CHAPTER FOUR
Police, Potty Mouths, and Phools
In case you're wondering, a phool is a fool, spelled with a PH. I just noticed the other two started with P, so I decided to spell Fool wrong so it would fit in. We can't leave one word stranded and sad away form all the others, can we? Of course not! We must make it fit in!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the time it was dark, Kurama, Yusuke, and Shadow had only gotten about one third of the way to the Girl Scout HQ building.
"At this rate, Hiei will be dead before we get there," Yusuke said.
"Hey! Be positive!" Shadow said happily, slapping Yusuke on the back.
"We need a car," Kurama said.
"Are you suggesting we hitch a ride?"
"No. I'm suggesting we get a car."
"Well, here comes one now! Who's gonna steal it?"
"Shadow! I never said--" Kurama called, but she was already in the middle of the car's path, waiting for it to stop.
"IDIOT! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!" the driver screamed.
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Shadow screamed. Kurama darted out and dragged her back by her hair.
"Idiot girl! You don't know how to steal cars!" Kurama snapped.
"And I suppose you do?!"
"Shadow, you're an idiot. Kurama was a theif. In Makai. For hundreds of years. I THINK HE WOULD KNOW HOW TO STEAL A CAR!!!" Yusuke yelled.
"WELL THEN WHY DOESN'T HE STEAL ONE?!"
"YOU WANT ME TO STEAL A STUPID CAR? I'LL STEAL A STUPID CAR!" Kurama screamed. He walked up the street to where there were about ten cars conveniently parked right beside the sidewalk. He looked them over, walked up to a truck, picked the lock, jumped in, and started the engine.
"GET IN THE STUPID CAR!" Kurama yelled.
"I think he's having that emotional reaction you were trying to drag out of him earlier," Yusuke whispered to Shadow.
"I think he's just lost his mind," Shadow replied.
"That'd be... your fault."
"No! It's Hiei's fault for going and getting himself kidnapped," Shadow said, sticking her nose up in the air and crossing her arms.
"Get in the TRUCK!!!" Kurama yelled, suddenly behind them. They both jumped 50 feet in the air, ran to the truck, fought over who would get the other seat, then ended up both getting strangled and thrown in the back.
'Kurama, I don't think you should be stealing stuff right now,' Hiei said suddenly.
'It's Shadow's fault. If she wasn't with us, we could run, but if we run, we'll leave her behind. Like, way way way behind. Don't worry, I'll return the truck,' Kurama answered. He slammed down the gas pedal and the truck shot forward at about 90 mph. Yusuke and Shadow almost flew out of the back.
"DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LISCENCE?!" Shadow screamed, hoping Kurama could hear her.
"NO!!!" Kurama yelled back. Shadow and Yusuke exchanged glances, then both started screaming.
'ROAD RAGE!!! MUWAHAHAAAA!!!' Kurama thought, smiling insanely.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hiei paced the room, happy that his friends were going to be there soon, but also slightly worried about the methods they were using... Stealing trucks. Speeding down highways with people in the back, screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. Road rage?!
"You're suffering, aren't you!!!" A little girl was on the screen on the wall. Hiei looked at her with the, 'Isn't that obvious and are you the stupidest person in the universe?' look. She giggled.
"I thought nobody was allowed to talk to me anymore?" Hiei said.
"I have special permission. I like to watch people suffer!" the girl giggled.
"Well I'll make sure there's a mirror nearby when my friends get here," Hiei said. The girl obviosuly didn't understand this, because she just giggled.
"I'm going to check in on you every day to see how bad you're feeling," the girl said. "And when you start getting too weak to stand up, I'll make sure that I'm here to watch it, and laugh at you until you die!!!"
"You're sick!!!" Hiei said, disgusted. "I thought Shadow was the only girl in the world who was like that!!!"
"Who's Shadow?! Your sister? Your girlfriend? Your cousin or aunt or uncle or mother or--"
"THERE IS NO RELATION AT ALL!!!" Hiei screamed.
"Then she's your girlfriend!"
Hiei fell over, sending a shower of bones everywhere.
"NO!" he screamed, throwing a bone at the screen. The bone hit and shattered the screen.
"What did you do?!" the girl screeched over the intercom.
"Damn! The intercom still works," Hiei said.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOU CUSSED!!!" the girl squealed, so high- pitched that Hiei covered his ears, fell to the floor, and curled up in a little ball.
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hiei screamed.
"YOU CUSSED!!! YOU CUSSED!!! HOW DARE YOU CUSS LIKE THAT?!"
"IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME YOU STUPID GIRL!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kurama glanced into the rearview mirror. The sirens and flashing lights hadn't gotten any further away since the last time he'd checked. The man hanging out the window of the police car was still yelling through the megaphone, "Pull over the vehicle!!!" and Shadow and Yusuke were still lying in the back of the truck, maybe even unconscious.
And Kurama was still speeding down the highway in a stolen truck.
"Pull over to the side of the road!!!" the officer yelled.
The police had been following Kurama since about half an hour after he stole the truck. That made it a total of fourty-five minutes they'd been chasing him. Shadow was getting sick of their annoying megaphones, so she stood up.
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA COME BACK THERE AND MAKE YOU SHUT UP!!!" Shadow screamed.
"Shadow!" Yusuke snapped. "You're giving them a perfect target!"
"They don't shoot people unless they try to escape!" Shadow argued.
"Hello?! We are trying to escape."
"Oh! I forgot." She sat down.
"Reckless endangerment! Over the speed limit! Possibley driving a stolen vehicle! If you don't pull over now, you're gonna go to prison for the rest of your lives!!!" the officer yelled. Annoyed, Shadow stood up again. Yusuke was about to grab her and tie her down when he saw what she was doing. His jaw dropped.
Shadow was flipping off the cops.
"---- YOU, YOU STUPID COPS!!!" Shadow screamed. Her first word was cut off by a car driving by, honking its horn at the cops. "WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID LECTURES!!! WHY DON'T YOU GO- --" An extremely loud tractor trailer went by. "---YOURSELVES!!!"
"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT NOW!!!" the cop screamed. Shadow's jaw dropped.
"YOU MEAN IF YOU DID HAVE TIME YOU WOULD!?"
"SHUT UP, GIRL!!! I HAVE A LOADED GUN HERE!!!"
"SO???"
"AND YOU ALSO ADDED SOME MORE PUNISHMENT WITH THAT LITTLE GESTURE!!!"
"MMMPH!!!" Shadow screamed. She said 'mmph' rather than some swear word because Yusuke had suddenly slapped some duct tape over her mouth.
"You are your own downfall," Yusuke said, sounding like some philospher or somebody who gives all that wise advice. Maybe kinda like Kurama.
"Hmm?"
"This is your duct tape. I took it from your house."
"Fmmf!!!" Shadow said. Then she blinked and a look of sudden realization came over her face. She reached up and pulled the duct tape off her mouth.
"Damn!"
"Ha, you forgot I had hands!" Shadow said, waving them in Yusuke's face. Then she quickly stole her duct tape back. "This is mine."
"Damn!"
"Stop cussing, or I'll duct tape you, you potty mouth!" Shadow said.
"I'm not a potty mouth!!! You're the one who told those cops to f-mmp!!!" Yusuke was cut off by a mouth full of duct tape. "Hnn!!! Het 'is offh mey!!!"
"No."
"Mew cahn unnernsnen hmmee?"
"Yup. Every word."
"Moah."
They were suddenly cut off by the cops shooting at them. Shadow made another... ahem... rude gesture with her hand, and the cops shot at her. They missed, but they managed to shatter the back window. Kurama somehow kept his concentration and didn't serve at all. Instead, they went about 40 mph faster. The cops fell back. A few miles up the road, when he was sure the cops couldn't see, he did a complete u-turn and went back past them without them even noticing. They kept chasing him straight along the highway.
"Why are we going back?" Shadow asked, pulling herself through the shattered back window and into the passenger's seat of the truck.
"Because we passed the turn."
"What?!"
"Did you really expect me to lead the cops straight to where we had to stop? No! Cuz then we couldn't have stopped, cuz then the cops would have stopped us, and Hiei would have been doomed to die in a Girl Scout basement with some little girl watching him slowly starve to death. And it would be quite slow. Hiei can go a while without food."
"It's been over 24 hours, hasn't it?"
"Yes. Let's see... He got dragged off around 11 in the morning yesterday. He didn't get there until dark. That's a pretty long drive. A short while later, he woke Kuwabara up, and Kuwabara got me up, and I woke you up. It was light when we left. This story has some serious time holes..."
"Shut up! If anybody is that picky or if they bother to go back and search through for details like that, they shouldn't be reading this," Shadow hissed.
"I know, but stories should make sense, shouldn't they?"
"Shut up and drive and stop picking it apart!!!" Shadow yelled.
"Okay, okay..."
"Wait, but it doesn't have plot holes! I just realized that it took us hours upon hours to walk, so it DOESN'T have plot holes, you stupid fox! You think you're so great!" Shadow said happily.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"That was strange," Hiei muttered out loud. He'd been watching his friends since the little girl on the intercom had left. She had screamed about his cussing a little more, but he had managed to keep his hearing, and then she left.
"Hey stupid boy," a voice said over the intercom.
"Who, me?" Hiei said dryly. He could barely make out a shape in the shattered screen.
"YES YOU! WHAT OTHER BOY WOULD I BE TALKING TO?"
"The one in your pa--- Never mind."
"WHAT? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY, LOSER?"
"I said don't mind me. It was nothing."
"SAY IT!!!"
"No. Cuz then, this story might be forced to go up a level in maturity."
"Oh."
"And we can't have that. Little people might be reading it."
"Oh."
"What were you saying before I almost said something I shouldn't have?"
"Somebody told me you broke your monitor."
"Well somebody is wrong. Does it look like my monitor is broken? Noooooo. Go away."
"Oh, okay." The intercom cut out.
Hiei stared at the speaker on the wall for a second, amazed at what had just happened.
"How could somebody be so stupid?" Hiei asked himself. "Oh yeah. We're talking about Girl Scouts here. Of course they're stupid..."
'We're talking about Girl Scouts? What the fuh--- oh, uh ...fudge...? I'm the only one here, why did I say we?' Hiei thought. 'Maybe I'm losing my mind. Maybe I'm less anti-social than I thought. Maybe there's really somebody else in the room with me, and I subconsciously know it, so I said we. Or there's always the possiblity I'm losing my mind.'
Hiei sat on the floor and started staring off into space, meditating or thinking or trying to set smelly human bones on fire.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yay! Did you figure out who the Phool was? Well in case you didn't, it was the person who believed Hiei's monitor wasn't broken. Yay, you're smart! *cough cough cough*
Police, Potty Mouths, and Phools
In case you're wondering, a phool is a fool, spelled with a PH. I just noticed the other two started with P, so I decided to spell Fool wrong so it would fit in. We can't leave one word stranded and sad away form all the others, can we? Of course not! We must make it fit in!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the time it was dark, Kurama, Yusuke, and Shadow had only gotten about one third of the way to the Girl Scout HQ building.
"At this rate, Hiei will be dead before we get there," Yusuke said.
"Hey! Be positive!" Shadow said happily, slapping Yusuke on the back.
"We need a car," Kurama said.
"Are you suggesting we hitch a ride?"
"No. I'm suggesting we get a car."
"Well, here comes one now! Who's gonna steal it?"
"Shadow! I never said--" Kurama called, but she was already in the middle of the car's path, waiting for it to stop.
"IDIOT! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!" the driver screamed.
"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Shadow screamed. Kurama darted out and dragged her back by her hair.
"Idiot girl! You don't know how to steal cars!" Kurama snapped.
"And I suppose you do?!"
"Shadow, you're an idiot. Kurama was a theif. In Makai. For hundreds of years. I THINK HE WOULD KNOW HOW TO STEAL A CAR!!!" Yusuke yelled.
"WELL THEN WHY DOESN'T HE STEAL ONE?!"
"YOU WANT ME TO STEAL A STUPID CAR? I'LL STEAL A STUPID CAR!" Kurama screamed. He walked up the street to where there were about ten cars conveniently parked right beside the sidewalk. He looked them over, walked up to a truck, picked the lock, jumped in, and started the engine.
"GET IN THE STUPID CAR!" Kurama yelled.
"I think he's having that emotional reaction you were trying to drag out of him earlier," Yusuke whispered to Shadow.
"I think he's just lost his mind," Shadow replied.
"That'd be... your fault."
"No! It's Hiei's fault for going and getting himself kidnapped," Shadow said, sticking her nose up in the air and crossing her arms.
"Get in the TRUCK!!!" Kurama yelled, suddenly behind them. They both jumped 50 feet in the air, ran to the truck, fought over who would get the other seat, then ended up both getting strangled and thrown in the back.
'Kurama, I don't think you should be stealing stuff right now,' Hiei said suddenly.
'It's Shadow's fault. If she wasn't with us, we could run, but if we run, we'll leave her behind. Like, way way way behind. Don't worry, I'll return the truck,' Kurama answered. He slammed down the gas pedal and the truck shot forward at about 90 mph. Yusuke and Shadow almost flew out of the back.
"DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LISCENCE?!" Shadow screamed, hoping Kurama could hear her.
"NO!!!" Kurama yelled back. Shadow and Yusuke exchanged glances, then both started screaming.
'ROAD RAGE!!! MUWAHAHAAAA!!!' Kurama thought, smiling insanely.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hiei paced the room, happy that his friends were going to be there soon, but also slightly worried about the methods they were using... Stealing trucks. Speeding down highways with people in the back, screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. Road rage?!
"You're suffering, aren't you!!!" A little girl was on the screen on the wall. Hiei looked at her with the, 'Isn't that obvious and are you the stupidest person in the universe?' look. She giggled.
"I thought nobody was allowed to talk to me anymore?" Hiei said.
"I have special permission. I like to watch people suffer!" the girl giggled.
"Well I'll make sure there's a mirror nearby when my friends get here," Hiei said. The girl obviosuly didn't understand this, because she just giggled.
"I'm going to check in on you every day to see how bad you're feeling," the girl said. "And when you start getting too weak to stand up, I'll make sure that I'm here to watch it, and laugh at you until you die!!!"
"You're sick!!!" Hiei said, disgusted. "I thought Shadow was the only girl in the world who was like that!!!"
"Who's Shadow?! Your sister? Your girlfriend? Your cousin or aunt or uncle or mother or--"
"THERE IS NO RELATION AT ALL!!!" Hiei screamed.
"Then she's your girlfriend!"
Hiei fell over, sending a shower of bones everywhere.
"NO!" he screamed, throwing a bone at the screen. The bone hit and shattered the screen.
"What did you do?!" the girl screeched over the intercom.
"Damn! The intercom still works," Hiei said.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOU CUSSED!!!" the girl squealed, so high- pitched that Hiei covered his ears, fell to the floor, and curled up in a little ball.
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hiei screamed.
"YOU CUSSED!!! YOU CUSSED!!! HOW DARE YOU CUSS LIKE THAT?!"
"IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME YOU STUPID GIRL!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kurama glanced into the rearview mirror. The sirens and flashing lights hadn't gotten any further away since the last time he'd checked. The man hanging out the window of the police car was still yelling through the megaphone, "Pull over the vehicle!!!" and Shadow and Yusuke were still lying in the back of the truck, maybe even unconscious.
And Kurama was still speeding down the highway in a stolen truck.
"Pull over to the side of the road!!!" the officer yelled.
The police had been following Kurama since about half an hour after he stole the truck. That made it a total of fourty-five minutes they'd been chasing him. Shadow was getting sick of their annoying megaphones, so she stood up.
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA COME BACK THERE AND MAKE YOU SHUT UP!!!" Shadow screamed.
"Shadow!" Yusuke snapped. "You're giving them a perfect target!"
"They don't shoot people unless they try to escape!" Shadow argued.
"Hello?! We are trying to escape."
"Oh! I forgot." She sat down.
"Reckless endangerment! Over the speed limit! Possibley driving a stolen vehicle! If you don't pull over now, you're gonna go to prison for the rest of your lives!!!" the officer yelled. Annoyed, Shadow stood up again. Yusuke was about to grab her and tie her down when he saw what she was doing. His jaw dropped.
Shadow was flipping off the cops.
"---- YOU, YOU STUPID COPS!!!" Shadow screamed. Her first word was cut off by a car driving by, honking its horn at the cops. "WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID LECTURES!!! WHY DON'T YOU GO- --" An extremely loud tractor trailer went by. "---YOURSELVES!!!"
"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT NOW!!!" the cop screamed. Shadow's jaw dropped.
"YOU MEAN IF YOU DID HAVE TIME YOU WOULD!?"
"SHUT UP, GIRL!!! I HAVE A LOADED GUN HERE!!!"
"SO???"
"AND YOU ALSO ADDED SOME MORE PUNISHMENT WITH THAT LITTLE GESTURE!!!"
"MMMPH!!!" Shadow screamed. She said 'mmph' rather than some swear word because Yusuke had suddenly slapped some duct tape over her mouth.
"You are your own downfall," Yusuke said, sounding like some philospher or somebody who gives all that wise advice. Maybe kinda like Kurama.
"Hmm?"
"This is your duct tape. I took it from your house."
"Fmmf!!!" Shadow said. Then she blinked and a look of sudden realization came over her face. She reached up and pulled the duct tape off her mouth.
"Damn!"
"Ha, you forgot I had hands!" Shadow said, waving them in Yusuke's face. Then she quickly stole her duct tape back. "This is mine."
"Damn!"
"Stop cussing, or I'll duct tape you, you potty mouth!" Shadow said.
"I'm not a potty mouth!!! You're the one who told those cops to f-mmp!!!" Yusuke was cut off by a mouth full of duct tape. "Hnn!!! Het 'is offh mey!!!"
"No."
"Mew cahn unnernsnen hmmee?"
"Yup. Every word."
"Moah."
They were suddenly cut off by the cops shooting at them. Shadow made another... ahem... rude gesture with her hand, and the cops shot at her. They missed, but they managed to shatter the back window. Kurama somehow kept his concentration and didn't serve at all. Instead, they went about 40 mph faster. The cops fell back. A few miles up the road, when he was sure the cops couldn't see, he did a complete u-turn and went back past them without them even noticing. They kept chasing him straight along the highway.
"Why are we going back?" Shadow asked, pulling herself through the shattered back window and into the passenger's seat of the truck.
"Because we passed the turn."
"What?!"
"Did you really expect me to lead the cops straight to where we had to stop? No! Cuz then we couldn't have stopped, cuz then the cops would have stopped us, and Hiei would have been doomed to die in a Girl Scout basement with some little girl watching him slowly starve to death. And it would be quite slow. Hiei can go a while without food."
"It's been over 24 hours, hasn't it?"
"Yes. Let's see... He got dragged off around 11 in the morning yesterday. He didn't get there until dark. That's a pretty long drive. A short while later, he woke Kuwabara up, and Kuwabara got me up, and I woke you up. It was light when we left. This story has some serious time holes..."
"Shut up! If anybody is that picky or if they bother to go back and search through for details like that, they shouldn't be reading this," Shadow hissed.
"I know, but stories should make sense, shouldn't they?"
"Shut up and drive and stop picking it apart!!!" Shadow yelled.
"Okay, okay..."
"Wait, but it doesn't have plot holes! I just realized that it took us hours upon hours to walk, so it DOESN'T have plot holes, you stupid fox! You think you're so great!" Shadow said happily.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"That was strange," Hiei muttered out loud. He'd been watching his friends since the little girl on the intercom had left. She had screamed about his cussing a little more, but he had managed to keep his hearing, and then she left.
"Hey stupid boy," a voice said over the intercom.
"Who, me?" Hiei said dryly. He could barely make out a shape in the shattered screen.
"YES YOU! WHAT OTHER BOY WOULD I BE TALKING TO?"
"The one in your pa--- Never mind."
"WHAT? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY, LOSER?"
"I said don't mind me. It was nothing."
"SAY IT!!!"
"No. Cuz then, this story might be forced to go up a level in maturity."
"Oh."
"And we can't have that. Little people might be reading it."
"Oh."
"What were you saying before I almost said something I shouldn't have?"
"Somebody told me you broke your monitor."
"Well somebody is wrong. Does it look like my monitor is broken? Noooooo. Go away."
"Oh, okay." The intercom cut out.
Hiei stared at the speaker on the wall for a second, amazed at what had just happened.
"How could somebody be so stupid?" Hiei asked himself. "Oh yeah. We're talking about Girl Scouts here. Of course they're stupid..."
'We're talking about Girl Scouts? What the fuh--- oh, uh ...fudge...? I'm the only one here, why did I say we?' Hiei thought. 'Maybe I'm losing my mind. Maybe I'm less anti-social than I thought. Maybe there's really somebody else in the room with me, and I subconsciously know it, so I said we. Or there's always the possiblity I'm losing my mind.'
Hiei sat on the floor and started staring off into space, meditating or thinking or trying to set smelly human bones on fire.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yay! Did you figure out who the Phool was? Well in case you didn't, it was the person who believed Hiei's monitor wasn't broken. Yay, you're smart! *cough cough cough*