "You know, for the pancakes." I can't help but reach out and caress her cheek – just a little. I couldn't stop myself. She always looks good but tonight she looks amazing. I don't know if it is something different she did or if it is because I feel like I can truly look at her, appreciate her, in a way that I have been unable to in a very long time.
"Dawson, Joey." I hear a voice and steps behind me. Turning around I see Pacey and Andie coming towards us. I can only hope that this won't be too awkward.
"Dawson!" Andie says as she gives me a hug.
"You look nice," I say as I tweak her antlers. Despite the woman that Andie has become sometimes glimpses of that perky teenager she was will show themselves. Tonight that side of her appears to have manifested itself in a pair of antlers.
"Dawson," Pacey extends his hand. Oh God! Andie's got Pacey wearing those things too.
I shake his hand and try not to laugh at his antlers. A mutual respect is reflected in our eyes as well as a silent agreement to let sleeping dogs lie.
"Joey," Pacey says.
"Pace, I haven't seen you at all tonight." Their hug is tender yet awkward looking. Just by seeing them I know that I have nothing to worry about. I actually feel physically lighter. There was always that fear that I would get a call from Joey saying that she and Pacey had reconciled. Just by seeing them I know that it's not there. Whatever it was that brought them together doesn't exist anymore.
"This may be a first," a woman says. I think her name is Eleanor Harper. I recognize her as a friend of Grams.
We all look at her slightly puzzled. I have no idea what this woman is talking about.
"Two couples under the mistletoe," she clarifies.
I groan inwardly as I look up. This may be the new definition of awkward.
"Well," she urges. "Go on." What is it with old people and mistletoe? It's like they can't resist heckling the unsuspecting fools that wander under it.
There is a much feet shuffling and looking around in every direction.
"Two pretty ladies and not one's been kissed yet," her companion says. If I remember correctly his name is Ernie and when I was small he would chase us out of his yard. I hope that I never torture people just because they are younger than I am. Too late, I remember that stunt I pulled with the presents earlier.
Pacey leans down and touches Andie's cheek. The action makes me a little uncomfortable. I look at Joey to see what she's thinking but she's looking down. He gives her a small kiss and then clears his throat a little.
"I'm going to find Doug," Pacey says.
"Me too," Andie follows him.
That leaves me, Joey, and the golden agers. Honestly I'm nervous. My palms are sweaty and my mouth has suddenly gone dry. I feel like a teenager after a first date. I just lean down and kiss her forehead slowly and deliberately. It's all I can do at a crowded Christmas party.
"Hmmph,' The old man says before he and his wife walk away.
"Sooo,' Joey says. Why do people always feel the need to say that to fill in the gaps of time?
"Sooo," I guess it does fill in the gaps fairly well.
I pull out a chair for her to sit down.
"Remember when we were kids at these parties and we used to sneak upstairs and watch movies the whole night?"
"Isn't that what got us in trouble the last time?" I didn't mean to say that, it just slipped out. Now she's blushing which Is endearing yet embarrassing.
It brings back all the memories of the last Christmas party we had. Well what I can remember is coming back. An innocent suggestion to watch movies turned into a very drunk Dawson and Joey almost having sex before my mother found us. My mother followed by Pacey and Jen, that is.
"I still can't think of Christmas without thinking about that," I admit.
"You, " Joey laughs but blushes a bit more deeply. "I can't celebrate my birthday the same way ever again. And that was six years ago."
I'm laughing with her. "I can't celebrate your birthday the same way either."
"Come on," I get up.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"To watch movies. I'm sure It's A Wonderful Life' is on television right now."
She gets up but doesn't start walking. "No funny business," I say noting the skeptical look that she gives me.
"Joey," I take her hand. That's allowed, right? I mean it's something we did when we were friends, why would we stop now? "Let's go."
Joey
"I thought you said that It's A Wonderful Life' would be on," I tease. Actually I'm having a lot of fun with him. But I'm not sure it was such a great idea for us to be alone together. Every accidental touch and every sideways look is adding to the ever present sexual tension.
"Well The Grinch isn't bad," Dawson says with a smile.
"Better."
"You think the The Grinch Who Stole Christmas' is a better movie than It's A Wonderful Life' is?" Dawson asks with a small amount of disbelief.
"Yeah. It's got color, adorable little Whos from Whoville, and when the Grinch's heart grows, how cute is that?"
"All good points but It's A Wonderful Life' packs a much more powerful punch. George Bailey is an unexpected hero. Plus the theme of the movie was much more powerful. No man's life is wasted as long as he has friends. How classic is that?"
"True," I admit. How classic is this, Dawson and I watching movies in his room? We are sparring and analyzing like we used to. "But the theme of The Grinch is also friendship."
"Agree to disagree?" Dawson asks as he moves to the foot of the bed next to me.
"Sure," I offer.
"Did I tell you that you look great? Better than great," he says.
"No," I smile. "Are you telling me now?" I really shouldn't flirt with him. It's probably not a very good idea in light of my whole taking our time arrangement. But there are some things that I just can't help but do. Flirting with Dawson is one of them.
"Yes," he says. "You look great. You really do."
"So do you," I say unable to keep the smile off my face. You look really great." God and he does, especially for just stepping off a cross-country flight. His hair is all messed up but I like it better like that anyway. But he looks happy, well rested.
"But I like your hair down better." After I spent almost a half an hour trying to put it up he likes it the way I always wear it better. I guess that's Dawson.
I can only half smirk at him. "You know," I cross my arms across my chest. "It took me quite a while to do it like this." It's the most put out voice I can muster. I didn't think it's very convincing.
"I like it," he says quickly. "I really do. It's very pretty. I was just meant that I like it how it always is too."
"Yeah, keep digging that hole," I tease. "Relax," I urge him and slip my shoes off. Looking in his eyes I take out the pins that are holding my hair up.
"Better?" I ask with a smile.
"Oh no. I didn't mean for you to take it out. I'm sorry Jo." It's funny to see him so stressed out. But it's too much to see him all upset that he might have hurt my feelings.
"It's fine," I say with a smile. I was just giving you a hard time. It's no biggie, promise."
"You do have really nice hair," he says. Then reaches out and touches the ends. "Soft too," he whispers. Shit. This is too much.
"Thanks," I say softly and try not to blush. It is best if I just keep my eyes forward and concentrate on Cindy Lou Who.
Dawson moves behind me. I can feel his gaze on my back and neck. Maybe we should just go back to the party.
"Dawson," I begin.
"Yeah?" Oh God, he's stroking my hair now. It feels nice; comforting and sensual at the same time. Is that possible? It's been a long time since he's played with my hair. I think we may have been sixteen. Wow, ten years seems in some way an eternity ago and in other ways like yesterday.
"Um, nothing. It was nothing." I lean my head back a little and rest it on his chest. This is so wrong.
He doesn't say anything and I'm afraid to speak. We are dancing along the lines of platonic cuddling and something else.
"Mmmm." Fuck. Did I make that noise? This is reaching embarrassing. He doesn't say anything and I wonder if he even heard it. God, I hope not. Moaning while your best friend plays with your hair is not very dignified.
"Dawson?" I ask.
"Yeah?" he asks.
"Downstairs before, why didn't you kiss me?" I just have to know.
He doesn't say anything, but he keeps playing with my hair. If he doesn't want to answer I guess that's fine.
"I was afraid," he finally says.
"Afraid?" I ask.
"Afraid that if I kissed you I wouldn't be able to stop." When he says that a shock runs down the length of my spine. I hope that he didn't feel me shudder. How can he do that, make me feel like the most desirable woman who ever lived?
I crane my neck a little to the left, just so I can see his face. One corner of his mouth turns up. I move a little closer to give him a peck on the cheek, just to show him how I feel. My kiss lands more on the corner of his mouth than on his cheek. I think I want to pull away but I can't. There is an almost magnetic force keeping my lips there.
I'm not sure if it's me or Dawson who moves so that our lips our touching. At first it's tentative, a little experimental. For some reason every time we kiss, truly kiss, it feels like no time has passed between us. We have been kissing each other forever with no beginning or end in sight. He and I are no longer simple mortal beings; we have transcended heavenly planes and somehow reached a higher heavenly state. I smile into his mouth when I realize how girly I can be sometimes.
His hands have entered into the game now. They're everywhere. My hair, my waist, my breasts. He's unbuttoning my shirt now. There used to be time when we were young when he would have asked first. It was cute but after a while would get annoying. I like take charge Dawson better. I haven't felt this alive in so long. So long that I can't even remember.
But we can't. I've worked too hard on myself to let passion cloud my judgement. If we do this tonight, when I'm not ready, there is a chance that we will never do it again. Then again if we don't do this tonight we still may never have another chance.
"Wait," I say as I slightly pull back. "It's not that I don't want to, but we shouldn't. I'm not in the right frame of mind yet. It just wouldn't be right."
"I'm sorry," he says as he pulls further away. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you."
"You didn't, " I assure him as I button my shirt back up. This sucks. I want to. God, I want to. "I kissed you."
"You did kiss me, didn't you?" he jokes but his breath is a little ragged.
Dawson
I just wanted to touch her hair. It's been years since I've been able to that. It was as soft to the touch as I remembered. Then once I touched her hair all I wanted to do was smell it.
I didn't expect her to kiss me. It wasn't exactly on my mouth and it wasn't quite on my cheek. It was somewhere in between, if that is possible. I couldn't help it. It was almost as if some magnetic force pulled my mouth on to hers. At first we were cautious, testing. But now we are drinking each other in like European movie stars. It's erotic yet familiar. It's invigorating yet comforting. How one woman can make me run the emotional gamut with one kiss is almost beyond me, almost. I always knew it could be this way.
It is almost as if I suddenly remember that I have hands. And those hands have a mind of their own. They are everywhere. Without abandon they slide across her waist, glide across her shoulders, and run across her breasts. Without a second thought I briskly undo the buttons to her blouse. There was a time when I was a horny teenager that I would have asked her first. I have to smile for the kid I once was. I can feel her nipples harden under my open palms. Maybe I'm not so different from that horny teenager after all.
"Wait," She says as she pulls away a little bit. Our bodies are still touching; our mouths are only inches apart. Damn! "It's not that I don't want to, but we shouldn't. I'm not in the right frame of mind yet. It just wouldn't be right."
Now I feel like an ass. I escalated things. I wasn't even thinking about the timing. I don't want her to think that I was trying to take advantage of her or something. "I'm sorry," I say as I pull further away from her. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you."
"You didn't." She is buttoning her shirt back up. This sucks. "I kissed you."
Yeah, she did kiss me first. And it wasn't exactly an innocent kind of kiss. "You did kiss me, didn't you?" I try to joke but I'm still um, aroused. I clench my fists at my side and try to think about unsexy things. The time that Todd split his pants during a charity softball game. That was as unarousing as it gets.
Joey
I didn't mean to get him all worked up. Now I feel like a tease. That was what high school was for. Dawson clenches his fists by his side and I can tell that he's obviously still, um, worked up.
"There is something else that I could do for you. I mean if you wanted me to." I offer with a small smile.
He raises an eyebrow. "You could? That wouldn't be against our waiting things out code of ethics?"
"Nah," I think about it for a moment. "It's my code and I say it would be okay."
I can almost see the wheels turning in his mind. He's analyzing the situation, weighing the options.
"Dawson," I say feeling him through his pants, ignoring the fact that I want him inside of me. "Come on. It's fine." I coax.
"Isn't this a pretty presidential view of sex?" Dawson asks.
I can't help but giggle. "Seriously," I start to unbutton his jeans.
"Dawson! Joey!" Alex and Lily burst through the door with a thunderous roar. Dawson immediately flips over on his stomach. Thank God I had the good sense to button my shirt back up.
"You know it isn't polite to walk into a person's bedroom without knocking," I gently remind them. It's not their fault that I was about to give Dawson a blowjob.
"Sorry," they mumble.
"Its fine," I say. "Just knock next time."
"We came to watch movies," Lily says as she climbs into my lap. Can we watch them with you?"
"Sure hon," I answer casting apologetic look to Dawson.
This is what, the third time that someone has walked in on us? After over ten years you would think that Dawson would have learned to lock his bedroom door.
Pacey
"Joey," I call as I see her coming down the stairs. "I've been looking for you for a while now."
"Dawson and I were watching movies with Lily and Alex. They just fell asleep a few minutes ago."
"It must have been all that running around," I say trying to ignore the fact that she was with Dawson all this time. What did I expect?
"Can we go somewhere?" I ask.
"It's not to talk about the state of our relationship or lack thereof,' I assure her when I see the worried look on her face. That appears to relax her and she starts to follow me into the den.
"Here," I say as I hand her the small box. "Merry Christmas."
"Thanks Pace," she says as she starts to open it.
"You know what?" I stop her from opening her gift. "Before you open it I just want to clarify some things. I bought this when we were still going out. I want you to have it anyway. And it is not an attempt to get back together with you."
"Thanks," she says sarcastically.
"Well you know what I mean," I try to clarify. I didn't mean for it to come out so blunt. But that is better than Joey thinking that this is some lame attempt to get her back. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea."
"Yeah," she says. "I know what you mean."
"Open it," I urge.
Joey just runs her finger alongside the edge of the box. I know she's contemplating opening it.
"It's not an engagement ring or anything like that." She smiles a bit and I can tell that she's a little more at ease.
She smiles when she opens the box. That's a good sign. I hope it's not too pathetic to give her a gift like this after we have broken up. I bought it for her and I want her to have it.
"This is really pretty, Pace." I'm glad that she likes it. Now I don't feel like such a loser.
It's a charm bracelet. I had to special order the first charm that I bought her – a little silver book. My plan was to buy her a charm to add on for her birthday, Valentine's day, special occasions. I wont be doing that now.
Giving her this bracelet is sort of the last thing that I have to do for her. Almost like closure. It's as much for me as it is for her.
"Thanks," she says. "It was really nice of you."
"You're welcome, Jo." It's funny how quickly things change. A few weeks a go Joey was the most important thing in the world to me. She's still important to me, just less so.
"Wait here," she says. "I have something for you too."
To Be Continued