Title: Last Call at Mugsy's (1/1)
Author: Andrea (abc3969@juno.com)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: While I might explore the potential of other duos on occasion, my heart will always return to Horatio/Calleigh; and so, to my own muse I must be true.
Disclaimer: Me no profit; you no sue.
Archive: Is anybody archiving these? If so, just say so. I'll come visit. Eve, be my guest.
Spoilers: None
Dedication: To the "chat ladies"-here's my response to your challenge. Hope it lives up to the hilarity we came up with that night! This is 100% pure parody-therefore, I am not responsible for anything you're about to read-I merely wrote what the muses in that chat room gave me! I blame them for this!!
Summary: What would happen if our favorite CSIs got together for drinks at a local haunt one Friday night? It's only H/C romance inasmuch as, well, you'll see.
~~~~~
Mugsy's Place, the local dive mainly populated by off-the-clock law enforcement types, was in full swing. The jukebox was cued up for at least another three hours; the dance floor was crowded with wall-to-wall bodies, all movin' and groovin' to the tunes. On this particular hot, steamy Friday night, Mugsy had called in reinforcements-extra wait staff and bartenders-to help serve and pacify the restless throng.
Horatio Caine knew that crime never sleeps in Miami, but he also knew that his team needed a break now and then, to keep them at the top of their game, and more importantly, to keep them sane. With that in mind, he had made one of his patented 'executive decisions' and asked Claudia, the department receptionist, to call everyone on his watch-Speed, Delko, Adell, Alexx and, of course, Calleigh-and invite them to Mugsy's for drinks after work. The first round would be on him. The prospect of free liquor coupled with a well-deserved opportunity to cut loose met with enthusiastic hoots, hollers and cheers from the rank and file.
~~~~~
"Hey, H! Thanks for the invite, man!" a jovial Speed called out over his shoulder as he leaned into the bar to snag a bottled beer.
Horatio, striking quite the territorial figure strategically perched at the end of the bar, raised his glass in a half-hearted toast to his protégé.
Eric Delko sprinted up, out of breath. "Parking's a zoo tonight. I had to leave my car in a courtesy lot down the block."
Speed barked out a laugh. "You can only hope it's still there when you're ready to leave. Man, what a Schmuck." he muttered, taking a long pull from his beer.
Delko took the friendly ribbing as it was intended; nevertheless, after an over-exaggerated roll of his eyes, he offered a quick kiss to his St. Anthony medallion then ordered his drink from Lou, the bartender. As Lou slid the glass down the bar, Delko latched onto it and drank with relish exclaiming, "Come here my little mojito!"
Speed spewed his latest mouthful of beer in reaction.
"Delko, brother, you need a woman."
"Tell me somethin' I don't know." Delko managed to say, since he was busy ogling the abundance of scantily clad waitresses Mugsy kept on staff.
Next to appear on the scene were Adell and Alexx, chatting together amicably as they approached the bar.
".I hope she didn't overhear our conversation." Adell admitted ruefully.
Alexx smiled devilishly and answered back, "Oh honey, don't you worry your pretty little head over it. I doubt she heard anything; and even if she did, maybe she'll think twice before showing up here."
"Ladies. Who are we hoping won't show up here tonight?" Horatio inquired with interest, a sly, knowing grin spreading over his face.
"No one special."
"Never you mind, Horatio, darlin'."
The de facto teammates clamored to change the topic of conversation.
Covering his amusement with trademark stoicism, Horatio chided, "Meow. Retract those claws, ladies, okay?"
Already halfway through his second scotch rocks, Horatio chuckled and winked in their direction. Before this night was over, he might very well be joining in their antics.
~~~~~
Suddenly, the room turned dark, the dance music died and was promptly replaced by the shower scene music from "Psycho." All eyes shifted to the front door.
In strolled Yelina Salas on the arm of one John Hagen. The "oohs" and "ahhs" from the peanut gallery nearly drowned out the eerie screeching sounds that heralded their entry.
The pair sidled up to the bar, Hagen slurring out "We'll have Sex on the Beach."
Yelina merely giggled and flipped her dye-enhanced locks over her shoulder.
Adell couldn't resist the temptation. She gave a sidelong glance to Yelina and leaned into Hagen's face and said, "Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart."
Yelina yanked on Hagen's arm, hauling him away from Adell.
"Hey," she whined, "Step off, Sevilla. He's mine." Then she turned to Hagen and mewled sweetly, "Come on Johnny Boy, you've got an appointment with Fate and Fate has curly hair."
Frilly drinks in hand, the duo headed off to a far corner of the bar. The house lights came back up and snappy rumba music began playing.
All the hoopla was too much for Horatio. He gathered up his drink and sauntered over to the pool tables. Picking up a cue, he blurted out, "Rack 'em up, boys!" to no one in particular, but "the boys" were off doing their own thing-Delko was chasing waitresses around the floor, looking like Groucho Marx in attack mode, and Speed, well, Speed was nursing his next beer and examining the business end of a dart that just didn't seem to want to hit the target board.
As of yet, Horatio's flaxen-haired angel hadn't arrived.
The team of waitresses managed to evade Delko's capture long enough to deliver trays of appetizers to the team. Speed crammed an entire potato skin in his mouth and chomped away happily. Delko downed nachos with jalapenos by the handful. Adell and Alexx munched daintily on corn nuts and chips. Hagen and Yelina kept right on sipping their girlie drinks, alternating between twirling the paper umbrellas and tapping each other on the nose with them.
A dejected and still womanless Delko joined Horatio at the pool table and began chalking his cue.
"I'm telling you, man, you need a woman to chalk your tool!" Speed teased Delko yet again.
"Oh, pipe down, chump. I don't see your stinger missile hitting any targets tonight either." Delko shot Speed a rather blunt hand gesture.
"Gentlemen, not everything is about sex, you know."
"Easy for you to say!" Their echoed response was deafening. "H, you could have any woman you want.hell, there's a whole group at the lab that falls at your feet every time you walk down the hall." Speed sassed.
"Wolves in sheep's clothing, gentlemen. Wolves in sheep's clothing." Horatio effortlessly knocked the nine ball into the corner pocket.
"Damn." Speed moaned.
As Horatio retrieved the balls and began racking up for the next game, a throaty southern drawl floated through the air, wrapping itself snugly around him.
Once again, the house lights dimmed and the music faded, but this time, the lighting became soft and shimmering and the music changed to heavenly harp strums mixed with cherubic choruses.
"Hey, there, Handsome. Can a girl get in on some of that action?"
Horatio pivoted toward that melodious sound and found himself face to face with Calleigh "Angel Eyes" Duquesne.
"I think we can manage that. Adios Eric, I think I just got a better offer."
The much-jilted Eric Delko slinked off to take up darts with his inebriated pal Speedle.
"Mugsy, bring the lady a drink."
~~~~~
Several thrown pool games later, Horatio was now on his fourth scotch and Calleigh was fast catching up. Obviously the girl could hold her liquor.Horatio thought she'd be under the table by now, but no, she was in rare form. Her sultry smile and southern charm lit up the room.
Emboldened by Friday night revelry and more alcohol than she'd ever consumed at one sitting, Calleigh eyed the pool table suspiciously.
'I can't win this game,' she thought. 'Time to be resourceful.' She smacked her cue down on the side of the table and swept her arm dramatically over the surface, scattering the colored balls willy-nilly.
"Detective, I was about to win." Horatio mock-protested.
"There's more than one way you could win tonight, Big Boy!" Calleigh purred, climbing atop the table and sprawling out, caressing the felt invitingly.
"Ooh, live entertainment!" Alexx and Adell chimed up, after having kept altogether too much to themselves all evening.
Just as Horatio was about to forego restraint and have some real fun this night, Mugsy grabbed a microphone and brought the crowd to attention.
The wall-mounted video monitors dotting the room clicked on, their screens turning a brilliant blue color.
"It's that time again, folks.sign up now for KARAOKE!" Mugsy yelled gleefully.
Alexx and Adell jumped to their feet and sashayed to the makeshift stage.
"First on deck tonight, two of Miami Dade's finest females-Alexx Woods and Adell Sevilla!"
The tipsy pair launched into an uproarious duet of "Walk Like and Egyptian," complete with dance moves, but when their pharaoh arms became entangled, they laughed too hard to keep singing. Mugsy shooed them off the platform. The bells on the crowd response-o-meter clanged wildly.
Next up were Speed and Delko, who did a passable rendition of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" until Delko flubbed a line and Speed jumped off the stage yelling "Such a schmuck!"
Then Yelina took the microphone. As the intro to her song played, she blew a kiss in Horatio's direction. "I will always love you," she crooned.
"Me too, baby!" Hagen yelled from across the floor.
"Not you, you twit! I'm just using you for your body," Yelina snapped.
Hagen smiled goofily and gulped his drink, blissfully ignorant, or rather, ignorantly blissful.
Horatio just cringed and hid his face in his hands.
Then Yelina succeeded in obliterating Whitney Houston's cover song. The cats in the alley behind Mugsy's began howling in agony. Speed could take no more. He grabbed the big mallet and banged the industrial-sized gong that had appeared out of nowhere. Mugsy pulled his shepherd's crook out from behind the bar and hauled Yelina off the stage with it.
Yelina, however, had other plans. She was unstoppable. She disengaged herself from the crook and clumsily climbed onto the bar top. She continued to sing, despite the absence of accompaniment music. As the song reached its climactic crescendo, the glaring spotlight blinded her, so she shielded her eyes with one arm and threw the other arm out in a grand romantic gesture that served only to knock her off balance, sending her tumbling headfirst to the floor.
Yelina rose, pulling furiously at her clothes and hastily smoothing her hair. The silence in the room was broken when Hagen started warbling "I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again."
The room erupted in raucous laughter.
Yelina stalked off declaring, "Well, I never-"
Calleigh retorted quite handily, "Well maybe you ought to-" as she danced around the floor in her best Muhammad Ali fighting stance.
Horatio stepped in front of Calleigh, blocking her from Yelina's path, and guided her toward the door.
"I think you've had enough fun for one night, Slugger. Let me take you home." Horatio whispered in her ear.
"The party's just getting' good, Big Boy!" Calleigh laughed.
He leaned even closer into her space and murmured "I think we'll have more fun if it's just the two of us."
"Oooooh, my man!" Calleigh squealed with delight.
As Horatio and Calleigh made their way to the exit, Speed yelled to everyone in the room, "Turn out the lights, the party's over!"
As she breezed through the door, Calleigh giggled, "Speak for yourself, Speedy; my party's just getting started!"
Horatio scooped her up into his arms and carried her gallantly to the Hummer.
Speed and Eric joined Alexx and Adell on the dance floor for one last sexy tango as Yelina and Hagen sat underneath the bar sucking rum from each other's fingers, still twirling those silly umbrellas.
Mugsy left the keys to the bar on the counter, too tired to stay around any longer.
"Oy, what a night!" he cried as he trudged up the stairs to catch a few winks before he had to open all over again.
Author: Andrea (abc3969@juno.com)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: While I might explore the potential of other duos on occasion, my heart will always return to Horatio/Calleigh; and so, to my own muse I must be true.
Disclaimer: Me no profit; you no sue.
Archive: Is anybody archiving these? If so, just say so. I'll come visit. Eve, be my guest.
Spoilers: None
Dedication: To the "chat ladies"-here's my response to your challenge. Hope it lives up to the hilarity we came up with that night! This is 100% pure parody-therefore, I am not responsible for anything you're about to read-I merely wrote what the muses in that chat room gave me! I blame them for this!!
Summary: What would happen if our favorite CSIs got together for drinks at a local haunt one Friday night? It's only H/C romance inasmuch as, well, you'll see.
~~~~~
Mugsy's Place, the local dive mainly populated by off-the-clock law enforcement types, was in full swing. The jukebox was cued up for at least another three hours; the dance floor was crowded with wall-to-wall bodies, all movin' and groovin' to the tunes. On this particular hot, steamy Friday night, Mugsy had called in reinforcements-extra wait staff and bartenders-to help serve and pacify the restless throng.
Horatio Caine knew that crime never sleeps in Miami, but he also knew that his team needed a break now and then, to keep them at the top of their game, and more importantly, to keep them sane. With that in mind, he had made one of his patented 'executive decisions' and asked Claudia, the department receptionist, to call everyone on his watch-Speed, Delko, Adell, Alexx and, of course, Calleigh-and invite them to Mugsy's for drinks after work. The first round would be on him. The prospect of free liquor coupled with a well-deserved opportunity to cut loose met with enthusiastic hoots, hollers and cheers from the rank and file.
~~~~~
"Hey, H! Thanks for the invite, man!" a jovial Speed called out over his shoulder as he leaned into the bar to snag a bottled beer.
Horatio, striking quite the territorial figure strategically perched at the end of the bar, raised his glass in a half-hearted toast to his protégé.
Eric Delko sprinted up, out of breath. "Parking's a zoo tonight. I had to leave my car in a courtesy lot down the block."
Speed barked out a laugh. "You can only hope it's still there when you're ready to leave. Man, what a Schmuck." he muttered, taking a long pull from his beer.
Delko took the friendly ribbing as it was intended; nevertheless, after an over-exaggerated roll of his eyes, he offered a quick kiss to his St. Anthony medallion then ordered his drink from Lou, the bartender. As Lou slid the glass down the bar, Delko latched onto it and drank with relish exclaiming, "Come here my little mojito!"
Speed spewed his latest mouthful of beer in reaction.
"Delko, brother, you need a woman."
"Tell me somethin' I don't know." Delko managed to say, since he was busy ogling the abundance of scantily clad waitresses Mugsy kept on staff.
Next to appear on the scene were Adell and Alexx, chatting together amicably as they approached the bar.
".I hope she didn't overhear our conversation." Adell admitted ruefully.
Alexx smiled devilishly and answered back, "Oh honey, don't you worry your pretty little head over it. I doubt she heard anything; and even if she did, maybe she'll think twice before showing up here."
"Ladies. Who are we hoping won't show up here tonight?" Horatio inquired with interest, a sly, knowing grin spreading over his face.
"No one special."
"Never you mind, Horatio, darlin'."
The de facto teammates clamored to change the topic of conversation.
Covering his amusement with trademark stoicism, Horatio chided, "Meow. Retract those claws, ladies, okay?"
Already halfway through his second scotch rocks, Horatio chuckled and winked in their direction. Before this night was over, he might very well be joining in their antics.
~~~~~
Suddenly, the room turned dark, the dance music died and was promptly replaced by the shower scene music from "Psycho." All eyes shifted to the front door.
In strolled Yelina Salas on the arm of one John Hagen. The "oohs" and "ahhs" from the peanut gallery nearly drowned out the eerie screeching sounds that heralded their entry.
The pair sidled up to the bar, Hagen slurring out "We'll have Sex on the Beach."
Yelina merely giggled and flipped her dye-enhanced locks over her shoulder.
Adell couldn't resist the temptation. She gave a sidelong glance to Yelina and leaned into Hagen's face and said, "Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart."
Yelina yanked on Hagen's arm, hauling him away from Adell.
"Hey," she whined, "Step off, Sevilla. He's mine." Then she turned to Hagen and mewled sweetly, "Come on Johnny Boy, you've got an appointment with Fate and Fate has curly hair."
Frilly drinks in hand, the duo headed off to a far corner of the bar. The house lights came back up and snappy rumba music began playing.
All the hoopla was too much for Horatio. He gathered up his drink and sauntered over to the pool tables. Picking up a cue, he blurted out, "Rack 'em up, boys!" to no one in particular, but "the boys" were off doing their own thing-Delko was chasing waitresses around the floor, looking like Groucho Marx in attack mode, and Speed, well, Speed was nursing his next beer and examining the business end of a dart that just didn't seem to want to hit the target board.
As of yet, Horatio's flaxen-haired angel hadn't arrived.
The team of waitresses managed to evade Delko's capture long enough to deliver trays of appetizers to the team. Speed crammed an entire potato skin in his mouth and chomped away happily. Delko downed nachos with jalapenos by the handful. Adell and Alexx munched daintily on corn nuts and chips. Hagen and Yelina kept right on sipping their girlie drinks, alternating between twirling the paper umbrellas and tapping each other on the nose with them.
A dejected and still womanless Delko joined Horatio at the pool table and began chalking his cue.
"I'm telling you, man, you need a woman to chalk your tool!" Speed teased Delko yet again.
"Oh, pipe down, chump. I don't see your stinger missile hitting any targets tonight either." Delko shot Speed a rather blunt hand gesture.
"Gentlemen, not everything is about sex, you know."
"Easy for you to say!" Their echoed response was deafening. "H, you could have any woman you want.hell, there's a whole group at the lab that falls at your feet every time you walk down the hall." Speed sassed.
"Wolves in sheep's clothing, gentlemen. Wolves in sheep's clothing." Horatio effortlessly knocked the nine ball into the corner pocket.
"Damn." Speed moaned.
As Horatio retrieved the balls and began racking up for the next game, a throaty southern drawl floated through the air, wrapping itself snugly around him.
Once again, the house lights dimmed and the music faded, but this time, the lighting became soft and shimmering and the music changed to heavenly harp strums mixed with cherubic choruses.
"Hey, there, Handsome. Can a girl get in on some of that action?"
Horatio pivoted toward that melodious sound and found himself face to face with Calleigh "Angel Eyes" Duquesne.
"I think we can manage that. Adios Eric, I think I just got a better offer."
The much-jilted Eric Delko slinked off to take up darts with his inebriated pal Speedle.
"Mugsy, bring the lady a drink."
~~~~~
Several thrown pool games later, Horatio was now on his fourth scotch and Calleigh was fast catching up. Obviously the girl could hold her liquor.Horatio thought she'd be under the table by now, but no, she was in rare form. Her sultry smile and southern charm lit up the room.
Emboldened by Friday night revelry and more alcohol than she'd ever consumed at one sitting, Calleigh eyed the pool table suspiciously.
'I can't win this game,' she thought. 'Time to be resourceful.' She smacked her cue down on the side of the table and swept her arm dramatically over the surface, scattering the colored balls willy-nilly.
"Detective, I was about to win." Horatio mock-protested.
"There's more than one way you could win tonight, Big Boy!" Calleigh purred, climbing atop the table and sprawling out, caressing the felt invitingly.
"Ooh, live entertainment!" Alexx and Adell chimed up, after having kept altogether too much to themselves all evening.
Just as Horatio was about to forego restraint and have some real fun this night, Mugsy grabbed a microphone and brought the crowd to attention.
The wall-mounted video monitors dotting the room clicked on, their screens turning a brilliant blue color.
"It's that time again, folks.sign up now for KARAOKE!" Mugsy yelled gleefully.
Alexx and Adell jumped to their feet and sashayed to the makeshift stage.
"First on deck tonight, two of Miami Dade's finest females-Alexx Woods and Adell Sevilla!"
The tipsy pair launched into an uproarious duet of "Walk Like and Egyptian," complete with dance moves, but when their pharaoh arms became entangled, they laughed too hard to keep singing. Mugsy shooed them off the platform. The bells on the crowd response-o-meter clanged wildly.
Next up were Speed and Delko, who did a passable rendition of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" until Delko flubbed a line and Speed jumped off the stage yelling "Such a schmuck!"
Then Yelina took the microphone. As the intro to her song played, she blew a kiss in Horatio's direction. "I will always love you," she crooned.
"Me too, baby!" Hagen yelled from across the floor.
"Not you, you twit! I'm just using you for your body," Yelina snapped.
Hagen smiled goofily and gulped his drink, blissfully ignorant, or rather, ignorantly blissful.
Horatio just cringed and hid his face in his hands.
Then Yelina succeeded in obliterating Whitney Houston's cover song. The cats in the alley behind Mugsy's began howling in agony. Speed could take no more. He grabbed the big mallet and banged the industrial-sized gong that had appeared out of nowhere. Mugsy pulled his shepherd's crook out from behind the bar and hauled Yelina off the stage with it.
Yelina, however, had other plans. She was unstoppable. She disengaged herself from the crook and clumsily climbed onto the bar top. She continued to sing, despite the absence of accompaniment music. As the song reached its climactic crescendo, the glaring spotlight blinded her, so she shielded her eyes with one arm and threw the other arm out in a grand romantic gesture that served only to knock her off balance, sending her tumbling headfirst to the floor.
Yelina rose, pulling furiously at her clothes and hastily smoothing her hair. The silence in the room was broken when Hagen started warbling "I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again."
The room erupted in raucous laughter.
Yelina stalked off declaring, "Well, I never-"
Calleigh retorted quite handily, "Well maybe you ought to-" as she danced around the floor in her best Muhammad Ali fighting stance.
Horatio stepped in front of Calleigh, blocking her from Yelina's path, and guided her toward the door.
"I think you've had enough fun for one night, Slugger. Let me take you home." Horatio whispered in her ear.
"The party's just getting' good, Big Boy!" Calleigh laughed.
He leaned even closer into her space and murmured "I think we'll have more fun if it's just the two of us."
"Oooooh, my man!" Calleigh squealed with delight.
As Horatio and Calleigh made their way to the exit, Speed yelled to everyone in the room, "Turn out the lights, the party's over!"
As she breezed through the door, Calleigh giggled, "Speak for yourself, Speedy; my party's just getting started!"
Horatio scooped her up into his arms and carried her gallantly to the Hummer.
Speed and Eric joined Alexx and Adell on the dance floor for one last sexy tango as Yelina and Hagen sat underneath the bar sucking rum from each other's fingers, still twirling those silly umbrellas.
Mugsy left the keys to the bar on the counter, too tired to stay around any longer.
"Oy, what a night!" he cried as he trudged up the stairs to catch a few winks before he had to open all over again.