~*~*~
itsu kara ka kizuite ita yo hitome no naka naite iru koto o
kimi wa tada sabishikatta no? kono omoi hakanai yume na no?
sore ijou iwanaide
~*~*~
Its breakfast now and we're all up. I just sit there though, staring into my tea and Maker remarks, almost casually if doing so will reveal the universes' secrets. I shrug, almost dumbly though. I'm too tired to answer her. I wonder, if I should keep doing this. It helps you though, in a way that something else wouldn't. I think that with me there, the nightmares have become much easier to fight. I think that soon, you won't need me, and that I'll be able to get some proper sleep; that I'll be able to move on in my life instead of having to continue with… this.
Do you know how much you owe me?
It's… it's ok, I think. I'm doing this for a friend. One of my closest comrades. My teammate and leader. You shouldn't be obligated to feel that you 'owe me'. I feel at peace, during those times. When you lie in my arms, sleeping. You look so peaceful then, when you've calmed down.
Your hair; you've taken to leaving it out when you sleep, for some reason. You used to always tie your hair back when you slept, braiding it, or tying it up so that it didn't go everywhere. If you didn't, it would've become incredibly knotty, and we all know how much you despise having to take the time to do something as mundane as your hair. Though, nowadays, you've started taking more care with your appearance, haven't you? These nights you let your hair out. It spreads out in my lap, the strands; they're so silky against my arms. It's lovely running my fingers through them. When it's a full moon, the light shines down on your face. So strange then. All shadow, but with a silver tint to it. How mysterious, the light playing across your features. How beautiful…
"Healer…" says Kakyuu Princess gently. "Have you been getting enough sleep?" I sigh, and nod, even though it is obvious to us all that I am lying.
"Princess… It's alright… I'll be fine…" I emphasize those words as I look at her, and she sighs, and nods, resuming her morning breakfast. There's paperwork to be done, and I'm to speak with Yuko today. There's a meeting with a foreign Princess from the Colonis Galaxy. We three are to attend as her guards. This will be a good chance to meet Sailor Colonis as well.
~*~*~
The fact that you were crying in a glimpse ; Just when did I realize it?
Were you simply lonely? Is this feeling a fragile dream?
Don't say anything more than that
~*~*~
Your dreams are always so strong, your guilt so deep that it holds you under when you sleep. Making yourself remember is your way of reminding yourself that this must never happen again. If, there is ever a 'next time', you will be prepared.
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When I come, it's always very dark. I can never see your face clearly enough. One night, I was so tired I lay down next to you. I started crying then. I remember whispering furiously into your hair, telling you how much I hated you, how much I resented you for putting me through this. I remember saying quite fiercely that you had no right to think that you were the only one who was there. When I finished crying, I wiped my eyes, and started saying to myself, what the Sailor Soldiers were doing? Those Soldiers with that brilliant shine. I wondered what they were doing, exactly what time it was there. To keep myself busy, I hummed part of Nagareboshi He. I love that song, but at the same time, I think I hate it. Back then… Back then, our voices, our music was our only hope of actually finding Kakyuu… of calling her to us. But, it wasn't the reason Kakyuu appeared. I cried that night she came back, when she was sleeping, and when you had told us to take care of her. I was very happy then. Maker was with me, and she held me, and she was crying too. I think that I can safely say it was the happiest time in my life.
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I remember that day when Kakyuu died. I remember it so well because it was burned into my memory. I remember that painful feeling in my chest as she lay in your arms, smiling. I remember trying to say something, but my throat was too choked up. Nothing existed then but her. And her soft words, just before she left us. In my head, I was going 'No, no, no' over and over again. Then, this rage bubbled up inside me, and this hopelessness and I remember feeling helpless and lost. I felt as if a huge part of my soul was missing. My purpose in life ripped away like that, so soon after we had found her.
We had to avenge our Princess… that one cut that we laid on Galaxia, puny as it was felt like a great victory, but it still wasn't enough because it was just a cut. Nobody else could've claimed that they'd hurt Galaxia, a part of me had thought as we watched her blood drip onto the floor. Later on, though, I realized that it was our desperation, and the fact that we had nothing to live for, and nothing to lose, that had given us that small chance. If Kakyuu-hime had still been alive… would we have been able to touch Galaxia? Perhaps. Desperation to protect Kakyuu-hime would've been enough motivation.
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I remember the night you cried in your sleep. It was a clear night. The stars shone against the dark sky. There was no moon then so it was darker then usual, and there was a cool breeze. You were dreaming, as usual. It was the day Galaxia came to Kinmokusei. Thunder cracked, lighting flashed, the sky darkened. A feeling of gloom settled over our planet. Then they came, those corrupt citizens who had betrayed their own people for the sake of a Sailor Crystal. Shells of their former selves. Those anima-mates could never be Sailor Soldiers. They have no right, especially not now. There were anima-mates left and right and all around us people screamed and buildings collapsed. You were screaming out 'No! No!' I know, because I saw. I heard your anguished screams as her body faded away, your hope of our Princess drain like water from a sieve.
I wonder. Would you kill me if you for invading your privacy like this? I think you would. You'd hate it if either of us stole it away like that. You'd hate it if any of us discovered this.
I have to wonder. But then, I have to remember if those were my tears that fell onto your face as I relived it with you. I remember you crying, but, it could have easily just been me. You would never have dared, would you?
I have to wonder again. If.
I have to know… if you truly did cry.
Or… was it just my imagination?
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Fighter… please tell me… was that you crying… or was it just my imagination?
~*~*~
End Verse
End Chapter