Chapter Five
Josh stopped at the nurses' station but was in no rush to attract the attention of the nurse who was scribbling distractedly on a jotter. His eyes glanced up at the list of names on the wall. Halfway down the board was Samuel Seaborn. He tried to decipher the information that followed but the scrawled writing's illegibility was compounded by the use of medical terminology and abbreviations. He had been back to see Sam last night but he had been asleep and Josh didn't want to watch Sam sleep, he wanted to talk to him. After realizing that the nurse would carry on ignoring him longer than he wished to be ignored, Josh cleared his throat and asked if he could see Sam. The nurse finished the sentence she was writing and placed the pen back in her pocket before rising from behind the desk and walking off to Sam's room. The hospital had been very accommodating to the White House staff and allowed them to visit Sam out of hours but insisted on checking with him first. The nurse returned and said it was okay but that he could only stay for a while. Josh thanked her and walked slowly towards the room.
Sam was sitting up turning the page of one of the books that Toby had dropped off yesterday. He closed it as soon as he saw Josh enter but kept his finger in it to keep his place.
"How you doing?" Josh asked.
"Good." Sam ran his finger between the pages, the bookmark lay by his side but he didn't reach for it.
"I got you some stuff." Josh stood at the foot of the bed and started to remove some magazines and fruit from a bag. Donna had bought it but he had told her what to get.
"Great, thanks." Sam glanced at the sailing magazines. He thought about reaching for them but he didn't want to lose his place and his bookmark was underneath them, so he didn't move.
Josh looked around the room for a chair. Sam could see it behind him but he didn't say anything. That made him feel guilty so with his free hand he started to leaf through one of the magazines. "Thanks for these," he repeated.
"Sure." Josh placed the chair by the side of the bed. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?"
Sam shook his head as he moved the magazines onto the bedside cabinet. Josh looked down at Sam's hand. He remembered how Sam had come to visit him when he was the one in hospital. How he would walk straight into the room, sit by Josh's bed and take his hand. Josh had woken one morning to a sound he couldn't identify and then opened his eyes to find Sam sitting by his bed, his pen furiously scribbling on a pad but his other hand still firmly holding onto Josh's.
Sam sighed loudly and Josh looked up to see him grimace. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Sam answered but he kept his eyes closed until whatever it was that was troubling him had passed.
"The nurses said you'll be home in a couple of days."
"Yeah."
"Leo's going to try to drop by tomorrow."
"Okay," Sam replied and the fear that Sam would reply in one word answers to everything he said made Josh ask, "Why is this so hard?"
"I don't know." He took his finger out of the book and placed it on top of the magazines.
"We're both to blame," Josh stated and Sam nodded in agreement. "You ignored me as much as I ignored you. You stopped coming to talk to me about nothing in particular as much as I stopped dropping by your office."
"Absolutely," Sam agreed, "but you're more to blame than me," he added and was taken aback when Josh quickly agreed.
"Josh, I was joking."
"You tried to sort it out, I never bothered-"
"Josh, get the nurse." Sam was grimacing again and Josh jumped out of his seat and ran out to grab the first one he saw.
As Josh followed the nurse into the room Sam greeted her with, "You said they wouldn't wear off yet!"
"I lied," the nurse countered. "We're trying to save money on drugs and seeing if the power of positive thinking works instead." She started to raise the head of Sam's bed.
"Well it doesn't," Sam replied as she helped him to sit.
"Anyway, you should have been asleep long before they wore off."
Josh stood at the end of the bed a look of utter confusion on his face. The nurse rearranged Sam's pillows and then noticed Josh's expression. "Sam had a bad reaction to the pain killers so we gave him some anti-emetics but they appear to have worn off." She turned to Sam again, "I really did think the last dose would see you okay but those pain meds have obviously done a quite a number on you." She grabbed a bowl from the side and placed it on the bed. "I'll be right back, are you staying?" she asked Josh.
"Yeah, I think I can handle this." Josh picked up the bowl and walked back to his seat then turned the bowl upside down and pretended to read, "Hold in upright position, replace when full. Piece of cake."
"Yeah honey, that's what this job is, a piece of cake." Josh could still hear her laughter after she had left the room.
"How you feeling?" Josh asked and Sam's answer was to grab the bowl and retch over it, before letting it fall back onto his lap. "See, people say I can be dense when it comes to having empathy with my fellow man but I would say, and this is just a hunch mind, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you don't feel so good."
"We won't mention the-" Sam was planning to answer back but another fit of retching stopped him.
Josh stopped talking after that and Sam stopped pretending that he could cope with the latest ordeal his body was putting him through. He groped for the bowl again but Josh already held it for him. Josh could only imagine the pain that Sam was feeling as he watched him wince as he tried to take a breath to counter his rebelling stomach. By the time the nurse returned Sam had finished and lay back on the pillows with his eyes closed. She attached a new bag to the IV pole and then gestured for Josh to pass her the bowl. Josh reached over and picked it up awkwardly with his right hand, it nearly rolled off the bed but he somehow managed to right it and pass it across to her. He couldn't use his left hand; Sam was holding that.
Josh woke to feel Sam's hand leaving his. He heard the rustle of the bedclothes and looked up to see Sam tentatively pushing himself into a sitting position.
"Mr Seaborn, we won't stay long, we just need to ask you a few questions." Josh opened his eyes and sprung to life as he turned to see two police officers at the side of Sam's bed.
"Can't this wait?" Josh asked the officers but Sam spoke before they could answer.
"Who called you?"
"We had a call from the bar last night from a concerned citizen."
"I bet you don't come across many of those," Sam said.
"Not so much," the elder of the officers agreed. He walked closer to the bed. "Mr Seaborn, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that your injuries were severe and we understand that if your friends hadn't found-"
"You want to know if I want to press charges," Sam stated, forcing the officer to give up his explanation and simply nod his head at Sam in response.
Sam looked at Josh, back at the officer and then down at his hands. He closed his eyes and Josh silently praised himself for managing not to say anything before Sam answered. The friend in Josh wanted Ben Draper to pay for what he had done but the realist, the strategist, the politician, knew that if Sam pressed charges it would be the worst thing possible for everyone involved.
"I don't," Sam stated simply. The officer looked at Sam as if trying to gauge if it was worth perusing and seeing the resolved look on Sam's face, decided it wasn't. He left a contact number for Sam and left the room. His partner had not spoken since they entered the room but when he got to the door he stopped,"The guy who hit you, he's waiting outside. Do you want us to get rid of him?"
"Ben's outside?" Sam asked in surprise. "I don't want to see him. I really don't want to see him."
"Tell him he's tired," Josh said. "He's been puking his guts up because he's allergic to the pain meds he had to take because of the injuries he got when his so called fuc-"
"Just tell him I'm tired," Sam said before Josh could tell the whole floor how he felt about Ben Draper.
Sam and Josh sat in silence. They could hear the policeman talking to Ben but they couldn't make out what was being said. When it was clear that Ben had gone Sam reached behind him and picked up the menu card from the bedside cabinet.
"Ooh beef stroganoff," Sam exclaimed.
"Sam," Josh wanted to talk about Sam's decision.
"And Jell-o," Sam continued.
"Sam," Josh tried again.
Sam put the menu down. "I just want this to be over, Josh." Josh nodded he wanted it to be over too. Sam lowered himself down the bed.
"You better get that bowl," he sighed.
"What? You feel sick again?"
"No. I really hate beef stroganoff." Sam pulled a face and for the first time in a few days Josh laughed and despite Sam's pretence at looking hurt his laughter continued until Sam finally gave in and joined him.
Sam held the piece of paper in mid-air. He had three piles on the floor in front of him and when he had begun to sort through his bureau he had known what each pile meant, but now he had got in such a muddle that it was only the pins and needles in his leg that stopped him walking across the room to throw it all in the bin. Sighing he tossed the paper behind him and began to sort through the first of the piles again. He had been home for three days and was already climbing the walls.
At the sound of the door buzzer he leapt up from the floor, before realising that he wasn't quite up to leaping yet. He walked to the door with his hand on his stomach but let it drop before he opened it. He pulled the door and felt the rush of air that entered the room and escaped through the window followed by a loud rustle of paper. He groaned at the sound of it.
"What's wrong?" a suddenly concerned Josh asked.
"Tell me that there are still three neat piles of paper on the floor."
Josh leant around Sam and peered into the room, "Define pile," he answered as Sam groaned again and stood aside to let him in. Josh started to pick up the paper and pass it to Sam who put it back into the bureau.
"How are you feeling?"
"Good." Sam glanced at Josh. "Well, still a bit sore and ridiculously tired considering I'm not doing anything but yeah, good." Josh nodded but didn't seem convinced.
"Really Josh, I'm fine."
"You will be by the time Donna's finished with you."
"What?" Sam laughed.
"Well, you know how food comes in microwaveable boxes or you can get it delivered to your door," Josh asked and continued on Sam's nod, "Well apparently, some people actually make it themselves."
"I've heard tell of this strange custom," Sam agreed.
"Well unbeknown to us it turns out Donna is one of those people," Josh said incredulously, "and she has made you enough food to last a 38 day siege and not a microwaveable box in sight."
The door buzzer sounded. "That'll be Julia Child now. Act surprised, I said I wouldn't tell you," Josh said as he walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. Sam walked to the door preparing to look surprised but he didn't need to pretend, it wasn't Donna who stood in the doorway.
Josh had got as far as removing the filter when he heard a voice that definitely wasn't Donna's. He dropped the used filter into the trash as he realised who the voice belonged to and walked quickly into the living room. As soon as he looked at Sam he knew he was uncomfortable and with some satisfaction he noticed that Ben Draper looked even more so on seeing Josh.
Josh's anger towards Ben had decreased as the days had passed and he had come to accept that no matter what Ben had done he certainly hadn't intended to injure Sam like he had. He had also come to admire the fact that Ben seemed unwilling to let Sam give up on him, hardly a visit passed in which a nurse didn't come to Sam's room to tell him that Ben Draper wanted to know if he could visit. Every time Sam shook his head and then returned to whatever he and Josh had been talking about without missing a beat.
After a silence, in which nobody seemed to know what to say, Josh announced he was making coffee and returned to the kitchen. He was glad he had replaced the filter; it would give Sam and Ben some time to talk. It never entered his head to leave. He had things he wanted to say to Sam too.
Sam gestured towards the sofa and Ben sat down. "I came to the hospital the night I… I came here first and the guy across the hall told me you were in the hospital. They wouldn't let me see you. I wanted to…I didn't even know what was-" Ben stood up and walked over to Sam. "I am so sorry Sam, shit that sounds lame, but I am. I was just so angry and I was drunk and I-"
"You think I'm angry because you hit me?" Sam took Ben's vacated place on the sofa. "I'm not. Unless you were aiming for my spleen in the hope it would rupture?"
"Sam, I-"
"But I am angry, Ben. I'm angry that you thought so little of me."
"What do you mean?" Ben sat down next to him.
"I couldn't care less that you thought I knew that we weren't going to act on the caucus's findings. What I can't get over is that you thought I would…" Sam took a deep breath and started again, "I don't remember much about that night in the bar, but I remember you shouting at me, accusing me of…you thought I spent a weekend with you telling you how important your work was and planning how we could build on the recommendations in other initiatives, all the time knowing that we had no intention of doing anything. What did I do in all the time I've known you to make you think I would do something like that?"
"I realise that now but I was just so mad that-"
"I didn't know."
"You've got to understand that I didn't know-" once more Sam cut Ben dead.
"I don't care what you knew! You know me and that should have been enough!" Sam was standing now and as Josh entered the room carrying a tray he turned on him, "And you…you didn't even trust me enough to tell me in the first place! Both of you, you both just…you think I would…" Sam suddenly seemed to have run out of steam. "Get out!"
"Sam, wait, let's sort this-" Josh began but Sam's face told him that getting out was probably the best option. He also knew that getting worked up was not doing Sam any good. Ben had obviously had the same thought as both men reached for their coats and headed for the door without another word. They stood outside the apartment putting on their coats united in their surprise at Sam's outburst.
"He's tired," Josh explained and Ben nodded. "And still in pain from the op." Ben nodded again. "And he's possibly a little emotionally unbalanced at the moment."
A hollow laugh came from Ben and both men walked towards the exit together. "How long are you going to give it?" Ben asked.
"I don't know, he was pretty mad, I was thinking a month should probably do it."
Ben shook his head, "God I wish I could have the last few weeks back."
"You're lucky, I need the last year back." Josh opened the door and let Ben walk through it.
"Seriously though, do you think we should come back later?" Ben asked.
Josh shrugged.
"Well I think I'll leave it a couple of days." Ben pulled his car keys from his pocket and jiggled them nervously from hand to hand. "I wanted to say to you that I'm sorry about what I said in the hospital. I was just lashing out at the nearest person and it wasn't fair for me to say what Sam had told me in front of your friends. I just wanted you to know that I don't know the details or anything, it was just a comment Sam made but it certainly wasn't something he seemed happy to admit." Ben shrugged, "Anyway I just wanted to tell you that."
"Well, thanks," Josh said and the two men shook hands. Their differences resolved by now both being the victims of Sam's wrath.