Remus Lupin awoke the next morning to two loud, terrified screams.
In traditional Remus fashion, he opened one eye, squinting. He blinked.
Opening the other eye, sitting up and rubbing the sleep away, he blinked again.
His first thought was - Bloody HELL. WHAT HAPPENED HERE??
His second was more logical. He must be dreaming. That had to be. That was the only explanation for why James and Sirius were both covered in whip cream, screaming at the top of their lungs, and bald, standing together underneath a flashing banner that said, LOVE ALWAYS, THE MUDBLOODs.
Only explanation.
"James," Remus said calmly. "Get out of my dream."
But James just screamed louder, finally pausing in his ear wrenching yells to say quickly,"Remus, this is not a dream! All is not how it seems!"
Remus blinked again.
"Fine." He said calmly. "Sirius, get out of my dream."
Sirius's eyes went wide, his hands on his head. Remus chuckled at the ridiculous site, but again James repeated, "Remus, this is not a dream! All is not how it seems!"
"James, why are you rhyming? You hate rhymes!"
"Hate and yet I cannot stop, those Gryffindor girls we have to chop!"
Remus furrowed his brow. "What?"
Frank, from his bed across the room, opened one eye. "I've had enough," he growled. "Potter, Black, get back into bed or I'll hex you into oblivion."
"Bed? Bed? Who can sleep? Now is only the time to weep!"
"James!" Remus bellowed. "STOP RHYMING!"
"I am not trying, please, I'm not lying!"
Exasperated, Remus turned to Sirius. "Sirius, what is going on?"
Frank shoved his head under a pillow and Peter asked sleepily, "What time is it?"
"A stitch in time saves nine!" Quipped James, then slapped his hands over his mouth, looking horrified.
"Sirius, *what* is going on?" Remus demanded again, swinging his legs over his bed.
"Remus, usted tiene que ayudarnos! ¡Las muchachas hicieron esto a nosotros!"
Frank, Remus, and Peter stared at him.
"Wanna try that in English, Black?"
"Estoy intentando hablar en inglés!!"
Frank and Remus stared at each other.
"What," Remus breathed, "in the name of Merlin, happened to you?"
James shook his head, his eyes wide. "Remus, my friend, I do not know! I awoke this morning with a beard as white as snow!"
Peter stared at the banner flashing over Sirius and James's heads.
"And you woke up talking in rhyme?" Frank asked groggily. "And you in Spanish?"
"Si! Si!"
"Who," Peter asked slowly, "are the Mudbloods?"
James and Sirius looked at each other, and then up at the banner. At once, they both screamed.
"Oh, bloody hell," Remus said wearily. "The girls. The girls did this. They had to -- they're the only ones who have a motive and know our password."
James face, behind his beard, contorted in anger. "They will pay dearly for their jokes, pranking us to look like dopes!"
Remus hid his grin. "You have to admit," Peter said smirking, "they did a good job."
Sirius let out a fresh stream of words that, though they didn't know they language, caused Frank, Peter and Remus to burst into laughter.
"Right then," Remus said, wiping his eyes. "Why don't you go wash the whip cream off your faces and -- hold on a minute...where's your hair?"
Sirius's face grew deathly pale. "¿Es donde está siempre?"
"Remus, you must not have slept, our hair is where it is always kept!"
Peter shook his head slowly, and a grin was spreading across Frank's face. "Have you seen a mirror yet?"
James and Sirius both shook their heads.
"I suggest you go take a look..." Peter said, trailing off with a grin.
Two screams echoed throughout the Gryffindor tower.
"My hair! No fair! My hair, Oh my hair! They who did this shall surely pay, and forever more regret this day!"
Sirius just continued to wail.
Remus dragged his robes over his head and chuckled, but held out his wand. "Come here, you two idiots. I have a feeling I know what happened to your hair...if yo two can still feel it, since you both thought it was still there...then it's more then likely it *is* still there. We just can't see it."
"¿Puede usted fijarlo?" Sirius asked worriedly. Remus ignored him since he had no idea what he said.
"Can it be fixed? Use some of your tricks!"
"If it is what I think it is," Remus said grinning, "I can fix it. Come here."
"It's your fault we're in this mess, if you go first it would be best," James said, shoving Sirius forward.
"¡Espera! ¡Espera! ¿Qué usted va a hacer?!" Sirius screamed, but Remus ignored him, muttering under his breath as he lightly tapped Sirius's head. His hair slowly faded back into place.
Remus grinned. "Simple disillusionment charm," he explained to the gaping Frank, Peter and James. "They didn't remove the hair, just made it so we saw their scalp instead. Clever."
Frank whistled softly through his teeth. "Impressive."
"Lily probably did it," Remus reasoned. "She's the only one whose read enough to know about it."
"Figures the culprit was she," James growled. "She'll never again cross me."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Right, right. Come here; you're next."
Soon, James's untidy hair again appeared on his head. Remus grinned. "Okay, now go wash the whip cream off so we can go down for breakfast; everyone else is dressed."
"It's still there?" James asked, startled. "How do they dare!" he added lamely, but his brow was still furrowed.
"Lo lavamos apagado antes, cuando fuimos a comprobar nuestro pelo." Sirius said, confused. Remus rolled his eyes. "NO HABLA ESPANOL!" he shouted slowly at Sirius. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING!"
Frank laughed. "I think they washed it off before...it grew back?"
"How could whip cream grow back?" Peter asked confused. "It is whip cream, isn't it?"
Frank leaned over and swiped his finger through Sirius's beard, sticking it in his mouth and grinning. "Yep," he assured them. "It's whip cream."
Remus frowned. "Are you sure you got all of it before?"
James nodded, unable to think of a good rhyme and Sirius scowled furiously.
"I don't think they would have missed that much of it, Lupin," Peter said logically, gesturing at the pair whose faces were still covered in whip cream. "It's *all* still there!"
Remus shook his head. "I don't understand." A look of dawning comprehension passed over his face. "Unless...maybe they used a permanent sticking charm?"
Sirius's face grew very, very alarmed. Several paintings in his house had permanent sticking charms and no matter how hard he tried to yank them out the window, they never moved.
James looked equally terrified. There was no counter curse for permanent sticking charms.
Frank shook his head after a moment. "Nah." He said. "Even if they really hate them, they wouldn't do *that*. That's just mean."
Remus nodded, but shrugged. "I don't know how to get it off you guys; sorry."
James' eyes widened, horrified. "Remus, you know all! There's no problem you can't solve, big or small!"
Remus chuckled. "I'm sorry! But I can't think of anything that would separate the whip cream from your faces without removing your nose and eyelashes as well,..."
Peter looked up, an excited look on his face. "I think I know a spell!"
Remus and Frank raised their eyebrows. "You, Pete?"
"Yea!" Peter said, nodding. "I know a spell that parts and separates things..oh, just let me try!"
James looked at Sirius. Sirius looked at James. "Usted primero." Sirius said firmly, and Remus cracked a grin. "I think he said, 'you first.'"
James scowled. "I know what he said, my brains not all dead."
"Only parts of it." Frank interjected, but his grin died as James turned his glare on him.
"Trust me!" Peter half squealed. "I know what I'm doing!"
"Fine, fine, I don't have a choice, unless I want to walk around with a face all moist."
Remus scrunched up his face. "Not one of your best rhymes, Potter."
If looks could kill, Remus would be dead a hundred times over, but he just grinned. "Well, go ahead Pete." He prompted.
Grinning, Peter held up his wand. "Dissendium!" he squeaked, tapping James's noise rather roughly.
The whipcream floated away from James's face, levitated in the air for a moment, and then with a plop, landed in a messy heap on the floor by James's feet.
"Hurray!" James exclaimed, rubbing his hand over his jaw, grinning. "Pete saved the day!"
Peter grinned broadly, and Sirius stepped forward eagerly. "¡Ahora yo! ¡Ahora yo!"
Pete glanced at Remus. "What'd he say?"
Remus smirked. "I think it's his turn."
"Right then. Dissendium!"
Sirius grinned as his whip cream joined the melted pile on the floor. "Gracias, Pete! Usted es un ahorrador de vida!"
"Er...what?"
"Gracias!"
"Oh! You're welcome!" Peter grinned broadly, and Frank laughed. "Right then, time for breakfast now?"
With a flick of his wand, the flashing banner above their heads folded into a neat pile in the corner, and the melting whip cream floated into the sink. "Are we ready to go?"
James shook his head firmly. "I cannot see people this way! Slytherins will have a field day!"
"Field day?" Frank asked, his brow furrowed. James shrugged. "The witches who cast this spell on me are Muggle-born," he explained, then suddenly slapped himself viciously across the face. "What was that?" Peter asked bewildered. Remus chuckled loudly. "I thinks it's because he couldn't think up a second line for his rhyme."
"Remus! Usted rimó otra vez!" Sirius exclaimed happily. The four boys looked at each other. "Er, what?"
Sirius sighed. "Nunca mente." He said sadly.
"Anyway," Remus said loudly. "I'm hungry! Let's go get food."
"No! Didn't you hear? I'll be the laughingstock of the year!" James insisted.
"Oh, James shove it. Just don't talk to anyone." Frank said, talking above his growling stomach.
"Yea," Peter agreed. "Come on."
James pouted and Sirius made vehement exclamations, but eventually, they gave in. The five Gryffindor boys moved to sit down at the Great Hall, but Frank dispersed eventually and went to sit with the Hufflepuffs.
Ten minutes later, Lily and her crew floated into the hall. Smiling evilly as they passed the boys on their way down to the far end of the table, Lily called out sweetly, "Have a pleasant morning, Sirius?"
Sirius just glared.
"Oh, James...what a thunderous expression. Get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Laurel called over her shoulder, batting her eyelashes.
James gave her a particularly nasty hand motion, but she just burst into giggles. "What's the matter boys, cat got your tongue?"
Sirius actually growled and muttered softly to himself, but Remus frowned. "Alright girls, you've had your fun and proved your point. Now unhex them."
"Or what, Remus?" Cleo replied boldly. She made her voice purposefully loud as she continued. "You'll tell on us? We'll simply explain to McGongall that Black and Potter called all of Gryffindor Mudbloods and Muggle- lovers!"
A hush settled on the Gryffindor table, starting with the 7th years, who looked ultimately disgusted, working its way down to the smallest 2nd year. All glared at the two first year boys known as Potter and Black. Peter slunk down in his seat and scooted away from Sirius, who glared at him.
"They never said that," Lupin said evenly. "It was just a misunderstanding. If you unhex them, they can explain it themselves."
James's face was bright red and he stared determinedly down into his porridge. Sirius was staring ahead stonily.
"Why don't they asked their Slytherin friends do help them?" Lily called, through a mouthful of porridge. "They'll help."
Remus scowled. "Grow up, girls. It was just a misunderstanding."
Lily's eyes narrowed. "That's all it was to you, Remus Lupin. But you don't understand what it's like for people to hold something against you that's completely out of your control."
Remus chuckle ironically, shaking his head and opened his mouth to reply when someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder. His sister.
"Vee," he said gratefully, smiling at her. "What's up?"
She smiled softly at him. "I could ask you the same question." She shot a pointed look at James and Sirius, both with bright red faces and stony glares. "What's this I'm hearing about James and Sirius hating muggle- borns?"
Remus paled slightly. "It's gotten round the school that fast, has it?"
She shook her head a little. "My best friend, Hestia is a Gryffindor prefect. I went to ask her what time we were meeting tonight to study and she launched into a tirade against Gryffindor first years who think they know everything. She mentioned them."
Remus nodded quietly. "It was just a misunderstanding. But now their hexed and can't explain themselves."
She raised a brow. "Are you sure it was just a misunderstand, Rem? Both come from pureblood families. If it is true, I'm not sure these are the types of kids you should be friends with, Remmy. If they have that against Muggle-born," she lowered her voice slightly, "imagine they're reactions when they learn what you are."
Remus's color faded away. "They're not like that, Vee. I promise," he insisted in a whisper, hoping against hope that it was true.
She nodded, looking relieved. "If you say so, sweetie. I'm just looking out for you."
"I know."
"Anyway, can you help them? Maybe you know the countercurse."
Vee frowned. "Well, what's wrong with them?"
"James!" Remus called, and the disgruntled boy looked up. "Say something." Remus urged. "Show Vee."
James shook his head adamantly.
"Just do it."
James sighed. "It's not my fault I am cursed, there is nothing that could happen to make this day worse."
Vee arched a brow. "Come again?"
James answered resignedly. "I am fortune's fool, I would much prefer a wizard's duel."
Venus turned to Remus. "He speaks in rhyme?"
Remus nodded. "Yep. But at least with him, most of the time we can figure out what he's trying to say. But Sirius over here.."
Sirius smiled sunnily at her and she gave him a small smile in return.
"Say something, Black."
"Voy a cerciorarme de cada de los dados de las muchachas de Gryffindor una muerte muy dolorosa antes de la edad de doce."
Venus laughed and Sirius's face fell, but she shook her head. "No," she said smiling. "I can speak Spanish. So it was the Gryffindor girl's who did this to you? Well, they're only first years. They're prolly not that advanced. I'd say it was a simple case of a translation charm. Am I right that you still think in English?" she asked Sirius, who nodded, smiling.
She nodded then, and whipped out her wand, muttering a few words. Sparks fell out and landed on Sirius's lips, and she nodded. "Go ahead. Try it now."
"I'M FREE!"
The shout echoed throughout the Great Hall, causing the Gryffindor girls to look over with a scowls, shooting particularly nasty looks at Venus. The other Gryffindor students looked over scowling, and hisses and whisperes were directed at Sirius as he stood up, beaming, but he took no notice.
Sirius leapt over a chair to come to kneel at Venus's feet. "I am not worthy," he praised feverently. "I am not worthy!"
She laughed, but ignored him. Sirius looked disgrunted as he took his seat once more.
"Thanks Vee," Remus said gratefully. "But what about James?"
"Oh, Merlin," Vee said, glancing at her watch. "Is that the time? I'm late for Charms! See you Remus!"
"NO!" James bellowed, then immediately smacked himself. Lily sniggered.
"COME BACK! ALACK! ALACK!"
"Alack?" Sirius asked with a raise brow. James shrugged. "It was the best I could do, my rhymes to choose from are now few."
"Well, come on then," Peter said reluctantly, shoving a last bite of his cheese omelet in his mouth. "We're late for Lovegood's class."
"How can I say spells with my speech so impaired?" James moaned, grabbing his books. "Oh, woe is me! Life is so unfair!"
Sirius frowned. "Not your best one yet, Jimmy."
"Don't even think of speaking to me, Black, or I won't be the only one screaming 'Alack'." James replied furiously. Sirius raised his hands innocently. "What did I do?"
"It's your fault I'm in the mess!" James exclaimed before adding quickly, "I'm liking this day less and less!"
Lily and her friends laughed hysterically as they walked by, but Sirius reached out and grabbed Lily's arm. "What did you do to him?" he asked fiercely. "Take it off, now, he won't be able to say his spells!"
She tore her arm out of his grasp. "Oh, shove it Black," she replied scornfully. Cleo added furiously, "It's your own fault. How dare you call us such horrible things!"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I told you. I *never* said that. Why would I call you a mudblood? You *used* to be one of my closest friends." He fired at them. "I was talking about the way my family sees Gryffindor, everyone in Gryffindor, including myself!"
Lily pushed him aside. "Please, Black, save us your sorry excuses."
"You don't believe me?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Wait until tomorrow's mail, just see the Howler I get when they finally learn I'm in Gryffindor."
"Your parents don't know your in Gryffindor?" Laurel asked suspiciously. "Because you're ashamed!" Jessica accused.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Women," he muttered disgustedly. "There is no reasoning with them. It's my business what my family knows and doesn't know, but no! They didn't know because I didn't want to hear how I let them down by not going into Slytherin! Happy?"
Grabbing James and Remus, he pushed the forward and they stormed away, leaving Peter trailing after them and a group of 5 girls desperately confused.
"Let them down?" Lily echoed.
"By not getting into Slytherin?" Em repeated confused.
"What kind of family does he *have*?" Laurel asked slowly.
"Not a very good one, I expect. You know he's related to Naricissa, that Slytherin? They're cousins." Cleo told them hesitantly.
"You think he's telling the truth then?" Jessica asked worriedly, clutching her books to her chest.
Lily frowned. "For once in my life, I hope he's lying," she said finally. "Otherwise, we really are pricks."
There was a murmur of agreement, and with a sigh, the girls headed into class.
----------------
"Okay people!" Professor Lovegood exclaimed happily when all of the class had been seated. "Now, today we are going to start our studies of the useful little spell. Take our your quills and write this down, then repeat after me. Ready? Expelliarmus!"
"Expelliarmus!" The class repeated dully. "Very good!" She beamed at them. "Now, take this down. The incantation, 'Expelliarmus' is derived from the Latin words. Does anyone know which two?"
"Yes, Mr. Lupin?"
"Expelo, to drive out, and armus, weapon." Remus replied promptly. She beamed. "Excellent! 5 points to Gryffindor."
"Now, does anyone know what 'Expelliarmus' *does*?"
"Yes, you, Miss Evans?"
"It's a disarming charm, miss." Lily replied quietly. "It causes your opponent's weapon to fly out of their hands."
"Very good! Another 5 to Gryffindor. Now, if you could be so kind as to divide into pairs and quickly practice the spell, I'll go around the room and make sure you're doing it correct--yes, Mr. Black?" She paused as Sirius' hand shot up into the air.
"Sorry, Professor. But James has lost his voice and can't say the spell properly."
"Is that right?" Professor Lovegood asked, her brow furrowed. "I could have sworn I heard him talking as I left the Great Hall this morning. Screaming, in fact. Something about 'Alack?' "
Sirius shrugged. "Must have been someone else then."
"Alright, Mr. Potter, I suppose you'll have to sit this one out then...Are you sure you can't even manage to whisper the spell? It's terribly important and dead useful, and this is the only day we'll be covering it."
"I'll make sure he learns it, Professor," Lupin spoke up, at the same time, James shook his head and said in a whisper, "Professor, I guess I can try." To himself, more quietly he finished, "though by the end I may need to cry."
Remus shot him a puzzled look, but James was determined. "Alright then, people! Pair up!" Professor Lovegood announced.
Sirius and Peter headed off to a corner, leaving Remus and James together because, after all, Remus was top in the class and could help James, who was doubtful he would be able to manage saying the incantation.
"Ready, then? Alright, make sure your aim is straight folks! We don't want any accidents!"
"Me first?" Remus asked James, who nodded tersely.
"Right then...EXPELLIARMUS!"
At once, James's wand flew out of his hand. Remus caught it grinning and tossed it back to James, who was smiling slightly. "Nice one," James applauded then immediately smacked himself roughly across the face.
"Mr. Potter!" Professor Lovegood exclaimed, startled. "What are you doing?"
Half the class looked over as James mumbled, "Nothing, Professor, Sorry.." and proceeded to slap himself again, this time leaving a bright red mark.
"James, are you feeling alright?" She asked worriedly, reaching for his head to check his temperature. He flinched and moved away. "I'm fine," he said clearly, then added under his breath, "You swine."
"Mr. Potter, I heard that!" she exclaimed, outraged. "Now, I don't know what is going on with you today, between losing your voice and not losing it, slapping yourself at odd intervals and now, insulting teachers! I'll have no more of it, James Potter and that is a warning! 5 points from Gryffindor!"
"But Professor, it's not my fault!" he begged helplessly, as once more he raised his hand and slapped himself. A bruise was beginning to form under his eye as his friends looked on helplessly.
"MR.POTTER! 10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
James was completely tense. His face was bright red, save for the black and blue under his eye and his fists were clenched. Sirius called from the other side of the room, "Please, Professor! It's not his fault!"
"Then whose fault is it, Mr. Black?" she asked whirling around.
Lily's eyes fastened on Sirius. Already they were heavy with guilt, but now with dread. What they had done had been completely out of line, and now it was interfering with James's studying. They would probably be sent to the Headmaster.
"It's mine," Sirius said firmly. "I accidentally hexed him this morning and I'm still looking for the countercurse."
James rolled his eyes and Lily had the faintest idea that, had the roles been reversed, James would not have taken the action Sirius did.
"Is this true, James?"
Lily dropped her head into her hands, and Cleo slumped in her seat. Well, it was all over now.
"Yes, Professor." James said quietly, then slapped himself viciously.
Lily looked up shakily. Cleo and Em locked widened eyes, and Laurel stared at her feet.
"Well, what curse did you use?" Professor Lovegood asked turning to Sirius once more, slightly hysterical yet oddly mollified now that she knew James wasn't going to be needing a trip to St. Mungo's soon.
"I don't know, Professor."
"You silly boy, how could you not know? 5 points from Gryffindor, you should not be hexing anyone! And Mr. Potter, another point from Gryffindor for every slap I hear this class!"
James just nodded.
Professor Lovegood turned back to the class. "Alright everyone, back to work!"
"Ready to try again?" Remus asked James quietly, who just nodded. Taking a deep breath, he yelled, "EXPELLIARMUS!"
Remus's wand flew out of his swiftly, but James couldn't catch it because he was too busy slapping his head sideways.
It fell to his feet, James breathing heavily, fury pulsing through his body.
By the end of the class, 30 points had been lost from Gryffindor and James was sporting a decidedly nasty black eye. Lily and her friends left the classroom in a quiet huddle, but they caught up with the boys outside the History of Magic classroom.
"James!" Lily called impatiently. "James!"
"What is it Slytherin Eyes?" he snapped furiously, glaring at her. The effect was kind of lost, however, as he muttered to himself, "There is no one more that i despise."
"RETEXO!" she muttered, pointing her wand at his mouth, frowning grimly.
With a short look of pure fury, he turned away. "Thanks," he spat. He waited. No slap came.
Sirius grinned and slung his arm around his friends shoulder. "Finally, Jimmy, you're back to normal."
"Yeah," James agreed as they slunk into Binn's classroom. "Just in time to start planning my revenge."
The girls paled.
------------- Author's Note: Yes, what Sirius is saying is real spanish, or at least my translator assures me it is, lol. I didn't orignally put the translations up because I figured if the rest of the guys, Lupin, Potter, Pettigrew and Longbottom, didn't know what Sirius was saying and got along fine, you would too. But if you'd like the translations, here they are...(they're pretty basic, actually)
Oringal: "Remus, usted tiene que ayudarnos! ¡Las muchachas hicieron esto a nosotros!"
Translation:"Remus, you must help us! The girls did this to us!"
Oringal: "Estoy intentando hablar en inglés!!"
Translation:"I am trying to speak in English!"
Oringal: "¿Es donde está siempre?"
Translation:"It is where it always is?"
Oringal:"¿Puede usted fijarlo?"
Translation:Can if be fixed?
Oringal: "¡Espera! ¡Espera! ¿Qué usted va a hacer?!
Translation: Wait! Wait! What are you doing to do?!
Oringal:"Remus! Usted rimó otra vez!"
Translation:Remus! You made another rhyme!
Oringal:"Lo lavamos apagado antes, cuando fuimos a comprobar nuestro pelo
Translation:We washed it off before, when we went to check our hair?
Oringal:"Voy a cerciorarme de cada de los dados de las muchachas de Gryffindor una muerte muy dolorosa antes de la edad de doce."
Translation:"I am going to make sure each of the Gryffindor girls dies a very painful death before the age of tweleve."
I think that's about everything that you couldn't figure out by yourself, lol. Hope that helps.
In traditional Remus fashion, he opened one eye, squinting. He blinked.
Opening the other eye, sitting up and rubbing the sleep away, he blinked again.
His first thought was - Bloody HELL. WHAT HAPPENED HERE??
His second was more logical. He must be dreaming. That had to be. That was the only explanation for why James and Sirius were both covered in whip cream, screaming at the top of their lungs, and bald, standing together underneath a flashing banner that said, LOVE ALWAYS, THE MUDBLOODs.
Only explanation.
"James," Remus said calmly. "Get out of my dream."
But James just screamed louder, finally pausing in his ear wrenching yells to say quickly,"Remus, this is not a dream! All is not how it seems!"
Remus blinked again.
"Fine." He said calmly. "Sirius, get out of my dream."
Sirius's eyes went wide, his hands on his head. Remus chuckled at the ridiculous site, but again James repeated, "Remus, this is not a dream! All is not how it seems!"
"James, why are you rhyming? You hate rhymes!"
"Hate and yet I cannot stop, those Gryffindor girls we have to chop!"
Remus furrowed his brow. "What?"
Frank, from his bed across the room, opened one eye. "I've had enough," he growled. "Potter, Black, get back into bed or I'll hex you into oblivion."
"Bed? Bed? Who can sleep? Now is only the time to weep!"
"James!" Remus bellowed. "STOP RHYMING!"
"I am not trying, please, I'm not lying!"
Exasperated, Remus turned to Sirius. "Sirius, what is going on?"
Frank shoved his head under a pillow and Peter asked sleepily, "What time is it?"
"A stitch in time saves nine!" Quipped James, then slapped his hands over his mouth, looking horrified.
"Sirius, *what* is going on?" Remus demanded again, swinging his legs over his bed.
"Remus, usted tiene que ayudarnos! ¡Las muchachas hicieron esto a nosotros!"
Frank, Remus, and Peter stared at him.
"Wanna try that in English, Black?"
"Estoy intentando hablar en inglés!!"
Frank and Remus stared at each other.
"What," Remus breathed, "in the name of Merlin, happened to you?"
James shook his head, his eyes wide. "Remus, my friend, I do not know! I awoke this morning with a beard as white as snow!"
Peter stared at the banner flashing over Sirius and James's heads.
"And you woke up talking in rhyme?" Frank asked groggily. "And you in Spanish?"
"Si! Si!"
"Who," Peter asked slowly, "are the Mudbloods?"
James and Sirius looked at each other, and then up at the banner. At once, they both screamed.
"Oh, bloody hell," Remus said wearily. "The girls. The girls did this. They had to -- they're the only ones who have a motive and know our password."
James face, behind his beard, contorted in anger. "They will pay dearly for their jokes, pranking us to look like dopes!"
Remus hid his grin. "You have to admit," Peter said smirking, "they did a good job."
Sirius let out a fresh stream of words that, though they didn't know they language, caused Frank, Peter and Remus to burst into laughter.
"Right then," Remus said, wiping his eyes. "Why don't you go wash the whip cream off your faces and -- hold on a minute...where's your hair?"
Sirius's face grew deathly pale. "¿Es donde está siempre?"
"Remus, you must not have slept, our hair is where it is always kept!"
Peter shook his head slowly, and a grin was spreading across Frank's face. "Have you seen a mirror yet?"
James and Sirius both shook their heads.
"I suggest you go take a look..." Peter said, trailing off with a grin.
Two screams echoed throughout the Gryffindor tower.
"My hair! No fair! My hair, Oh my hair! They who did this shall surely pay, and forever more regret this day!"
Sirius just continued to wail.
Remus dragged his robes over his head and chuckled, but held out his wand. "Come here, you two idiots. I have a feeling I know what happened to your hair...if yo two can still feel it, since you both thought it was still there...then it's more then likely it *is* still there. We just can't see it."
"¿Puede usted fijarlo?" Sirius asked worriedly. Remus ignored him since he had no idea what he said.
"Can it be fixed? Use some of your tricks!"
"If it is what I think it is," Remus said grinning, "I can fix it. Come here."
"It's your fault we're in this mess, if you go first it would be best," James said, shoving Sirius forward.
"¡Espera! ¡Espera! ¿Qué usted va a hacer?!" Sirius screamed, but Remus ignored him, muttering under his breath as he lightly tapped Sirius's head. His hair slowly faded back into place.
Remus grinned. "Simple disillusionment charm," he explained to the gaping Frank, Peter and James. "They didn't remove the hair, just made it so we saw their scalp instead. Clever."
Frank whistled softly through his teeth. "Impressive."
"Lily probably did it," Remus reasoned. "She's the only one whose read enough to know about it."
"Figures the culprit was she," James growled. "She'll never again cross me."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Right, right. Come here; you're next."
Soon, James's untidy hair again appeared on his head. Remus grinned. "Okay, now go wash the whip cream off so we can go down for breakfast; everyone else is dressed."
"It's still there?" James asked, startled. "How do they dare!" he added lamely, but his brow was still furrowed.
"Lo lavamos apagado antes, cuando fuimos a comprobar nuestro pelo." Sirius said, confused. Remus rolled his eyes. "NO HABLA ESPANOL!" he shouted slowly at Sirius. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING!"
Frank laughed. "I think they washed it off before...it grew back?"
"How could whip cream grow back?" Peter asked confused. "It is whip cream, isn't it?"
Frank leaned over and swiped his finger through Sirius's beard, sticking it in his mouth and grinning. "Yep," he assured them. "It's whip cream."
Remus frowned. "Are you sure you got all of it before?"
James nodded, unable to think of a good rhyme and Sirius scowled furiously.
"I don't think they would have missed that much of it, Lupin," Peter said logically, gesturing at the pair whose faces were still covered in whip cream. "It's *all* still there!"
Remus shook his head. "I don't understand." A look of dawning comprehension passed over his face. "Unless...maybe they used a permanent sticking charm?"
Sirius's face grew very, very alarmed. Several paintings in his house had permanent sticking charms and no matter how hard he tried to yank them out the window, they never moved.
James looked equally terrified. There was no counter curse for permanent sticking charms.
Frank shook his head after a moment. "Nah." He said. "Even if they really hate them, they wouldn't do *that*. That's just mean."
Remus nodded, but shrugged. "I don't know how to get it off you guys; sorry."
James' eyes widened, horrified. "Remus, you know all! There's no problem you can't solve, big or small!"
Remus chuckled. "I'm sorry! But I can't think of anything that would separate the whip cream from your faces without removing your nose and eyelashes as well,..."
Peter looked up, an excited look on his face. "I think I know a spell!"
Remus and Frank raised their eyebrows. "You, Pete?"
"Yea!" Peter said, nodding. "I know a spell that parts and separates things..oh, just let me try!"
James looked at Sirius. Sirius looked at James. "Usted primero." Sirius said firmly, and Remus cracked a grin. "I think he said, 'you first.'"
James scowled. "I know what he said, my brains not all dead."
"Only parts of it." Frank interjected, but his grin died as James turned his glare on him.
"Trust me!" Peter half squealed. "I know what I'm doing!"
"Fine, fine, I don't have a choice, unless I want to walk around with a face all moist."
Remus scrunched up his face. "Not one of your best rhymes, Potter."
If looks could kill, Remus would be dead a hundred times over, but he just grinned. "Well, go ahead Pete." He prompted.
Grinning, Peter held up his wand. "Dissendium!" he squeaked, tapping James's noise rather roughly.
The whipcream floated away from James's face, levitated in the air for a moment, and then with a plop, landed in a messy heap on the floor by James's feet.
"Hurray!" James exclaimed, rubbing his hand over his jaw, grinning. "Pete saved the day!"
Peter grinned broadly, and Sirius stepped forward eagerly. "¡Ahora yo! ¡Ahora yo!"
Pete glanced at Remus. "What'd he say?"
Remus smirked. "I think it's his turn."
"Right then. Dissendium!"
Sirius grinned as his whip cream joined the melted pile on the floor. "Gracias, Pete! Usted es un ahorrador de vida!"
"Er...what?"
"Gracias!"
"Oh! You're welcome!" Peter grinned broadly, and Frank laughed. "Right then, time for breakfast now?"
With a flick of his wand, the flashing banner above their heads folded into a neat pile in the corner, and the melting whip cream floated into the sink. "Are we ready to go?"
James shook his head firmly. "I cannot see people this way! Slytherins will have a field day!"
"Field day?" Frank asked, his brow furrowed. James shrugged. "The witches who cast this spell on me are Muggle-born," he explained, then suddenly slapped himself viciously across the face. "What was that?" Peter asked bewildered. Remus chuckled loudly. "I thinks it's because he couldn't think up a second line for his rhyme."
"Remus! Usted rimó otra vez!" Sirius exclaimed happily. The four boys looked at each other. "Er, what?"
Sirius sighed. "Nunca mente." He said sadly.
"Anyway," Remus said loudly. "I'm hungry! Let's go get food."
"No! Didn't you hear? I'll be the laughingstock of the year!" James insisted.
"Oh, James shove it. Just don't talk to anyone." Frank said, talking above his growling stomach.
"Yea," Peter agreed. "Come on."
James pouted and Sirius made vehement exclamations, but eventually, they gave in. The five Gryffindor boys moved to sit down at the Great Hall, but Frank dispersed eventually and went to sit with the Hufflepuffs.
Ten minutes later, Lily and her crew floated into the hall. Smiling evilly as they passed the boys on their way down to the far end of the table, Lily called out sweetly, "Have a pleasant morning, Sirius?"
Sirius just glared.
"Oh, James...what a thunderous expression. Get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Laurel called over her shoulder, batting her eyelashes.
James gave her a particularly nasty hand motion, but she just burst into giggles. "What's the matter boys, cat got your tongue?"
Sirius actually growled and muttered softly to himself, but Remus frowned. "Alright girls, you've had your fun and proved your point. Now unhex them."
"Or what, Remus?" Cleo replied boldly. She made her voice purposefully loud as she continued. "You'll tell on us? We'll simply explain to McGongall that Black and Potter called all of Gryffindor Mudbloods and Muggle- lovers!"
A hush settled on the Gryffindor table, starting with the 7th years, who looked ultimately disgusted, working its way down to the smallest 2nd year. All glared at the two first year boys known as Potter and Black. Peter slunk down in his seat and scooted away from Sirius, who glared at him.
"They never said that," Lupin said evenly. "It was just a misunderstanding. If you unhex them, they can explain it themselves."
James's face was bright red and he stared determinedly down into his porridge. Sirius was staring ahead stonily.
"Why don't they asked their Slytherin friends do help them?" Lily called, through a mouthful of porridge. "They'll help."
Remus scowled. "Grow up, girls. It was just a misunderstanding."
Lily's eyes narrowed. "That's all it was to you, Remus Lupin. But you don't understand what it's like for people to hold something against you that's completely out of your control."
Remus chuckle ironically, shaking his head and opened his mouth to reply when someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder. His sister.
"Vee," he said gratefully, smiling at her. "What's up?"
She smiled softly at him. "I could ask you the same question." She shot a pointed look at James and Sirius, both with bright red faces and stony glares. "What's this I'm hearing about James and Sirius hating muggle- borns?"
Remus paled slightly. "It's gotten round the school that fast, has it?"
She shook her head a little. "My best friend, Hestia is a Gryffindor prefect. I went to ask her what time we were meeting tonight to study and she launched into a tirade against Gryffindor first years who think they know everything. She mentioned them."
Remus nodded quietly. "It was just a misunderstanding. But now their hexed and can't explain themselves."
She raised a brow. "Are you sure it was just a misunderstand, Rem? Both come from pureblood families. If it is true, I'm not sure these are the types of kids you should be friends with, Remmy. If they have that against Muggle-born," she lowered her voice slightly, "imagine they're reactions when they learn what you are."
Remus's color faded away. "They're not like that, Vee. I promise," he insisted in a whisper, hoping against hope that it was true.
She nodded, looking relieved. "If you say so, sweetie. I'm just looking out for you."
"I know."
"Anyway, can you help them? Maybe you know the countercurse."
Vee frowned. "Well, what's wrong with them?"
"James!" Remus called, and the disgruntled boy looked up. "Say something." Remus urged. "Show Vee."
James shook his head adamantly.
"Just do it."
James sighed. "It's not my fault I am cursed, there is nothing that could happen to make this day worse."
Vee arched a brow. "Come again?"
James answered resignedly. "I am fortune's fool, I would much prefer a wizard's duel."
Venus turned to Remus. "He speaks in rhyme?"
Remus nodded. "Yep. But at least with him, most of the time we can figure out what he's trying to say. But Sirius over here.."
Sirius smiled sunnily at her and she gave him a small smile in return.
"Say something, Black."
"Voy a cerciorarme de cada de los dados de las muchachas de Gryffindor una muerte muy dolorosa antes de la edad de doce."
Venus laughed and Sirius's face fell, but she shook her head. "No," she said smiling. "I can speak Spanish. So it was the Gryffindor girl's who did this to you? Well, they're only first years. They're prolly not that advanced. I'd say it was a simple case of a translation charm. Am I right that you still think in English?" she asked Sirius, who nodded, smiling.
She nodded then, and whipped out her wand, muttering a few words. Sparks fell out and landed on Sirius's lips, and she nodded. "Go ahead. Try it now."
"I'M FREE!"
The shout echoed throughout the Great Hall, causing the Gryffindor girls to look over with a scowls, shooting particularly nasty looks at Venus. The other Gryffindor students looked over scowling, and hisses and whisperes were directed at Sirius as he stood up, beaming, but he took no notice.
Sirius leapt over a chair to come to kneel at Venus's feet. "I am not worthy," he praised feverently. "I am not worthy!"
She laughed, but ignored him. Sirius looked disgrunted as he took his seat once more.
"Thanks Vee," Remus said gratefully. "But what about James?"
"Oh, Merlin," Vee said, glancing at her watch. "Is that the time? I'm late for Charms! See you Remus!"
"NO!" James bellowed, then immediately smacked himself. Lily sniggered.
"COME BACK! ALACK! ALACK!"
"Alack?" Sirius asked with a raise brow. James shrugged. "It was the best I could do, my rhymes to choose from are now few."
"Well, come on then," Peter said reluctantly, shoving a last bite of his cheese omelet in his mouth. "We're late for Lovegood's class."
"How can I say spells with my speech so impaired?" James moaned, grabbing his books. "Oh, woe is me! Life is so unfair!"
Sirius frowned. "Not your best one yet, Jimmy."
"Don't even think of speaking to me, Black, or I won't be the only one screaming 'Alack'." James replied furiously. Sirius raised his hands innocently. "What did I do?"
"It's your fault I'm in the mess!" James exclaimed before adding quickly, "I'm liking this day less and less!"
Lily and her friends laughed hysterically as they walked by, but Sirius reached out and grabbed Lily's arm. "What did you do to him?" he asked fiercely. "Take it off, now, he won't be able to say his spells!"
She tore her arm out of his grasp. "Oh, shove it Black," she replied scornfully. Cleo added furiously, "It's your own fault. How dare you call us such horrible things!"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I told you. I *never* said that. Why would I call you a mudblood? You *used* to be one of my closest friends." He fired at them. "I was talking about the way my family sees Gryffindor, everyone in Gryffindor, including myself!"
Lily pushed him aside. "Please, Black, save us your sorry excuses."
"You don't believe me?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Wait until tomorrow's mail, just see the Howler I get when they finally learn I'm in Gryffindor."
"Your parents don't know your in Gryffindor?" Laurel asked suspiciously. "Because you're ashamed!" Jessica accused.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Women," he muttered disgustedly. "There is no reasoning with them. It's my business what my family knows and doesn't know, but no! They didn't know because I didn't want to hear how I let them down by not going into Slytherin! Happy?"
Grabbing James and Remus, he pushed the forward and they stormed away, leaving Peter trailing after them and a group of 5 girls desperately confused.
"Let them down?" Lily echoed.
"By not getting into Slytherin?" Em repeated confused.
"What kind of family does he *have*?" Laurel asked slowly.
"Not a very good one, I expect. You know he's related to Naricissa, that Slytherin? They're cousins." Cleo told them hesitantly.
"You think he's telling the truth then?" Jessica asked worriedly, clutching her books to her chest.
Lily frowned. "For once in my life, I hope he's lying," she said finally. "Otherwise, we really are pricks."
There was a murmur of agreement, and with a sigh, the girls headed into class.
----------------
"Okay people!" Professor Lovegood exclaimed happily when all of the class had been seated. "Now, today we are going to start our studies of the useful little spell. Take our your quills and write this down, then repeat after me. Ready? Expelliarmus!"
"Expelliarmus!" The class repeated dully. "Very good!" She beamed at them. "Now, take this down. The incantation, 'Expelliarmus' is derived from the Latin words. Does anyone know which two?"
"Yes, Mr. Lupin?"
"Expelo, to drive out, and armus, weapon." Remus replied promptly. She beamed. "Excellent! 5 points to Gryffindor."
"Now, does anyone know what 'Expelliarmus' *does*?"
"Yes, you, Miss Evans?"
"It's a disarming charm, miss." Lily replied quietly. "It causes your opponent's weapon to fly out of their hands."
"Very good! Another 5 to Gryffindor. Now, if you could be so kind as to divide into pairs and quickly practice the spell, I'll go around the room and make sure you're doing it correct--yes, Mr. Black?" She paused as Sirius' hand shot up into the air.
"Sorry, Professor. But James has lost his voice and can't say the spell properly."
"Is that right?" Professor Lovegood asked, her brow furrowed. "I could have sworn I heard him talking as I left the Great Hall this morning. Screaming, in fact. Something about 'Alack?' "
Sirius shrugged. "Must have been someone else then."
"Alright, Mr. Potter, I suppose you'll have to sit this one out then...Are you sure you can't even manage to whisper the spell? It's terribly important and dead useful, and this is the only day we'll be covering it."
"I'll make sure he learns it, Professor," Lupin spoke up, at the same time, James shook his head and said in a whisper, "Professor, I guess I can try." To himself, more quietly he finished, "though by the end I may need to cry."
Remus shot him a puzzled look, but James was determined. "Alright then, people! Pair up!" Professor Lovegood announced.
Sirius and Peter headed off to a corner, leaving Remus and James together because, after all, Remus was top in the class and could help James, who was doubtful he would be able to manage saying the incantation.
"Ready, then? Alright, make sure your aim is straight folks! We don't want any accidents!"
"Me first?" Remus asked James, who nodded tersely.
"Right then...EXPELLIARMUS!"
At once, James's wand flew out of his hand. Remus caught it grinning and tossed it back to James, who was smiling slightly. "Nice one," James applauded then immediately smacked himself roughly across the face.
"Mr. Potter!" Professor Lovegood exclaimed, startled. "What are you doing?"
Half the class looked over as James mumbled, "Nothing, Professor, Sorry.." and proceeded to slap himself again, this time leaving a bright red mark.
"James, are you feeling alright?" She asked worriedly, reaching for his head to check his temperature. He flinched and moved away. "I'm fine," he said clearly, then added under his breath, "You swine."
"Mr. Potter, I heard that!" she exclaimed, outraged. "Now, I don't know what is going on with you today, between losing your voice and not losing it, slapping yourself at odd intervals and now, insulting teachers! I'll have no more of it, James Potter and that is a warning! 5 points from Gryffindor!"
"But Professor, it's not my fault!" he begged helplessly, as once more he raised his hand and slapped himself. A bruise was beginning to form under his eye as his friends looked on helplessly.
"MR.POTTER! 10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
James was completely tense. His face was bright red, save for the black and blue under his eye and his fists were clenched. Sirius called from the other side of the room, "Please, Professor! It's not his fault!"
"Then whose fault is it, Mr. Black?" she asked whirling around.
Lily's eyes fastened on Sirius. Already they were heavy with guilt, but now with dread. What they had done had been completely out of line, and now it was interfering with James's studying. They would probably be sent to the Headmaster.
"It's mine," Sirius said firmly. "I accidentally hexed him this morning and I'm still looking for the countercurse."
James rolled his eyes and Lily had the faintest idea that, had the roles been reversed, James would not have taken the action Sirius did.
"Is this true, James?"
Lily dropped her head into her hands, and Cleo slumped in her seat. Well, it was all over now.
"Yes, Professor." James said quietly, then slapped himself viciously.
Lily looked up shakily. Cleo and Em locked widened eyes, and Laurel stared at her feet.
"Well, what curse did you use?" Professor Lovegood asked turning to Sirius once more, slightly hysterical yet oddly mollified now that she knew James wasn't going to be needing a trip to St. Mungo's soon.
"I don't know, Professor."
"You silly boy, how could you not know? 5 points from Gryffindor, you should not be hexing anyone! And Mr. Potter, another point from Gryffindor for every slap I hear this class!"
James just nodded.
Professor Lovegood turned back to the class. "Alright everyone, back to work!"
"Ready to try again?" Remus asked James quietly, who just nodded. Taking a deep breath, he yelled, "EXPELLIARMUS!"
Remus's wand flew out of his swiftly, but James couldn't catch it because he was too busy slapping his head sideways.
It fell to his feet, James breathing heavily, fury pulsing through his body.
By the end of the class, 30 points had been lost from Gryffindor and James was sporting a decidedly nasty black eye. Lily and her friends left the classroom in a quiet huddle, but they caught up with the boys outside the History of Magic classroom.
"James!" Lily called impatiently. "James!"
"What is it Slytherin Eyes?" he snapped furiously, glaring at her. The effect was kind of lost, however, as he muttered to himself, "There is no one more that i despise."
"RETEXO!" she muttered, pointing her wand at his mouth, frowning grimly.
With a short look of pure fury, he turned away. "Thanks," he spat. He waited. No slap came.
Sirius grinned and slung his arm around his friends shoulder. "Finally, Jimmy, you're back to normal."
"Yeah," James agreed as they slunk into Binn's classroom. "Just in time to start planning my revenge."
The girls paled.
------------- Author's Note: Yes, what Sirius is saying is real spanish, or at least my translator assures me it is, lol. I didn't orignally put the translations up because I figured if the rest of the guys, Lupin, Potter, Pettigrew and Longbottom, didn't know what Sirius was saying and got along fine, you would too. But if you'd like the translations, here they are...(they're pretty basic, actually)
Oringal: "Remus, usted tiene que ayudarnos! ¡Las muchachas hicieron esto a nosotros!"
Translation:"Remus, you must help us! The girls did this to us!"
Oringal: "Estoy intentando hablar en inglés!!"
Translation:"I am trying to speak in English!"
Oringal: "¿Es donde está siempre?"
Translation:"It is where it always is?"
Oringal:"¿Puede usted fijarlo?"
Translation:Can if be fixed?
Oringal: "¡Espera! ¡Espera! ¿Qué usted va a hacer?!
Translation: Wait! Wait! What are you doing to do?!
Oringal:"Remus! Usted rimó otra vez!"
Translation:Remus! You made another rhyme!
Oringal:"Lo lavamos apagado antes, cuando fuimos a comprobar nuestro pelo
Translation:We washed it off before, when we went to check our hair?
Oringal:"Voy a cerciorarme de cada de los dados de las muchachas de Gryffindor una muerte muy dolorosa antes de la edad de doce."
Translation:"I am going to make sure each of the Gryffindor girls dies a very painful death before the age of tweleve."
I think that's about everything that you couldn't figure out by yourself, lol. Hope that helps.