Title: Count Your Blessings
Author: SunReyes sunreyes01@yahoo.com
Category: J/S relationship M/S friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Samantha sees a therapist after the hostage events. Post - The Bus
Acknowledgements: I don't own the characters, the actors, or the network. No infringement is intended and no money is made. All comments and feedback are appreciated!
"Sam" Jack glances up from his paperwork. He doesn't look happy to see me. "I need you to speak with the Bureau therapist."
"You're joking."
"No Samantha I think it's important you talk to someone. You've been through quite an ordeal lately."
"I'm fine." I remind him.
"You keep saying that" he pauses letting out a breath his mind screaming out 'but I know better'. "I can't reinstate you until you've talked to someone downstairs."
"Just great" I mutter, storming out of Jack's office for a second time this week.
"Please take a seat Samantha."
I do as I'm told, letting out a soft breath. "We've met once before" I remind her, as the therapist reads over my file and then glances towards me.
"Yes we have." She nods, pulling back a clean piece of paper to scribble notes on to. "Why don't you tell me about the case when you were first taken hostage."
"It's nothing" I shrug off the incident.
"Doesn't sound like nothing." Her eyes watch mine as I let out a sigh, relaxing into the chair.
"What do you want me to say? I could have died out there? Every day we take risks, it's part of the job."
"Do you enjoy your job?"
"Sometimes. When cases turn out well, and we find missing people it's a great feeling."
"But?"
"Other times it drains your spirit."
"Is that how you feel lately Samantha, drained?"
I glance towards the window, remembering Jack telling me it's really over. My stomach knots at the image of him returning to his wife, the woman he no longer loves, but puts up with for his children.
"He wanted me to come here" I whisper out in a haze.
"Who Samantha?"
"Jack." I answer plainly. My eyes never leave the window, the skyline outside sucks me out of this world into another. "He wouldn't allow me back in the field. He's shutting me out, again."
"Shutting you out?" The therapist repeats.
I glance towards her, my eyes emotionless giving no sign of my true feelings away. I remain quiet, contemplating how much to tell her. No one officially knows about the affair between Jack and myself. It's secrets like these that eat us up inside.
"Anything you say will be kept in confidence." She reminds me.
Do I tell her my secret? Not the one about our affair, but the secret I kept hidden from Jack? What would happen if word got out? He'd be pissed as shit, but why should it matter? He left me.
"There's nothing to say" I lie.
"Alright. Tell me about the second hostage situation. The recent one that had you sent here."
"I used my judgement and did what was necessary. I saved a man's life."
I can hear Jack's response in my head 'but you killed two men.' I shake the idea away. Does he no longer trust me, is that it?
"There's still unresolved issues here Samantha."
"But I can resume field work, correct?"
"For the time being I'm opposed to it. Your superiors make the ultimate decision but frankly I'm concerned for your safety."
"My safety?" I repeat aloud. "I made it out of two hostage situations fine. I'm a trained Federal Agent." I remind her.
"Count your blessings." She tells me.
I let out a frustrated sigh, stand up and glance back towards her. "Would I have been better off watching a man get murdered and having that on my conscious?" I retort before heading out of her office.
I make my way into the elevator, waiting to push the button to reach our floor. I don't want to deal with Jack right now. He's so damn frustrating when he thinks he has some power over me. I glance up, noticing the elevator door opening and I'm on the correct floor. I let out a breath, seeing Martin step in and I step out.
"How are things going?" He glances my way and I shrug with a sigh, telling him all he needs to know right now. "That good" he answers, before the elevator shuts with him inside.
I slowly make my way back towards Jack's office. I'm not in the mood to deal with him telling me I acted unprofessional downstairs. It's enough to deal with everything else going on, I don't need him handing me grief.
I notice him beside Vivian and Danny, giving them details on the latest case. He looks up from what he's doing as he hears my heels approaching. "Sam why don't you head into my office. I'll be with you in a minute."
I let out a breath, doing as I'm told. I inwardly hope he'll give me back my gun and allow me the right to work in the field again.
I hear him entering the office and I glance in his direction. "I went and talked with Char downstairs, everything's cleared up" I explain with a smile and somewhat bright eyes. I try my damnedest for Jack to believe me. He glances down at the report and then up at me.
"I'm taking your word on that" he nods my way then signs the form on the bottom of the page. He opens the desk drawer, removing my gun to hand back to me. "Danny will catch you up on what you missed this morning." I grab my gun from the desk, taking it with me on my way out.
"Sam" Jack stops me mid-stride before I leave. "Once Martin gets back, I want the two of you to go out and run with the leads."
I don't argue with him, I accept his words and exit his office heading over towards Danny and Vivian.
"Look who's back from the shrink" Danny chimes with a laugh. "Guess they didn't certify you as crazy."
"Are you so sure?" I retort, glancing down at the file on his desk as he helps catch me up.
In no time, Martin is back and ushering me to his car. I take a seat, glancing out the window remembering the night before and going out for drinks. "I can't believe I rambled on so much last night."
"Hey you needed it" he answers, and starts the ignition. We pull out of the parking garage and down the street towards our destination.
After our interrogation and the arrest we make, we head back for the Bureau to wrap up things for the night.
I head on over towards my desk, grabbing my jacket. "Samantha" I hear Martin's voice approaching and I turn around. "You want to go out for drinks again? I thought you might use some company after this morning."
"Actually I had plans to curl up on my sofa and watch some television."
"Oh ok" Martin hides his disappointment as best he can.
"You're more then welcome to stop by" I offer. "I'm just not really up for drinks again" I remind him, "it took too many aspirin this morning to cure my headache."
"I bet" he laughs softly. "I'll let you get your rest then." He tells me, walking me downstairs towards the parking garage. "Let me guess, you took a cab?"
"Yeah."
"Hop in, I'll give you a ride home."
"Thanks" I take my time getting back into his car and fastening my seatbelt. I give Martin directions to my place, and he pulls in front ready to drop me off. "You sure you don't want to come in?"
"I'd be overstaying my welcome" he answers.
"Come on. You wanted drinks" I remind him, "I'm sure we can fix something up." He turns off his car, as we make our way inside my home.
"Nice place you have here."
"Thanks. Here give me your coat." I suggest, taking it from him and draping it along the extra chair in the living room. "What do you want to drink?"
"Let me get it for you." He offers, following me into the kitchen. "You're the one with the bad leg." He reminds me.
"I can handle it" I respond.
"I never implied you couldn't."
After getting our drinks, I head on over towards the sofa, relaxing into the cushions. Martin takes a seat beside me, as I grab the remote, turning the television on low.
"So you never want kids?" Martin repeats the question that must have been looming in the air for two days now. I remember the conversation all too vividly. "It really surprised me."
"Why's that? Every woman should be a mother?"
"Maybe I should go." He gives me a peculiar look and moves to stand up.
"Sit down Martin." I tell him. "I'm still a wreck," I admit with a sigh. "Don't take what I say too personal."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Tell me why you want kids" I question.
"Why not? I want a son or daughter I can take to the ballgame." he pauses, thinking of other reasons, "I guess I've just always wanted kids. And you don't?" He shakes his head confused.
"I didn't have the perfect childhood" I point out.
"Mine was far from perfect. I hope that's not what you think of me." I don't answer his response right away, leaving the room in silence for a moment. "Even if you didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, you wouldn't want a child who could?"
"It's not that. Things are more complicated."
"You can't have kids? As in your infertile?" He offers the question out there.
"I was pregnant once" I whisper out, "I'm sure it could happen again."
"What happened?"
"I told you, I don't want kids and I'm pretty sure the father didn't either."
"Pretty sure? As in you never told him?"
I bite down on my lower lip, "the timing was always off. Besides, I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I lost the baby. I was too caught up in work and other things. I wouldn't want to be that type of a mother."
"You don't know that's how you'd be." My eyes glance into his, to say 'yeah right.' "Alright Samantha, hypothetically, when you get married if your husband wanted kids."
I cut him off, "I'm not getting married."
"You're such an optimist."
"I've been married before, it wasn't all that great."
"You have?" Martin questions.
"Yeah when I was eighteen."
"Lust" he answers, "I'm talking about real love."
"I've been in love."
"And if the person you loved wanted kids, you wouldn't do anything to make them happy?"
"Why wouldn't they want to make me happy?" I question eyeing him with a glare.
"You're not an easy person to talk to" he laughs, dismissing the question and moving on to another one. "So tell me, who is this guy you fell in love with?"
"Oh no. You're game of questions is over."
"Come on. Was it the guy who got you pregnant?"
"Yes it was. And do you want to know who it was? You should want to know, after all, you work with him every day. Now if you don't mind, I'd like you to leave!"
"Samantha" his voice is calm, even after my angry tone with him. "I'm just trying to be here for you. You need a friend to talk to."
"I'm fine!"
"You're not acting like you're fine."
"How am I supposed to be acting Martin? The guy I'm in love with leaves me for his wife! I get shot in the leg, and to top it all off, Jack isn't really over me! He's just doing it to be with his daughters!"
"Jack" Martin says aloud, "and all along I thought it was Danny."
"Funny" I retort with mock skepticism. "I think it's about time you leave."
"Alright. But answer me one more thing, and then I'll never bother you again."
"Doubtful. What?" My anger grows with annoyance towards Martin. Who does he think he is, questioning me. Even Jack wouldn't have the balls to do it.
"Doesn't it feel better, to have someone to talk to about everything that's been going on?"
"Out!" I exclaim standing up and wincing as the blood courses through my leg. I bite down on the pain, masking it from Martin as he stands up slowly, following me towards the door.
"I'm sorry if I upset you" he tells me.
"Goodbye" I emphasize, opening the door and slamming it behind him. I lock the clasp, and head back towards the sofa with a sigh, feeling as though a load has been lifted. I shut my eyes, hoping tomorrow isn't another gloomy day.
Fin.
Author: SunReyes sunreyes01@yahoo.com
Category: J/S relationship M/S friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Samantha sees a therapist after the hostage events. Post - The Bus
Acknowledgements: I don't own the characters, the actors, or the network. No infringement is intended and no money is made. All comments and feedback are appreciated!
"Sam" Jack glances up from his paperwork. He doesn't look happy to see me. "I need you to speak with the Bureau therapist."
"You're joking."
"No Samantha I think it's important you talk to someone. You've been through quite an ordeal lately."
"I'm fine." I remind him.
"You keep saying that" he pauses letting out a breath his mind screaming out 'but I know better'. "I can't reinstate you until you've talked to someone downstairs."
"Just great" I mutter, storming out of Jack's office for a second time this week.
"Please take a seat Samantha."
I do as I'm told, letting out a soft breath. "We've met once before" I remind her, as the therapist reads over my file and then glances towards me.
"Yes we have." She nods, pulling back a clean piece of paper to scribble notes on to. "Why don't you tell me about the case when you were first taken hostage."
"It's nothing" I shrug off the incident.
"Doesn't sound like nothing." Her eyes watch mine as I let out a sigh, relaxing into the chair.
"What do you want me to say? I could have died out there? Every day we take risks, it's part of the job."
"Do you enjoy your job?"
"Sometimes. When cases turn out well, and we find missing people it's a great feeling."
"But?"
"Other times it drains your spirit."
"Is that how you feel lately Samantha, drained?"
I glance towards the window, remembering Jack telling me it's really over. My stomach knots at the image of him returning to his wife, the woman he no longer loves, but puts up with for his children.
"He wanted me to come here" I whisper out in a haze.
"Who Samantha?"
"Jack." I answer plainly. My eyes never leave the window, the skyline outside sucks me out of this world into another. "He wouldn't allow me back in the field. He's shutting me out, again."
"Shutting you out?" The therapist repeats.
I glance towards her, my eyes emotionless giving no sign of my true feelings away. I remain quiet, contemplating how much to tell her. No one officially knows about the affair between Jack and myself. It's secrets like these that eat us up inside.
"Anything you say will be kept in confidence." She reminds me.
Do I tell her my secret? Not the one about our affair, but the secret I kept hidden from Jack? What would happen if word got out? He'd be pissed as shit, but why should it matter? He left me.
"There's nothing to say" I lie.
"Alright. Tell me about the second hostage situation. The recent one that had you sent here."
"I used my judgement and did what was necessary. I saved a man's life."
I can hear Jack's response in my head 'but you killed two men.' I shake the idea away. Does he no longer trust me, is that it?
"There's still unresolved issues here Samantha."
"But I can resume field work, correct?"
"For the time being I'm opposed to it. Your superiors make the ultimate decision but frankly I'm concerned for your safety."
"My safety?" I repeat aloud. "I made it out of two hostage situations fine. I'm a trained Federal Agent." I remind her.
"Count your blessings." She tells me.
I let out a frustrated sigh, stand up and glance back towards her. "Would I have been better off watching a man get murdered and having that on my conscious?" I retort before heading out of her office.
I make my way into the elevator, waiting to push the button to reach our floor. I don't want to deal with Jack right now. He's so damn frustrating when he thinks he has some power over me. I glance up, noticing the elevator door opening and I'm on the correct floor. I let out a breath, seeing Martin step in and I step out.
"How are things going?" He glances my way and I shrug with a sigh, telling him all he needs to know right now. "That good" he answers, before the elevator shuts with him inside.
I slowly make my way back towards Jack's office. I'm not in the mood to deal with him telling me I acted unprofessional downstairs. It's enough to deal with everything else going on, I don't need him handing me grief.
I notice him beside Vivian and Danny, giving them details on the latest case. He looks up from what he's doing as he hears my heels approaching. "Sam why don't you head into my office. I'll be with you in a minute."
I let out a breath, doing as I'm told. I inwardly hope he'll give me back my gun and allow me the right to work in the field again.
I hear him entering the office and I glance in his direction. "I went and talked with Char downstairs, everything's cleared up" I explain with a smile and somewhat bright eyes. I try my damnedest for Jack to believe me. He glances down at the report and then up at me.
"I'm taking your word on that" he nods my way then signs the form on the bottom of the page. He opens the desk drawer, removing my gun to hand back to me. "Danny will catch you up on what you missed this morning." I grab my gun from the desk, taking it with me on my way out.
"Sam" Jack stops me mid-stride before I leave. "Once Martin gets back, I want the two of you to go out and run with the leads."
I don't argue with him, I accept his words and exit his office heading over towards Danny and Vivian.
"Look who's back from the shrink" Danny chimes with a laugh. "Guess they didn't certify you as crazy."
"Are you so sure?" I retort, glancing down at the file on his desk as he helps catch me up.
In no time, Martin is back and ushering me to his car. I take a seat, glancing out the window remembering the night before and going out for drinks. "I can't believe I rambled on so much last night."
"Hey you needed it" he answers, and starts the ignition. We pull out of the parking garage and down the street towards our destination.
After our interrogation and the arrest we make, we head back for the Bureau to wrap up things for the night.
I head on over towards my desk, grabbing my jacket. "Samantha" I hear Martin's voice approaching and I turn around. "You want to go out for drinks again? I thought you might use some company after this morning."
"Actually I had plans to curl up on my sofa and watch some television."
"Oh ok" Martin hides his disappointment as best he can.
"You're more then welcome to stop by" I offer. "I'm just not really up for drinks again" I remind him, "it took too many aspirin this morning to cure my headache."
"I bet" he laughs softly. "I'll let you get your rest then." He tells me, walking me downstairs towards the parking garage. "Let me guess, you took a cab?"
"Yeah."
"Hop in, I'll give you a ride home."
"Thanks" I take my time getting back into his car and fastening my seatbelt. I give Martin directions to my place, and he pulls in front ready to drop me off. "You sure you don't want to come in?"
"I'd be overstaying my welcome" he answers.
"Come on. You wanted drinks" I remind him, "I'm sure we can fix something up." He turns off his car, as we make our way inside my home.
"Nice place you have here."
"Thanks. Here give me your coat." I suggest, taking it from him and draping it along the extra chair in the living room. "What do you want to drink?"
"Let me get it for you." He offers, following me into the kitchen. "You're the one with the bad leg." He reminds me.
"I can handle it" I respond.
"I never implied you couldn't."
After getting our drinks, I head on over towards the sofa, relaxing into the cushions. Martin takes a seat beside me, as I grab the remote, turning the television on low.
"So you never want kids?" Martin repeats the question that must have been looming in the air for two days now. I remember the conversation all too vividly. "It really surprised me."
"Why's that? Every woman should be a mother?"
"Maybe I should go." He gives me a peculiar look and moves to stand up.
"Sit down Martin." I tell him. "I'm still a wreck," I admit with a sigh. "Don't take what I say too personal."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Tell me why you want kids" I question.
"Why not? I want a son or daughter I can take to the ballgame." he pauses, thinking of other reasons, "I guess I've just always wanted kids. And you don't?" He shakes his head confused.
"I didn't have the perfect childhood" I point out.
"Mine was far from perfect. I hope that's not what you think of me." I don't answer his response right away, leaving the room in silence for a moment. "Even if you didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, you wouldn't want a child who could?"
"It's not that. Things are more complicated."
"You can't have kids? As in your infertile?" He offers the question out there.
"I was pregnant once" I whisper out, "I'm sure it could happen again."
"What happened?"
"I told you, I don't want kids and I'm pretty sure the father didn't either."
"Pretty sure? As in you never told him?"
I bite down on my lower lip, "the timing was always off. Besides, I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I lost the baby. I was too caught up in work and other things. I wouldn't want to be that type of a mother."
"You don't know that's how you'd be." My eyes glance into his, to say 'yeah right.' "Alright Samantha, hypothetically, when you get married if your husband wanted kids."
I cut him off, "I'm not getting married."
"You're such an optimist."
"I've been married before, it wasn't all that great."
"You have?" Martin questions.
"Yeah when I was eighteen."
"Lust" he answers, "I'm talking about real love."
"I've been in love."
"And if the person you loved wanted kids, you wouldn't do anything to make them happy?"
"Why wouldn't they want to make me happy?" I question eyeing him with a glare.
"You're not an easy person to talk to" he laughs, dismissing the question and moving on to another one. "So tell me, who is this guy you fell in love with?"
"Oh no. You're game of questions is over."
"Come on. Was it the guy who got you pregnant?"
"Yes it was. And do you want to know who it was? You should want to know, after all, you work with him every day. Now if you don't mind, I'd like you to leave!"
"Samantha" his voice is calm, even after my angry tone with him. "I'm just trying to be here for you. You need a friend to talk to."
"I'm fine!"
"You're not acting like you're fine."
"How am I supposed to be acting Martin? The guy I'm in love with leaves me for his wife! I get shot in the leg, and to top it all off, Jack isn't really over me! He's just doing it to be with his daughters!"
"Jack" Martin says aloud, "and all along I thought it was Danny."
"Funny" I retort with mock skepticism. "I think it's about time you leave."
"Alright. But answer me one more thing, and then I'll never bother you again."
"Doubtful. What?" My anger grows with annoyance towards Martin. Who does he think he is, questioning me. Even Jack wouldn't have the balls to do it.
"Doesn't it feel better, to have someone to talk to about everything that's been going on?"
"Out!" I exclaim standing up and wincing as the blood courses through my leg. I bite down on the pain, masking it from Martin as he stands up slowly, following me towards the door.
"I'm sorry if I upset you" he tells me.
"Goodbye" I emphasize, opening the door and slamming it behind him. I lock the clasp, and head back towards the sofa with a sigh, feeling as though a load has been lifted. I shut my eyes, hoping tomorrow isn't another gloomy day.
Fin.