Rei Himura first meets Enji Todoroki a week after she graduates high school.
He is four years her senior, and excruciatingly polite in every encounter they share. The words "quirk marriage" are never uttered, taboo as they are in modern society, but everyone involved knows why Enji sought her out; without her ice quirk, the Himuras have nothing of value.
They marry six months later, and she smiles in all the photographs. Even though her kimono completely washes her out, even though she's only met her husband a handful of times before, even though she believes she will never love him, she smiles.
Despite her doubts, when the time comes, she kisses him like she means it, and lets him undress her that night in their new home. His hands are warm and send a tingle down her spine as he rests them against her cheek and her neck.
"You're colder than I thought you'd be," he whispers.
Enji tells her of his plans for their children in the dark, panting against her chest before he falls asleep.
Someone with the power to surpass All Might. A beacon of hope for the dream he can't reach on his own. He's not even twenty-five, but Enji has already given up on himself.
Rei weeps, still and quiet so as not to wake her new husband. She's not sure if she's crying for him or herself or their future children, but the tears refuse to stop until she's too exhausted to stay awake any longer.
They have their first child less than a year later.
Touya comes into the world quietly, with a small tuft of red hair sticking to his forehead. He's tiny, over a month premature, and he keeps making weak, brief cries that break Rei's heart.
Enji isn't there for the birth, but he arrives at the hospital only an hour later, still clad in his hero costume. The nurses force him to change before he's allowed to see Touya.
In scrubs and a mask, he cradles their child, staring at him for several minutes. Rei's never seen her husband so gentle as he is with their impossibly small son dwarfed in his arms.
"His skin is as cold as yours," Enji mutters, and smiles.
They don't yet know the curse they've bestowed upon him.
Their second child is born a little more than a year later. A girl this time, with white hair and gray eyes.
"This is your baby sister." Rei tells Touya when his father brings him in. "This is Fuyumi."
Touya's eyes have turned out blue, and he's shown signs he's inherited Enji's quirk. And his stubbornness. He holds out a chubby finger and pokes the baby girl in the cheek. A small spark escapes him. It's neither hot enough nor big enough to do damage, but Fuyumi immediately starts crying. When Rei holds her close to coo at her, Touya also bursts into tears and holds his arms out towards his father, begging to be picked up. With a sigh, Enji lifts the boy and settles him on his shoulders. He rolls his eyes and shares a smile with Rei, and she can't help but to answer in turn. For a moment, despite the crying children and her own exhaustion, everything feels perfect.
Enji starts Touya's training young.
"Your destiny is to become the Number One Hero." He repeats it daily as a mantra, and Touya believes him. "You won't just surpass me, but All Might, and anyone else who will make it to the top. This is why you were born, Touya."
Every day, they exert his Quirk and test his physical limits, and every night, Rei does her best to soothe the burns that seem to devour more and more of her son's flesh. They don't last long, but Rei can't help but fret.
She brings up her concerns to Enji. He assures her it must be because Touya's fire is even hotter and stronger than his own.
But as Touya's hair slowly turns from red to white, and the burns and bruises take longer and longer to heal, Enji finally takes him to an expert.
"Your son's body is not suitable for Fire, but for Ice. If he continues to use his Quirk the way he has been, he will die."
The doctor doesn't mince words.
There is a reason Quirk Marriages are taboo.
Touya doesn't understand, not really. He begs for Enji's attention, going off to practice with his Quirk on his own when his father refuses to train him. Rei does her best to support and guide him, but she doesn't really understand why Touya can't accept the truth.
She doesn't understand why he values Enji's dream above his life.
They have Natsuo in hopes it will dissuade Touya. He's a big baby, and takes the most after Enji of all their children in face and build, but his coloring is white and gray like Rei. She loves him, but holding him makes her feel ashamed. Whenever Touya catches sight of his brother, the light in his eyes dies a little, and he disappears for hours.
When it's obvious Natsuo isn't what Enji is looking for, they have their fourth child.
And Shouto is everything Enji wanted from the moment he is born. Split right down the middle, half fire, half ice. A miracle, possibly their last hope to save Touya from his self. When Enji holds him, his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Rei tries to force herself to be joyful for both of them.
Something breaks in Touya when they bring their youngest home. Rei shields Shouto from the flames Touya suddenly shoots at them, and feels they have thrown water on a grease fire.
When Touya dies, burned to ash by his own fire and ambitions, the tenuous thread tying their family together finally snaps. Shouto's training becomes brutal. Fuyumi and Natsuo find any excuse to not be home.
Enji's eyes grow cold and cruel, and Rei despises him more with every passing day.
She doesn't remember burning Shouto.
She doesn't recall holding him down as she poured boiling water over his left eye. She doesn't remember what she said to him, if anything, or how she explained her actions to others.
But she remembers Shouto's screams.
She hears them every night in her dreams.
She imagines Touya sounded the same, alone on Sekoto Peak.
She wonders if he called for her, begging her to soothe the burns like she did when he was small.
Her hospital room is white and bare. Everything is padded and soft, and even when she eats or bathes and sometimes sleeps, someone always watches. Her middle children visit her, but Touya never does because he burned to death, and Shouto never does because she burned him.
They tell her about their lives, careful to censure any mention of their father. Natsuo never talks about his younger brother, but he always mentions Touya. Always brings photos and shares his happier memories.
"I just don't want you to forget him, Mom."
As if she ever could.
Fuyumi talks about Shouto, but only when Rei asks, and what she knows about him isn't much. Her baby is barely more than a stranger to her daughter. How lonely he must be.
The days and weeks and months blend together until a couple years have passed. She haunts her hospital room and the hallways near it, wandering with no destination in mind. Her children have stopped visiting as frequently, and their visits have gotten shorter. Sometimes she doesn't even recognize them.
At some point someone tells her Shouto is missing.
She cries, she thinks.
She's not sure how much time passes when her husband suddenly pays her a visit. He doesn't enter her hospital room, but stands just beyond the door.
He makes a request.
She agrees, if only to feel something.
She gives birth to their fifth child. She hardly remembers the pregnancy.
She doesn't know what they look like, for she can't bring herself to hold them. She doesn't even know what their name is, or what gender they are.
When her last child comes into this world screaming, all she can hear are the cries of her lost sons.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading what is going to be a very self-indulgent story!
The title of this fic is taken from the song Absolution by The Pretty Reckless. I'm also posting this on AO3, and the story may be a little ahead over there.
I'm also a pretty slow writer, so please bear with me for updates!