Chapter 19: Group Therapy

Kagome looked around her in confusion as the trees thinned. As Sesshoumaru had said, they were leaving the forests of the West just past noon. However, this area seemed oddly... familiar.

The group resumed their march on foot. Sesshoumaru seemed to be a little more relaxed now that they were safely clear, but he had remained cold to Kagome since the night. Kagome wanted to approach him, but was unsure of what to do or say. She felt so lonely with him so blatantly ignoring her. But it had been her fault, after all. He had only said he loved her... how could those three words cause so much pain?

Sesshoumaru was relieved to be leaving the dense forest, but it seemed strange they had made it through without confrontation. The lack of problems made him more suspicious. Their travel had not been unobserved, yet nothing had moved against them.

A village came into view, and Kagome realized suddenly why the area looked so familiar. "We're at Kaede's village?" She looked up at Sesshoumaru standing firmly beside her. "Are you still going to let me go home?"

"I told you I would," Sesshoumaru said in a monotone voice. He snapped his attention to the outskirts of the village where a fluffy blur came bounding out from between the huts.

"Kagome!" Shippo was running towards them as fast as he could, Miroku and Sango now hastily emerging behind him. "I told you I smelled her! Hurry up!"

A smile lit Kagome's face as the kit bounced up to her. She felt an immense wave of relief at the sight of her friends whole and well. Miroku and Sango skidded to a stop next to Shippo, a few meters away from Sesshoumaru and Kagome. Sango was dressed in her plain clothes but was brandishing Hiraikotsu and Miroku was warily bracing his staff.

Kagome didn't seem to notice their hesitation and launched herself at Sango. "Sango-chan! Shippou-chan! Miroku-sama!" Sango returned Kagome's impromptu embrace with surprise. "I've missed you all so much."

Sango looked over Kagome's shoulder at the youkai lord staring impassively at the group, who had not moved during the exchange. Encouraged, Shippou leapt onto Kagome's shoulder and clung to her, chanting her name gleefully. Finally, Kagome let go of Sango, still grinning like crazy. She gave Shippou a little hug as the kit nuzzled against her collar.

Miroku stepped forward, taking Kagome's hands in his habitual manor. "I'm very glad to see you safe, Kagome-sama." Kagome smiled warmly at him, half-aware that Sesshoumaru had come up directly behind her. She felt a pair of hands come to rest on her shoulders, gently pulling her back a few steps away from the monk.

Miroku, on the other hand, had to bear the full weight of Sesshoumaru's glare as he steered Kagome away from him in an all-too-obvious gesture. Kagome didn't even seem to notice, and continued to smile at her friends. Sango and Miroku tensed as the demon pulled Kagome back against him, but held back in confusion when Kagome was unperturbed. Also, they noticed that, in addition to Jaken and Sesshoumaru's dragon, Rin was standing hesitantly behind Sesshoumaru.

Kagome finally came to her senses enough to recognize her friends' reservation. "It's all right," she reassured them. "Sesshoumaru won't harm anyone."

The demon exterminator and monk eyed Sesshoumaru warily, who was still glaring coldly at Miroku while resting his hands on Kagome. Still, Kagome looked to be in much better condition than when they had last seen her--in fact, she looked fine. Sesshoumaru didn't seem to have any immediate plans for violence anyway. The way he was acting towards Kagome was almost... protective. Kagome showed no fear of him at all.

She glanced back at Sesshoumaru. "Can I stay and talk with my friends for a bit? Please?" She sounded like a ten-year-old begging for a curfew extension.

He wanted to refuse, but he had rarely seen her look so happy. Perhaps she would be more content if he let her have some time with her friends. "You may have the rest of the afternoon," he told her. Hopefully that monk had received the message to keep his hands off; Sesshoumaru didn't like the look of him.

Kagome giggled at Shippou still clinging to her shoulder. She shrugged off Sesshoumaru's hands and put Shippou on the ground, beckoning to Rin. After about three seconds of introductions, the two were off like a shot, chasing each other around in a game of something akin to tag. Sesshoumaru eyed the small youkai warily, but allowed the two to scamper in the field by the river.

"Um... Kagome-chan?" Sango said hesitantly. "We kept your bag for you. It's at Kaede's."

"My bag!" Kagome exclaimed joyfully. "All right! Come on, lets go take a bath!" Kagome snagged Sango's wrist and dragged the exterminator toward the village as fast as she could go. It would be so wonderful to have shampoo again.

Miroku gulped. Now that the girls had abandoned him, he was in for the most uncomfortable small talk of his life. Not to mention he wasn't sure of Sesshoumaru's status in the scheme of things anymore. Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru was just standing there, staring at him as though he were an insect or something equally revolting.

"Um... Kagome seems well," he began tentatively, trying to think of a polite way of excusing himself.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. "What is she to you?"

Miroku held up his hands placatingly. "Just a friend. We've all been worried about her, that is all." Miroku made a mental note to act the part of the chaste monk, at least as long as Sesshoumaru was in the vicinity.

"She has been with me, and I have kept her safe." Sesshoumaru saw no need to mention any of the more violent events they had encountered. "Is it my honor or my abilities you doubt?"

Warning alarms started going off in Miroku's mind. "Neither, I'm just surprised that she's recovered so well. After all, Naraku hurt her badly."

Naraku proved a practical diversion away from himself, Sesshoumaru shifted his thoughts instantly. "What have you heard of him?"

"Not much really as of late. We heard rumors of strange destruction in this direction and turned around, thinking it could be a jewel shard or Naraku. We haven't found the source yet." "Thank you," Miroku said seriously, "for taking such good care of Kagome-sama. I was worried she would be in danger when you said you would use her to find Naraku."

Sesshoumaru digested his words impassively. "Nothing has changed. It is only a matter of time. But she will be safe." He promised himself more than reassured the monk.

"And when it's over?" Miroku questioned. "Have you decided what will happen to her after that?"

"Yes." Sesshoumaru walked off in the direction of the field where Rin and Shippou were playing without so much as sparing Miroku an additional glance. Miroku hadn't had the nerve to ask him about his arm.

"Kagome-chan, I'm so sorry."

Kagome rinsed the lather from her hair and sighed in contentment. "What for, Sango-chan?"

"We just let Sesshoumaru take you, and right after Inuyasha... I didn't want to leave you." Sango hung her head.

"Its ok," Kagome reassured her. "I don't blame you. Being with Sesshoumaru has been... interesting."

"I suppose you could call it interesting, being captive to that soulless demon. At least he didn't hurt you."

Kagome sighed again. "No... in fact, he healed me. Twice. He's changed. He can use Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga now and he always keeps Rin and me safe. He even smiles sometimes."

"Sesshoumaru smiles?" Sango asked incredulously. "I can't even picture it."

"It's true though. He looks nice when he does." Kagome blushed. "And he's kissed me."

"What?" Sango was having a lot of difficulty picturing the youkai in anything but a battle setting. "What exactly happened between you two?"

Kagome traced little circles on the top of the water with her fingertips. "Well, after his arm was restored things started to change. Naraku attacked me in my sleep, and he called me back and comforted me. Then Naraku attacked me again. That was when Sesshoumaru became able to use Tetsusaiga. I was killed but he brought me back. Ever since then he's been acting... more affectionate."

Sango regarded her in confusion. "He didn't look all that different." Though he had showed a lot of possessiveness toward the miko.

Kagome averted her eyes. "That's my fault. I messed things up. Ever since I did, he acts like his distant self. He's being overly formal--polite even. I really screwed up."

"Kagome-chan, you almost make it sound like he's fallen for you."

Kagome didn't answer. Her silence was enough to affirm her theory.

"You like him, don't you?"

"Maybe," Kagome mumbled. After a pause she said, "Yes."

"Then what did you do to screw things up?"

"He told me he loved me," Kagome said in a pained voice.

Sango was startled. "Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha?"

"Yes," said Kagome slowly.

"Woah..." Sango paused. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," said Kagome miserably. " I just don't know what to do." Kagome climbed out and dried off to head back to the village.

When the girls returned, they were met by a certain toad youkai. "Sesshoumaru-sama has sent me to guard Kagome-sama," he said self importantly.

"Oh great, a chaperone." Kagome sighed.

"When did you become 'Kagome-sama'?" Sango questioned.

"He just started doing that in the last couple of days," Kagome whispered confidentially. "I don't have a clue what goes on in that head. But I suppose it's an improvement over 'stupid human.'" Kagome eyed the little youkai helplessly.

"You want to give him the slip?" Sango said under her breath.

Kagome considered for a moment. "No, better not. Sesshoumaru wouldn't be happy about it."

Kagome turned to Jaken. "Could you at least give me a little space?"

"Hai, Kagome-sama. Don't worry, I will protect you with my life!" Jaken stabbed his staff into the ground, glaring at Sango as if daring her to try something.

Kagome groaned as they walked away, trailed by Jaken. "That's gonna get annoying really fast." Sango chuckled into her hand.

Miroku approached them, looking a little shell-shocked. "Thanks for abandoning me with Sesshoumaru, ladies."

"Oh, I'm really sorry about that Miroku-sama," Kagome said, trying to hold back a laugh. "But at least we had an un-interrupted bath."

"I have no idea what you're referring to," Miroku feigned innocence. "Surely you're not implying that I would submit to such earthly faults."

Both girls stared at him skeptically. "Nice try. Did Sesshoumaru fall for the pious monk act?"

"Act! I am pious." A little smile twitched on his face. "But no, he doesn't seem to like me much."

"Don't take it too personally," Kagome told him. "You got off better than Kouga did. But I think we've come to an understanding about not harming my friends, even if they happen to be male. Still, I would watch your hands while he's around."

"Then Kouga did find you. Perhaps it is time you told us the whole story. For example, I would like to know why Sesshoumaru's wearing Tetsusaiga, and why he seemed to have his old arm."

"Alright," Kagome said. "This may take while, let's go to Kaede's."

"Go on without me; you've already told me most of it. I sent Kirara out scouting, and I have to go meet her." Sango adjusted her boomerang and hiked off.

After Kagome finished her story, Miroku held silent for a moment.

"What will you do now, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked finally.

Kagome shook her head. "I don't know. Sesshoumaru doesn't like to give me much choice. He has said many times that I have to stay with him, but I don't know if he's my jailor or my protector anymore."

"What do you want, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked. "Do you want to stay with him?"

Kagome hung her head. "I... do like being with him. He can be very gentle, even kind, and he makes me feel safe." Kagome sighed. "You must think I'm horrible."

"Horrible? I think you're the last person who could be accused of that." Miroku regarded her thoughtfully. "You feel guilty because you think being with his brother is a betrayal to Inuyasha."

Kagome nodded slightly.

"You fell in love with him, didn't you? And Sesshoumaru seems to love you, though I would not have thought him capable of it."

Kagome remained impassive.

"Do you remember the last thing Inuyasha said?"

Kagome snapped her head up. "How could I forget something like that?"

"Inuyasha experienced a great conflict when he fell in love with you. He knew that you had feelings for him, but felt he could not return them because of his obligations to a dead woman. But he did love you."

A single tear glistened as it made a track down Kagome's face.

"While you were being held by Naraku, he finally began to let go of his hesitation. He could not help falling in love again, but felt it was a betrayal to Kikyou. Before he died, he realized he could love you without negating the love he had experienced with Kikyou."

Kagome's soul was in turmoil. "Are you saying I'm like Inuyasha was?"

Miroku smiled. "In a matter of speaking. Now, I'm going to say the same thing I said to him. There is no shame in loving again. Don't wait until it's too late like Inuyasha did. Don't resign yourself to pain when there are possibilities for more."

"It's alright for me to love him?" Miroku smiled at the hope and whispers of happiness in her voice.

"You seem to do him a lot of good. I must say, I think he has the better end of the deal."

Miroku glanced down at his hands in his lap. "There is one thing I would like to ask you, however."

"What is it?" Kagome asked.

"If you had somehow known that Inuyasha was going to die so soon, would you still have wanted to know he loved you?" Miroku fiddled with the beads incasing his hand.

Kagome nodded without hesitation. "Even if it was only for a day. I only wish we could have had that chance."

Miroku sighed. "I thought you might say that. In that case, there is someone I should speak with."

Miroku rose, leaning on his staff. "I think you have something to do as well. I'm sure you still know your way to Goshinboku. I'll take care of Jaken for you."

Kagome heard a thud outside the hut and followed Miroku out. Jaken had a lump on his head, but it wouldn't be long before he came to.

She could see Miroku climbing the slope by the river, approaching the silhouettes of a great cat demon and a woman with a large boomerang strapped to her back.

Hastened by the waxing darkness and Jaken's condition, she sprinted off toward Goshinboku. The sun's angle was so low, that by the time she reached Goshinboku the forest was almost completely shaded. She found the site, bedecked only with a simple marker. The great tree behind it soothed Kagome, it was better than any gravestone. She ran her hand over the bark, feeling the scars where Inuyasha had been pinned for fifty years. It scared her a little, wondering how things would have been if she had never met him here. She cast about the clearing and found a few flowers.

She knelt down by his grave, permitting herself a few tears. Her dark form melded with the softening shadows of the woodland dusk, another specter of silvan obscurity. The sounds of the forest faded into the background, her own breath sounding loud in her ears.

"I really miss you," she whispered, fingering the marker. "You never gave me a chance before, so I'll say it now. I loved you." She sniffed and smiled a little. "I really did. So I hope that wherever you are, you won't hate me for what I'm about to do." She kissed the blossoms in her hand before laying them across the grave and rising.

"Goodbye, Inuyasha," she whispered as she walked out of the clearing without looking back.

A white figure suddenly loomed in front of her as she reached the edge of the forest again. "You shouldn't be out here alone," Sesshoumaru intoned.

Kagome jumped. "Jeez, Sesshoumaru, don't pop up out of nowhere! You really startled me."

"I sent Jaken with you for a reason. I don't appreciate you running off alone like that."

"I know," she said. "I won't do it again. There was just something I had to take care of alone."

"Come. Before Rin takes advantage of Jaken and runs off too."

Kagome snagged his wrist as he began to turn. "Wait. I was just coming to look for you."

Sesshoumaru waited. "You have found me, it would seem."

"Um, I'm sorry about the other night." He noticed how nervous she was and slid his arm until she was holding his hand instead. "I wanted to answer you then, but I couldn't. Let me do it now."

Her sweet scent was so close, and her eyes were so earnest. Sesshoumaru nodded lightly, holding her gaze.

Kagome took a deep breath. "I've fallen in love with you, too. Please forgive me for making you wait."

Sesshoumaru stood still for a moment while Kagome held her breath, waiting for his response. Suddenly a genuine smile spread across Sesshoumaru's face.

"Good," he said simply. He pulled her in against him and kissed her lips firmly. Kagome yielded happily to him, wrapping her free arm around his neck as she felt Sesshoumaru's hand on the small of her back, urging her upwards into his kiss. Finally, he pulled away slightly, giving her a chance to breath.

The wide smile on her flushed lips filled him with more satisfaction than he had ever felt before. He would do anything for her.

"When this is over," he began. "You are free to go as you choose. I would still like for you to choose to stay with me, however."

"You would let me go home?" Kagome asked happily.

Sesshoumaru's mood sank. "If that is truly what you want, I will not stop you."

"That's what I'll do, then." Kagome smiled as she brought her hand up to his face. "From now on, home is wherever you are."

Sesshoumaru smiled again and growled playfully at her, lifting her into his arms and holding her immobile. Kagome yelped and attempted to squirm out of his grasp. "You think you can get away with teasing me like that?"

Kagome giggled, as if saying that she did indeed believe she could get away with it. "What are you going to do about it?"

"If you're going to be my mate, you'll have to learn some obedience," he scolded her before delivering another kiss. Kagome stilled under his lips. Sesshoumaru smirked. "I'll tame you yet."

Kagome grinned up at him. "No you won't. You like me this way."

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Jaken's croak intruded. "Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Kagome sighed. "Sounds like the search party is here. We should go back to Rin anyway."

Sesshoumaru reluctantly released Kagome. "We're finishing this later," he murmured in her ear. Kagome blushed as Jaken scampered up to them.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! The miko!" Jaken looked up and noticed Kagome, clinging to Sesshoumaru with his arm around her waist. "Oh, you found her," he stuttered.

"I expect you to be more vigilant, especially where my mate is concerned." Sesshoumaru glared firmly down at the little youkai.

"Your mate?" Jaken was at a momentary loss. "Of course, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Jaken began to ramble. "It is an honor to be trusted to protect your mate. This lowly Jaken is proud to serve you, the greatest of demons and his powerful mate..."

"Jaken, shut up." Jaken stopped dead when Sesshoumaru spoke. Kagome smiled a little at his antics as Sesshoumaru led her away, leaving Jaken in the dust.

They returned to find Shippou and Rin curled up near each other, exhausted. Ah-Un watched over Rin, and at some point Kirara had joined them.

"Where is the cat's owner?" Sesshoumaru asked as Kirara gave a huge feline yawn.

Kagome smiled. "I don't know. But perhaps Shippou should just stay with us tonight. Something tells me Sango and Miroku aren't going to be around."



Gah!! So mushy... I can't believe I had it in me. I have to go shovel something... or play a violent video game... or something.

I hope everything was clear in this chapter. Ask questions if it wasn't.

Please Review

-Aiwen



This chapter last updated: Thursday, June 5, 2003