Chapter 20-
Simon and Ruthie decided to start they're sessions after dinner. They also decided not to tell Eric and Annie because they didn't know how they'd react and they didn't want them to try to help.
During dinner, everyone talked about the same things. Kevin talked about work, Lucy talked about school, Annie talked about whatever she did that day and Sam and David talked to each other. It was pretty boring. Simon said a bit about school and Ruthie didn't say anything, but no one asked her too. No one ever bothered her much anymore. Finally dinner was over. They all helped to clear the table and was dishes, then they went to Simon's room, because they didn't want Lucy to walk in.
"Simon, are you really sure about this. I mean some of the stuff may hurt you and will be disturbing, so are you sure?" Ruthie asked after Simon shut the door.
"Yes, Ruthie, I'm sure. I know it might be hard to hear some of it, but it's helping you. So I'm ok." Simon replied.
"Where should we start?" Ruthie asked.
"I'm not really sure. Why not tell me about when you first started cutting, and we'll go from there." Simon said.
"Ok, Well It sorted started when Grandpa died. Mom and Dad didn't seem to be around after that and everyone else in the family was busy with something. Then at school, I wasn't "cool" enough to hang out with any of my friends anymore. So, one morning I was cutting a bagel and I accidentally cut my finger. I started "accidentally" cutting myself a lot on things. That's when I remembered Nicole. I was looking at pictures with Lucy and I saw her picture, but I forgot who it was, so I asked her and she told me. That's when I started using kitchen knifes, razors and razor blades and cutting my wrist or legs or whatever." Ruthie told Simon.
"I see" Simon said with tears in his eyes at the pain his little sister had inside of her. It broke his heart to hear her stories of pain and hate for herself.
"And then what happened next" He asked.
"I had been mostly cutting my wrists until my birthday, when they wanted me to try on the dress, I decided to switch to legs. But the next day at school was particularly bad so I went in the bathroom to cut and then I thought to myself, will this ever end? I didn't think it would so I pushed the blade further in to my skin then ever. I remember the pain. It hurts so much and it started to bleed. A lot. I wrapped it toilet paper and started to walk to class, but I was so dizzy and in so much pain, that I thought I was going to die. I realized then that I didn't want to die. But I was sure I was going to. That's when I blacked out. I don't remember anything until I woke up in the hospital." Ruthie finished.
Simon looked at the clock 7:30p.m.
"That's enough for tonight. Well we can continue tomorrow after dinner ok?" Simon said. Ruthie nodded and left his room. Simon was hurting now. He couldn't help but feel that this was partially his fault. If he had been there earlier, maybe none of this would have happened. Why did this happen to Ruthie? She was such a nice and very intelligent girl. She had so much potential, what if she had of died? Then a stupid thought crossed through Simon's head. What if he took the razor Ruthie gave him and tried cutting once, just to see how Ruthie felt. He walked over, opened his drawer and pulled the razor out. He sat on his bed and put the blade to his skin. He was about to pull it across when Ruthie walked in.
"Simon, I just wanted to- Simon! What are you doing?" Ruthie asked.
"I was just- just uh." Simon stuttered.
"Just what!?! Maybe this counselling thing isn't working. I'm sorry for doing this to you." Ruthie said. A tear ran down her cheek. She walked over to Simon's bed and took the razor from his hand. She hugged him.
"Don't do it. Please Simon. I love you, and I couldn't bear to see it happen to you" Ruthie said and started to walk out of the room.
"Ruthie wait." Simon shouted. Ruthie turned around.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see what it was like. It's not your fault, and we should continue the counselling." He said.
"Maybe later" Ruthie said and walked out of the room. Simon hated himself right now for doing that to Ruthie. Ruthie walked in to her room. Lucy and Kevin were both in there, kissing.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you guys but can you take this and hide it?" Ruthie said, pulling the razor out of her sweater.
"I thought Simon had it" Lucy said.
"Well, I don't want him to have it anymore. I want you to have it. And hide it. After all, it is yours." Ruthie said.
Lucy gave her a weird look as she took the razor. "Ok, I will hide it" she said.
Ruthie hugged her. "Thanks Lucy, I love you"
"I love you too Ruthie" Lucy said and Ruthie left the room. She went to have a bath. In the bath, she was deep in thought. Mostly about what she did to Simon. She also wondered if she was over cutting now. Maybe should didn't need Lucy to keep it. But still, just in case. She got out of the bath and went in to her room. Kevin and Lucy were gone, because they knew it was her bedtime. She yelled goodnight to the whole house and then she shut off her light and went to her bed.