Author: Amberlee
Standard Disclaimer: FFX and all it's characters are the property of
SquareEinux (formerly SquareSoft). I'm
taking them out for some air and not getting paid a gil for it. Really.
Honest. I'm not!
Warnings: Angst! Angst with angst flakes and a side of angst for your angst pleasure. And did I mention that comes with your choice of complimentary Angst cola?
What is this FanFiction work about?:
This is a "one shot." It is a companion piece to
my large FanFiction Novels Legendary Guardian, Braska's Journey. If you've read them, it will enhance the
angstometer for you. If you haven't,
then you might miss some of the little details but I think it still stands on
its own.
Notes: Auron's words to Tidus when in the well, and most the short conversation upon his return to the campsite, is lifted directly from the US release of FFX.
Summary: For all of you that wondered what happened to Shana.
Full Circle
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~
Yuna wanted to perform the Sending but there wasn't time. Warrior monks with guns – GUNS! – had begun to rush from the confines of the temple toward the beleaguered party. They were exhausted, drained, and nearly out of potions. Auron took command.
"There is no time, Yuna. RUN!"
Taking the rear position to guard against attack, Auron watched as Tidus shepherded Yuna down the Highbridge. The girl was worried for her oldest guard but how could he explain? There was no need for her to worry.
He was already dead.
That's not to say that he couldn't be wounded. Holding his pyrefly augmented form together took a substantial amount of concentration and energy. Over the course of the years, he had learned to push aside extraneous feelings and distractions that might cause him to loose his hold and give away his true nature. The call of the Farplane was strong, but his hate for the lies of the church and his need to fulfill his promises to Braska and Jecht were much stronger. Weapons might cause him damage for a time but they wouldn't stop him. He couldn't allow it.
But how did you explain such a thing to an idealistic young girl? You couldn't really. Yuna had to learn her own truths in her own time. It was part of growing up.
No one in the group looked back as they raced down the bridge toward Macalania Wood. Auron knew the place well. While it was infested with fiends, it also provided safe havens for travelers in hollowed trees and niches of rock. An old cave near the springs that Auron had used years ago as shelter on the Pilgrimage with Braska would be a perfect hiding place for the frightened and stunned group of youngsters.
//All of them so young. So Naive. I was like that once too. Was it really that long ago?//
The party entered the cover of the forest and Auron ran forward toward his charge. "Yuna, I know a place where we may rest. Shall I lead?"
The girl nodded her head dumbly. She was clearly in a state of shock over the day's events. Clinging weakly to Tidus' arm as though she might find some bit of reality in the solidity of the boy Guardian, she let herself be led along. Calling her Aeons to fight Isaaru had drained her magic and the betrayal of her Church had bled her dry.
//I wonder, what would she do if she knew that the one she clings to was no more real than the lies of the Church? Would it break her like it broke me?//
Tired though the group was, there was still danger in the woods. They had to remain alert until they reached their destination. Auron instructed Wakka and Rikku to bring up the rear and took point. He led the way through the tangle of twisting trees and their haunting perpetual twilight. It wasn't long until they neared the junction of pathways that the warrior remembered so well. A few well-placed hacks shattered the trunk of a fallen tree and the group passed through a black hole in the rock into small crystalline cave.
Given the size of the opening, the interior was quite spacious. A ring of rock - remants of a former campfire - showed evidence they were not the first to stay here. Auron was quietly impressed when Lulu took charge, gathered their meager supplies, and set about making camp. All business, she sent Wakka and Tidus off for scraps of deadwood and bamboo that might fire and handed out rations. The move into an almost parental role was a subtle shift that Auron noted with some pleasure.
//She certainly is practical, I must give her that. She'll make a wonderful mother one day if she survives this. If any of them survive it.//
Auron looked toward Yuna. She was sitting on the ground with her legs pulled up; hugging her knees and rocking back and forth silently. The round face reminded him of Braska but the Summoner had often said how much the girl favored his wife. He wondered, not for the first time, what the Al Bhed woman must have been like.
"Yuna, we should be safe here until tomorrow. However, our lack of supplies is a cause for concern." Auron chose his words carefully. "I have…an old friend…in the city that I can call upon for assistance. I will return by morning."
Rikku, sitting next to the huddled Yuna, responded first. "But, Sir Auron! It's too dangerous! What if they catch you?!"
Auron walked the few paces to Yuna and crouched before her. After a moment's hesitation, he reached forward a gloved hand pushed the hair that had fallen forward away from her face. Tilting her head upward to meet his gaze, he spoke quietly. "I made a promise to your father. I will keep it."
Yuna's eyes searched the scared face and a strange look of sadness and understanding washed over her features. She nodded. "I know, Sir Auron."
The warrior stood and dissapeared into the night.
Staying silent and unobserved is easy when you are dead. Had he wanted, Auron could have displayed himself in a much different form than the one he wore. It was his choice to be viewed as a haggard and seasoned warrior. He had earned his scars. They were a testament to his youthful foolishness. He wanted always to remember his mistakes that another might never repeat them and so he kept his faults vividly apparent for all the world to see.
When he approached the trail that led to the gates of Bevelle, he saw a glint of silver.
//Hn. Warrior Monks. Already they search for us. Mika must be quite displeased.//
Stepping into the shadows, Auron's appearance began to shift. Pyreflies released from his body and the flowing red robe and gray pants gave way to a standard issue uniform. His face resumed a youthful look and the scar faded away as the transformation became complete. He had looked like this once - a very long time ago - before Braska and the other Pilgrimage. Auron pushed the helm down onto his head and started down the trail. In the low light, his features would be obscured and make it easy for him to pass the sentries at the gate.
Performing the sign of prayer galled him, but it had to be done. His uniform marked him a footman and the guards were Captains. He offered the standard difference to his "superiors" and made a "report" no matter how it rankled.
"Sir! There is no sign of them on the trail to the Calm Lands, Sir!" Auron knew his words would keep additional soldiers from searching near the cave. It would buy the group a bit more time and some peace of mind.
"Carry on," was the sharp reply.
Once past the gate, he made for his destination. It had been ten years since he walked the streets and suspended bridges of Bevelle. Surprisingly little had changed. As he moved off the main thoroughfare and down a residential side street, he thought back to his lost youth. How many times had he run down this very street and into the marketplace? He wondered if the old flower merchant he always used was still alive; if Evrae's was still there.
//Those days are over. Do what you came to do.//
What he had said to Yuna was only partially true. Yes, he would be seeing an old friend, but his purpose was not for supplies and assistance. Certainly, he could obtain them without trouble, but his objective was something very different.
He had come to say goodbye.
Auron's substance being made largely from force of will and the power of the pyrefly spirits that supported him made him keenly sensitive to the nearness death. Much as Seymour had taunted him in Guadosalam about being able to smell the scent of the Farplane, Auron could feel the swift hand of time – the tension and anticipation of a soul near release. When he descended from the airship into the city with the others, he had felt the oppressive cling of unsent spirits and one, in particular, had called out to him.
Shana.
After being thrown into a cage in the Well with Tidus, it had been all Auron could do to remain there. He could have left at any time. Releasing his hold on his form would have allowed him to pass through the bars but then he would have had to explain himself to Tidus. There was also the fact that somewhere in the Temple the corrupt Maesters held Yuna captive. As much as Auron wanted to escape and answer the call he heard from the woman that had raised him, he had his duty. His duty was all.
And so he had waited – restrained himself and saved his energy for when it would be needed. He had no illusions about what would happen here. If they were lucky, there would be no torture before they were sentenced and sent to the Via Purifico. Auron could only hope that the young people in the party would be spared that pain.
He had heard the approach of footsteps beyond the doors of the well. They had stopped and an argument ensued between a soft female voice and a stronger male one. Closing his eyes, Auron focused his energy and listened – attempting to discern what was happening in the antechamber beyond.
The argument was over swiftly. Auron was surprised by what he heard. Kinoc and his sister Emerline. The woman had verbally thrashed her brother for Auron's incarceration and taken him to task. She had pleaded with Kinoc to allow Auron to visit Shana – appealed to her brother on the grounds of family debt and honor – but it was to no avail. Emerline haughtily said that Kinoc was worse than their father and that she no longer had family.
Tidus had begun to shout again after that and it drowned out the words the followed.
Auron knew it wouldn't be long before the inevitable. He told the boy to stop wasting his breath and made an effort to prepare Tidus for what was to come.
"Summoners challenge the bringer of death, Sin, and die doing so. Guardians give their lives to protect their Summoner. The Fayth are the souls of the dead. Even the Maesters of Yevon are unsent. Spira is full of death. Only Sin is reborn and then only to bring more death. It is a cycle of death that spirals endlessly."
The boy had sighed and sat silently contemplating the words until Kinoc came to take them to their fate.
But they escaped and they were safe. For now.
As he turned the final corner, the familiar sight of a low lime washed wall and rough-hewn wooden gate came into view. Auron's steps quickened. He could feel Shana, even from here. It wouldn't be long now. He had little time.
His gloved hand brushed against the wall lightly before taking hold of the latch and swinging the gate inward. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. Time, it seemed, stood still as it had for generations behind the gate of Auron's ancestral home. It was exactly as he remembered it. The moss and rock gardens lit brightly by the full moon. The graceful willow next to the pond where Shana had taught him the tea ceremony. The small stream the trickled softly over the rocks and beneath the arched stone bridge - a feature that Braska had been quite fond of. The lanterns and rain chains that hung from the eaves of the house. The shutters and screens...
The ache of homecoming blurred his vision and he stood, silent and in awe, at a place he had thought never to see again.
Auron took a deep breath and let it out slowly before stepping across the bridge toward the house. A light breeze played among the tall bamboo and it rustled softly, covering the sound of his boots on the gravel path. Instead of going to the front door, he passed round the east side of the house by the kitchen and around to the servant's quarters to the screen doors that would open to Shana's room.
A dim light glowed within. Auron hesitated near the doorway listening for telltale sounds and watching for shadows of movement. Finally, when he was certain all was quiet, he slid the screen aside.
Shana lay on the sleeping mat, her breath uneven and shallow. The old woman's long gray hair had been washed and plaited in a loose braid that draped over her right shoulder. Auron had never seen Shana wear her hair that way – she had always pulled it up tightly in a bun atop her head – and it lent the woman an odd air of youthfulness and fragility that he could never recall her having before. The soft yellow of the lantern light flickered echoing the woman's unsteady breaths.
Emerline, her blonde hair loose, sat next to Shana's head on the sleeping mat. The soft green silk of her dressing gown grazed the pillow; an arm resting protectively near the old woman's head. She had fallen asleep there, sitting in vigil.
Auron stepped into the room and remembered another day when he had come home to death. In this very room, he had held the hand of his mentor Barak has the man passed from life. It somehow seemed fitting now that he would be here with Shana – that the woman too would leave life behind in this room where her love had died. There was a strange kind of comfort in the continuity of it that touched Auron in a way he didn't completely understand.
When he reached the mat, he knelt and took off his gloves and helm. He was glad, in a way, that Shana would see him like this – not scarred from his travels and his mistakes but as the young man she had raised; innocent, trusting, and unscathed.
"Shana."
The word came softly; a quiet whisper. Auron leaned forward, took hold of Shana's chilled hand and pressed it softly to his cheek.
"Shana, I'm here."
The woman drew a long ragged breath. Auron waited patiently. Finally, Shana's eyes fluttered and opened slightly.
"Auron."
Auron nodded his head gently against the hand he held.
"I came to see you on your way."
A faint smile played on Shana's lips and her eyes closed. She seemed suddenly aglow – at peace. The exhale that followed was deep and complete, a soft and graceful conclusion to the compassionate being that had inhabited the body that lay there.
Long ago at the Calm Lands, on a bright sunlit morning, Auron had shed his last tears and he keenly felt a loss that he could not offer any now for this woman that he loved so dearly. That had loved him so dearly. He placed Shana's hand to rest on her motionless chest and then leaned forward to touch his head to hers.
The room began to brighten.
Emerline stirred.
Pyreflies began to release from Shana's body as Auron reached upward and clasped the woman's face in his hands. He might be incapable of shedding tears but he would not hold back his grief. Auron shuddered slightly and a few of the shining lights released from his own body to mingle with those of the woman now gone.
When Emerline opened her eyes, she gasped. The room was filled with the tiny lights – they danced and spun in the room singing their soft and mournful song. She watched as Auron's form hovered there, struggling to maintain its solidity as he spent out his grief and said his true goodbye.
"Auron?"
In a moment, it was over. Auron remained leaning against the empty shell of Shana's body, her spirit now free to join Barak in peace. The lights fled out into the night – through the open screens, into the rock gardens, and out into the stars above. He took a few deep breaths, gathering energy back into his body. It took all his iron will for him to stay. He had walked the path beside Shana, followed the golden light for the third time in his life and he ached in parts of his soul he had thought no longer capable of feeling. He ached for the beauty he had just seen – for the tranquility and serenity of the Farplane and the arms of his family and friends that waited for him there.
But his job was not yet finished.
Yuna waited. He had promised.
"Auron." Emerline's eyes were wide with fear and shock. She reached forward a shaking hand, trying to understand what she had witnessed. "Auron?"
"Em..."
"Auron, I don't understand. Why haven't you come home all these years? Why…"
Sighing, Auron put his fingers to Emerline's lips to still them. "You know why."
Quiet tears fell down Emerline's face as Auron stood. "Thank you, Em. Thank you for everything. I knew that I could trust you; that you were the right one. That you would care for Shana as I would have."
Emerline nodded dumbly; barely able to hold back her sobs. Auron felt hated what he was about to say, but it had to be said and he wanted it to come from him.
"Em...They killed Kinoc tonight."
The young woman shrieked and her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Auron strode forward and grabbed hold of her, pulling her close. He rocked her in his arms as she wailed her grief. "I am so sorry. Sorry for the part I played in your sorrows. I promise you. The one that did it will not go unpunished. The Church that corrupted him will fall. I swear it. If it takes me one thousand lifetimes I will see them all rot in hell."
Auron held Emerline as long as he dared. He couldn't stay. He hated to leave her, yet again, but it had to be done. "I have to go, Em."
She nodded and pulled away. "I know."
The two stood there, looking at one another in silence. Finally, Auron brushed Emerline's long blonde hair away from her forehead and kissed her softly. "I love you." Then he turned and walked out the door.
Auron returned to the clearing, his red robes fluttering and two packs slung over his shoulder. One contained choice armor from his grandfather's personal cache – items the group would need if they made it across the mountain to face the Spectral Keeper in the Zanarkand dome. The other contained potions and travel rations; enough to last them several days.
Wakka stepped out of the shadows when Auron approached the campsite. "Well?"
"We're all clear. But we'll have to avoid Bevelle in the future." Auron's sharp eye scanned the group. "Yuna?"
"She said she wanted to be alone." Rikku looked dejected and lost.
Auron nodded. He understood. He too, wanted nothing more than to find some kind of solace this night. While he might not be afforded that luxury, he would find a way to give it to the daughter of his Summoner. No. To his Summoner. "Of course."
He turned his head and looked at Tidus. The boy stared at the ground, digging at the dirt absently with the toe of his boot not knowing what to do. Auron walked over and dropped the packs next to Tidus and whispered, "Don't be a fool boy. Go to her."
Tidus looked up briefly with a grateful expression before he walked away. Auron watched the young man go, wondering if he'd done the right thing. He supposed only time would tell. But he knew one thing in what was left of his cold heart – Barak had been right all those years ago and he would not make the same mistake twice.
To withhold love - to run from it and live in a nebulous world of tomorrows and might have beens - that was the truest and greatest Sin of all.