Eric and Jackie had returned from their outing in Kenosha and were sitting in the basement with Kelso and Fez watching Charlie's Angels. Well, Eric, Fez, and Kelso were watching parts of the Charlie's Angels.
" Good Morning, Charlie." said Farrah Fawcett and her Angel pals.
" Good Morning to you too, Farrah." said Fez.
" Fez, when are you going to realize that the Angels are just on TV and are not sitting in the basement? You're getting drool all over the couch." Eric whined.
" I know that you son of a bitch! I just want to know how Farrah gets her hair so perfect."
" Hot oil and lemon juice treatments." replied Kelso.
" You're worse than Eric, Michael! What have you been doing all summer? Reading Tiger Beat!" Jackie exclaimed.
" Maybe. I did it so you could think better of me when you came home from Acapulco." Kelso explained
" You thought I wouldn't think of you as cheating scum when you were nailing every cheap blonde in the state of Wisconsin at the same time no less!" Jackie shouted.
" BURN!" yelled Eric.
Jackie smirked and joined in with Fez and Eric's laughter.
" Well, Damn Jackie! You didn't expect me to be dateless all summer did you?"
" Of course not Michael. How could I be so stupid?" she stated sarcastically.
" Thank You!" he yelled.
She rolled her eyes and fixated her eyes on the television. The Angels in white bikinis, she thought, what a surprise! Just as the room got quiet once again, Cat, who had done her share of marching in and out, stomped into the basement again. These people were driving her crazy! She needed to go back to Pam Macy, the cheerleaders, and the third floor bathroom.
" What are you angry about this time?" asked Eric never taking his eyes of Jacklyn Smith in stilettoes.
" This little blabber mouth, skanky bitch slept with my boyfriend!"
" WHAT!" yelled Kelso glaring at his ex-girlfriend.
Eric slid into the lawn chair sheepishly, looked at Jackie, and giggled uncomfortably.
" I did not!" she lied.
" Whatever! I went to Donna's. Hyde might have been drunk and high as a kite, but he said it!"
" Hyde's gonna kill you for ruining his buzz." Fez told her.
" I didn't talk to him you moron! I was, but he said that and I ran." Cat explained.
" Did you happen to examine the fact that he was high and drunk? Steven can say anything when he's like that. Once he told me that Nixon had died and his ghost was coming to get him." Jackie reasoned.
" Well, he did say something along the lines of 'I'm never telling Cat about sleeping with Jackie'. So, I think I have a pretty good chance of catching you in a lie!"
Jackie swallowed. Keep cool, Burkhardt, she told herself, make like Nixon and Deny, Deny, Deny. Eric covered his eyes with his right hand and shook his head. He never could keep a secret. Kelso and Fez were still mad at the fact that Jackie was sleeping with someone else besides the two of them.
" Cat, you've got some kinda balls to come to our territory and call me a bitch and a liar! I could kick your ass in a heartbeat. Ask Eric's sister, Laurie." Jackie exclaimed smugly.
Eric, Kelso, and Fez laughed and remembered the sight of Jackie pulling kung fu on Laurie.
" Your territory. Now I really see where we stand. You guys don't like me!"
" Yes we do!" the three guys shouted in unison.
" Shut-up!" Cat and Jackie exclaimed at the same time.
" Cat fight! No pun intended, of course." Eric replied snarkily.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Kitty was busy making a late-night snack while Red was sitting at the kitchen table drinking an Orange Crush and reading the latest scandal between Andrew Johnson and his Congress spawns in Time Magazine. He had to trade out his Budweiser for soda because Kitty and the Cardiologist had mapped out a strict, 'heart conscious' diet for him to follow. Last week, he had even hit Eric and the basement gang up for beer. He had walked down to the basement, covered up his eyes with his right hand, and said, " I don't know where it is, but I know you have it! Four out of Five teenagers hide beer from their parents! Just give me the beer now and no one gets hurt!" Hyde was, of course, the one to be man enough to give it to him. They didn't even get in trouble! Donna and Jackie suggested that it was the pain killers that caused him to be so 'nice'. Fez simply suggested multiple personalities.
" Kitty," Red called " how soon are those cupcakes going to be done! This artificial sweetener and cocoa better be good!"
" It will I promise. Dr. Lewis gave me the recipe at the hospital. He says that Dr. Atkins is a genius." she encouraged.
" I just heard he was a quack! People say he's gonna cause people to die an early death! Whoever heard of a diet where you could eat all the red meat you want! Sounds like he was a butcher in a previous life to me."
" Oh, Red!" Kitty exclaimed and gave him her annoying, little laugh.
While Kitty and Red were chatting, Donna and Hyde stumbled into the Foreman house.
" Hey kids!" Kitty replied, spreading icing on her cupcakes.
" Hey Mrs. F." said Hyde.
" Where have you two been all day? We were all kinda worried."
" Oh, just different places. You didn't have to be worried, Mrs. Foreman." Donna stated.
" You aren't drunk are you?" asked Red. The man was like a bloodhound these days. He could smell beer, hard liquor, and fear a mile away.
" Of course not Mr. Foreman! I've never even tried it! Always wanted to try it though!" Donna said innocently.
" Smart-ass." said Red dryly.
Hyde and Donna just laughed.
" Thanks for the chat, Red," Hyde said. " I've gotta go burn Eric for being such a pansy-ass for worrying about us."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Eric, Kelso, and Fez were, once again, watching television. It was some geeky, made-for-TV movie about the Judy Garland story. If only we could be somewhere over the rainbow, thought Eric. Jackie and Cat were standing behind the couch arguing. The guys had a poll on who would kick who's ass, first.. Eric and Kelso both had twenty bucks riding Jackie while Fez, on the other hand, had fifteen riding on Cat. He argued that blonde women in thigh-high boots kick serious ass! Before they knew it, Hyde and Donna stumbled down the basement staircase. Donna, who was always perceptive, caught onto the screaming and hair-pulling coming from the pint-sized pixies.
" What the hell?" she exclaimed.
" Any of you want to take a piece of the pot? I've got twenty on Jackie." Kelso asked.
" You've got a poll going?!" Hyde exclaimed.
" Yep. Who knew they would be fighting over you?" Eric told his best friend.
Hyde took off his infamous, rose-tinted sunglasses and clipped them on his shirt. One of the lightbulbs had broken, and Red, still being lazy from his heart attack, hadn't come down to change it. So, the basement was pretty dark and he could barely see the chick wrestling that was going on before him.
" All we need is water and dirt, and we've got ourselves a regular porn flick! Mud wrestling cheerleaders!" Kelso said dreamily.
Hyde punched him in the arm.
" Damn Hyde," said Kelso rubbing his forearm " you gotta stop doing that!"
" This should be put on 'The Gong Show'," said Fez, laughing " The Amazing, female, midget wrestlers! Mud not included."
" I'm seeing nothing funny about this." Hyde said sternly.
" What did you have to do to get Hyde to sleep with you, huh? Pay him! You probably earned your money from working at Skank World. The happiest place on earth!" Cat dead panned, going for her stomach and trying to flip her over.
" Me? At least I'm not from Slutsville, U.S.A!" Jackie shouted, countering her move.
" Cat," Hyde yelled.
The girls' stopped passing licks at each other.
" I, once and for all, did not sleep with Jackie! When we were dating, sure, but not recently. You have to believe that. Whatever I said, I'm sure it was something that happened a long time ago, and I got it confused with something else. I was plastered, okay! We both were. I coulda been talking about Foreman for all I know!"
" You promise me you'll stay away from each other so I won't get any suspicions?" Cat pleaded.
" I promise." He answered, kissing her on the head.
*~*~*~*~*~*
" We've gotta stop doing this!" Hyde exclaimed, rolling over in the bed and looking at Jackie.
She lazily propped up on one elbow. " I know. I feel like a whore! Yesterday, when I spent the day with Eric, I told him, well at least he said I did because I was drunk,"
Hyde interrupted her and laughed
" .... I didn't know whether or not I was the slut or the girlfriend. Which am I?" she finished.
" Remember that I...uh...I..uh. Well, you know, and you'll be my girlfriend whether in secret or for the world to see."
" Thank You, and I love you too." she grinned, pulling him over to her. He had no complaints.
" You do realize that it's six O'clock in the morning?" he replied, smirking.
" Yes, but we don't get to do this often. And when we do have the opportunity, I wanna make the most out of it."
She kissed him so hard she almost melted.
" What? No banners or candles?" he asked.
" Shut the hell up, Steven." she said dryly.
" Yes, ma'am."
They captured each other's lips once more.
*~*~*~*~*~*
See? I told you I wasn't deserting our favorite couple! By the way, those of you who thought I dropped a bomb on you with the whole D/H stuff, THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS! I swear to you they are not together, and if Marcy Carsey and Tom Werner ever get this crazy idea to put them together, I will stop watching the show all together! Thank you for reviewing! Thanks especially to all my old faithfuls who have been here since chapter one! I would list you, but I would be afraid that I would leave someone out. You know who you are! Thanx for never giving up on me! Always remember to R/R, and as always----- Peace Out!