Author: JavaJunkieAngel
Disclaimer: I don't own Michelle Branch or her music. I do wish I had her talent… I already have a good voice…
Title: Breathe
Summary: If I just breathe let it fill the space in between, I'll know everything is all right. – Java Junkie
Pairings: L/L
Authors Note: I was listening on Z-100 and I came across this song my Michelle Branch. It was really good, I didn't catch the lyrics the first time and I looked it up, it reminded me of Luke and Lorelai and what I think Lorelai feels of her relationship with Luke, so yeah this is told in Lorelai's point of view. Hope you like!
The italic is flashbacks…
--
I've
been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and it's keeping you away
I drove all around Hartford; I mean I needed time to take in everything. It was just too much… too soon. I mean it was too hard for me to let go of Rory, but to let go of Luke too was way too soon, too fast.
"Luke come on, you can tell me. What happened with you and Nicole?" I persisted. Luke was helping me put some of Rory's things in his truck; I just wanted to know what happened on his cruise.
"Nothing happened…"
"Did you propose?" I pushed… it was always up to me to get the real truth out of Luke.
"Yes." He said at last. I smiled, now we were getting somewhere.
"Did she say yes?"
"Yes. There's more…"
"There's more?" I said scared, "Oh my god, she's pregnant! You finally reproduced!"
"We got married."
"You got married?!" I put my face into my hands, all shocked.
I shuttered at the thought of my conversation with Luke. I mean it wasn't like I was mad that he proposed I was the one that was pushing him to actually do it and now he actually did it. My mind was spinning with all of these questions on how and why… it was all too confusing.
So just give me one good reason
Tell my why I should stay
'Cause I don't want to waste another moment
Saying things we never meant to say
I pulled over to the curb and got out, the rain was pouring really hard. I looked into the diner and saw that it was empty. I cursed silently and went back to the car, the timing was always wrong… it was never ever going go be right.
"So you're getting married?" I asked quietly… it seemed like it was wrong for me to ask this. But it just felt right.
"Yeah we're planning it all out now…" Luke said to me, just as quiet. I felt a chill up my spine when he said this; it just hurt to listen to it all. I looked down and I could feel him looking at me, knowing that I couldn't take this any longer. He finally spoke up, "I um – better go… so I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Um yeah, I'll be back to return the truck, thanks again Luke… and congrats." I said, I didn't mean the last part, it just was like that.
I looked back before I got into the car, the diner was still closed. I closed my eyes and wished that time would turn back and that I had never heard Luke's news. It was the first time that I was jealous, it had finally been my turn. I mean after Christopher and Max and Alex… it was now Luke's turn to make me crazy, I know knew why he hated all the men that I've dated. The rain was pouring faster, and my heart was racing just as fast, I was anxious to just get home, relax in my own corner of the world. But I knew that I wasn't going to be let off easy… there was just no way.
If
I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
I sighed, the whole day seemed like a fluke or something because nothing seemed to be going my way, it was just so wrong. I finally pulled up to my driveway, by then the rain had stopped and I got out of the car. I knew that moping and just wishing that they weren't getting married wasn't going to do anything – but nothing else I did seemed to help.
Luke had always been a friend, and nothing else. At lease I didn't seem him as anything else, but somehow everyone else did, even my mother! But then I just ignored all those insane comments and we just continued with our friendship, then Nicole Leahy came into existence. It wasn't like I didn't like her I mean she was nice and well that was it. I never really got a chance to know her I guess like how Luke knows her, but she just seemed not good enough for Luke, he needed the best and well all he needed wasn't Nicole.
Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real
And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes
---
I got up the next morning feeling a little bit better, Rory called early and said that she had her second half of orientation that day and she just wanted to say hi. I didn't get a chance to tell her my Luke predicament because our conversation time was so limited, it was okay though I guess because I was just glad to hear that she was doing okay.
At about 10 'o clock I arrived at the diner, Luke was standing behind the counter on the phone – probably with Nicole – he was smiling and looking very unlike Luke. He still had the flannel but the facial impression wasn't like his. I walked up towards the counter and sat down on one of the stools. "Hey."
"Oh hi." He responded, he got a cup and began to pour me coffee. "Heard from Rory?"
"Yeah she just called, she has the second half of orientation and then pretty soon she'll be coming home for Thanksgiving and around Christmastime she'll have the exams already." I began babbling on, "She's just really happy there."
Luke smiled and nodded, "Good, and the mattress is there okay?"
"Yeah, it's a little too big but she got it figured out. Don't worry." I smiled, reassuring him.
"So what do you want for breakfast?"
"Um, eggs and pancakes and coffee and bacon."
"Okay, coming right up."
He exited to the kitchen and I just took a sip of my coffee. I looked though the window that was looking into the Soda Shoppe and I saw that Taylor was fixing up the store by putting some candy on the shelves, Luke probably forbidden him from doing that, but apparently he didn't care.
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Breathe
So I whisper and I'm,
Hoping you hear me
Do you hear me?
"Luke?" I called into his apartment, later that day. I just really needed to talk to him, about everything, my feelings and just my thoughts. "Lucas! Open the damn door!!" I yelled, I didn't mean to yell it was just that I was really anxious to talk to him, get it all over with.
Luke opened the door, wearing only a towel. I blushed, he was in the shower and I was yelling at him, "What?" he said, holding the towel up.
"Can I come in?" I asked, trying not to look at his six pack, he gestured to me to come in, and I sat down on the couch, "Mind if I get dressed first?" he asked.
"Oh sorry. Yeah sure." I said, blushing. I watched him go off to the bathroom and I looked around, I noticed a light pink coach bag hanging from coat hook. A knew that was Nicole's and I hated just thinking about her. Rory told me before that she was a good person inside, and well to Rory she is but to me, she was another girlfriend of Luke's that hated me. I began to become impatient because I just wanted to tell him my feelings – my true feelings – not that "I love you" crap that people see in the movies and stuff, but what I've been feeling for all these years, I knew that today was the day to tell him.
He finally got out of the bathroom wearing a red flannel shirt and jeans, he had no baseball cap, but that didn't last long because he opened a drawer and pulled out the famous baseball cap. "So what do you want?"
"Well you know how the whole town is one big mental case?" I began, Luke nodded and told me to go on, "well even though they are a bunch of crazy people, what they say can be true. You know about Taylor being a nutcase and Kirk having no life whatsoever."– Luke gestured for me to move on- "okay moving on, the people do have a point because what they've been saying about us is well on my part true."
Luke didn't say anything after that, it was normal because Luke didn't really say a lot to begin with, but I was scared that he was the reason he didn't say anything was because of me. He just glanced over to a picture of him and Nicole on their cruise and sighed, "So you like me?"
"No, I think I love you…" I said, weakly, "I have been in love with you for a long time, I was just too blind, too stupid and too ignorant to realize it, but I do…"
"I'm getting married," he said, "To Nicole."
"So you…"
"I did have feelings for you, I loved you. But that cruise made me fall in love with Nicole… not you…" Luke said. I nodded and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. The man I loved told me that he didn't love me back. It hurt, so much. It felt like a knife stabbed me in the back and the man who stabbed me was Luke.
"So you don't have any feelings for me back?" I asked, hopeful. He just nodded his head, no.
---
Fast Forward: The wedding day of Mr. Lucas Danes and Ms. Nicole Leahy.
Seeing Luke up at the alter and watching Nicole walk down that aisle made me mad, happy, yet mad. My best friend was getting married. I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding, but I had no gay best friend for me to turn too, no stupid dance at the end to the movie to make me happy. I had no one. Rory was there for me, but she and Jess got back together and that's a whole different story. I just felt lost and alone, like an abandoned old puppy. It felt horrible.
I lost my best friend, my coffee supplier and the guy I loved all in one day – Luke was now a newlywed, and was going to his honeymoon with Nicole Leahy-Danes.
If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
--
Author's Note: Okay, I guess by know, you all hate me. But I had to end it that way – if you all can understand that. I hated making the ending not Java Junkie … but hey that's the way the boat floats. But I'm writing another story that's 101% Java Junkie with no Nicole's but a jealous boyfriend – but that's a whole different story. Also I'm writing a Literati too so watch out for that… hope you liked the story [ even if you hated the ending. ]