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MEMORIES OF AN ANONYMOUS CHILD:
Chapter Three:
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I don't know where to go. I've been standing here for half the night, outside his door, but I don't know what to do. Quatre's words keep echoing in my head, but I can't figure-out how to act on it. How to rephrase my question. The doctors were a little unnerved. Screw them. If they think that I'm going crazy, so be it, I know they're wrong.
But I'm still standing here.
It dawns on me slowly, and, as the idea grows, I can't believe I haven't thought of it before. It's stupid really. It is the most obvious thing that I could have done! Of course, there will likely be consequences, but I'll deal with those as they come along. Right now, I know that this is the only way to proceed.
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"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I smile, signing the paper, peering at the signature with my thick glasses. I'm so satisfied with this action that I have to sit for a second, just letting it occur to me.
"Yes. I'm certain." I cap the pen. Place it on the table and smile at him, there is no way he can see what I can see, know what I know. "I want it done as soon as possible." He nods. He trusts me.
He turns to leave the room and before he closes the door, Duo peers in. He's early, but that doesn't surprise me. It's not like there is much to occupy the mind in this place. Out of politeness he taps on the door and I smile at him in welcome - watch him as he gently closes the door and takes his seat. He doesn't know what to make of me, he's not sure why I'm smiling.
Whether he should be on guard or not.
"Duo, I'd like to be completely frank with you." He smirks, a curious light in his eyes.
"I wish you would be." I brush this off thinking that this is his defense system in red alert - because I smiled.
"I've been trying very hard to help you, and whether because of my influence or not, it is clear that you have made great progress." His eyebrow rises.
"Am I declared capable, then? Am I suddenly sane? I'm not going anywhere if that's what it is, not until..."
"No, Duo. I believe there is still work to be done." He sighs but whether from relief or disappointment, I cannot say. Perhaps a mixture of both. "I have made a decision, however, about the method of your continuing treatment." He sits back in his chair, wondering what is to come next. It took me long enough to see this, and it probably wouldn't have occurred to me without Quatre's help. It's time to rephrase the question.
He doesn't ask me to continue, so I wait, and when his patience leaves him he shifts a little and fixes me with his stubborn gaze. Voicing his silent question. Asking me to continue. "I would like you to work with Heero Yuy." Again there is an untrusting look in his eye, and he waits, not letting his reaction show.
"You mean like joint therapy?" I smile.
"No. Duo, it's come to my attention that I can't do anything more for you, but you need to spend a few weeks under surveillance to see if you are suitable for discharge. I'm asking you, in that time, speak with Heero?" His eyes dart to the corner of the room, a look that I have come to understand means he is weighing his options.
"You want me to be his therapist? I'm hardly qualified." I shake my head.
"No, of course you're not. And no, not his therapist, per se. But I think that the progress that Heero made under the S.O.L. was due to its ability to get passed his defenses. In order for his progress to continue on track, I would need to do the same thing." He snorts.
"Good luck. I've been trying for..." And the light dawns. He looks at me, reassessing me and I can only hope his opinion of me has risen. Then he smiles, just slightly. "Okay."
"I'll still be speaking with him, you understand. But for now, to limit his interaction to be with you and the others is the wisest course, in my opinion. When he has adjusted, I will begin sessions, and I will speak to you then about what I will need of you. For now, all I need is for you to be there." He shakes his head, a motion that, to me, seems to be an amused gesture, as if to say that my making this demand was unnecessary. And I know that it was. All I needed was to give them Heero. But I needed something else. I needed Duo's trust. And that came at a price.
"So does that mean I still have a session?" I frown, wondering what would be the best way to proceed. The way he is looking at me gives me my answer. He is not perched on the edge of his chair, he is looking at me expectantly, as if knowing that I will say yes. He is prepared for the outcome he imagines.
And, because I know him, I surprise him for a second time. "No. I think you'll do just fine." There is an odd quirk in his brow, and he stays still for a moment, as if waiting for me to change my mind. I smile more broadly as if that is the sign he will need to take his leave. And, for the first time, he smiles. I've seen him smile before, but never in session. Always he is cool and aloof. This boy sitting across from me seems more like the jester Quatre would speak of, and the loyal, trusting friend that both Trowa and Wufei had come to respect and likewise trust.
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I open the door and watch as he steps in, a little cautious, flashing me a look as if to make sure I mean this, as if to give me a second to retract my offer. When I make no move he sighs and steps further into the room. Now he flashes the hesitant look towards the boy in the bed.
I smile and shut the door.
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When I come back Duo looks tired. I wonder if this was truly the best decision that could of have been made. I wonder if perhaps I am asking too much of him. I stop second-guessing myself when he smiles. A huge, wonderful cheshire-cat grin, as if he has just lapped-up the cream. "How did it go?" I ask casually as I walk him back to the room. He looks unsure then frowns at me.
"Is this curiosity or business?" I nod to myself, at least he is asking me, instead of just assuming. His assumptions don't do me justice.
"Curiosity." He nods and walks a few more steps.
"He's fine. He's blind. He has a headache. He's sick of being cooped-up and covered-up and cold all the time. And the lack of conversation is making him go crazy." He smirks, happy with his phrasing. "Which I think is funny because he never was one for talking. But, you know. He's great. He's Heero." This last bit catches me off-guard. What is this other side of Duo Maxwell that I have never been able to understand? It was in his eyes when I first met him. It has been lurking behind each conversation we have had. And here it is. But what is it?
"I'll try to get that looked after...Does he want to go outside?" Duo nods and I unlock the door to his room. Why Heero would want to go outside is beyond me. But at this point, with the rules already bending a rainbow for me, why not stretch them a bit further.
"He wants to taste the sunlight." Taste it? Why not?
"I'll see what I can do." I mumble, more as a pact to myself than anything else, but this, for some reason, stops him. He looks at me completely seriously, bleeding honestly and appreciation from his pure violet eyes.
"Thank-you." I nod. Still unsure what I have started, but happy with the knowledge that it was a good thing.
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I watched them from my window. It was as close as I could get without feeling like I was disrupting something. Even now, when they are hardly aware of my presence, I feel like an intruder. Duo helps Heero to a bench, and they both sit.
It is the first time Duo has seen the sun in a year and he looks happier than anything to be outside. But it is Heero I am watching. He sits, leaning back against a tree trunk, and even though he cannot see, it is as if he is just soaking the world in.
They are talking, but of what I cannot tell. And I am both happy and disappointed. In a sense I am eager to take-in every bit of them. Devour as much of them as I can, because they are truly fascinating. Each of them is their own miracle. And to see the truth of how they are together, that is what I yearn for. Forget the inner workings of their minds, which I doubt I will ever truly know, but this, how they are, that is unbelievable.
And yet they need this. They need this time to themselves to remember that they are human. Alive and well. Not some pinned specimens under a magnifying glass.
Heero shakes his head emphatically against something Duo has said, and the American laughs. I can hear it, even from inside this room. It is a good sound. I gave them two hours, but I allow them four before the orderly insists that at the very least he must interrupt them for their medications. I sigh but have to nod. I watch Duo cast a dark look toward the orderly as he walks out to them. He whispers something to Heero, and, to my surprise, Heero blushes. It is a beautiful look. To see him appear overwhelmed is truly amazing. Even from this distance.
I watch as Duo catches the groping hand and pulls his friend out. He brushes off the orderly's help and escorts Heero in on his own. Good. I want them looking after each other. I want to make sure that they last once they break free of here. I'm not making them into robotic fools who cannot offer anything to the world, I want to unleash them. I want to give them back the world.
I meet them in the hall, and Duo smiles at me, introducing me to Heero, but the quiet boy says nothing. I wasn't expecting him to. He would not be the boy I have been thinking him to be if he had smiled and tossed me a welcoming hand. I was ready for this. Instead of speaking, I motion Duo to continue helping Heero. He stops again when I pass Heero's room. "Is something wrong? The orderly can assist you." Heero whispers a soft question which I strain to hear. And Duo shakes his head, whispering back and smiling at me.
"Where to?" He asks. It's subtle. He's testing me, trying to remain uncaring until he is sure the gift is, in fact, his.
"Right here." I say as I open the door to what has previously been his and Quatre's room. "Quatre has moved down the hall to be with Trowa and Wufei. I don't know why I never thought of it before. Up to this point it has been completely silent in there. He'll do them good." I say and wave Duo forward when he remains staring, narrowed eyes assessing and reassessing me. "I have a meeting to get to. And it's time for your meds. You can either get in there, or be tossed in there." I say, before remembering that Heero is blind, not deaf. It's not very good that the first thing he hears me say is that I'm willing to use force on them. He can't know that I'm joking. He can't see my smile.
Duo caught my look and shrugged. Shuffling forward, guiding hand still on Heero's shoulder. "I'd say something biting, but I know you were joking." I smile at him and nod and the orderly shuffles past me to settle Heero in his new bed.
I shut the door and nod to myself. Heading down the hall to my office where I find Wufei, looking at me with one eyebrow raised. "Sorry to be late." I say as I open the door and allow him in. I head to my desk, pulling out my chair and sitting down quickly. He's looking at me calmly and I adjust my glasses, waiting for him to voice his question.
"I heard you moved, Yuy." I nod. "To be with Duo?" I nod again and wait. His face is blank and I wonder what response I might get this time. If I will be an idiot female, or an obstructor of justice.
He smiles at me. This was unexpected. When had they all started smiling?
"Good. That's what I would have done." I frown. Letting his statement sink in. Then I nod and carry-on with our session, but there is a light-headed eagerness in me.
Chang Wufei you may be well on you way...
To breaking free.
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TBC
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Jessenia: hey!! Let me know how I'm doing!! I would really appreciate more C&C! I'm sorry it's taking me a while with the chapters, I'm really busy over here so, please bear with me!! More reviews will make me write faster. It's the honest truth!!
See you in the next chapter!!