Disclaimer: Dangermouse and characters are property of Cosgrove/Hall productions, and I don't own them. This fiction and the characters of M6 Lori L'Amour and her assistant and other craziness the other side of the pond is my own insanity, property of me, Trynia Merin. I've been having THIS on my brain forever, and pardon the raw form of this fanfiction.
A Long Overdue Date
Part 7
By Trynia Merin
This story takes place after Two of the Best, and Two of the Worst
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Dangermouse and Penfold flew along, the former glancing periodically at the radar, while the latter glanced sidelong to judge the mood of his chief. He didn't want to interrupt DM's mood, but at the same time he felt he had to say something to break the silence. Clearing his throat he said, "DM… how are you going to track M6? Some super secret tracking device?"
"Well let's just say I took the liberty of giving her exactly what you described. IN case the two of us were separated, and one of us was in peril," said Dangermouse. "And I had suspected Cam Elion or Greenback might seek revenge for our last defeat of their nefarious plots…"
"But wasn't the device in her watch, cause I don't think she wore it…"
"Fortunately it wasn't. It happened to be in that string of pearls she was wearing, her and her assistant."
"Cor, I WONDERED where those came from?"
"A little thank you gift from Colonel K," said Danger Mouse. "The tracker is in the set of pearls. And I'm hoping that whoever captured her will be foolish enough to mistake her for Mademoiselle L'Amour…"
"Oh come on, why don't you say it?" Penfold asked.
"Say what?"
"Your lady friend?" Penfold asked. "What's all this British reserve about, eh?"
"Penfold I don't want to risk further danger by…"
"Oh go on," Penfold laughed. "I'm not the enemy here. I'm your best friend. If you cant say that around me… who can you say it around chief? I'm not as DIM as you let on, you know…"
"Coming from someone terrified on his first date that he has to check up on me?" DM said irritably.
"Now don't go getting cross with me, Chief," Penfold said back. "How was I to know that I'd fall out of that bush!"
"You interrupted a very tender moment," he said annoyed.
"Still rather it be me then Wulfgang, right, chief?" Penfold asked. "I mean she MIGHT have gotten captured if…"
"I do admit Penfold that your dumb luck stopped Fifi from peril. But it also brought on the insistence that she put herself into danger for the sake of her cousin," DM said.
"Ah touchy aren't we," Penfold mumbled. "I'm not the one who disappeared into the park…"
"Penfold, shush," DM mumbled.
"All right, all right," Penfold mumbled. "I'm going into a state of shushiness…"
"Good, now where is that blighter… ah… there we are… they're headed toward Coventry. Can't think why on earth… unless…"
"Unless?" Penfold asked, waiting for the chief's deduction.
"Unless whoever captured them wanted to find the remotest spot… so as not to be discovered when striking from a distance…"
"OR else they wanted to keep clear of 'nosy parkers', DM?" Penfold asked. "Or they're trying to corner the world sheep market?"
"Really Penfold," DM sighed. "There we are… let's hope they haven't spotted us…"
"Think again, chief," Penfold gasped as he pointed at a bright radiance, shimmering in their direction. "Cor, a bit late for fire flies…"
"What?" DM asked as a cluster of bright objects suddenly swarmed around the Mark III. "Good grief… there aren't any fireflies up here…"
"Tell them that!" Penfold mumbled as they clustered around the Mark III and began to send small beams of light in their direction.
"Good grief!" DM gasped as he narrowly swerved to avoid the blasts. Each firefly's light seemed in reality a very fine laser and each beam was sizzling precariously close to the mark III.
"Now what?" Penfold cried.
"We've got to outmaneuver them…"
"We're going to be Swiss cheese… oh CRUMBS!" Penfold howled, hanging on as a beam sizzled right over their head. The entire sky was crisscrossed with the beams, and DM found that no matter what he did, he was soon encased in a cage of them. Steer one wrong way, and the heat sizzled at the wingtips.
"That's NOT one of Greenback's techniques… it HAS to be the work of Cam Elion!"
"What good's THT going to do us?" Penfold groaned, clamping hands over his glasses.
"I suppose we'll have to let ourselves be captured, get into his hideout, and find out in person…" said DM.
"I was afraid you'd say that!" Penfold whimpered as DM realized they had to keep pace with the cage of interconnecting lasers. One drop in velocity or speed up could riddle the Mark III full of more holes then a typical plot of a badly written Hollywood screenplay.
"Like the laser show?" came a taunting voice, an American accent behind it that crackled over the videophone of the mark III.
"Frankly, I think it rots!" DM said angrily.
"Oh, you hurt my feelings. I devised this special trap JUST for you," taunted Cam Elion, his face flushing red with pride on the small screen.
"I presume this was for OUR benefit?" DM asked.
"Just keep pace with the lightening bugs and you'll be allowed to land. "But try getting out of this mess and you'll BE a mess, Danger Mouse…" Cam Elion said with a leering grin.
"You win, for now," said DM through the loudspeaker of the Mark III.
"Good, I knew you'd be reasonable. And what is a laser show without a soundtrack. And you've got front row seats, platinum pass to one of the world's best… with someone WELL acquainted with you…"
"You fiend, if you harm ONE hair on her head…"
"I won't. But that will be up to you, Danger Mouse…" said Cam as the video screen clicked off. Grimly DM gritted his teeth as he brought the Mark III into the big circle that came into view. He saw the runway lights leading up to it, and noted that the fireflies were dropping in speed. He had to carefully match the velocity of his car to keep in the laser cage. When he finally landed, Penfold still had his hands over his eyes.
"You can look now, Penfold," DM said gently. "We've landed."
"Cor, what a relief… oh fiddle… bars!"
A large cage rose up from the circle around them, and the fireflies winked out around them, leaving them in semi dark. As the cage descended on a large circular platform, DM glanced at Penfold, trying to poise himself to leap out of the car. However he stopped short of jumping up when he noticed the fireflies had perched around the top ring of the circular cage, beaming a crisscross of lasers on top.
"Good Grief, he's smarter then I thought," DM mumbled in appreciation as they slid into the ground, and the circular top of the shaft closed with an ominous clang.
"Trapped in the dark… ooh crikey," Penfold moaned.
"It's not THAT dark…" DM mumbled as he glared up at the lightening bug prison above. "All right, now what?" He shouted into the dark, illuminated only by the red glow of the lightening bugs overhead.
"I will ask you to step out of the car, and into the light. A hole will open in the bars. Be a good guest and step through, or else my contraptions will fry you where you stand…"
"Very melodramatic, isn't he chief?" Penfold whispered to Danger Mouse.
"Come on Penfold, chin up," DM said, leaping out of the car and standing near Penfold, who dropped clumsily to the ground. There came a clanging sound as a bright spotlight flicked on, just outside the cage, and a small door swung open on its own accord.
"Is it just me chief, or does this… fellow seem a TOUCH creepier then Greenback?" asked Penfold, rushing after DM as he stepped into the spotlight.
"Keep up with the light, and you'll be safe. If you don't, you'll be the target practice for my pets," Cam Elion's voice boomed around them.
"You don't frighten US, you Yank!" DM shouted defiantly. "You'll have to do better then THIS to get the drop on us… when I find you…"
"Temper, temper. I can see you've not lost your touch for snappy hero patter since we last met…" the voice laughed as Dangermouse strode confidently in the circle of light. Penfold whimpered and kept close behind DM. For a moment DM held his hand out, only to almost be singed by a red laser from the cluster of lights buzzing around them.
"That's not a way out," DM mumbled.
"What do we do?"
"Play his game, for now," DM whispered to Penfold. "Keep close… this might be a bit sticky…"
Penfold moved closer as DM walked, and he saw his chief slowly reaching for the badge on his chest. He turned his head, and masked his voice with his hand as he said, "When I tell you to drop, drop, and when I tell you to run, you run, got it?"
"Right chief," Penfold whispered. They continued along for a ways, till they went through a few circular doors. When at last they reached a few steps leading up, and several passages leading off, DM glanced up to see the light that had been directing them was on some sort of a track system. The fireflies were keeping exact pace, and he nodded to himself that his assumption had been right.
"Penfold, drop!" he shouted, holding up his badge as he stopped. The laserbeams sizzled past them, and DM held up his badge to deflect the beams upward. All the beams skittered as they hit his badge and radiated up into the ceiling, causing a blinding crimson flash. Penfold clamped his hands over his eyes and huddled behind Dangermouse.
"RUN!" DM shouted, grabbing his assistant's hand and they raced up the stairs as quick as they could. They stopped finally, panting as their chests heaved up and down, the sound of distant laser and explosions resounding downstairs.
"Cor chief, that was amazing," Penfold said appreciatively. "Thank goodness your badge…"
"Has a reflective surface in the reverse," DM nodded, and then tossed it from one hand to the other, realizing it was still hot as he dropped it. "Ohh blast, it's hot…"
"Allow me, Chief," Penfold said, reaching for his pocket-handkerchief and picking up the smoking badge in it as DM held his stinging hand. "You all right DM?"
"Ohhh, apart from a rather nasty burn, I'll be all right… good grief that's hot!"
"Um, DM I don't know if it will help, but I did save a few of those packages of lemon and butter in me suit the last time we ate at the fish and chips shop… there was no room for 'em in the glove compartment…"
"I'm not going to ask WHAT on earth you did that for," DM gasped as he held his hand and Penfold opened the packages and rubbed the butter on DM's burn. "But I'm strangely glad. Now let's find M6 and get OUT of here!"
"Right…" Penfold said. "After you chief… and oh… em… this is yours…"
"Thank you, Penfold," DM sighed as the burning started to subside and Penfold reached up to pin the badge on his chest.
"Cor that's a nasty burn, let me," Penfold said, and wrapped his handkerchief around DM's hand in a makeshift bandage. Sighing Dm patted his friend on the head and led him on. Sometimes he had to admit that Penfold wasn't as useless as everyone thought.
***
"You have heard my masterpiece," said Wulfgang as he played the small electric organ in the cell that held Lori. He had seemed to swallow the bit of fiction that she was her cousin, but had not loosened the gag from around her mouth. She continued to glare as he played his eclectic melody, which grated in her ears worse then, anything she had previously heard. M6 hoped that someone would come soon and distract the villains so she could make her move. Yet there seemed little chance of that, and her head was splitting, so she decided not to wait any longer.
Slowly she snaked her telescopic tail around and slid the tip into the lock on the handcuffs. With a small click they popped open, and Wulfgang continued to sing deeply, in his thick German voice. Lori did have to admit he had a good voice, and his style might be better suited on a punk or neo metal stage.
As he continued to play, he didn't notice as she let the cuffs drop, and reached up to take the gag off her mouth. She quickly aimed a blow at the back of his neck, and as Wolfgang turned around, he saw her in shock. The last thing he saw were stars brighter then the ones he wished were on his dressing room door, and he crumpled at Lori's blow. She grabbed the cuffs and clicked them around his ankles and wrists, nodding to herself in satisfaction. The poor fool.
"Now, let's get out of here," she said to herself and rushed out the door. She was glad her skirt was short, for running in a long ball gown would have been a royal pain. When she darted out into Cam Elion's control room, she saw that Nevermore was rushing inside. She ducked behind the computer terminal and waited as Nevermore made her report.
"You let them get away?" he shouted.
"I didn't know he'd figure a way to stop your firebugs!" she snapped.
"Then get OUT there and FIND them!" he snapped. "Or I'm cutting your cable privileges! No more Jackie CHAN!"
"Sir, you're so cruel," she sighed as she grabbed her weapons and rushed out of the room, leaving Cam Elion there to brood. He turned around as he saw a shadow out of the corner of one of his independently rotating eyes.
"Who's there…" he snapped. Suddenly he disappeared from view, blurring, as he became totally invisible.
Lori gasped, and hid, her ears trying to pick up the minute vibrations of his heart and breathing as he moved about the room, only a shimmer. AS he continued to move, she heard his heartbeat and footsteps coming closer, and then dodge out from behind the terminal as she felt his hot breath near her ear.
"Curse you, how did you get away from...never mind… apparently you're far more resourceful then I thought, Miss L'Amour…" he said. "But you can't fight what you can't see… and I don't think YOU are capable of…"
"Guess again, idiot!" she said in a French accented voice as she cartwheeled out of the way as a laser beam shot out of nowhere. She saw one of the buttons on the control panel she had ducked away from had been depressed, and guessed Cam Elion was there. Quickly she cartwheeled and sent her feet crashing into mid air, and heard the meaty thump as her feet made contact and Cam Elion groaned as he crumpled to the floor. Still not completely out for the count, as Lori stood over him, he swept out his tail and tripped her, and Lori rolled out of the way as another laser zinged past her.
"You can't escape from me, you diva," he snarled, reaching at his hip as he again vanished. Though his head ached, he blended in the best he could and vanished once more from her sight. Lori still heard him nearby, the floor vibrating under her feet. She glanced left and right, struggling to hear from what angle he was approaching. Guessing he was toying with her, Lori again flipped and landed by the control panel of the large hypnotron. She guessed that it was perhaps the device, for she saw the large W over the control panel shaped like an organ console. Hastily she started glancing over to try and see if she could somehow disable it.
"GOT you!" said Cam Elion as a switch clicked down, and large metal clamps came out of the console, clamping down on her wrists. A dragging thump made him become visible, as Lori struggled to free herself.
Inching along like a caterpillar, Wolfang dragged himself into the room, complaining, "She escaped, the minx escaped…"
"You idiot," said Cam Elion. "She's right here, and she's not going ANYWHERE…"
"You… you fiend!" she cried, almost forgetting to use a French accent. Cam Elion released Wolfgang and dragging him to his feet.
"Hurry up and get her to sing, you klutz," he said. "While I fire up the hypnotron's power source…"
"Stop right there you villain," said Danger Mouse as he burst into the room, Penfold in tow.
"Oh terrific," Wolfgang mumbled as he sat behind the console. "I thought you'd said your ninja henchbird would take care of Danger Mouse…"
"Release her at once ore…" Danger mouse shouted, rushing up to Wolfgang, with Penfold rushing behind him.
"I don't think you realize whom you're dealing with," said Cam Elion as Danger Mouse glanced around futilely.
"You villain, show yourself, I know you're here!" said Dangermouse. "It's going to take more then your parlor tricks to stop me…"
"Oh really?" Wulfgang asked as he suddenly played a dissonant chord on the accordion to his left. DM and Penfold clamped their hands over their ears as a stream of loud sound shot through. Lori gritted her teeth as DM and Penfold moaned. Cam Elion suddenly came out of hiding, and fired a small object at them. From the roof, Nadine Nevermore dropped, throwing a net over DM and Penfold, snaring them.
"Godo work Wolfie," said Cam Elion as the noise faded, and both hero and his assistant groaned, struggling in the net. Nadine wrapped the net up tightly, and then turned to bow at her boss.
"And you said I was an amateur," he laughed.
"If you don't help us, Miss Lamour, Danger Mouse will suffer the full weight of my new composition… so now you have incentive…"
"Monster," she said angrily, realizing to let them know her true identity would put Danger Mouse and Penfold in danger. Especially when Nadine and Cam Elion were hanging the net with DM and Penfold onto a hook on the ceiling, and slowly punching buttons on the console. In the floor opened a trap door and a hot source of fire began to slowly come to life, flames licking higher and higher.
"Full size sterno," said Cam Elion. "Perfect for basting super heroes…"
"Don't do it!" DM cried. "You can't sacrifice the world for us!"
"Choice is simple, Miss L'Amour," said Wolfgang. "Either sing my song as I have played it, or else Danger Mouse and Penfold are roasted…"
Lori sighed as she looked down at the music. If they found out she really couldn't sing in they way they expected, it could be trouble. And yet, she hoped Danger Mouse had some sort of plan. Taking a deep breath she slowly nodded. "Very well, start playing," she said slowly.
"Oh no," DM gasped.
"Trust me, non?' she called to him. "The composer, he needs an introduction non? Or shall I reveal to him the true nature of my abilities…"
"But she isn't," Penfold started before DM silenced him.
"Penfold shush," he whispered. "You can't let him get away with this… not when the free world is at stake!"
"I will do it," she whispered. "Begin please…"
"Very well," Wolfgang laughed as he began to play, and Cam Elion and Nadine Nevermore looked on, slowly keeping their hands on the controls of their panels should Dangermouse try to escape. A loud organ solo rumbled through the complex, vibrating it under their feet, as Wolfgang threw back his head and began to play the piece that he had played before. Lori took a deep breath, hoping she could stall them long enough before DM figured out how to get out of his current predicament, or if she could think of something fast. Her eyes wandered all over the organ console, taking it in as the clamps held her arms fast, and her tail slowly telescoped out and probed everywhere.
"Penfold, do you still have some cotton wool you use to put in your ears when I snore at night?" DM asked him.
"Cor yes," Penfold said, pulling it out and passing it secretly to Dangermouse. He stuffed it in his ears, twisting his body so they couldn't see what he and Penfold were doing.
"Eh boss, I'm getting something on the radar, approaching fast," Nadine said as the prelude continued. Both had put in special earplugs to blot out the sound.
"WHAT?" he asked. Grabbing his sleeve she pointed at the bleeping light on the emergency detector.
"Deal with it," he typed on his monitor. Nadine bowed and rushed off to figure out who their new visitors were. DM noticed the bleeping light, and glanced down at Penfold. Was it possible that Agent 57 and Bagel were coming to the rescue? He had forgotten that they might tip the scales in favor of their rescue. But if Lori began to sing before they arrived, would they be free of the range of the hypnotron? At the very least it might distract them long enough for him to figure a way out of the net that imprisoned them.