Chapter 3: Hershey's Machines
The man from Cafe Petro was outside when Lara exited the club. He grinned and hopped on his scooter. After revving the tiny engine a few times, he sped off slowly at 5 km/h. Lara waited five minutes as he faded off into the distance.
Champagne was back on the street corner. She grinned at Lara as she passed. "Welcome to Paris!"
"Uh, yeah. Hi."
"Welcome to-"
Lara ran up the steps to the Cafe, plugging her ears. "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
*~*~*
Phil had abandoned heckling his customers, and was now sitting on a table, peeling potatoes. "Hello! Get my pills? Didja', didja', huh, huh, huh?"
"Yes, yes! Keep your voice down, and take one, for god's sake," Lara exclaimed, shoving the bottle into his hands. He slipped two into his mouth, downed a glass of water, then collapsed on the table. Lara smacked him a few times to wake him up.
"Oh, yes, you wanted information about Leotard," he said as he woke up. She noticed that he had a more...calm air about him. "Well, you'll have to go to my ex-girlfriend, Francesca. She's Leotard's sister. Here's the code to her gate, and kick her in the shins while your there."
Taking the paper in her free hand, Lara smiled, then left the cafe once again. Down the street, a large gate lay shut, five dobermans behind it. After keying in the code, Lara held up her gun and waited for the dogs to attack. But instead of attacking, they followed a female doberman that had decided to stroll past at the moment. Smiling, Lara ducked inside.
Upstairs Francesca was waiting in her apartment. She turned to Lara. "You'll have to go down the ledges, down the pipes. Watch out for the crumbling stone. There's a masoleum that'll get you down to Leotard."
"Thank you."
"Welcome to-"
"AH, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Lara cried, covering her ears and running for the door.
*~*~*
Down in the masoleum, Leotard was sitting in a large orange fuzzy chair, watcing the Tweenies on an old TV. Lara sat down beside him.
"Hello Leotard. What happened to your man back there?"
"To Ahnald? He had a run in with some machines."
"Really? What type of machines?"
"Hershey chocolate bar makers."
Lara nodded. "Well, that would explain the melted body and delightful chocolatey smell..."
"What do you want?"
"Information about a dead friend of mine. Werner Von Croy."
"Ah yes. Came to me about a week ago, wanted to take a coachload of Japanese tourists to see the Mona Lisa. I gave him the number of a really great bus service-"
"Easy, Leotard. I lost that friend yesterday."
"Really?"
"Yes. And now I'm wanted for his murder."
"How much would you know about the Mockscrub?"
"Why would the Mockscrub interest you?"
"You'd be surprised-" He paused to cough a bit, then take a drink of water. "You'd be surprised how much the Mockscrub interests me."
"Well, I know nothing about the Mockscrub. I just want some hardware. Guns, explosives, papers, a new dvd player, a cellphone, one of those newfangled PS2's..."
"Well, we need all the hardware we can get right now, with all the employee's I'm loosing. Perhaps if you went to see Ralph Fiennes at the pawnbrokers shop, I could convince him to give you some of what you need."
"How?"
"Well, if you could deliver some packages for me-"
"Packages! What kind of packages?"
"Just some metal caps I had made for him. Nothing to dirty your hands with."
Lara eyed him warily. "And he'd give me my hardware if I delivered your...caps?"
"Or answer to me, he would."
She pondered, then nodded. "Alright, where are these caps?"
*~*~*
After lugging the caps up stairs and down streets in a burlap sack, she finally reached the pawnshop once again. Her shaky hand opened the door, and she was immediately shoved aside by an elderly man with pigtails in his hair. She glared, then went inside and dropped the caps on the counter.
Everything was thrown about, with only the hanger's still in order. The counter had been completely torn away, so Lara strolled through the gap and into the backroom. It was a kleptomaniac's paradise. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were wide, and she laughed, shoving as many mini umbrella's and candycanes as she could into her pockets.
Then she spotted Ralph on the floor, eyes wide open, his cap's antenna poking through his chest from the back. On the wall was a large circle, with a three lines in the middle, forming a peace sign. She gasped: the Mockscrub's calling card!
Instead of dallying any longer, Lara grabbed a backpack off a chair and opened the safe with a hard kick, then shoved everything inside into the bag. She had spotted the bomb amidst a pile of caps. When she lifted the last map, the door to the safe sealed and the bomb started ticking loudly. Lara swore, pushed the door back open, lifted up a grate, hopped into the tunnel below, and ran for her life as the fires started around her.
*~*~*
The lighter snapped open, and an orange flame burned the piece of wheat sticking out of the mans mouth. He grinned and blew out what little smoke the piece of straw made (Smoking kills! Oh no, we wouldn't want that! Straw much safer...).
Suddenly, across the river Seine, a woman came running out of a tunnel and leaped into the air. Somwhere in the distance, Great Balls of Fire started playing, a boy blew a bubble, and a fish ate a piece of corn.
She landed on a boat and rolled around, then threw off her jacket into the water. When she looked up, the man across the river was frantically trying to put out the piece of straw. After throwing it into the water, he caught his breath, smiled, and casually walked off to the side. Lara watched as he tripped over an upturned plank, hopped on one foot off balance, stepped on a board that sprang up and smacked his face, stumbled back and stepped on another board that sprang up and hit his back, and then fell off the dock into the water. Grinning, she sprinted off.
The man from Cafe Petro was outside when Lara exited the club. He grinned and hopped on his scooter. After revving the tiny engine a few times, he sped off slowly at 5 km/h. Lara waited five minutes as he faded off into the distance.
Champagne was back on the street corner. She grinned at Lara as she passed. "Welcome to Paris!"
"Uh, yeah. Hi."
"Welcome to-"
Lara ran up the steps to the Cafe, plugging her ears. "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
*~*~*
Phil had abandoned heckling his customers, and was now sitting on a table, peeling potatoes. "Hello! Get my pills? Didja', didja', huh, huh, huh?"
"Yes, yes! Keep your voice down, and take one, for god's sake," Lara exclaimed, shoving the bottle into his hands. He slipped two into his mouth, downed a glass of water, then collapsed on the table. Lara smacked him a few times to wake him up.
"Oh, yes, you wanted information about Leotard," he said as he woke up. She noticed that he had a more...calm air about him. "Well, you'll have to go to my ex-girlfriend, Francesca. She's Leotard's sister. Here's the code to her gate, and kick her in the shins while your there."
Taking the paper in her free hand, Lara smiled, then left the cafe once again. Down the street, a large gate lay shut, five dobermans behind it. After keying in the code, Lara held up her gun and waited for the dogs to attack. But instead of attacking, they followed a female doberman that had decided to stroll past at the moment. Smiling, Lara ducked inside.
Upstairs Francesca was waiting in her apartment. She turned to Lara. "You'll have to go down the ledges, down the pipes. Watch out for the crumbling stone. There's a masoleum that'll get you down to Leotard."
"Thank you."
"Welcome to-"
"AH, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Lara cried, covering her ears and running for the door.
*~*~*
Down in the masoleum, Leotard was sitting in a large orange fuzzy chair, watcing the Tweenies on an old TV. Lara sat down beside him.
"Hello Leotard. What happened to your man back there?"
"To Ahnald? He had a run in with some machines."
"Really? What type of machines?"
"Hershey chocolate bar makers."
Lara nodded. "Well, that would explain the melted body and delightful chocolatey smell..."
"What do you want?"
"Information about a dead friend of mine. Werner Von Croy."
"Ah yes. Came to me about a week ago, wanted to take a coachload of Japanese tourists to see the Mona Lisa. I gave him the number of a really great bus service-"
"Easy, Leotard. I lost that friend yesterday."
"Really?"
"Yes. And now I'm wanted for his murder."
"How much would you know about the Mockscrub?"
"Why would the Mockscrub interest you?"
"You'd be surprised-" He paused to cough a bit, then take a drink of water. "You'd be surprised how much the Mockscrub interests me."
"Well, I know nothing about the Mockscrub. I just want some hardware. Guns, explosives, papers, a new dvd player, a cellphone, one of those newfangled PS2's..."
"Well, we need all the hardware we can get right now, with all the employee's I'm loosing. Perhaps if you went to see Ralph Fiennes at the pawnbrokers shop, I could convince him to give you some of what you need."
"How?"
"Well, if you could deliver some packages for me-"
"Packages! What kind of packages?"
"Just some metal caps I had made for him. Nothing to dirty your hands with."
Lara eyed him warily. "And he'd give me my hardware if I delivered your...caps?"
"Or answer to me, he would."
She pondered, then nodded. "Alright, where are these caps?"
*~*~*
After lugging the caps up stairs and down streets in a burlap sack, she finally reached the pawnshop once again. Her shaky hand opened the door, and she was immediately shoved aside by an elderly man with pigtails in his hair. She glared, then went inside and dropped the caps on the counter.
Everything was thrown about, with only the hanger's still in order. The counter had been completely torn away, so Lara strolled through the gap and into the backroom. It was a kleptomaniac's paradise. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were wide, and she laughed, shoving as many mini umbrella's and candycanes as she could into her pockets.
Then she spotted Ralph on the floor, eyes wide open, his cap's antenna poking through his chest from the back. On the wall was a large circle, with a three lines in the middle, forming a peace sign. She gasped: the Mockscrub's calling card!
Instead of dallying any longer, Lara grabbed a backpack off a chair and opened the safe with a hard kick, then shoved everything inside into the bag. She had spotted the bomb amidst a pile of caps. When she lifted the last map, the door to the safe sealed and the bomb started ticking loudly. Lara swore, pushed the door back open, lifted up a grate, hopped into the tunnel below, and ran for her life as the fires started around her.
*~*~*
The lighter snapped open, and an orange flame burned the piece of wheat sticking out of the mans mouth. He grinned and blew out what little smoke the piece of straw made (Smoking kills! Oh no, we wouldn't want that! Straw much safer...).
Suddenly, across the river Seine, a woman came running out of a tunnel and leaped into the air. Somwhere in the distance, Great Balls of Fire started playing, a boy blew a bubble, and a fish ate a piece of corn.
She landed on a boat and rolled around, then threw off her jacket into the water. When she looked up, the man across the river was frantically trying to put out the piece of straw. After throwing it into the water, he caught his breath, smiled, and casually walked off to the side. Lara watched as he tripped over an upturned plank, hopped on one foot off balance, stepped on a board that sprang up and smacked his face, stumbled back and stepped on another board that sprang up and hit his back, and then fell off the dock into the water. Grinning, she sprinted off.