Title: Coping: Post Scene to "The Truth And Other Lies"
Author: Lynne Facella
Category: Drama/Angst
Email: lynne1919@aol.com
Spoilers: Through "The Truth And Other Lies"
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of John Wells and Edward Allen
Bernero. I wish they were mine but unfortunately they're not.
Summary: Sully helps Ty cope with the tragedy.
******
"I was ashamed of going out with a white girl, didn't want my mom to know. I was ashamed so I humiliated her and that's when we became past history. I don't deserve to feel bad about her dying. She was a way better person than I think I'll ever be."
Ty fled from the locker room, away from Sully and his well-intentioned questions. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to bare his soul or clear his conscience. He needed to get away, to escape. He couldn't even bear to think about it.
Alex was dead and she was never coming back.
Talking about it wasn't going to change that fact one little bit.
******
Sully watched as Ty walked out of the locker room, making no move to stop him.
Damn.
He'd had no idea what Ty had been carrying around inside him, none at all. He remembered teasing Ty one day about the fact that he was dating a white girl, but never actually believed it was an issue. If he had, he certainly wouldn't have teased him about it the way he had.
As much as Ty was denying it, Sully knew this was eating up his partner inside. Ty had been there for him after Tatiana's death, and now he was going to be there for Ty.
******
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
He was shaking as he came out of the precinct and just stood outside on the sidewalk, taking in deep gulps of fresh air. After a few minutes he realized he needed to leave or risk Sully coming after him, trying to help.
He didn't want his partner's help. He didn't deserve it.
He left the precinct and began walking aimlessly through the streets. Somehow, without even realizing it, he ended up in a bar. As he perched on a barstool and ordered a drink, for a brief instant he thought about Sully's constant drinking after Tatiana had been murdered. This wasn't the same though. This was just for one night. He needed to do this. He needed to try to forget. So he drank.one drink, two drinks, three. He sat alone, drinking until the bar closed and then he found himself out in an alley, throwing up all the alcohol he had consumed.
Drinking hadn't helped. It hadn't helped at all. He should have known better. It never really did help. The night those kids had crashed their car and burned to death he had drank himself silly, then puked all over Bobby's car. It hadn't helped then either.
Bobby.Bobby was dead too. Bobby had been a good guy. Bobby was dead and now Alex was dead. He remembered Bobby and Alex kissing that night. He had teased them and said they looked cute together. Maybe they'd be together now in some other world. He hoped it was a better world than this one. Maybe things would go better for Alex there. He hoped so. She deserved to be happy or at least to be at peace.
His stomach churned and he bent over, getting violently sick all over again. When he had finished emptying the contents of his stomach he stood up and leaned shakily against the wall of the building. He was sick to his stomach because of all the alcohol he had consumed, but he knew that wasn't the only reason. He was sick because of what he had done to Alex.
He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her and had gone on with his life, never apologizing, never looking back. And now.now he was never going to get the chance to make it up to her. It was too late.
Her face was engrained in his memory. He just couldn't get it out of his head. The look she had given him when he had told his mom she was one of the guys.the look in her eyes as she died. God.even in her last moments, he hadn't been able to go to her. He had just stood on the sidelines, watching as the last bit of life drained from her body. Too shocked to even make a move to help. He was nothing but a coward.
The more he thought about things, the worse he felt. He was always judging people.He'd judged his father and the choices he had made and then had judged his mom for staying with his father. He'd judged Tatiana when Sully had first met her, and he had judged Sully as well. Who the hell was he to judge anyone? He had no right. no right at all. Especially not now.especially after what he himself had done.
******
Sully lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was finding it impossible to wind down and go to sleep. His thoughts kept straying to everything that had happened the previous day. Faith shot, Cruz shot, Lieutenant Johnson and Taylor killed.
And Ty.
Ty who was always chatting away to the point where Sully sometimes wanted to tape his mouth shut just to get a few minutes of peace. Ty who always pushed and prodded, trying to get Sully to talk when there was a problem.
Ty who was now silent, denying that he felt bad about Taylor's death, denying that he even had that right.
Sully pushed aside the covers and rolled out of bed then slowly got to his feet. He knew he'd never be able to get to sleep if didn't make sure his young partner was okay.
******
After lurking in the alley for a while, Ty realized he really needed to go home. Taking a deep breath, he left the support of the wall, then unsteadily began to head out of the alley. It took him almost an hour to reach his building. Disoriented from exhaustion and his overindulgence of alcohol, he lost his way twice before he finally found his street. He painstakingly made his way up the stairs to his and Carlos' apartment. When he reached it he stopped short at the sight of Sully who was sitting on the floor outside his door.
"What are you doing here?" he asked as he began to fumble in his pocket for his key.
"I just happened to be in the neighborhood." Sully quipped as he got to his feet and brushed off his pants, then looked back at his partner solemnly. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine, Sully." Ty finally found the key and struggled to get it into the lock, pushing Sully away when he moved to assist him. "I can do it!" he snapped.
"Fine.fine." Sully backed off and breathed a sigh of relief when Ty finally managed to get the door open.
"Told you I could do it," Ty mumbled as they entered the apartment. He glanced toward Carlos' bedroom and saw that the door was ajar and the room empty. "Guess Carlos isn't home." He made his way into the living room and collapsed onto the couch.
"You need anything?" Sully asked as he followed him into the living room then took a seat on the couch beside him. "I could make some coffee."
"No, Sul, I don't want any coffee," Ty said, leaning back and resting his head on the top of the couch. He closed his eyes and waited, hoping that Sully would just up and leave or something, but he just sat there, waiting. Finally Ty opened his eyes and glanced over at his partner. "You know.I never even met her until tonight."
Sully looked back at Ty in confusion. "Met who?"
"Her mom. Alex's mom."
"Oh." Sully really wasn't sure what to say to that. He guessed he wasn't as good at this talking thing as he would have liked.
"She didn't even know. I mean Kim and I were driving with Alex's mom and all I could think about was how I dated her daughter and she didn't have any idea. It just.it made me feel like shit."
"Ty, come on man." Sully moved in closer toward him and gently patted his shoulder. "Beating yourself up over this.its not going to help anything."
Ty bit on his lower lip as his emotions started to surface. "I just.I wish I hadn't treated her that way, Sully. She.she didn't deserve it and now I can't fix it. I can't ever fix it."
"Alex wouldn't want this Ty," Sully said gently. "She would never want you to do this to yourself."
Ty nodded. "I know." And he did. He knew that Sully was right. Alex had been a good person.Somehow in his heart, he even knew that she had forgiven him for what he'd done, but he just couldn't forgive himself.
"I know how much you cared about her."
"I can't believe she's dead.that I'll never see her again. I'm going to miss her, Sul." His voice broke as the tears he had been so desperately trying to hold back finally came and he began to sob.
Sully reached for his partner and wrapped him in a bear hug, allowing the young man to cry. "I know you are," he said softly. "We're all going to miss her, Ty."
Summary: Sully helps Ty cope with the tragedy.
******
"I was ashamed of going out with a white girl, didn't want my mom to know. I was ashamed so I humiliated her and that's when we became past history. I don't deserve to feel bad about her dying. She was a way better person than I think I'll ever be."
Ty fled from the locker room, away from Sully and his well-intentioned questions. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to bare his soul or clear his conscience. He needed to get away, to escape. He couldn't even bear to think about it.
Alex was dead and she was never coming back.
Talking about it wasn't going to change that fact one little bit.
******
Sully watched as Ty walked out of the locker room, making no move to stop him.
Damn.
He'd had no idea what Ty had been carrying around inside him, none at all. He remembered teasing Ty one day about the fact that he was dating a white girl, but never actually believed it was an issue. If he had, he certainly wouldn't have teased him about it the way he had.
As much as Ty was denying it, Sully knew this was eating up his partner inside. Ty had been there for him after Tatiana's death, and now he was going to be there for Ty.
******
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
He was shaking as he came out of the precinct and just stood outside on the sidewalk, taking in deep gulps of fresh air. After a few minutes he realized he needed to leave or risk Sully coming after him, trying to help.
He didn't want his partner's help. He didn't deserve it.
He left the precinct and began walking aimlessly through the streets. Somehow, without even realizing it, he ended up in a bar. As he perched on a barstool and ordered a drink, for a brief instant he thought about Sully's constant drinking after Tatiana had been murdered. This wasn't the same though. This was just for one night. He needed to do this. He needed to try to forget. So he drank.one drink, two drinks, three. He sat alone, drinking until the bar closed and then he found himself out in an alley, throwing up all the alcohol he had consumed.
Drinking hadn't helped. It hadn't helped at all. He should have known better. It never really did help. The night those kids had crashed their car and burned to death he had drank himself silly, then puked all over Bobby's car. It hadn't helped then either.
Bobby.Bobby was dead too. Bobby had been a good guy. Bobby was dead and now Alex was dead. He remembered Bobby and Alex kissing that night. He had teased them and said they looked cute together. Maybe they'd be together now in some other world. He hoped it was a better world than this one. Maybe things would go better for Alex there. He hoped so. She deserved to be happy or at least to be at peace.
His stomach churned and he bent over, getting violently sick all over again. When he had finished emptying the contents of his stomach he stood up and leaned shakily against the wall of the building. He was sick to his stomach because of all the alcohol he had consumed, but he knew that wasn't the only reason. He was sick because of what he had done to Alex.
He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her and had gone on with his life, never apologizing, never looking back. And now.now he was never going to get the chance to make it up to her. It was too late.
Her face was engrained in his memory. He just couldn't get it out of his head. The look she had given him when he had told his mom she was one of the guys.the look in her eyes as she died. God.even in her last moments, he hadn't been able to go to her. He had just stood on the sidelines, watching as the last bit of life drained from her body. Too shocked to even make a move to help. He was nothing but a coward.
The more he thought about things, the worse he felt. He was always judging people.He'd judged his father and the choices he had made and then had judged his mom for staying with his father. He'd judged Tatiana when Sully had first met her, and he had judged Sully as well. Who the hell was he to judge anyone? He had no right. no right at all. Especially not now.especially after what he himself had done.
******
Sully lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was finding it impossible to wind down and go to sleep. His thoughts kept straying to everything that had happened the previous day. Faith shot, Cruz shot, Lieutenant Johnson and Taylor killed.
And Ty.
Ty who was always chatting away to the point where Sully sometimes wanted to tape his mouth shut just to get a few minutes of peace. Ty who always pushed and prodded, trying to get Sully to talk when there was a problem.
Ty who was now silent, denying that he felt bad about Taylor's death, denying that he even had that right.
Sully pushed aside the covers and rolled out of bed then slowly got to his feet. He knew he'd never be able to get to sleep if didn't make sure his young partner was okay.
******
After lurking in the alley for a while, Ty realized he really needed to go home. Taking a deep breath, he left the support of the wall, then unsteadily began to head out of the alley. It took him almost an hour to reach his building. Disoriented from exhaustion and his overindulgence of alcohol, he lost his way twice before he finally found his street. He painstakingly made his way up the stairs to his and Carlos' apartment. When he reached it he stopped short at the sight of Sully who was sitting on the floor outside his door.
"What are you doing here?" he asked as he began to fumble in his pocket for his key.
"I just happened to be in the neighborhood." Sully quipped as he got to his feet and brushed off his pants, then looked back at his partner solemnly. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine, Sully." Ty finally found the key and struggled to get it into the lock, pushing Sully away when he moved to assist him. "I can do it!" he snapped.
"Fine.fine." Sully backed off and breathed a sigh of relief when Ty finally managed to get the door open.
"Told you I could do it," Ty mumbled as they entered the apartment. He glanced toward Carlos' bedroom and saw that the door was ajar and the room empty. "Guess Carlos isn't home." He made his way into the living room and collapsed onto the couch.
"You need anything?" Sully asked as he followed him into the living room then took a seat on the couch beside him. "I could make some coffee."
"No, Sul, I don't want any coffee," Ty said, leaning back and resting his head on the top of the couch. He closed his eyes and waited, hoping that Sully would just up and leave or something, but he just sat there, waiting. Finally Ty opened his eyes and glanced over at his partner. "You know.I never even met her until tonight."
Sully looked back at Ty in confusion. "Met who?"
"Her mom. Alex's mom."
"Oh." Sully really wasn't sure what to say to that. He guessed he wasn't as good at this talking thing as he would have liked.
"She didn't even know. I mean Kim and I were driving with Alex's mom and all I could think about was how I dated her daughter and she didn't have any idea. It just.it made me feel like shit."
"Ty, come on man." Sully moved in closer toward him and gently patted his shoulder. "Beating yourself up over this.its not going to help anything."
Ty bit on his lower lip as his emotions started to surface. "I just.I wish I hadn't treated her that way, Sully. She.she didn't deserve it and now I can't fix it. I can't ever fix it."
"Alex wouldn't want this Ty," Sully said gently. "She would never want you to do this to yourself."
Ty nodded. "I know." And he did. He knew that Sully was right. Alex had been a good person.Somehow in his heart, he even knew that she had forgiven him for what he'd done, but he just couldn't forgive himself.
"I know how much you cared about her."
"I can't believe she's dead.that I'll never see her again. I'm going to miss her, Sul." His voice broke as the tears he had been so desperately trying to hold back finally came and he began to sob.
Sully reached for his partner and wrapped him in a bear hug, allowing the young man to cry. "I know you are," he said softly. "We're all going to miss her, Ty."