Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and it's wonderful universe we[I] bask in.
Summary: This is the story of Draco Malfoy and his quest to find a pink bunny. Yes…his father. His father the pink bunny. You think it's funny, do you? Yeah, real hilarious. I bet you'd find it a hoot if you had to team up with your WORST ENEMY, NAMELY HARRY POTTER to find your father WHOM YOU HATE, to defeat an evil person whom you ACTUALLY, SOMEHOW USED TO ADORE UNTIL HE SHOWED UP ONE DAY WEARING A DRESS. Or if you had to see your FAVORITE PROFESSOR IN A CLOWN SUIT. Or a HOUSE ELF WITH NO CLOTHES ON. Or EVEN…and worse of all...I shudder to write it. I will not even begin to express to you the pain. Go ahead, read on. We'll see who's crying in the end. Sob.
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It was never really up to Draco Malfoy's decision for anything done in the Malfoy Manor, thank you very much. Sometimes, he would get his say in what he wanted to eat for dinner, 5 star roast beef and mashed potatoes with a goblet of wine to drink, or 5 star chicken and mashed potatoes with a goblet of wine to drink. Other than that, nothing. Almost all the time, Draco would sit in his room, stretched out comfortably on the bed or sit in his chair to do studies. Draco is quite the studious person, you know. Maybe not as much as the wiry haired mud blood, Granger, but he did care an awful lot.
Draco Malfoy rested his silvery gaze upon his Nimbus 2001, which rested every so gorgeously against the white walls of his room. How he longed to grab that beautiful broom and fly away to…where..?
Where would he actually want to go? A wave of anxiety swept through him as he came to the sudden conclusion: He had no home. Not the Malfoy Manor. NEVER the Malfoy Manor. He would rather live in that muggle house of that boy. Yes, Harry Potter and the Dursleys. He would rather live with them than stay in the God forsaken house of the Malfoys.
Draco got up quickly in a flash of green robes and grabbed his broom. Yes, he was going to do it. He was going to fly, higher and higher into the sky. Until all there was of this earth was a speck of dust. Draco swung the shutters of the large window aside and placed one foot on the sill.
"DRACO MALFOY," screeched a shrill voice, coming from downstairs. "DRACO MALFOY…"
Draco stopped, sucking in a breath. It was his mother, a woman with evil characteristics and way too much make up for anyone's liking. He was caught, caught red handed. Draco stared at his hand and saw that it was covered in a crimson liquid, and was beginning to drip off from the end of his pinky. No, no. He was imagining it. Draco shut his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again, relieved to find that his hands were still pale and milky, the same as they were before.
"Coming MUM.." Draco hollered, closing the shutters as quickly and quietly as he could.
He raced down the marble stairs, a million of them. All identical and slightly covered with a scarlet rug.
"Yes mum?" Draco asked, situating himself on a chair that tried to run away from his bottom.
"Your father has been classified as a non-registered animagus," she said calmly, fluffing up her pale blonde hair and inhaling into a long cigarette.
"Well? What is he?" Draco said crossly, although he knew for almost 80 percent that Lucius Malfoy was most likely a serpent.
"He's a pink bunny. He is a pink, baby, bouncing, bratty, bunny."
Draco fell out of his chair in a loud thud. HA. This was some cruel joke. April fools. Is it even April? No. It was the end of August, and quite a clear day outside. The skies were a bright blue and HIS FATHER IS A BUNNY.
Draco stared at his mother, trying to bore through her hard expression. Trying to make her break and scream, 'IT WAS A JOKE. HAHAHAH.' But Narcissa Malfoy never joked. One time, Draco thought that she was joking when she tried to cook the other two male figures a dinner. The night ended with a lot of House elves getting beaten to death.
"So my father is a bunny? Where is he now?" Draco slid into a corner as the chair he was sitting in earlier had raced off into the next room.
"Your father? Oh yes," Narcissa Malfoy said, sniffing loudly and putting on a sudden face of sorrow.
"Yes, my father. Lucius Malfoy, you know him. You saw him naked, and GOD FORBID I walked into it and I still have that memory fixed into my mind, the noises. Oh Dear, YOU MADE ME CRAZY." Draco gasped and sputtered.
The terrible picture of his father as a bunny had brought back some horrid childhood memories.
"Are you done?" His mother said with a tone of annoyance. She flicked her wand expertly and she was suddenly clothed in all black.
"Your father," she said gently, voice softening in mock. "Your father is dead, dear."
Draco jumped up from his seat, ready to do the Macarana, but then quickly sat down.
"Oh…" Draco's voice trailed off dramatically. "That..That's too bad.."
Ding Dong.
"I'll get it," Narcissa said happily. "Perhaps it is my new boyfriend, Pierre…"
Draco raised his eyebrows. "How very sad his mother must be," he thought sarcastically. And then stopped, because he wasn't at all upset. Draco always knew that there was no love between Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy.
"Oh, it's you," a flat voice echoed from the hallway. "You want Draco, hm? Ah well, I shall bid him to thee--DRACO! GET YOUR SLIMY ASS DOWN HERE…Please."
Draco ran towards the door, someone very unpleasant was obviously there.
"Professor Snape?" He said, taken aback and looking at the pale person in curtained black robes standing at his door.
"Who did you think?" Snape said in a slow, tense voice. "A clown?"
With that, Professor Snape transformed into an overweight clown with large feet and a red, round, tomato nose. His face was painted white and a large smile was placed on the professor's usual frown. A rainbow colored shirt took over those sweeping black robes, and a kilt instead of actual trousers. The clown began to dance a little bit, wiggling his arse into Draco's face.
Draco blacked out onto the cold, Malfoy Manor floor.
Authors note: Did I not warn you? Did I not warn you of the horrid events in this horrid, horrid fiction? I WILL APPRECIATE IF YOU REVIEW THOUGH, MIGHT CHEER ME UP A TAD. And if you enjoyed this, or even smiled at the thought of Lucius as a pink bunny...you are a sick, sick person. Hear me? SICK.