A/N- Thanks for the reviews. By the by, I also have the next chapters
written (up to about chapter eleven), so I don't need suggestions. But
thanks anyway. Btw, I'm a MAJOR Joachim Karel fan...
Filia: Oh, thank you! Always wonderful to see a Slayer here...did you know that I attended a local Animethon dressed as Xelas? Hehe, no one knew who I was for the cosplay...
The Silent Slayer: Well, you get your wish- here's the Cabal! But it's not 'Eckhardt'...Hehe.
Numair's Dane: Oh, I'll finish it, you can count on it. Btw, I love your fic...so how the bloody &@^# did you get 48 reviews?! I want that many...*sigh*
Marie: Count on more.
Lara: ...no comment....
Loki54: Bear with me! We're almost to Kurtis! And, in advance, I'd like to say I have nothing against Queen Latifah at all, she's brilliant...(the thing that'll get your brain in a rut later is, which chapter does she appear in? lol)
Blakkmollie: Fans! Yay! *hugs* It'll keep going...on and on....lalala...
Any of you who know of the Louvre will see the joke in it's new name! *falls over laughing*
Chapter Four: Cabal! Cabal! Cabal! Can Anyone Say 'Canal'?
"As you all know, we already posses three of the Inaspicious Paintings. One of Kristina in a bikini-"
The Cabal shuddered, with an indignant gasp from Kristina Boeing.
"One of Grant running the olympic one hundred meter dash in biker shorts-"
Another shudder was passed through the room, with Mule sweating profusely at the memory, then blushing as his image appeared on the large plasma screen on the wall.
"And one of Joachim at a club dancing disco."
No shudders were emitted. They all knew better than to cross Joachim Corral, Prague lawyer and right hand man of Pieter Van Eckheart.
"Our contact, Proffessor Werner Von Croy, had located the fourth one in Paris. After we collect all the paintings, we will awaken the sleeper. Hopefully, we will be far more successful this time. I mean, I don't even know -what- that was that we made last time! It was like some sort of...hippo...or chicken thing."
Eckheart straightened and cleared his throat. "Blunderson!" A soldier at the side of the room, who was playing go fish with one of his men, stood up and hurried over to him.
"Master Eckheart."
"Dispatch your team to the Loove."
"Immediately."
Eckheart placed his gloved hand on Blunderson's shoulder, and a purple glow surrounded it. Blunderson sighed and batted his eyelashes at Eckheart, then hurried off to do his bidding; the glove had a special power to ensnare people into loving him, hence the name 'Eckheart'.
"I really should get that glow fixed, it looks dangerous..." he mumbled, rubbing his hand and walking out of the room. The Cabal members looked at each other, and then Joachim leaned forward and grinned.
"Anyone for a game of duck-duck-goose?"
*~*~*
Flippers broke the surface of the water, and then Lara dragged herself up onto the edge and spat out most of the seaweed in her mouth. After catching her breath, she stood up and padded out of the water.
She had just emerged from the storm drains of the Loove (and by drains, we mean drains!), into a main gallery that sported sea life from the past 2000 years. She slipped off the scuba gear, hid it in the mouth of a great white shark that hung from the wall, then ran off into the gallery.
Further on, she snapped twenty guards necks, slid through laser grids, and used a slip-n-slide to get to the office that Old Marge Carvier had been given while she was working on the machines. A keycard inside allowed her access to the dig site down below. She snapped a few more necks, then moonwalked through the door to the dig.
The dig site was huge, at least five stories high, and she spotted her goal right away; a small circle shaped thingy where you had to pull a thingy and some thingies would spin...yes, that was it. She crawled over the scaffolding to it and reached into her pocket.
After rummaging through the cue-cards a few minutes more, she found one with a diagram of the door on it. It told her to spin the door until she ended up with four thousand dollars. She pulled on it, clapped a few minutes for effect, and was able to land a one thousand for the first two spaces. She pulled it again, and landed two more thousands. The circle thingy stopped spinning, and she could hear the real door up above, opening. Instantly, strains of the Wheel of Fortune theme floated out of it's expanse.
Lara looked down the pit, swallowed deeply, plugged her nose, and hopped in.
*~*~*
Down below, five skeleton's were sitting at a table, deeply immersed in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Lara snuck right by them and down a tunnel, until she reached a large hall. Five more skeletons were in a game of Parchessi. She didn't see them on the way in, and accidentally bumped their game.
"Oh, sorry!" she said, secretly pocketing one of the pieces. The warriors glared, snarled, stood up and held their weapons high, and cried out loudly. She backed away, only to bump into another table. The warriors pointed to it.
"You, play!"
"Well, I really must be going, but-"
"You, play!" one screamed at her, cobwebs flying out of it's mouth.
"Okay, okay. Say it, don't spray it, why don'tcha?"
Lara grabbed a pool cue and broke the triangle of balls. She noticed quickly that four of them were actually gems, so she strove to keep them out of the pockets. The skeletons placed bets, cheered, and booed as she played on, and when only the four gems were left, Lara swung her pool cue, hitting each of the five skeletons head's off.
While they stumbled around searching for their missing craniums, she snatched the gems off the table and slid them into four slots on the wall. The floor instantly turned to sand, and a large head in the shape of a tiger rose from it.
"Who dares to disturb the cave of wonders?"
Lara walked forwards. "Um, wrong category. You want 'Aladdin'."
The tiger stared at her blankly, then blinked. "Oh, thanks." He dissapeared into the floor again, and a staircase appeared in the wall where he had been. Lara grinned, kicked each of the skeletons for good measure, grabbed the eight ball from the pool table and pocketed it, then ran up the stairs.
*~*~*
In the tomb above, the walls were made of skulls. Six statues surrounded the stone coffin in the center, each holding a blank square. Lara passed them and went up to the coffin.
"Through the spirit of the keeper behold the truth...hmm..." She finished reading the coffin's inscription, then clasped her hands behind her back, put on her most innocent expression, and called, "Oh keeper! Keeper!"
"Oi, who's that?" called a voice. Suddenly a man appeared in front of Lara. He was dressed like a monk, with a bald head and a thrown back hood. He was a little obese, and Lara knew why, judging from the pint in his hand. He hiccupped, then scratched his head. "Who're you!"
"I'm Lara. I was wondering if I could take the painting your guarding?"
"No, course not!" he exclaimed. She sighed. 'Oh well, it was worth a try,' she thought. But the man just laughed. "You can have it! Here, my gift to you!" He hiccupped again, then collapsed on the coffin. A blue glow appeared in his hand, and she removed the painting from it. Instantly a loud chorus of voices started to sing, and the monk sat back up. "Shut up, ya wankers!" The music halted.
"Well, I'll just be...going, then..."
"Right, have a nice day!" He hiccuped once more, then fell to the floor, rolled down the steps, and started to snore loudly. She backed away slowly as he dissapeared.
Filia: Oh, thank you! Always wonderful to see a Slayer here...did you know that I attended a local Animethon dressed as Xelas? Hehe, no one knew who I was for the cosplay...
The Silent Slayer: Well, you get your wish- here's the Cabal! But it's not 'Eckhardt'...Hehe.
Numair's Dane: Oh, I'll finish it, you can count on it. Btw, I love your fic...so how the bloody &@^# did you get 48 reviews?! I want that many...*sigh*
Marie: Count on more.
Lara: ...no comment....
Loki54: Bear with me! We're almost to Kurtis! And, in advance, I'd like to say I have nothing against Queen Latifah at all, she's brilliant...(the thing that'll get your brain in a rut later is, which chapter does she appear in? lol)
Blakkmollie: Fans! Yay! *hugs* It'll keep going...on and on....lalala...
Any of you who know of the Louvre will see the joke in it's new name! *falls over laughing*
Chapter Four: Cabal! Cabal! Cabal! Can Anyone Say 'Canal'?
"As you all know, we already posses three of the Inaspicious Paintings. One of Kristina in a bikini-"
The Cabal shuddered, with an indignant gasp from Kristina Boeing.
"One of Grant running the olympic one hundred meter dash in biker shorts-"
Another shudder was passed through the room, with Mule sweating profusely at the memory, then blushing as his image appeared on the large plasma screen on the wall.
"And one of Joachim at a club dancing disco."
No shudders were emitted. They all knew better than to cross Joachim Corral, Prague lawyer and right hand man of Pieter Van Eckheart.
"Our contact, Proffessor Werner Von Croy, had located the fourth one in Paris. After we collect all the paintings, we will awaken the sleeper. Hopefully, we will be far more successful this time. I mean, I don't even know -what- that was that we made last time! It was like some sort of...hippo...or chicken thing."
Eckheart straightened and cleared his throat. "Blunderson!" A soldier at the side of the room, who was playing go fish with one of his men, stood up and hurried over to him.
"Master Eckheart."
"Dispatch your team to the Loove."
"Immediately."
Eckheart placed his gloved hand on Blunderson's shoulder, and a purple glow surrounded it. Blunderson sighed and batted his eyelashes at Eckheart, then hurried off to do his bidding; the glove had a special power to ensnare people into loving him, hence the name 'Eckheart'.
"I really should get that glow fixed, it looks dangerous..." he mumbled, rubbing his hand and walking out of the room. The Cabal members looked at each other, and then Joachim leaned forward and grinned.
"Anyone for a game of duck-duck-goose?"
*~*~*
Flippers broke the surface of the water, and then Lara dragged herself up onto the edge and spat out most of the seaweed in her mouth. After catching her breath, she stood up and padded out of the water.
She had just emerged from the storm drains of the Loove (and by drains, we mean drains!), into a main gallery that sported sea life from the past 2000 years. She slipped off the scuba gear, hid it in the mouth of a great white shark that hung from the wall, then ran off into the gallery.
Further on, she snapped twenty guards necks, slid through laser grids, and used a slip-n-slide to get to the office that Old Marge Carvier had been given while she was working on the machines. A keycard inside allowed her access to the dig site down below. She snapped a few more necks, then moonwalked through the door to the dig.
The dig site was huge, at least five stories high, and she spotted her goal right away; a small circle shaped thingy where you had to pull a thingy and some thingies would spin...yes, that was it. She crawled over the scaffolding to it and reached into her pocket.
After rummaging through the cue-cards a few minutes more, she found one with a diagram of the door on it. It told her to spin the door until she ended up with four thousand dollars. She pulled on it, clapped a few minutes for effect, and was able to land a one thousand for the first two spaces. She pulled it again, and landed two more thousands. The circle thingy stopped spinning, and she could hear the real door up above, opening. Instantly, strains of the Wheel of Fortune theme floated out of it's expanse.
Lara looked down the pit, swallowed deeply, plugged her nose, and hopped in.
*~*~*
Down below, five skeleton's were sitting at a table, deeply immersed in a game of Trivial Pursuit. Lara snuck right by them and down a tunnel, until she reached a large hall. Five more skeletons were in a game of Parchessi. She didn't see them on the way in, and accidentally bumped their game.
"Oh, sorry!" she said, secretly pocketing one of the pieces. The warriors glared, snarled, stood up and held their weapons high, and cried out loudly. She backed away, only to bump into another table. The warriors pointed to it.
"You, play!"
"Well, I really must be going, but-"
"You, play!" one screamed at her, cobwebs flying out of it's mouth.
"Okay, okay. Say it, don't spray it, why don'tcha?"
Lara grabbed a pool cue and broke the triangle of balls. She noticed quickly that four of them were actually gems, so she strove to keep them out of the pockets. The skeletons placed bets, cheered, and booed as she played on, and when only the four gems were left, Lara swung her pool cue, hitting each of the five skeletons head's off.
While they stumbled around searching for their missing craniums, she snatched the gems off the table and slid them into four slots on the wall. The floor instantly turned to sand, and a large head in the shape of a tiger rose from it.
"Who dares to disturb the cave of wonders?"
Lara walked forwards. "Um, wrong category. You want 'Aladdin'."
The tiger stared at her blankly, then blinked. "Oh, thanks." He dissapeared into the floor again, and a staircase appeared in the wall where he had been. Lara grinned, kicked each of the skeletons for good measure, grabbed the eight ball from the pool table and pocketed it, then ran up the stairs.
*~*~*
In the tomb above, the walls were made of skulls. Six statues surrounded the stone coffin in the center, each holding a blank square. Lara passed them and went up to the coffin.
"Through the spirit of the keeper behold the truth...hmm..." She finished reading the coffin's inscription, then clasped her hands behind her back, put on her most innocent expression, and called, "Oh keeper! Keeper!"
"Oi, who's that?" called a voice. Suddenly a man appeared in front of Lara. He was dressed like a monk, with a bald head and a thrown back hood. He was a little obese, and Lara knew why, judging from the pint in his hand. He hiccupped, then scratched his head. "Who're you!"
"I'm Lara. I was wondering if I could take the painting your guarding?"
"No, course not!" he exclaimed. She sighed. 'Oh well, it was worth a try,' she thought. But the man just laughed. "You can have it! Here, my gift to you!" He hiccupped again, then collapsed on the coffin. A blue glow appeared in his hand, and she removed the painting from it. Instantly a loud chorus of voices started to sing, and the monk sat back up. "Shut up, ya wankers!" The music halted.
"Well, I'll just be...going, then..."
"Right, have a nice day!" He hiccuped once more, then fell to the floor, rolled down the steps, and started to snore loudly. She backed away slowly as he dissapeared.