A/N- Yay, Kurtis! And, of course, some Karel...and alot of humorous
things. My Paper Bag trend is catching on! Well, if any of you has seen
Clone High, you'll recognize it as the Tom Green bit...er, nevermind...
I love, I love you! Now, tell me how great I am! How powerful I am! 1001 uses for chocolate and Kurtis! Er...yeah...
Chapter Five: Klutzy Warrior's Shouldn't Run With Sharp Objects
Tossing the painting up in the air and catching it again, Lara whistled a happy tune as she strolled through the halls of the Loove. The whole painting business was relatively easy, considering the 'keeper' wasn't all he was cracked up to be. She'd had this image of a large, foreboding monster. What she'd gotten was Robin Hood's Friar Tuck.
She paused in a room for no apparent reason and slid the painting into her backpack. Suddenly, a glowing frisbee came flying through the air, straight at Lara's paused figure. But before it could knock her unconcious, she bent over.
"Ooo, penny!"
The man from the river, who had been sneaking up behind her, was smacked in the face with his frisbee. He stumbled back, hit the wall, was hit on the head with a large vase, and fell to the ground. Lara straightened up again with her penny as he got to his feet and pressed a gun to her neck.
She froze, her hand out in front and the other holding her pistol at her side. Slowly, the man slid his hand down her hip, caught a piece of metal that was sticking out of her gun with his finger, swore, then removed the pistol from her grasp. He crossed over her bared abdomen and took out the other pistol, let it go, and cursed again as it hit his foot. The painting was next to go, and that made her angry. She suddenly turned and had the gun pressed to her neck.
Realization hit her; this was the man from the Cafe, the man that she'd passed on the scooter, and the man that had fallen into the river! Her amazed expression turned to a glare, but he leaned forward, as if to kiss her. Lara froze, then suppressed a smile as he hit his forehead on hers and swore a third time.
He stepped away, gun trained on her at all times. His wrist flicked, and the frisbee rose into the air and whacked him in the face again. He caught it, slid it onto his belt, then turned and ran. Lara followed, and was spotted by Blunderson, who tried to run after her but hit a glass cabinet instead.
Lara ran after the painting-stealer, sprinting as fast as she could. Her eyes widened when, with a mere wave, the doors to another room flew off their hinges, and she laughed quietly as he ran straight into one. Again he was up before she could catch him, and threw his frisbee at the ropes to a large plate. Lara rolled under the frisbee, watched as he was hit in the face again, and tried to stand but was met face to face with the item. He smirked, backed through the gap the rolling plate was closing, and cried out as it rolled over his foot. After a second of struggling, he pulled it out and ran off. Lara followed, and was almost caught by a soldier, but he was crushed by the plate.
Blunderson, on the other side, smashed a fist into the plate in anger, then danced on one foot and waved his hand in pain. "Ow, ow ow ow..."
Lara spotted the man up ahead. He turned to see if she was following, didn't see the railing, and toppled off the side. Her eyes widened, and she grimaced as she heard the bang of his body hitting the floor. Reaching the edge, she saw him down below rubbing his head. She took the stairs five at a time, stumbling all the way down until she reached the ground floor. He took off down a hall.
Lara sprinted, thinking she wouldn't catch him, but saw him laying on the, unconcious. She kneeled and put a hand to his head, thinking 'I'm not surprised', and was hit herself. She fell with an 'oof' and sighed as she blacked out.
The soldier who had knocked them both out warped into the image of a black man. He walked around both immobile figures, then did a touchdown dance, moonwalked, and continued on his way, humming, 'Can't Touch This'.
*~*~*
"You okay?"
Lara groaned and opened her eyes. Leotard stood over her, waving a hand in the air over her face. Lara sat up and snatched the kitchen knife off the ground.
"You okay, Croft?" Leotard repeated.
"I'm fine, Louis. What are you doing here?"
"Filming a documentary on the response rate of the police. You?"
"Getting something...I...need a ride."
"Here, we can go in my car." He helped her to the small vehicle and hopped in. The driver got the directions to the Chantelle building, and quickly sped off. It was minutes before he returned, with many apologies for leaving Lara behind.
Once they were in the car, Leotard leaned over to Lara and put a hand on her knee. "You sure you wouldn't like to come back to my place? You could get rested up, hehe."
"No thank you. I have to go to my friends apartment...there's something I need to check."
"What?"
"A cake he was baking when I left," she replied. Suddenly his phone rang, playing the tune 'Gangsters Paradise'. He grinned sheepishly and flicked open the cell.
"Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes....no, wait, no. Ah...not yet. Okay. Bye."
"What was that?" Lara asked as he hung up.
"Just my wife calling about the groceries. Nothing important." The car pulled to a stop outside of the apartment building, and Lara stepped out.
"Thanks for the ride, but I need to go in alone, Leotard."
"Fine, fine, I wait here."
"Great. Bye then." She strolled off into the darkness. Once she was totally gone, Leotard popped open his cell again and re-dialed.
"She's in. You can send in 'The Bather'."
*~*~*
The police tape fluttered in the breeze from the ceiling fans. Lara ripped it off and threw open the door. Inside the apartment it was musty, with the smell of blood assaulting her. She scrunched up her nose and walked inside.
Across the room, the same blood peace sign was on the wall. Lara glared at it, then crossed to the mirror. Looking in it, she was hit with a flashback. "Ow!"
Von Croy getting killed....the gun flying from his hand....a bad cheesburger she'd had that afternoon...the Mockscrub...and the man from the shop! Yes, he was there, he was the one that had killed Von Croy! The old man with the pigtails!
The jackal head cane glinted on the floor. Smiling, she picked it up and tucked it into her belt. Suddenly, a man burst through the door, guns blazing, screaming, "Clean, clean, clear out!"
Lara grabbed the old pistol from under the chair, loaded it, and fired a clean shot through the mans head. He slumped to the floor. "Well, that was easy..."
His cell phone rang, so she answered it, all the while looking at a business card. 'Corral Agencies- We'll Win Your Case or You Get Nothing! Prague, Czech Republic'
"Hello? Did you kill her? Is she dead yet?"
"No, not quite, Leotard. Actually, your man went down fairly easy."
"Oh, he wasn't very good. Just a beginner, I chose him because it's so much more interesting to watch the ones with ADD try to work without their pills."
Lara threw the phone across the room, watched as it landed in the sink, then snatched a pair of car keys off the killer's belt and left the apartment.
I love, I love you! Now, tell me how great I am! How powerful I am! 1001 uses for chocolate and Kurtis! Er...yeah...
Chapter Five: Klutzy Warrior's Shouldn't Run With Sharp Objects
Tossing the painting up in the air and catching it again, Lara whistled a happy tune as she strolled through the halls of the Loove. The whole painting business was relatively easy, considering the 'keeper' wasn't all he was cracked up to be. She'd had this image of a large, foreboding monster. What she'd gotten was Robin Hood's Friar Tuck.
She paused in a room for no apparent reason and slid the painting into her backpack. Suddenly, a glowing frisbee came flying through the air, straight at Lara's paused figure. But before it could knock her unconcious, she bent over.
"Ooo, penny!"
The man from the river, who had been sneaking up behind her, was smacked in the face with his frisbee. He stumbled back, hit the wall, was hit on the head with a large vase, and fell to the ground. Lara straightened up again with her penny as he got to his feet and pressed a gun to her neck.
She froze, her hand out in front and the other holding her pistol at her side. Slowly, the man slid his hand down her hip, caught a piece of metal that was sticking out of her gun with his finger, swore, then removed the pistol from her grasp. He crossed over her bared abdomen and took out the other pistol, let it go, and cursed again as it hit his foot. The painting was next to go, and that made her angry. She suddenly turned and had the gun pressed to her neck.
Realization hit her; this was the man from the Cafe, the man that she'd passed on the scooter, and the man that had fallen into the river! Her amazed expression turned to a glare, but he leaned forward, as if to kiss her. Lara froze, then suppressed a smile as he hit his forehead on hers and swore a third time.
He stepped away, gun trained on her at all times. His wrist flicked, and the frisbee rose into the air and whacked him in the face again. He caught it, slid it onto his belt, then turned and ran. Lara followed, and was spotted by Blunderson, who tried to run after her but hit a glass cabinet instead.
Lara ran after the painting-stealer, sprinting as fast as she could. Her eyes widened when, with a mere wave, the doors to another room flew off their hinges, and she laughed quietly as he ran straight into one. Again he was up before she could catch him, and threw his frisbee at the ropes to a large plate. Lara rolled under the frisbee, watched as he was hit in the face again, and tried to stand but was met face to face with the item. He smirked, backed through the gap the rolling plate was closing, and cried out as it rolled over his foot. After a second of struggling, he pulled it out and ran off. Lara followed, and was almost caught by a soldier, but he was crushed by the plate.
Blunderson, on the other side, smashed a fist into the plate in anger, then danced on one foot and waved his hand in pain. "Ow, ow ow ow..."
Lara spotted the man up ahead. He turned to see if she was following, didn't see the railing, and toppled off the side. Her eyes widened, and she grimaced as she heard the bang of his body hitting the floor. Reaching the edge, she saw him down below rubbing his head. She took the stairs five at a time, stumbling all the way down until she reached the ground floor. He took off down a hall.
Lara sprinted, thinking she wouldn't catch him, but saw him laying on the, unconcious. She kneeled and put a hand to his head, thinking 'I'm not surprised', and was hit herself. She fell with an 'oof' and sighed as she blacked out.
The soldier who had knocked them both out warped into the image of a black man. He walked around both immobile figures, then did a touchdown dance, moonwalked, and continued on his way, humming, 'Can't Touch This'.
*~*~*
"You okay?"
Lara groaned and opened her eyes. Leotard stood over her, waving a hand in the air over her face. Lara sat up and snatched the kitchen knife off the ground.
"You okay, Croft?" Leotard repeated.
"I'm fine, Louis. What are you doing here?"
"Filming a documentary on the response rate of the police. You?"
"Getting something...I...need a ride."
"Here, we can go in my car." He helped her to the small vehicle and hopped in. The driver got the directions to the Chantelle building, and quickly sped off. It was minutes before he returned, with many apologies for leaving Lara behind.
Once they were in the car, Leotard leaned over to Lara and put a hand on her knee. "You sure you wouldn't like to come back to my place? You could get rested up, hehe."
"No thank you. I have to go to my friends apartment...there's something I need to check."
"What?"
"A cake he was baking when I left," she replied. Suddenly his phone rang, playing the tune 'Gangsters Paradise'. He grinned sheepishly and flicked open the cell.
"Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes....no, wait, no. Ah...not yet. Okay. Bye."
"What was that?" Lara asked as he hung up.
"Just my wife calling about the groceries. Nothing important." The car pulled to a stop outside of the apartment building, and Lara stepped out.
"Thanks for the ride, but I need to go in alone, Leotard."
"Fine, fine, I wait here."
"Great. Bye then." She strolled off into the darkness. Once she was totally gone, Leotard popped open his cell again and re-dialed.
"She's in. You can send in 'The Bather'."
*~*~*
The police tape fluttered in the breeze from the ceiling fans. Lara ripped it off and threw open the door. Inside the apartment it was musty, with the smell of blood assaulting her. She scrunched up her nose and walked inside.
Across the room, the same blood peace sign was on the wall. Lara glared at it, then crossed to the mirror. Looking in it, she was hit with a flashback. "Ow!"
Von Croy getting killed....the gun flying from his hand....a bad cheesburger she'd had that afternoon...the Mockscrub...and the man from the shop! Yes, he was there, he was the one that had killed Von Croy! The old man with the pigtails!
The jackal head cane glinted on the floor. Smiling, she picked it up and tucked it into her belt. Suddenly, a man burst through the door, guns blazing, screaming, "Clean, clean, clear out!"
Lara grabbed the old pistol from under the chair, loaded it, and fired a clean shot through the mans head. He slumped to the floor. "Well, that was easy..."
His cell phone rang, so she answered it, all the while looking at a business card. 'Corral Agencies- We'll Win Your Case or You Get Nothing! Prague, Czech Republic'
"Hello? Did you kill her? Is she dead yet?"
"No, not quite, Leotard. Actually, your man went down fairly easy."
"Oh, he wasn't very good. Just a beginner, I chose him because it's so much more interesting to watch the ones with ADD try to work without their pills."
Lara threw the phone across the room, watched as it landed in the sink, then snatched a pair of car keys off the killer's belt and left the apartment.