I think this is my longest chapter yet, but I'm not sure. It's mostly
conversation and strangle-ation. Poor guys... Oops. I'm giving it away.
^_^ I'll shut up now. *shuts up*
CHAPTER THREE
Telepathy, Cookies, and Pain
Hiei searched for a place to sit. The floor was carpeted with bones. The whole room reeked of rotten carcasses and human blood. Not exactly something you'd think of when you hear about Girl Scouts. After finding no place to sit, Hiei contented himself with leaning against the wall, although he was sure it wasn't sanitary.
Already tired of captivity, Hiei closed his eyes and searched for his friends' energies. They were no where near him. In fact, they were right where they had been last time he'd seen them: Shadow's house. None of them were moving, either. Shadow, Yusuke, and Kuwabara's energies were almost overlapping. Kurama was on the other side of the house, in the hall near the bathroom. Hiei concentrated and managed to see the inside of the house with his Jagan eye.
Kuwabara was sleeping with his head on the table, the same as he had been that morning. Yusuke was out cold on the ground near Kuwabara's feet. Shadow was unconscious in a tipped-over chair, lying on the floor hugging an empty Mello Yello bottle. Kurama was on the floor in the hall. He was unconscious too. Hiei knew they would be of little or no help for quite a while, but he still wanted to try.
'Kurama!' Hiei called through telepathy. His friend didn't move. 'Kurama, wake up! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!'
Kurama twitched, but didn't wake up. Hiei tried to wake up Yusuke and Shadow, but they gave even less response than Kurama had. Kuwabara was the only one left.
'Hey idiot!' Hiei yelled telepathically. No response.
'I've never known anyone to sleep for a full 24 hours with no reason. Maybe they drugged him yesterday,' Hiei thought. 'I wouldn't put it past them, especially Shadow...'
'KUWABARA!!!' Hiei screamed telepathically. The idiot practically jumped out of his pants, which, if he had, would have made Hiei instantly cut off the image his Jagan was giving him, because the last thing Hiei needed to see was Kuwabara's... nevermind.
"Huh? What? Hiei?" Kuwabara said, looking around. After seeing no signs of Hiei, Kuwabara sat back down. "I must have been dreaming," he decided.
'No, you dolt, you weren't dreaming. It's telepathy, duh!' Hiei said, already annoyed and realizing that Kuwabara would be of very little help on his own.
"Oh. Um. Hi. Why are you telepathy-ing me?" Kuwabara asked, not sure where to look.
'Oh my God. Look around. Does it look like any of the others would be of any help to me!?' Hiei asked.
"Oh, uh, good point," Kuwabara muttered, spotting two unconscious caffeine- overdosers on the floor nearby. "What do you need help for? Why do you need to use telepathy? Ever heard of a phone?"
'Shut up, fool! Just do me a favor, okay?' Hiei said, annoyed. He wanted to kill something, but the most danage he could do was to kick some bones agaisnt the wall. They snapped into pieces.
"Do you a favor?! Like what kind of favor?!" Kuwabara asked. "And if I do, you'll have to give me something in return. Knowing you, you wouldn't have the proper manners to suggest it, so I'll just have to remind you."
'Oh, shut up, Kuwabara. I need you to wake Kurama. He's out in the hall. They all overdosed on caffeine, and for some reason, that made them pass out rather than get hyper. Maybe demon biology doesn't take high doses of caffeine well, I don't know, but the point is, wake up Kurama, and he'll know what to do with the other two,' Hiei said. 'Oh, and also, you might want to open the front door. There's something outside that'll help you understand all this. If it's possible for you to understand anything...'
"What'll you do in return?"
'I don't know! Come to me when you end up in a situation like this, and I'll help. Happy?!'
"What kind of situation? Hiei? Hello? Hiei?!" Kuwabara said, but Hiei had blocked his telepathy for now. "Stupid demon, thinks he's so wonderful. Right, I gotta help Kurama."
When Kuwabara found Kurama, he knelt beside him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little bit.
"Hey Kurama! Kurama? Hey! Wake up! You gotta wake up! Cuz if you don't, then you might go into a coma or something, and I don't think that'd make anybody happy! Kurama!? WAKE UP, YOU!!!"
Kurama didn't wake up.
"Hey Hiei! Can you hear me, shrimp?! Hey, Hiei! HIEI!!!" Kuwabara said, hoping Hiei was listening.
'WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU USELESS BOY?!' Hiei yelled, extremely annoyed at Kuwabara's incompetence.
"God, you're inside my head. You don't need to yell..." Kuwabara muttered.
'Yes I do! You're incompetent! Can't you wake up the stupid fox boy without my help?!'
"That's the thing. He won't wake up."
'That's because YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! Slap him around! Shake him! Scream in his ears! Dump cold water on him! Throw ice cubes down his shirt or something! Just WAKE HIM UP!!!'
"Okay!!! God, you don't need to have a stroke..."
Kuwabara shook Kurama, screaming at him all the while. That didn't help a whole lot. He slapped him in the face. That just left a big red mark on Kurama's cheek. Getting desperate, Kuwabara pulled a gallon jug of water out of the fridge and held it over Kurama's head.
"Here goes nothing," Kuwabara muttered. He flipped the jug. A gallon of freezing cold water dumped on top of Kurama's head. The boy jumped up and away from Kuwabara so fast he slid backwards on the polished wood floor of the hall.
"What the hell was that for?!" Kurama asked, glaring at Kuwabara. A second later he swayed and almost fell over.
"Are you okay?"
"Other than feeling like my head is about to split open, I'm fine. I think I felt a lot better when I was unconscious, though," Kurama muttered. "Why'd you do that?!"
"Hiei told me to."
"Hiei?!"
"Yeah. Through telepathy. He said something... Oh yeah, you're supposed to help Shadow and Yusuke. He says you all overdosed on caffeine, and he also told me to open the front door to find something... Which reminds me that I have to open the front door still..." Kuwabara said. He walked down the hall with Kurama shuffling behind him. When Kuwabara opened the door, he found a box of Girl Scout cookies with a note taped to it. He pulled the note off and handed it to Kurama without reading it. Kurama's jaw dropped.
"Whaf if fit?" Kuwabara asked through a mouth full of cookies.
"Listen to this: 'Hello, sir or ma'am. I'd just like to inform you that we have your friend captive. Yeah, the little guy with black anti-gravity hair and a bad attitude when it comes to girls. If you want him back, come to the Girl Scouts HQ within a few days, because if you don't come soon, he'll starve to death, since we don't feed our captives. Oh, bring plenty of money with you, cuz he's not getting out free.' It's signed with a Girl Scout symbol. You can't seriously tell me that Hiei's been taken captive by Girl Scouts..." Kurama said. He flipped the note over. On the back it said, 'I hope you didn't eat all those cookies yourself, because if you did, you're poisoned pretty bad.'
Kurama looked at Kuwabara for a second, waiting for some strange reaction to eating a box of poisoned Girl Scout cookies. After a minute or two, Kuwabara started getting red splotches all over his face.
"Wow. Fast acting poison," Kurama muttered. He grabbed Kuwabara's arm and pulled him into the living room. The boy was turning blue, probably suffocating. A second later, Kuwabara passed out on the couch. Kurama ran into the bathroom.
"Poisonous Girl Scout cookies. That's something new," Kurama muttered, searching through the medicine cabinet. He found some pills that should counteract the poison and dumped some down Kuwabara's throat. Then he took some Tylenol for his own terrible headache and sat in the 'sacred big fluffy reclining chair,' putting out the foot rest and leaning back until the chair wouldn't lean back anymore. About that time, he heard Hiei's voice.
'Hey, Kurama,' Hiei said.
'Hello Hiei. Having fun with the Girl Scouts?' Kurama said telepathically, deciding to torment his friend a bit.
'Oh, shut up. I need to get out of here before I blow something up.'
'Could you explain how you ended up kidnapped by Girl Scouts in the first place?' Kurama asked.
'Fine. While you and Shadow were having some stupid caffeine tournament, these girls came to the door, tried to seduce me into buying cookies, then when I told them I didn't want any of their stupid cookies no matter what, they dragged me down the street, threw me in the back of a van with 22 Girl Scouts, and took me to their stupid headquarters, where I am stuck in the basement right now in a room full of dead, rotten bodies and human bones,' Hiei explained, rather calmly.
'Oh. Sucks to be you,' Kurama said.
'Oh, gimme a break. I already owe Kuwabara something for waking you up, and now you've gotta go and make it worse by acting like that!' Hiei snapped. 'Just wake up Shadow and Yusuke, or just Yusuke, or whoever you want, and get your lousy useless butts over to the stupid Girl Scouts HQ before I kill all the Girl Scouts.'
'Okay, okay, yeesh...' Kurama got up and walked to the bag in the corner, which he had brought with him and always brought with him when he came to Shadow's house. First-Aid. He pulled a small bottle out. Making sure to plug Yusuke's nose, Kurama poured a small amount of the liquid down the boy's throat. He then got far enough away that when the stuff started acting, he wouldn't be near enough for Yusuke to hurt. He did the same with Shadow, then leaned against the wall and waited for them to react.
Yusuke jumped up suddenly, screaming and waving his hands around in the universal signal for having a burning mouth. Shadow reacted shortly after, screaming like a banshee and trying to rip her tongue out. They acted like this for about half a minute before finally calming down a bit. Shadow looked around and saw Kurama.
"Did you do that?" she asked.
"What? Wake you up?"
"Yeah."
"Yes I did."
"Why are you all wet?"
"I'll explain later."
"Why is Kuwabara all swollen and puffy like that?"
"Wha---? Oh shoot!" Kurama exclaimed. Kuwabara was swollen up like balloon, red and puffy, and his skin was burning hot to the touch. Kurama pulled some other strange concoction out of his bag and poured it down Kuwabara's throat. "That should help. Maybe he won't die. Maybe he will. Right now, the more important news is that Hiei's been kidnapped."
"WHAT?!" Shadow and Yusuke cried.
"Yup."
Shadow ran towards Kurama, leaping at him and wrapping her hands around his neck. She planted her feet on the wall on either side of him and started shaking him. By his neck.
"TRY NOT TO ACT TOO WORRIED, YOU STUPID FOX!!!" she screamed.
"We can't lose our minds," Kurama managed to say. "... Let go..."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T LOSE OUR MINDS? HIEI'S BEEN KIDNAPPED! IF ANY TIME WAS THE RIGHT TIME TO GO NUTS, THIS IS IT! I'M NOT GONNA LET GO UNTIL YOU START HAVING SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION TO IT! AND BESIDES, I NEVER HAD A MIND TO LOSE!!!"
"True..."
"Hey! You're not supposed to agree!"
"Oops."
"START HAVING AN EMOTIONAL REACTION!" Shadow screamed, remembering her reason for strangling Kurama in the first place. She shook him around for a few more seconds before stopping. Kurama's eyes were swirls. Shadow jumped back, putting her feet on the floor rather than the wall and letting go of Kurama's neck. He fell over with a look of happiness at the fact that he could finally breathe again.
Once Kurama caught his breathe and got himself standing again, he glanced at Shadow. She was giving him a look. The look. You know, that ones girls do so well? Yes, well Shadow had that look on her face, and Kurama started inching away into the next room, nervously muttering something about preparing something.
Shadow might as well have exploded.
She leaped on top of Kurama, knocking him over onto his back, and glared at him evilly. "YOU ARE SO STUPID!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HAVE SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION OTHER THAN 'Oh, Hiei's been kidnapped, I suppose we should go save him, right?'"
After a second, Kurama decided that he wasn't about to get this lunatic girl off of him without either hurting her or obeying her, so he gave her the cute innocent puppy-dog look.
"Oh, fine, I guess that's good enough..." Shadow muttered, standing up.
"Yes!" Kurama said, jumping up. "Now... where'd Yusuke go anyway?"
They both looked confused for a second, until they heard the toilet flush in the bathroom down the hall.
"Oh. There he is," Shadow said. "Okay, well I am not quite filled in on the details here. Who kidnapped Hiei and why does he need our help and where is he and how do you know?"
"Hiei got kidnapped by Girl Scouts, believe it or not., and..."
*Thud*
"Shadow? Are you okay? Shadow?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hiei sighed, blocking out the vision his Jagan was giving him.
'Shadow over-reacts way to much. I think she needs to take some lessons on emotional control...' Hiei thought. A second later he added, 'But not from me.'
Suddenly, he heard somebody clearing their throat and spun around to see that the screen and intercom were on.
"What do you want, witch?" Hiei asked.
"Awwww, you cussed! I'm telling Boss Lady!" the girl said, running off. She left the screen on.
"HEY! LAST TIME I CHECKED, WITCH WASN'T A CUSS WORD, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Hiei screamed. "YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH REALITY!!! HEEEEEEEEY!!!" The girl didn't hear him. A second later, a different girl appeared.
"Hello. I suppose you're the new captive, huh?" she said. Her voice had no emotion in it; she sounded incredibly bored.
"No kidding. Why else would a guy be in the Girl Scouts building, and other than that, I'M LOCKED IN A BASEMENT ROOM FULL OF ROTTEN SMELLING HUMAN BONES!!!" Hiei yelled.
"I saw them bringing you in. You didn't look to happy."
"No, really?"
"Yeah. You shouldn't have called Cassie the 'w' word. That's one of the words that we get in trouble for saying. Girl Scouts are the future of the country. We need to be pure, and have no bad language such as that... word."
"Oh my God... Girls are not the future of this country! Especially not you stupid stuck-up Girl Scouts!" Hiei said, annoyed.
"Oh, you really shouldn't say that. The Boss Lady is already going to be mad about your language, you shouldn't diss the Girl Scouts," the girl said. "Anyway, Cassie originally called you to say that your friends recieved our ransom note. Who knows what they'll do, or if they'll get here before you starve, but they know what's happening."
"Great," Hiei said dryly. Just then, the girl he was talking to was pushed aside and an extremely annoyed, older-looking woman got close enough to the screen that her face was all Hiei could see.
"YOU CALLED CASSIE THE 'W' WORD!!!" she screamed.
"Yes, and your point is?"
"THAT'S AGAINST OUR RULES! YOU JUST SENT YOUR PRICE UP TO $500!!!" she screeched.
"Am I really worth $500?" Hiei asked.
"Not to us, but you might be to your friends!"
"Peh. I doubt it."
"Then you'll just die."
"Lucky me."
The woman had no comment for that, because she had expected something more along the lines of insane panic rather than insane boredom, so she glared for a minute until she remembered her original reason for talking to him.
"You are NEVER to use that language again, understand? Because if you do, you won't be set free at all, and when your friends come, they'll suffer the same fate as you!"
"What, starving to death in the basement of the Girl Scouts HQ?"
"Exactly!"
"Oh well."
"Oh well?!"
"Yeah. If they're stupid enough to let themselves be caught by a bunch of stupid girls, then they deserve to die," Hiei said, shrugging. Then he realized what he had just said. "Oops."
"Yes, you just said you deserve to die. How idiotic of you," the woman said arrogantly, like she was a god or something.
"Oh well."
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?!"
"Yes I do, but that's my business, not yours."
"DON'T GET AN ATTITUDE WITH ME!"
"I wasn't! Leave me alone."
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
Hiei turned his back on the screen, plugged his ears, and started singing some death-metal song to make them go away. When they didn't, he picked up some bones and started beating them off the wall like drums, screaming some song with terribley violent lyrics.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, YOU HORRIBLE BOY!" the woman was screeching. "YOU'RE INFECTING THE MINDS OF THESE INNOCENT GIRLS!!! HOW COULD YOU SING SUCH TERRIBLE SONGS???"
"GO AWAY, STUPID WITCH!" Hiei screamed when his song was over.
"THAT'S IT! YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA DIE WHEN THEY GET HERE!!!"
"YOU COULDN'T KILL MY FRIENDS IF YOU TRIED!!!"
"YOU WANNA BET!?"
"YES I DO!!!"
"Well gambling is against our rules, so you can't."
Hiei fell over, sending bones flying everywhere when he hit the ground.
"Don't expect to hear from any of us for the rest of your life," the woman said arrogantly. With that, she shut the screen off.
"Witch! WITCH!" Hiei yelled at the blank screen. "Why would I want to hear from you stupid people anyway? Everybody knows I'm anti-social. Humans are so stupid. They actually think they're important or something. Ha! Gah! I'm talking to myself."
Hiei clamped his hand over his mouth and refused to talk to himself. Which is a good thing, since talking ot yourself isn't healthy. But I bet you've heard that a billion times.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Okay, are we all ready?!" Kurama asked.
"Mmph!!!" Shadow said. Kurama was holding her by her long ponytail. She had duct tape over her mouth and her arms were duct taped behind her back. Kurama had a black eye. Yusuke was holding a roll of duct tape.
After she had come to, Shadow had strangled Yusuke some, because he had said she loved Hiei and that's why she had over-reacted, until Kurama pointed out that it was her fault nobody noticed Hiei get kidnapped. That's how he got the black eye. Yusuke had come to the rescue by finding Shadow's lifetime supply of duct tape.
"Shadow, we'll let you go if you promise not to kill Kurama," Yusuke said.
"Mmkeh," Shadow said, nodding.
"All right, take the tape off her wrists," Yusuke told Kurama. Kurama pulled the tape off and jumped back, afraid he'd get another black eye, but lucky for him, Shadow slammed Yusuke straight in the face, then kicked him in the crotch. Poor Yusuke.
Yusuke hit the floor instantly, holding his crotch in pain. Kurama flinched at the thought of the pain Yusuke was going through. Shadow had pulled the tape off her mouth and was laughing evilly.
"You know, Shadow, sometimes I think you're more evil and cruel than Youko and Hiei put together. You've done nothing but abuse us since I woke you up," Kurama said. Shadow instantly stopped laughing and glared at him.
"I'm nothing like you, or your demented little pyro friend," Shadow said.
"He's your friend too."
"So!? I'm still nothing like him!!!"
"Okay, okay, don't have a cow..."
"Moo."
"Right... Okay, well once Yusuke recovers, we can start towards the Girl Scout HQ. I can't help but wonder what Hiei is doing in a huge building full of girls, or what they're doing to him..."
"I'm sure it's nothing pleasant."
"True."
"Let's go," Shadow said. She opened the front door and started down the sidewalk.
"Shadow! You're going the wrong direction!" Kurama yelled from the front porch. Annoyed, Shadow looked over her shoulder at him, spun around, and marched back down the street, glaring at him the entire time. Kurama walked out and met her on the sidewalk, falling in step with her while Yusuke limped behind them.
CHAPTER THREE
Telepathy, Cookies, and Pain
Hiei searched for a place to sit. The floor was carpeted with bones. The whole room reeked of rotten carcasses and human blood. Not exactly something you'd think of when you hear about Girl Scouts. After finding no place to sit, Hiei contented himself with leaning against the wall, although he was sure it wasn't sanitary.
Already tired of captivity, Hiei closed his eyes and searched for his friends' energies. They were no where near him. In fact, they were right where they had been last time he'd seen them: Shadow's house. None of them were moving, either. Shadow, Yusuke, and Kuwabara's energies were almost overlapping. Kurama was on the other side of the house, in the hall near the bathroom. Hiei concentrated and managed to see the inside of the house with his Jagan eye.
Kuwabara was sleeping with his head on the table, the same as he had been that morning. Yusuke was out cold on the ground near Kuwabara's feet. Shadow was unconscious in a tipped-over chair, lying on the floor hugging an empty Mello Yello bottle. Kurama was on the floor in the hall. He was unconscious too. Hiei knew they would be of little or no help for quite a while, but he still wanted to try.
'Kurama!' Hiei called through telepathy. His friend didn't move. 'Kurama, wake up! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!'
Kurama twitched, but didn't wake up. Hiei tried to wake up Yusuke and Shadow, but they gave even less response than Kurama had. Kuwabara was the only one left.
'Hey idiot!' Hiei yelled telepathically. No response.
'I've never known anyone to sleep for a full 24 hours with no reason. Maybe they drugged him yesterday,' Hiei thought. 'I wouldn't put it past them, especially Shadow...'
'KUWABARA!!!' Hiei screamed telepathically. The idiot practically jumped out of his pants, which, if he had, would have made Hiei instantly cut off the image his Jagan was giving him, because the last thing Hiei needed to see was Kuwabara's... nevermind.
"Huh? What? Hiei?" Kuwabara said, looking around. After seeing no signs of Hiei, Kuwabara sat back down. "I must have been dreaming," he decided.
'No, you dolt, you weren't dreaming. It's telepathy, duh!' Hiei said, already annoyed and realizing that Kuwabara would be of very little help on his own.
"Oh. Um. Hi. Why are you telepathy-ing me?" Kuwabara asked, not sure where to look.
'Oh my God. Look around. Does it look like any of the others would be of any help to me!?' Hiei asked.
"Oh, uh, good point," Kuwabara muttered, spotting two unconscious caffeine- overdosers on the floor nearby. "What do you need help for? Why do you need to use telepathy? Ever heard of a phone?"
'Shut up, fool! Just do me a favor, okay?' Hiei said, annoyed. He wanted to kill something, but the most danage he could do was to kick some bones agaisnt the wall. They snapped into pieces.
"Do you a favor?! Like what kind of favor?!" Kuwabara asked. "And if I do, you'll have to give me something in return. Knowing you, you wouldn't have the proper manners to suggest it, so I'll just have to remind you."
'Oh, shut up, Kuwabara. I need you to wake Kurama. He's out in the hall. They all overdosed on caffeine, and for some reason, that made them pass out rather than get hyper. Maybe demon biology doesn't take high doses of caffeine well, I don't know, but the point is, wake up Kurama, and he'll know what to do with the other two,' Hiei said. 'Oh, and also, you might want to open the front door. There's something outside that'll help you understand all this. If it's possible for you to understand anything...'
"What'll you do in return?"
'I don't know! Come to me when you end up in a situation like this, and I'll help. Happy?!'
"What kind of situation? Hiei? Hello? Hiei?!" Kuwabara said, but Hiei had blocked his telepathy for now. "Stupid demon, thinks he's so wonderful. Right, I gotta help Kurama."
When Kuwabara found Kurama, he knelt beside him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little bit.
"Hey Kurama! Kurama? Hey! Wake up! You gotta wake up! Cuz if you don't, then you might go into a coma or something, and I don't think that'd make anybody happy! Kurama!? WAKE UP, YOU!!!"
Kurama didn't wake up.
"Hey Hiei! Can you hear me, shrimp?! Hey, Hiei! HIEI!!!" Kuwabara said, hoping Hiei was listening.
'WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU USELESS BOY?!' Hiei yelled, extremely annoyed at Kuwabara's incompetence.
"God, you're inside my head. You don't need to yell..." Kuwabara muttered.
'Yes I do! You're incompetent! Can't you wake up the stupid fox boy without my help?!'
"That's the thing. He won't wake up."
'That's because YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! Slap him around! Shake him! Scream in his ears! Dump cold water on him! Throw ice cubes down his shirt or something! Just WAKE HIM UP!!!'
"Okay!!! God, you don't need to have a stroke..."
Kuwabara shook Kurama, screaming at him all the while. That didn't help a whole lot. He slapped him in the face. That just left a big red mark on Kurama's cheek. Getting desperate, Kuwabara pulled a gallon jug of water out of the fridge and held it over Kurama's head.
"Here goes nothing," Kuwabara muttered. He flipped the jug. A gallon of freezing cold water dumped on top of Kurama's head. The boy jumped up and away from Kuwabara so fast he slid backwards on the polished wood floor of the hall.
"What the hell was that for?!" Kurama asked, glaring at Kuwabara. A second later he swayed and almost fell over.
"Are you okay?"
"Other than feeling like my head is about to split open, I'm fine. I think I felt a lot better when I was unconscious, though," Kurama muttered. "Why'd you do that?!"
"Hiei told me to."
"Hiei?!"
"Yeah. Through telepathy. He said something... Oh yeah, you're supposed to help Shadow and Yusuke. He says you all overdosed on caffeine, and he also told me to open the front door to find something... Which reminds me that I have to open the front door still..." Kuwabara said. He walked down the hall with Kurama shuffling behind him. When Kuwabara opened the door, he found a box of Girl Scout cookies with a note taped to it. He pulled the note off and handed it to Kurama without reading it. Kurama's jaw dropped.
"Whaf if fit?" Kuwabara asked through a mouth full of cookies.
"Listen to this: 'Hello, sir or ma'am. I'd just like to inform you that we have your friend captive. Yeah, the little guy with black anti-gravity hair and a bad attitude when it comes to girls. If you want him back, come to the Girl Scouts HQ within a few days, because if you don't come soon, he'll starve to death, since we don't feed our captives. Oh, bring plenty of money with you, cuz he's not getting out free.' It's signed with a Girl Scout symbol. You can't seriously tell me that Hiei's been taken captive by Girl Scouts..." Kurama said. He flipped the note over. On the back it said, 'I hope you didn't eat all those cookies yourself, because if you did, you're poisoned pretty bad.'
Kurama looked at Kuwabara for a second, waiting for some strange reaction to eating a box of poisoned Girl Scout cookies. After a minute or two, Kuwabara started getting red splotches all over his face.
"Wow. Fast acting poison," Kurama muttered. He grabbed Kuwabara's arm and pulled him into the living room. The boy was turning blue, probably suffocating. A second later, Kuwabara passed out on the couch. Kurama ran into the bathroom.
"Poisonous Girl Scout cookies. That's something new," Kurama muttered, searching through the medicine cabinet. He found some pills that should counteract the poison and dumped some down Kuwabara's throat. Then he took some Tylenol for his own terrible headache and sat in the 'sacred big fluffy reclining chair,' putting out the foot rest and leaning back until the chair wouldn't lean back anymore. About that time, he heard Hiei's voice.
'Hey, Kurama,' Hiei said.
'Hello Hiei. Having fun with the Girl Scouts?' Kurama said telepathically, deciding to torment his friend a bit.
'Oh, shut up. I need to get out of here before I blow something up.'
'Could you explain how you ended up kidnapped by Girl Scouts in the first place?' Kurama asked.
'Fine. While you and Shadow were having some stupid caffeine tournament, these girls came to the door, tried to seduce me into buying cookies, then when I told them I didn't want any of their stupid cookies no matter what, they dragged me down the street, threw me in the back of a van with 22 Girl Scouts, and took me to their stupid headquarters, where I am stuck in the basement right now in a room full of dead, rotten bodies and human bones,' Hiei explained, rather calmly.
'Oh. Sucks to be you,' Kurama said.
'Oh, gimme a break. I already owe Kuwabara something for waking you up, and now you've gotta go and make it worse by acting like that!' Hiei snapped. 'Just wake up Shadow and Yusuke, or just Yusuke, or whoever you want, and get your lousy useless butts over to the stupid Girl Scouts HQ before I kill all the Girl Scouts.'
'Okay, okay, yeesh...' Kurama got up and walked to the bag in the corner, which he had brought with him and always brought with him when he came to Shadow's house. First-Aid. He pulled a small bottle out. Making sure to plug Yusuke's nose, Kurama poured a small amount of the liquid down the boy's throat. He then got far enough away that when the stuff started acting, he wouldn't be near enough for Yusuke to hurt. He did the same with Shadow, then leaned against the wall and waited for them to react.
Yusuke jumped up suddenly, screaming and waving his hands around in the universal signal for having a burning mouth. Shadow reacted shortly after, screaming like a banshee and trying to rip her tongue out. They acted like this for about half a minute before finally calming down a bit. Shadow looked around and saw Kurama.
"Did you do that?" she asked.
"What? Wake you up?"
"Yeah."
"Yes I did."
"Why are you all wet?"
"I'll explain later."
"Why is Kuwabara all swollen and puffy like that?"
"Wha---? Oh shoot!" Kurama exclaimed. Kuwabara was swollen up like balloon, red and puffy, and his skin was burning hot to the touch. Kurama pulled some other strange concoction out of his bag and poured it down Kuwabara's throat. "That should help. Maybe he won't die. Maybe he will. Right now, the more important news is that Hiei's been kidnapped."
"WHAT?!" Shadow and Yusuke cried.
"Yup."
Shadow ran towards Kurama, leaping at him and wrapping her hands around his neck. She planted her feet on the wall on either side of him and started shaking him. By his neck.
"TRY NOT TO ACT TOO WORRIED, YOU STUPID FOX!!!" she screamed.
"We can't lose our minds," Kurama managed to say. "... Let go..."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T LOSE OUR MINDS? HIEI'S BEEN KIDNAPPED! IF ANY TIME WAS THE RIGHT TIME TO GO NUTS, THIS IS IT! I'M NOT GONNA LET GO UNTIL YOU START HAVING SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION TO IT! AND BESIDES, I NEVER HAD A MIND TO LOSE!!!"
"True..."
"Hey! You're not supposed to agree!"
"Oops."
"START HAVING AN EMOTIONAL REACTION!" Shadow screamed, remembering her reason for strangling Kurama in the first place. She shook him around for a few more seconds before stopping. Kurama's eyes were swirls. Shadow jumped back, putting her feet on the floor rather than the wall and letting go of Kurama's neck. He fell over with a look of happiness at the fact that he could finally breathe again.
Once Kurama caught his breathe and got himself standing again, he glanced at Shadow. She was giving him a look. The look. You know, that ones girls do so well? Yes, well Shadow had that look on her face, and Kurama started inching away into the next room, nervously muttering something about preparing something.
Shadow might as well have exploded.
She leaped on top of Kurama, knocking him over onto his back, and glared at him evilly. "YOU ARE SO STUPID!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HAVE SOME EMOTIONAL REACTION OTHER THAN 'Oh, Hiei's been kidnapped, I suppose we should go save him, right?'"
After a second, Kurama decided that he wasn't about to get this lunatic girl off of him without either hurting her or obeying her, so he gave her the cute innocent puppy-dog look.
"Oh, fine, I guess that's good enough..." Shadow muttered, standing up.
"Yes!" Kurama said, jumping up. "Now... where'd Yusuke go anyway?"
They both looked confused for a second, until they heard the toilet flush in the bathroom down the hall.
"Oh. There he is," Shadow said. "Okay, well I am not quite filled in on the details here. Who kidnapped Hiei and why does he need our help and where is he and how do you know?"
"Hiei got kidnapped by Girl Scouts, believe it or not., and..."
*Thud*
"Shadow? Are you okay? Shadow?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hiei sighed, blocking out the vision his Jagan was giving him.
'Shadow over-reacts way to much. I think she needs to take some lessons on emotional control...' Hiei thought. A second later he added, 'But not from me.'
Suddenly, he heard somebody clearing their throat and spun around to see that the screen and intercom were on.
"What do you want, witch?" Hiei asked.
"Awwww, you cussed! I'm telling Boss Lady!" the girl said, running off. She left the screen on.
"HEY! LAST TIME I CHECKED, WITCH WASN'T A CUSS WORD, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Hiei screamed. "YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH REALITY!!! HEEEEEEEEY!!!" The girl didn't hear him. A second later, a different girl appeared.
"Hello. I suppose you're the new captive, huh?" she said. Her voice had no emotion in it; she sounded incredibly bored.
"No kidding. Why else would a guy be in the Girl Scouts building, and other than that, I'M LOCKED IN A BASEMENT ROOM FULL OF ROTTEN SMELLING HUMAN BONES!!!" Hiei yelled.
"I saw them bringing you in. You didn't look to happy."
"No, really?"
"Yeah. You shouldn't have called Cassie the 'w' word. That's one of the words that we get in trouble for saying. Girl Scouts are the future of the country. We need to be pure, and have no bad language such as that... word."
"Oh my God... Girls are not the future of this country! Especially not you stupid stuck-up Girl Scouts!" Hiei said, annoyed.
"Oh, you really shouldn't say that. The Boss Lady is already going to be mad about your language, you shouldn't diss the Girl Scouts," the girl said. "Anyway, Cassie originally called you to say that your friends recieved our ransom note. Who knows what they'll do, or if they'll get here before you starve, but they know what's happening."
"Great," Hiei said dryly. Just then, the girl he was talking to was pushed aside and an extremely annoyed, older-looking woman got close enough to the screen that her face was all Hiei could see.
"YOU CALLED CASSIE THE 'W' WORD!!!" she screamed.
"Yes, and your point is?"
"THAT'S AGAINST OUR RULES! YOU JUST SENT YOUR PRICE UP TO $500!!!" she screeched.
"Am I really worth $500?" Hiei asked.
"Not to us, but you might be to your friends!"
"Peh. I doubt it."
"Then you'll just die."
"Lucky me."
The woman had no comment for that, because she had expected something more along the lines of insane panic rather than insane boredom, so she glared for a minute until she remembered her original reason for talking to him.
"You are NEVER to use that language again, understand? Because if you do, you won't be set free at all, and when your friends come, they'll suffer the same fate as you!"
"What, starving to death in the basement of the Girl Scouts HQ?"
"Exactly!"
"Oh well."
"Oh well?!"
"Yeah. If they're stupid enough to let themselves be caught by a bunch of stupid girls, then they deserve to die," Hiei said, shrugging. Then he realized what he had just said. "Oops."
"Yes, you just said you deserve to die. How idiotic of you," the woman said arrogantly, like she was a god or something.
"Oh well."
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?!"
"Yes I do, but that's my business, not yours."
"DON'T GET AN ATTITUDE WITH ME!"
"I wasn't! Leave me alone."
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
Hiei turned his back on the screen, plugged his ears, and started singing some death-metal song to make them go away. When they didn't, he picked up some bones and started beating them off the wall like drums, screaming some song with terribley violent lyrics.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, YOU HORRIBLE BOY!" the woman was screeching. "YOU'RE INFECTING THE MINDS OF THESE INNOCENT GIRLS!!! HOW COULD YOU SING SUCH TERRIBLE SONGS???"
"GO AWAY, STUPID WITCH!" Hiei screamed when his song was over.
"THAT'S IT! YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA DIE WHEN THEY GET HERE!!!"
"YOU COULDN'T KILL MY FRIENDS IF YOU TRIED!!!"
"YOU WANNA BET!?"
"YES I DO!!!"
"Well gambling is against our rules, so you can't."
Hiei fell over, sending bones flying everywhere when he hit the ground.
"Don't expect to hear from any of us for the rest of your life," the woman said arrogantly. With that, she shut the screen off.
"Witch! WITCH!" Hiei yelled at the blank screen. "Why would I want to hear from you stupid people anyway? Everybody knows I'm anti-social. Humans are so stupid. They actually think they're important or something. Ha! Gah! I'm talking to myself."
Hiei clamped his hand over his mouth and refused to talk to himself. Which is a good thing, since talking ot yourself isn't healthy. But I bet you've heard that a billion times.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Okay, are we all ready?!" Kurama asked.
"Mmph!!!" Shadow said. Kurama was holding her by her long ponytail. She had duct tape over her mouth and her arms were duct taped behind her back. Kurama had a black eye. Yusuke was holding a roll of duct tape.
After she had come to, Shadow had strangled Yusuke some, because he had said she loved Hiei and that's why she had over-reacted, until Kurama pointed out that it was her fault nobody noticed Hiei get kidnapped. That's how he got the black eye. Yusuke had come to the rescue by finding Shadow's lifetime supply of duct tape.
"Shadow, we'll let you go if you promise not to kill Kurama," Yusuke said.
"Mmkeh," Shadow said, nodding.
"All right, take the tape off her wrists," Yusuke told Kurama. Kurama pulled the tape off and jumped back, afraid he'd get another black eye, but lucky for him, Shadow slammed Yusuke straight in the face, then kicked him in the crotch. Poor Yusuke.
Yusuke hit the floor instantly, holding his crotch in pain. Kurama flinched at the thought of the pain Yusuke was going through. Shadow had pulled the tape off her mouth and was laughing evilly.
"You know, Shadow, sometimes I think you're more evil and cruel than Youko and Hiei put together. You've done nothing but abuse us since I woke you up," Kurama said. Shadow instantly stopped laughing and glared at him.
"I'm nothing like you, or your demented little pyro friend," Shadow said.
"He's your friend too."
"So!? I'm still nothing like him!!!"
"Okay, okay, don't have a cow..."
"Moo."
"Right... Okay, well once Yusuke recovers, we can start towards the Girl Scout HQ. I can't help but wonder what Hiei is doing in a huge building full of girls, or what they're doing to him..."
"I'm sure it's nothing pleasant."
"True."
"Let's go," Shadow said. She opened the front door and started down the sidewalk.
"Shadow! You're going the wrong direction!" Kurama yelled from the front porch. Annoyed, Shadow looked over her shoulder at him, spun around, and marched back down the street, glaring at him the entire time. Kurama walked out and met her on the sidewalk, falling in step with her while Yusuke limped behind them.