18: Turnaround

Sesshoumaru led Kagome after Rin and Jaken. When they caught sight of them Kagome couldn't contain her giggles. She would not have thought there would be a lot of flowers in the shady forest, but apparently some of them were in season. Rin had managed to find lots of large-blossomed white flowers, and they were strung all over the place. Ah-Un had many tucked into his harness and bowed patiently while the little girl continued to bestow more upon him. Rin had a chain around her neck and more stuck in her hair, along with another wreath in her hand. Jaken, looking utterly forlorn and defeated, was also sporting several new floral accessories.

"Kagome Nee-chan!" Rin yelled as she ran up to the miko. "I made one for you, too!!"

Kagome laughed and bent to allow Rin to slip a chain of blossoms over her head. "Thank you, they're very pretty."

Kagome covered her mouth with one hand to stifle her chuckles.

"I don't think it's Jaken's color though." Kagome stepped over and deftly plucked the flowers off the little toad. "Go see if Ah-Un needs some more," she said returning the flowers to Rin. Jaken looked up at her with poorly-disguised gratefulness. Kagome only responded by laughing a little more and adjusted her own array so that her hair hung over the top.

She turned to Sesshoumaru fingering her necklace. "What do you think of it?" she asked Sesshoumaru playfully.

"Pretty," he said. "But more interesting on Jaken." He had been enjoying watching Jaken squirm before Kagome had taken pity on him.

"Better be careful, you could be next." Kagome grinned at him and waved a flower for emphasis.

"Not likely." His eyes narrowed in mock intimidation.

Kagome smirked and approached him slowly, flower in hand. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at her. She broke into a sprint and jumped at him laughing. Sesshoumaru didn't step aside like she had thought he would though, but caught her as they toppled over. Somehow, though, he manipulated the fall and ended up braced above her holding her wrists above her head.

"No fair!" Kagome pouted. "I don't know how, but I'm pretty sure you cheated."

"You were the one who decided to bring flowers into this," he plucked the blossom from her hand. He leaned down and kissed her as he tucked the fragrant flower behind her ear. Kagome arched up toward him as much as she could, returning it.

Sesshoumaru pulled away and smiled. "I win."

Kagome glared up at him playfully. "I'll get you later."

"Um, Sesshoumaru-sama?" Jaken's scandalized voice came from behind them.

Reluctantly, he released Kagome's wrists and helped her up.

Rin was giggling and blushing, but on the whole looked quite pleased. Jaken was standing there with his jaw dropped.

"Jaken," Sesshoumaru addressed, completely serious again.

"H-Hai?" The toad took a cautious step backward.

"Don't interrupt me again."

Jaken sighed, grateful he was getting off easily.

"One more thing..."

Jaken gulped.

"Do not ever speak a word about Kagome to anyone else."

Jaken nodded. Not that he would be telling anyone anyway. He didn't want it to be known he was traveling with humans. But, if Sesshoumaru-sama was so attached to these two, maybe they weren't so bad.



Sesshoumaru turned to find Kagome looking at him, a little downcast.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

Kagome turned her head aside and looked at the ground, her hair swinging to hide her face. "Nothing."

He frowned. All he could see was the white flower and her dark tresses. She had been so cheerful a moment before. She also wouldn't tell him what was wrong. That probably meant she was thinking about Inuyasha. He had never imagined he would be forced to stand in his hanyou brother's shadow, and it irked him to no end. She didn't speak of him anymore, but he still wasn't sure who she really wanted. If only Jaken hadn't interrupted. At least when she was alone with him he could do his best to make her forget Inuyasha... and that stupid wolf.

The afternoon was mostly quiet. Kagome remained uncommunicative, and Sesshoumaru was never one to start a conversation. Rin, as usual, was content to take up the burden of cheerfulness for the group. Jaken, had any of them cared to notice, kept staring at Kagome reverently, disgustedly, and confusedly in turn.

Still half-lost in thought from earlier, it took a moment for Kagome to realize Sesshoumaru had stopped. He was standing perfectly still and poised. Though their posture was different, he recognized that he was straining his senses for something, just like she had watched Inuyasha do so many times.

"What is it?" she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru snapped his attention to her. "There is a human settlement just east of us."

Kagome raised her head. "It's been a long time since I've seen a village." Her voice was flat, but perhaps with a little yearning. She thought of her home in the future Tokyo- warm water, electricity, real soap--the kind that smelled nice and made beautiful fluffy foam. She closed off that train of thought as quickly as she could. That would only lead to thinking about her family, and she would only get more homesick.

"I do not usually approach human villages," Sesshoumaru stated.

"Oh," said Kagome, wondering why he had mentioned this one. Though that did explain the rather curious lack of habitation when she was with Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru heard the unasked question in her voice. "This one has been burned recently."

Kagome fingered her bow apprehensively. "Are we going to check it out?"

Sesshoumaru silently breathed in the scent again. "Yes," he decided.

Sesshoumaru lead them with uncanny accuracy through the forest to the village. He briefly thought about leaving Rin and Kagome at the outskirts, but one glance told him that Kagome would not be content to stand and wait for him to finish his investigation.

The buildings were in ruins, most burned down to their frames. There was no sign of any human inhabitants, living or otherwise. The place was eerily quiet. Kagome began to wish for a more tangible threat, the stillness was setting her on edge.

Kagome caught the movement of something out of the corner of her eye. A scavenging demon broke the tree line behind Jaken, apparently drunk on the scent of recent carnage.

Before she had a chance to think about it, she had knocked and fired an arrow, shattering the offending marauder in a flash of light.

Well, at least it had broken the silence. But that lesser demon hadn't been what attacked the village.

Jaken had been shaken when the arrow whizzed by him closely, and even more shaken when he realized what had been behind him. When he had turned, he saw that the miko had already turned her back and was joining Sesshoumaru's side. Sesshoumaru's human woman was powerful after all. Strange he hadn't noticed her beauty before, and she had stopped the demon behind him: she was no ordinary human. She had even saved his lowly life. His faith in his master was restored. It was only fitting that Sesshoumaru-sama's woman would be nothing less than the most magnificent female available.

Sesshoumaru seemed unbothered, only looking back casually as Kagome lowered her bow. He walked boldly where he pleased, occasionally turning over a peace of wood or tossing something out of his way. They traveled the entire length of the village, reaching the other side to find...

"Graves..." said Kagome sadly. At least a couple of dozen fresh graves.

Sesshoumaru nodded beside her. "Something was sloppy. There were survivors. They must have abandoned the village after burying their dead."

"What was it?" She was a little annoyed by Sesshoumaru's nonchalance, but tried to ignore it.

"Something that smelled like Naraku, but whatever it was, it is gone now."

Kagome unconsciously stepped closer to Sesshoumaru at mention of Naraku's name. Sesshoumaru, too, must have felt something. He put one arm around her shoulders protectively.

He considered the state of the village's ruin. "It is strange that any were left alive. There was only one demon, and it has a lingering scent similar to his offspring. Only weaker. What use would such a demon have?"

"Perhaps none."

Sesshoumaru looked at her inquiringly.

"When he fled before, he cast off useless parts. One of them came after the jewel."

Sesshoumaru considered. If that was the case, Naraku was already on the move again. Without rumors of jewel shards, they were left without a lead.

"Now where do we go?" Kagome asked, apparently thinking the same thing.

Sesshoumaru paused. "Does the wolf lie?"

"What?" Kagome was completely confused.

"The wolf- he mentioned rumors of Naraku to the south. I want to know if he is truthful." Sesshoumaru explained impatiently.

"Oh! I'm pretty sure he was serious about that."

"You sense no jewel shards?"

Kagome shook her head.

"Then we must go south." Sesshoumaru scowled as if he hated the idea.

"What's so horrible about that?"

"Time is pressing. We will have to travel through the Western Lands."

Kagome shook her head in confusion. "But I thought we were already in the Western Lands--aren't they yours anyway?"

"We have skirted my land as we passed northward."

"Um... Why?"

"They are... unstable at the moment. Naraku's threat has given me little time to attend to them. Now, with his resurfacing, he will likely have stirred up more trouble. The other demons are restless and easy to anger. There are also many who need no inspiration to want to usurp me and take my father's land. I cannot reestablish stability until Naraku is destroyed. To appear weak at this time would be disastrous. That is why I have not traveled through my land. If it became known you were traveling with me, it would put you and Rin in danger, and my rule at risk."

He was caught slightly off guard when Kagome spun inward and hugged him. "That's why you told Jaken not to tell anyone about me!"

Sesshoumaru was taken aback. "Of course. I do not want them to try and hurt you. They will try if they discover your importance to me. What else would there be?" He remembered the timing of her sudden mood change and smiled to himself.

"I'm not ashamed of you," he said stroking her hair. "When I have finished, you will not have to hide from anything again." If that time ever came, he would keep her with him without hesitation. She was a powerful miko, and unlike any other human he had encountered. Not that anyone else's opinions had ever mattered to him.

Sesshoumaru insisted on waiting until the next morning to begin traveling through the Western Lands. Kagome got the impression he wanted to spend as few nights as possible on their trip south within his domain.

Now, traveling through his forests, she was a little nervous too. She and Rin were riding Ah-Un and Jaken tagged along on Sesshoumaru's magic so that the whole party could fly, but it gave her plenty of time to take in the scenery. The forest was lush and green, full of birds and clean smelling. The trees were very old, a sharp contrast to the flowers that populated the shady floor. Kagome would have wanted to linger if Sesshoumaru hadn't been so adamant against it. She felt as if her eyes were constantly being drawn to something just beyond the edges of her vision, as if the forest held more than it showed.

The sensation of flying on the dragon reminded her of the times when Inuyasha had carried her. She still missed his brash, defensive attitude. She still loved him for the man that was underneath. Even though he was gone. Even though she feared she was falling in love with someone else.

Only after darkness had completely fallen did Sesshoumaru consent to stop. He merely commanded a halt and took up his vigil.

Kagome could tell that he was uneasy. Usually, he would relax enough to sit or at least lean against a tree, though she couldn't remember ever seeing him actually asleep. Tonight he stood, perfectly still and upright, staring intently into the forest around them.

Kagome rose from where Rin had settled against her, coming silently alongside him.

Not sparing her a glance, Sesshoumaru asked, "What are you doing?"

"Standing with you," Kagome said simply.

"Don't you want to rest?"

"I'd rather stay with you."

When Sesshoumaru didn't respond, she assumed that was approval. "Your forest is very beautiful."

For a moment, they both stood silently while the sounds of the night forest filled the darkness.

Sesshoumaru's low voice permeated the dark and warmed her. "It is a very ancient place, older even than my father's rule. These lands hold great power, great wealth. Many hoped to claim them after my father's death."

"You fought them, earned your inheritance." Kagome surmised.

She saw Sesshoumaru nod in her peripheral vision. "It is unfortunate that we must travel so quickly. There will be time later, perhaps I could show you. This place...it is..."

"Home." Kagome finished softly.

He heard the hitch in her voice, and turned at last to see her face.

She remained facing the forest, though she was well aware of Sesshoumaru's eyes on her. "I've been thinking," she began. "Inuyasha's forest is near the southern border of this land, right?"

"Yes," Sesshoumaru answered, unsure of what she was getting at.

"Would you consider..." Kagome shifted nervously. "Maybe letting me go home?" Her eyes darted up to Sesshoumaru's but immediately returned to her feet. "It could only be for an hour," she gushed. "I've never been away for so long. My family probably thinks I'm dead, and I don't want them to worry or be sad because of me."

"You live in Inuyasha Forest?" Sesshoumaru frowned. "I thought you were foreign."

"Well...yes and no." Kagome struggled now that it finally had come to this. "There's a well in the forest. If I jump down it, it transports me to my home. About 500 years in the future."

Sesshoumaru searched her for any signs of dishonesty, but detected none. It would certainly explain some of the strangeness about her. "You can travel back and forth?" he asked.

"Yes. But it doesn't work for just anybody."

"Who does it work for?"

Kagome continued to avoid his eyes. "Um...so far just Inuyasha and I have been able to go through. I don't know why no one else has been able to."

Sesshoumaru considered. He did not want her to leave his sight, let alone be completely beyond his reach. "If I allowed you to go, you might not come back."

Kagome felt her thread of hope slipping away. "Please," she begged. "It's on the way. I promise I'll come right back, and I'll be perfectly safe on that side."

"You ask me to jeopardize my oath to protect you," he stated.

"I ask you to trust me."

Sesshoumaru paused. Trust her? She trusted him completely, but could he return it? He had never relied on anyone before, let alone trusted. But Kagome was different. She was an open book, loyal and patient. If he wanted her beside him, perhaps a leap of faith was appropriate.

"You may go home, but you have to return as I direct."

Kagome jumped and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you so much!"

Sesshoumaru frowned lightly--she was happy at least. He may go through with this to make her happy, but he didn't have to like it.

She relaxed her arms and slid down to the ground, leaving her hands behind his neck.. Sesshoumaru lowered his head until his forehead rested against hers.

"I've made a decision about you," he said seriously.

Kagome didn't like his phrasing. It made her sound like some sort of dilemma. All the same, she was eager to hear what he had to say.

"You will stay with me after this is over."

Kagome gulped. Her conflicting thoughts threatened to tear her apart. Part of her wanted to be happy Sesshoumaru wanted her, another was outraged that he was acting so selfishly. In the back of her mind thoughts of her family and friends further clouded her judgement. Always present were her lingering devotions to Inuyasha. "Stay with you for what purpose?" she whispered. "Why do you want me? And what if I don't want to stay?"

He couldn't let her go, she had already done what he hadn't thought possible: make him fall in love with someone. No one had ever had so much power over him than this young human woman. He was not about to give her up for any reason.

"Why would you not want to stay? There is much I can offer you. I would make you my own. You would become my lady."

Kagome was a little staggered at his proposition. "What does that mean? Am I supposed to be some ornament hanging off your arm?"

"Foolish girl," he said lightly, pulling her into him a little more. "Do you think I'm the kind to give into some passing fancy? There is no one else to whom I would offer this. I want you beside me. I will make you my mate and share these lands with you. I would set you above all of demons and humans in the West."

Kagome's chocolate eyes sparkled up at him in confused wonder. "I'm human," she reminded him.

"I know what you are, and I know what I want." He gave her a soft kiss for emphasis.

"But why do you want me?"

Sesshoumaru, ever self-assured, abandoned his restraint as he nuzzled her hair, breathing her in. "I love you."

Kagome's stomach twisted and her vision filled with red. Instantly she was kneeling again at Inuyasha's side as he lay dying... the last time she had heard those three words. She didn't feel Sesshoumaru's hand holding hers, she felt Inuyasha's limp cool fingers. Silver hair filled her vision. The pain of his death washed over her, the guilt renewed. Her heart was pounding and she felt cold suddenly.

Sesshoumaru's face swam in her vision. She realized he was looking at her strangely as she tried to deal with what he had just said. She stood, shaking in a cold sweat.

She couldn't meet his eyes. Inuyasha was still swimming in her mind, lying in a pool of his own blood. She couldn't betray him.

"Kagome?"

Kagome jumped at the sound of her own name. He had startled her into looking up at him. Those golden eyes. So similar to another pair she had known. So different.

"Sesshoumaru, I..." Kagome fumbled as her eyes began to tear. She didn't know what to say. All she could see was his charged eyes and Inuyasha's behind them. What would he think of her if he knew where she was right now? She desperately wanted to answer, but her mind refused to work.

Sesshoumaru dropped his grasp on her. "Enough," he growled softly. "I can see you are still my brother's."

It felt like a thrust to her heart when he whirled to put his back to her. "Sesshoumaru!" she begged, not even sure what she wanted from him.

"What?" he asked coldly. "Your actions have already given you away."

Kagome felt tears fall and wished she could think of something to make him turn around and look at her with the warmth she had seen before. "I... please... I'm sorry..." She moved to put a hand to his shoulder, but withdrew when he saw how firmly they were set.

Without turning he said, "You realize, of course, that this changes nothing. Tomorrow we will leave early." Without a glance at her, he leapt up into the branches of one of the massive trees.

Kagome collapsed to her knees, trying her best not to cry. Trying to be strong. Some part of her mind whispered that she had already betrayed Inuyasha. It was painful. But it stung even more that Sesshoumaru was so coldly ignoring her. She had wanted so badly to make him happy, but nothing she could do seemed right. She felt terrible. All her presence could do was cause pain.

Sesshoumaru watched her from his perch, concealed in the shadows of the deep foliage. Leaving the camp was not an option, and he found that he was still unwilling to be out of sensory range of Kagome, even though she had denied him. Apprehension about other demons bound him further. Even though he had taken all efforts to limit their presence, concealed eyes would certainly spread the word.

The scent of her tears gave him no satisfaction. He realized that he could not simply stop loving her, but he also had no power to rid her of the memories of his brother. He had hoped that she would love him that way.

The forests of the West hung watchfully over two utterly lost and dejected souls as both waited for the dawn.



Author's Notes:

hmmm...and this chapter started out so happy, too. I dunno, I don't think this is one of my best chapters, but the next one is pretty good. We're getting down to it now...'bout 7 chapters left by my reckoning.

FINAL (really, this time) note about lemons: When I say I can't write them, I mean 'My little sister will beat me to death if I do.' This may not sound like much, but they don't call her the hageshii mouse for nothing. I really don't think it'd do a whole lot for the story anyway, and there are a lot of others out there. I don't think I'd be doing anything new. I'll definitely keep up the romance, but I'd much prefer to leave certain details to your imagination.

Some Responses:

Sam: Thank you for your song. It really inspired me...I think.

Ryuu Girl: Sequal? hmm...

Missa Alamasy: I was unaware there was a Spork Army. Perhaps you would consider allying yourselves with our Foon Corps? Together we may have an edge against those Spife Squad bastards in the battle for useless utensil supremacy!



This chapter last updated: Thursday, May 29, 2003