Free your mind. If you can stand the pain.
A/N: A slightly more clever parody of bad Matrix fics.
Once upon a merry time, a girl named Wot sat at her computer. She didn't know how to hack computers, but she was trying. She pressed the H key repeatedly; since it was the first letter of the word "hack," she assumed it would hack into random people's computers. It didn't work. (I wonder why.)
As Wot sat in her computer chair, pressing the H key with her index finger and grinning stupidly, a man in a suit rang her doorbell and said into the intercom, "Evil Agents Collecting Service."
"Oh, goody!" squealed Wot, leaping up from her computer. "I love collecting things!"
Wot answered the door happily, and upon seeing a man in a suit with an earpiece and sunglasses, squealed again. "Ooooh! Your suit is perfect for my suit collection! Come on in!"
"Uhhh..." The Agent was very confused, but he had no time to act on it before Wot dragged him into the house. She slammed him down onto a gingham sofa and beamed at him.
"Here," she said, thrusting a pink gingham dress at him. "This is for you to wear, since I need your suit for my suit collection." She peered at him, grinning all the while. "I'll be taking your sunglasses for my sunglass collection, too. Oh, and your earpiece!" She yanked the earpiece out of the Agent, ignoring his screams of pain.
The doorbell rang again, unexpectedly. Wot let out yet another shrill squeal, and the Agent winced. "Another visitor! Oh, today is so much fun!" And without further ado, Wot yanked open the front door to find a good-looking brunette wearing sunglasses, immaculately dressed in black.
Neo looked from Wot, who was wearing a stupid grin and holding the earpiece, to the Agent, who was still wincing in pain and holding a pink gingham dress, complete with lace and frills. This would be a good time, Neo decided, to look confused.
Wot looked blankly at Neo. "Who are you? You don't have anything worth collecting."
Neo looked at Wot. He had almost forgotten she was there; he had been too distracted by the sight of the Agent holding a frilly pink gingham dress.
"I'm here to collect you," he said. "I'm going to bring you to the real world."
"Oh, goody!" Wot clapped her hands and did a little dance around the pink rug. "Let's go right now!"
Rolling his eyes in a blatant dis, Neo wrapped his arm around Wot's waist and set off through the roof, using the same hole he had made earlier. The Agent just sat there, helpless, still holding the dress. After a minute, he put his earpiece back in and walked out the door.
--
It seemed like Wot really enjoyed flying.
"Wheeeeee! I'm flying!" she crowed, flapping her arms and hitting Neo in the face. "Just like Cinderella!"
Neo closed his eyes in frustration. "Cinderella didn't fly," he pointed out.
"Oh." After that, Wot was noticeably subdued. For a couple minutes, anyway.
"So where are you taking me again?" She giggled.
Neo sighed. "To the real world."
Wot gasped. "Oh, cool! Isn't that a show on MTV?"
Neo groaned. This was not going to be easy.
A/N: A slightly more clever parody of bad Matrix fics.
Once upon a merry time, a girl named Wot sat at her computer. She didn't know how to hack computers, but she was trying. She pressed the H key repeatedly; since it was the first letter of the word "hack," she assumed it would hack into random people's computers. It didn't work. (I wonder why.)
As Wot sat in her computer chair, pressing the H key with her index finger and grinning stupidly, a man in a suit rang her doorbell and said into the intercom, "Evil Agents Collecting Service."
"Oh, goody!" squealed Wot, leaping up from her computer. "I love collecting things!"
Wot answered the door happily, and upon seeing a man in a suit with an earpiece and sunglasses, squealed again. "Ooooh! Your suit is perfect for my suit collection! Come on in!"
"Uhhh..." The Agent was very confused, but he had no time to act on it before Wot dragged him into the house. She slammed him down onto a gingham sofa and beamed at him.
"Here," she said, thrusting a pink gingham dress at him. "This is for you to wear, since I need your suit for my suit collection." She peered at him, grinning all the while. "I'll be taking your sunglasses for my sunglass collection, too. Oh, and your earpiece!" She yanked the earpiece out of the Agent, ignoring his screams of pain.
The doorbell rang again, unexpectedly. Wot let out yet another shrill squeal, and the Agent winced. "Another visitor! Oh, today is so much fun!" And without further ado, Wot yanked open the front door to find a good-looking brunette wearing sunglasses, immaculately dressed in black.
Neo looked from Wot, who was wearing a stupid grin and holding the earpiece, to the Agent, who was still wincing in pain and holding a pink gingham dress, complete with lace and frills. This would be a good time, Neo decided, to look confused.
Wot looked blankly at Neo. "Who are you? You don't have anything worth collecting."
Neo looked at Wot. He had almost forgotten she was there; he had been too distracted by the sight of the Agent holding a frilly pink gingham dress.
"I'm here to collect you," he said. "I'm going to bring you to the real world."
"Oh, goody!" Wot clapped her hands and did a little dance around the pink rug. "Let's go right now!"
Rolling his eyes in a blatant dis, Neo wrapped his arm around Wot's waist and set off through the roof, using the same hole he had made earlier. The Agent just sat there, helpless, still holding the dress. After a minute, he put his earpiece back in and walked out the door.
--
It seemed like Wot really enjoyed flying.
"Wheeeeee! I'm flying!" she crowed, flapping her arms and hitting Neo in the face. "Just like Cinderella!"
Neo closed his eyes in frustration. "Cinderella didn't fly," he pointed out.
"Oh." After that, Wot was noticeably subdued. For a couple minutes, anyway.
"So where are you taking me again?" She giggled.
Neo sighed. "To the real world."
Wot gasped. "Oh, cool! Isn't that a show on MTV?"
Neo groaned. This was not going to be easy.