A/N- Glad everyone is enjoying it! This may not be as funny as the
others...at least up until Kurtis. And eventually I re-post this with a
whole Bio-Dome thing, but for now, enjoy! ^^
Chapter Seven: Mules Like Coconuts
Rennick's vehicle of choice was a large purple chevrolet, pink fur lined, bouncing along the road by it's front. Lara gripped her seat and prayed for the moment they reached the Strahov so that she could be rid of this bouncing hell.
Finally they did reach it, and she was practically thrown from the car. "I'll be back later," Rennick called to her as he bounced away. She shook her head dizzily, then got up and keyed in the passcodes to the warehouse.
*~*~*
After getting through the warehouse area, and seeing a rather grisly death for Rennick, Lara found a greenhouse. She sighed and dunked her head in the fountain, glad for a slight rest. It was short lived, however, when a man tried to water her posterior, mistaking it for a large bush.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, rising out of the water. He jumped in surprise.
"Who are you?!"
"What are you doing?" she asked him. He regained his posture and set down the watering can.
"I mistook your behind for a bush."
Lara stared at him as if he'd grown two heads, then regained her own composure and smiled. "Who are you?"
"I'm Dr. Grant Mule, five time runner in the Prague marathon," he said proudly, "and this is my greenhouse."
"Mule! Your working with Eckheart!"
"Yes."
"I can't believe this. Why would you work with a madman like him?"
"Because he has promised immortality to those who believe."
She snorted. "If I had a coconut for everytime some lunatic said that..."
He rubbed his stomach hungrily and licked his lips. "Coconut."
Lara edged away slowly. "So what are you doing in here?"
"Keeping my animals in their cages and well fed."
"Ah yes, don't want any abominations running loose, now do we?"
Mule looked around nervously, then sprayed her in the face with some plant poison. She coughed and wiped her eyes, and when she looked up again, he was gone.
*~*~*
Eckheart stood by the railing in the greenhouse, his knuckles turning white because he was gripping the metal so hard. "You what?" he asked Boeing. She swallowed nervously.
"I couldn't kill the Proto. I needed your shard, she's part Nephilim!"
"Boeing, you have failed me again." He turned to Blunderson, who nodded back and flicked a switch. Corral watched gleefully as Eckheart held Boeing high in the air and then threw her into the plant pod. She screamed and writhed as the thing absorbed her. Blunderson flicked a switch again, and it rose back to the roof.
Corral clapped his hands. "Goody, I always love an execution!"
"Corral, shut up. Blunderson, dispatch a team to protect us from the Proto."
"Of course sir." He batted his eyelashes and sighed. "Right away."
"Good." Eckheart patted him on the shoulder, then walked away, muttering about the 'damn purple glow that looked dangerous'.
*~*~*
The steeltoe boots on her feet clinked on the ground as Lara ran along the walkway over the poison gas. She'd seen what Eckheart had done to his worker, and was even more thoroughly convinced that he was the Mockscrub and the man that had killed Von Croy.
She smiled and walked along, a hop in her step. Ah yes, she was feeling pretty good about herself at the moment. Pressing a large yellow button, she strolled inside, and heard the doors snap shut. Surprised, she turned back around.
Outside the doors, the man from the Loove had his head tilted to one side, and was dumbly staring at her posterior. She waved a hand, making him snap awake.
"You really have made a mess of things, haven't you?" he said.
"Who for? The stalker who stole my painting! What do you need with the painting?"
"Maybe I'll explain later, Miss Croft, but for now I need to go and turn the power back on."
"Leaving me here?"
"You've caused enough trouble as it is. Safer for everyone if you stay in one place for awhile."
"And this?" she asked, slamming the kitchen knife she'd picked up against the pane of glass. His eyes widened.
"My Pampered Chef Shard! You-"
"Picked it up at the Loove, yes. After you stole my painting."
He narrowed his eyes. "All of this can wait. I know where you'll be."
He backed away, but halted for a second. His shirt was caught in between the doors. "Um...could you..."
"Oh, yes, sorry," she said, flicking a button to open the door. He pulled his shirt out, then quickly closed the doors again. "Right then...um...bye."
"Yeah...uh, be...right back," he said, walking away akwardly.
Chapter Seven: Mules Like Coconuts
Rennick's vehicle of choice was a large purple chevrolet, pink fur lined, bouncing along the road by it's front. Lara gripped her seat and prayed for the moment they reached the Strahov so that she could be rid of this bouncing hell.
Finally they did reach it, and she was practically thrown from the car. "I'll be back later," Rennick called to her as he bounced away. She shook her head dizzily, then got up and keyed in the passcodes to the warehouse.
*~*~*
After getting through the warehouse area, and seeing a rather grisly death for Rennick, Lara found a greenhouse. She sighed and dunked her head in the fountain, glad for a slight rest. It was short lived, however, when a man tried to water her posterior, mistaking it for a large bush.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, rising out of the water. He jumped in surprise.
"Who are you?!"
"What are you doing?" she asked him. He regained his posture and set down the watering can.
"I mistook your behind for a bush."
Lara stared at him as if he'd grown two heads, then regained her own composure and smiled. "Who are you?"
"I'm Dr. Grant Mule, five time runner in the Prague marathon," he said proudly, "and this is my greenhouse."
"Mule! Your working with Eckheart!"
"Yes."
"I can't believe this. Why would you work with a madman like him?"
"Because he has promised immortality to those who believe."
She snorted. "If I had a coconut for everytime some lunatic said that..."
He rubbed his stomach hungrily and licked his lips. "Coconut."
Lara edged away slowly. "So what are you doing in here?"
"Keeping my animals in their cages and well fed."
"Ah yes, don't want any abominations running loose, now do we?"
Mule looked around nervously, then sprayed her in the face with some plant poison. She coughed and wiped her eyes, and when she looked up again, he was gone.
*~*~*
Eckheart stood by the railing in the greenhouse, his knuckles turning white because he was gripping the metal so hard. "You what?" he asked Boeing. She swallowed nervously.
"I couldn't kill the Proto. I needed your shard, she's part Nephilim!"
"Boeing, you have failed me again." He turned to Blunderson, who nodded back and flicked a switch. Corral watched gleefully as Eckheart held Boeing high in the air and then threw her into the plant pod. She screamed and writhed as the thing absorbed her. Blunderson flicked a switch again, and it rose back to the roof.
Corral clapped his hands. "Goody, I always love an execution!"
"Corral, shut up. Blunderson, dispatch a team to protect us from the Proto."
"Of course sir." He batted his eyelashes and sighed. "Right away."
"Good." Eckheart patted him on the shoulder, then walked away, muttering about the 'damn purple glow that looked dangerous'.
*~*~*
The steeltoe boots on her feet clinked on the ground as Lara ran along the walkway over the poison gas. She'd seen what Eckheart had done to his worker, and was even more thoroughly convinced that he was the Mockscrub and the man that had killed Von Croy.
She smiled and walked along, a hop in her step. Ah yes, she was feeling pretty good about herself at the moment. Pressing a large yellow button, she strolled inside, and heard the doors snap shut. Surprised, she turned back around.
Outside the doors, the man from the Loove had his head tilted to one side, and was dumbly staring at her posterior. She waved a hand, making him snap awake.
"You really have made a mess of things, haven't you?" he said.
"Who for? The stalker who stole my painting! What do you need with the painting?"
"Maybe I'll explain later, Miss Croft, but for now I need to go and turn the power back on."
"Leaving me here?"
"You've caused enough trouble as it is. Safer for everyone if you stay in one place for awhile."
"And this?" she asked, slamming the kitchen knife she'd picked up against the pane of glass. His eyes widened.
"My Pampered Chef Shard! You-"
"Picked it up at the Loove, yes. After you stole my painting."
He narrowed his eyes. "All of this can wait. I know where you'll be."
He backed away, but halted for a second. His shirt was caught in between the doors. "Um...could you..."
"Oh, yes, sorry," she said, flicking a button to open the door. He pulled his shirt out, then quickly closed the doors again. "Right then...um...bye."
"Yeah...uh, be...right back," he said, walking away akwardly.