The Holiday Hotel was incredibly busy. Crowds had come to eat at the restaurant where Steven Hyde and Michael Kelso worked. It wasn't exactly the Waldorf Astoria, but it was pleasant, the pay wasn't bad, and the open bar for the employees wasn't too bad either.
" Hey Hyde," said Kelso coming into the kitchen " Leon says table six needs another bowl of potato soup."
" Right," he replied reaching for the ladle " when are you off, man?"
" In an hour, you?" Kelso asked.
" Same. Where are you headed, the basement?"
" Probably. Fez owes me ten bucks. How about you?"
" I have a date." Hyde said nonchalantly
" No, really Hyde. What are you doing after work? Is the gang going to a movie or something?"
" I told you. I. Have. A. Date."
" With who? Eric." said the taller boy.
" No, Dumbass. Cat Peterson."
" Ugh! You're totally cheating on Jackie. She's gonna be super pissed."
" We broke up, Kelso. Plus, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" he explained
" I am not a pot or a kettle. Black just isn't my color. I'm too pretty for that."
" Why do I try and reason with you?"
" Because you don't know any better, Hyde." Kelso answered stupidly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Eric, Donna, and Cat sat in the basement watching The Brady Bunch. Eric was trying unsuccessfully to persuade them to think that Greg and Marsha had some secret fling going on, and that this was the most incestuous show on the planet. He also tried to get them to believe that Alice lived in the refrigerator and Tiger, the dog, could actually talk.
" Eric, the Bradys' are a wholesome family who probably don't even understand the word incest. Plus, I happen to think that Alice lives with the butcher because after they go bowling, Sam's getting some." Cat stated
Donna bursted with laughter " Yeah, and when she buys cold cuts, I doubt she's looking at a cow's meat or on a special occasion, veal chops."
" It's a special occasion alright!" Cat exclaimed
The girls cackled at their own jokes. Eric just rolled his eyes.
" You guys nauseate me."
" Why? Do you wanna be Sam, the butcher, Eric?" Donna chaffed
" No, why would I be jealous of a man who cuts meat for a living? Plus, even if he is getting some all the time, Alice's beauty doesn't hold a candle to you, Donna."
" Aww, that's so sweet." she kissed him on the cheek.
The three went back to watching the show. After a few days, Cat had become friends with Eric and Donna. She began hanging out in the basement when Hyde was working. The couple. especially Donna, liked having her around. In one of Marsha's hair brushing scenes, none other than Jackie Burkhardt walked through the door.
" Hey guys,' she turned to Cat " and you are?"
" Cat Peterson. You're Jackie Burkhardt, right?"
" Yeah. You were in my home economics class last semester." Jackie answered.
" You're the one that burned the cake and stabbed herself with a knitting needle."
" Yeah, I'm such a klutz. Have you guys seen, Steven?"
" He and Kelso are working until eight, but you can hang out with us and discuss the incestuousness of the Brady's." Donna replied.
" Cool. Florence Henderson and Barry what's his face really need to just kiss on the show and get it over with."
Cat giggled. " Oh so true."
The show ended, and Petticoat Junction soon followed. During the opening theme, the Cat got a questionable look on her face
" You know, I've always wondered why these girls are taking a shower in the town's water supply, and if they're naked, then why doesn't every man on the planet hop in the well every freaking morning." Cat said.
" Hyde said the same thing one time. I agree. I mean, don't these redneck people in this sleepy, little town want action too?" Eric asked
" I never understood the basis of this show." Jackie commented.
" Me either," Donna said and turned to Cat " We often discuss the whole idea of Samantha and Jeanie. Who's better? The witch or the jeanie?"
" Jeanie. Her little bottle is so cool, and Barbara Eden is so bad-ass because she shows her navel. Plus, Major Nelson is gay." Cat informed
" What?" the other three replied.
" Yep, Johnny Carson said that he had officially come out of the closet."
" Who's out of the closet?" asked their scruffy, rebel friend coming through the basement door.
" Major Nelson." Donna reported
" Duh." Hyde said matter-of-factly.
" Hey Baby." Cat cooed.
Donna and Eric remained quiet, and Hyde suddenly felt his knees go weak. His face went white and pasty. Jackie's eyes widened and her expression was no longer friendly.
" Baby?" she exclaimed.
" Dum, Dum, Da-dum, Dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum." Eric sang with a smirk.
The Death March does seem appropriate, Hyde thought.
" Shut-up, Foreman." he gritting his teeth.
" Is something wrong?" asked Cat naively
" No, why would anything be wrong?" Hyde asked with a fake smile plastered across his face.
" Just curious. Anyway, I got the new Aerosmith LP, today."
" Draw The Line?" he asked
" Yeah, and I figured you, me, Steven Tyler, and my parents' liquor cabinet could do a lot of damage together."
" Your parents?"
" Milwaukee until Sunday night."
His eyes lit up. " How about Katelyn?" Hyde asked referring to her sister.
" She's at my Grandparents' in Chicago." Cat replied waggling her eyebrows.
" God, I love you." he exclaimed
Jackie scoffed and ran out of the basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I know that was kinda mean, but I promise I'll redeem myself in the next chapter. Promise! I know where I'm going with this so just stay with me. Thank you to all my reviewers. You guys rock! To all you H/J shippers: just be patient. Another thing, I know Cat is in the way, but you'll just have to deal with her for a while. Just pretend you like her. For Me? Pwetty Pwease? Pwetty, Pwetty Pwease? Plus, all of you who don't understand the hoe the garden thing? Well, you're probably a virgin. Thanks again for the reviews. I need, eat, drink, and breath them. Peace Out- not-so-dumb-blonde.